Snakes made her happy.

Snakes and... and...

She blinked a few times, a mask of confusion embracing cinnamon colored features as it occurred to her that she didn't know much outside the things Eshe whispered to her. The mamba's words had slowly but surely become her reality - the only thing she knew - and as she sat there, form shrouded in the shade cast by a nearby tree, she felt the faintest glimmers of fear settle in her heart. In truth, she was faintly aware of her dependency upon the reptile, always permitting her to live with her, sleep with her, speak to her, and in a way, feed off of her energy. Their friendship had never troubled Cleo before, but the more she contemplated the extremes that she would go for Eshe, the more she realized that other children did not do this. Did not have companions like this.

But snakes - Eshe - did make her happy. There was some sort of unearthly quality to them, a certain concealed grace that left her endeared and wishing that she could also hold so much power. And they told her that she was perfect too, whispering compliments into her waiting ear and dismissing the feelings of insignificance she so often carried because, well, look at her- she was the undersized, half deaf daughter of Pincher. There was so much to live up to that she was disregarding out of a permanent fear of never meeting his (or anyone else's) expectations. But as so long as her snakes saw her as perfect - treated her as perfect - then she was happy, content, appeased. A part of her knew though... knew with such striking clarity that this was all wrong. That her snakes were not her silent saviors but something else, something dangerous and wicked and unknown. They scared her too, you know, even more than her father did.

But happiness...

What really did make her happy outside of Eshe and the others?

She abandoned her seat in that moment, tiny paws guiding her to the Capricorn Tavern with the intent of finding one and only one thing: a journal. Eshe could not read nor write and none of her other snakes would care too terribly much about the addition of one more item to her already growing hoard of gemstones and knick knacks. She could empty her thoughts on paper without fear of repercussion, easily enlisting in one of her larger boas to coil around the book and hide it when she was done.

The plan was perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

She felt her chest swell with pride- astounded that she had made her own decision, followed her own thought. That was new... new and rewarding.

What had Eshe done to her?

Luckily for young Cleo, it did not take her long to find both an empty room in the many floored building as well as a leather bound journal practically made with the finest of hides. She studied the thing briefly, turning it over in her paws before fumbling to open it. Her writing skills were scratchy at best, an extension to her age and minimal understanding of all things outside of Eshe. Happiness. Happiness. Happiness.

I ask again- what made Cleo Alexandria Roux-Cipher happy?

{ July 29th, 2018 - What makes me happy? }
Deer Dear Diary,
Are you a diary? Or a journal? Or a place for me too to escape? What makes me happy? Am I happy? Eshe is looking over my shoulder riht right now- I don't like it. She makes me happy... I love her, but she's something else. Something too sentient (? is that the right word?) for me. I want to be happy. I want to no know what makes me happy. It's hard. I'm scared.

Eshe terrifies me.

So I'm going to list the things I like.... At lest least the things I think I like.
- Pincher... my dad... I think I like him... I want to say I do. He dies does his best.
- Aita. Yes. Unquestiio Unquestionable.
- All my siblings. I think they make me happy. I hoep hope they do.
- Snakes.
- Do I make myself happy?

I don't like this jornaling journaling thing.

It's hard.

It doesn't make me happy.

but i still don't know what does.

The end.

---

Cleo sat back and looked at her word, a scrutinizing red glare fixating only upon her mistakes. This wasn't perfect - far from it actually - and she felt the early beginnings of frustration begin to course threw her veins. [color=#445544]"What makes me happy?" She inquired quietly, the question asked to no one in particular but catching the attention of Eshe.

"Little mamba...." She hissed softly, coiling her frame tighter and tighter around Cleo, "Sssssnakes make you happy... Genuinely happy... You know that."

Cleo contemplated her words for a few moments before releasing a giggle- breathy and high and oh-so childlike.

[color=#445544]"You're right Eshe! I was just being silly!"