pitiful destiny, point your finger at me — oneshot, jungle juice

{ .:*・°☆ } [ ooc ] retro to tsunami, song reference here, some gore in the sixth & seventh hallucination
so sorry it's rushed towards the end!! [member=20]spacexual[/member] will do the tl;dr for me since i'm rushing rn, and [member=21]asterr[/member] or [member=64]Cheeters[/member] will do the thread where they find him injured!! this is 6,494 words long.

i seemed to be settling in pretty well to my new home. well, i suppose it's my new home, because i'm living here now. so, obviously, it's where i'm living. but enough of that. i had finally gotten my home, there's the word again, set up with all my things. it had taken a while, but i'm very proud of it. my sweater, though... i keep in my closet. to shut off the bad memories that i've been stuck with, for now. i had been enjoying my time until i was told by an npc about how i had to take something called "jungle juice." i still don't have much of a clue as to what it is, though it seems interesting. the only thing that bothered me about it was the side effects.

i know what my deepest fear is, and what my greatest desire is. and i don't want to face either of them. why? because i'm not strong enough. i'm not strong enough to go back into the past ( my greatest fear ) to save my friends ( my greatest desire ). but i know i have to do it. maybe, just maybe, i could be lucky and not get either, instead getting another deep fear or desire. but i would soon know that this would be oh so wrong. and it would probably affect me for the rest of my life.

the sun had begun to set on the typhoon, signaling that it was my time to go. taking a deep breath, i had packed some things with me inside my pink satchel, deciding to, for some reason, take my sweater with me. i didn't know why, but i felt compelled to. i left everything else except for my pink hat, which i quickly placed on my head in a rushed manner. it was a comforting gift given to me, though for some reason, i could not remember who. my mind was foggy, like something was hiding the answer from me. i knew it was one of my friends. my thoughts lead me to believe it was from shiloh, one of the other ones. he was the gift that kept on giving, as they say.

trudging my way down to wherever i was supposed to go, my thoughts kept returning to my friends, no matter how hard i tried to push them away. lucian, valetine, dylan, shiloh, kinsey, ace... yes, those were my friends. and i missed them dearly. but they were gone because of me. stopping in my tracks, i shook my head harshly to try to get rid of the evil thoughts crowding my mind, making it like a thick fog. i stood there for a while, until it hit me that the sun had already fallen, and that i needed to hurry. "ttong!" i cussed aloud in my native language, not something i did normally. covering my mouth, i reminded myself to not do that again as i rushed over to the place where i had to take the juice that i dreaded to take.

it was at the capricorn tavern, as i had been told when the npc told me about the "jungle juice." standing in front of the door, i looked up at the sign, taking a deep breath. soon enough, i pushed the door open, welcomed with the clinks of drinks, loud shouts, arguments, and other things that would normally happen in a bar. sighing, i made my way in, a sore eye to all the others in the bar. flinching when someone menacing came my way, i breathed a sigh of relief when they looked away. it seemed like no one wanted fresh meat today, i suppose.

making my way towards the main bar, i jumped onto a chair, wobbling before standing still. sitting down, i looked around quietly, observing. this actually wasn't a bad place. if i didn't have to do this shit, maybe i'd be sitting here having a drink right now. slowly shaking my head, i slapped myself to get my attention on the right course, only to fall of the chair. letting out a scream, i hit the ground with a loud thud. at that point, everything had gone quiet, and everyone was looking at me. staying on the ground, i held my breath. 'maybe if i don't move, they'll think i'm dead and leave me be.' i thought quietly, squeezing my eyes shut. and soon enough, they all continued their chatter and yelling. opening my eyes slowly, my heterochromia eyes darting back and forth rapidly as i got up, wincing as i grabbed my shoulder. wow, that hurt.

suddenly, someone's head popped over the counter of the bar. refraining from yelling again, i jumped back, instead knocking over a chair. "s-sorry!" i said quickly, not looking at whoever i had knocked off from the chair. looking back up at the counter, i saw the guy trying not to laugh, though he was clearly doing a bad job at it. huffing, i made my way back onto the chair i had been on earlier, glaring at him. "no need to laugh, dangsin-eun babo." i said, brushing myself off carefully. the guy stared at me still, though all traces of laughter was gone from his face. swallowing softly, i gave a fake smile, suddenly wondering if the guy knew korean. "i, uh, need the jungle juice stuff, please." i said, making sure to add "please" at the end, though it was quite rushed.

after a few seconds, the creepy guy finally moved, grabbing a mug and filling it with some weird dark green substance. sliding it down my way, he said in a husky voice, "drink it and then head towards the haven island. it's down that way." he said, pointing in a certain direction. nodding, i looked down at the... oddly disgusting drink. i wasn't exactly surprised, though, it was called jungle juice, after all. after hesitating quite a few times, more than i should have, i finally drank it. it took a lot for me to get it all down, to resist throwing it back up all over the table. it was really bitter, and slid down my throat slowly. coughing after i finished, i expected to instantly feel bad, but i didn't. shrugging my shoulders, i hopped down from the chair, not looking at anyone as i quickly hurried out of the tavern and darted over in the direction that the bartender had pointed.

"i'm just walking and walking, among this darkness. my happy times asked me 'if i'm really okay,' oh no."

it seems as if i had made it. the island was smaller than the main island, of course, but it was big nonetheless. approaching the broad walk, i quickly stepped onto it, my pace fast as i hurried over to the other side. i had begun to felt as if i was being followed, or at least watched. why was i suddenly feeling this way? shaking my head, i placed my paw on the island, the soft feeling of sand once again returning to my crooked paws. it was very empty, surprisingly. why was it so empty? rushing over towards i tree, i lay against it, my heart beating against my chest quickly. opening my satchel, i took out a piece of cake i had made for myself, licking my lips excitedly. i had opened my mouth, about to embark on a delicious journey when everything soon felt dizzy. my cake hit the ground as it fell from my paw, which i had quickly pressed against my head. what was happening?

"i replied, 'no, i'm so afraid,' but i tightly hold six flowers."

first hallucination: lucian:

my eyes quickly snapped open and i sat up, sand and cake covering the side of my face. giving an annoyed sound, i began heading towards the pool of water i had seen earlier. "sesang-e, igeo yeong-wonhi kkaekkeushage jiulgeoya!" i complained, my heavy accent lacing the words of my native language. beginning to clean at my face, i suddenly heard the sound of something being dragged through the sand behind me. whipping around, i turned and faced the biggest surprise that i think i have ever had.

it was lucian. it was my friend. and he was dragging boxes behind him, with a solemn look on his face.

i stood there for a solid minute, staring as the all black feline struggled to move the boxes, which seemed to be quite heavy. after what seemed like an hour, and possibly could have been, i scrambled over to him, my expression full of excitement. "lucian! namdongsaeng! how did you get here?" my voice was full of excitement as i looked at him, waiting for that oh so familiar response of a smile, though it had been rare back in korea. but it never came. he stopped, as if he had heard or felt something, but continued on, dragging the boxes as he grumbled in pain and anger.

and i was left, speechless, as he faded out of sight. i sunk to the ground, in tears, as i looked at the sand. picking up a pawful, i watched as it fell off my palm silently as i wept. why had he ignored me? what had i done? i didn't understand that at this point i was hallucinating from the jungle juice, and instead, believed this all. it was my nightmare coming true; i was going into the past to see what i had missed.

but it wasn't over yet. when i looked up from the sand, where my paws had been placed over my eyes to stop the crying, i gasped. i was back home. "what... what is this?" i asked aloud to myself, my voice full of sorrow. pushing myself onto my paws, i walked over to the kitchen. it was small, with minimal things since we can't exactly do much with paws. i lightly dragged my paw against the furniture, tears brimming my eyes as i saw my eomma's bed. it was exactly the same as when she had been alive, well kept and clean.

sniffling, i wiped my nose with my paw, my tears dripping on the floor as i looked at the door. it had to be a few days after she had passed away, because the house was still fresh with the smell of smoke and food. i had barely eaten over the month or so that i had secluded myself, reducing myself to starvation. why did i do it? i don't know, maybe because i didn't expect her loss to be so sudden. especially without a father, it was hard to cope alone, though i had my friends i should have relied on. sighing, my thoughts wandered back to the typhoon, where my father was. i had recently found out that pincher roux was my father, which i guess i didn't find so surprising. i knew he'd be there. but why wasn't i surprised?

suddenly, i heard knocking from the door. heading over, i heard the familiar voice of lucian. "prin? come on man, it's time to come out. i- i know the loss of your mother has been hard, but we're here for you. let us in, please." i opened my maw to respond, the tears once again stinging my beautiful eyes, but before i could answer, i was interrupted by a horse voice. my voice. "no, lucian, go away!" looking across the room to where the voice came from, i saw myself. i was a mess. my normally flawless fur was messy, my eyes dull and red from crying, snot dribbling from my nose. it was disgusting to look at, really.

i heard a sigh from behind the door, followed by an angry whisper. "i told you it wouldn't work! he's not coming out, shiloh!" it was soon followed by the small voice of shiloh, who sounded upset. "yes he will, lucian! you just have to wait, i know he'll come! please, don't go..." go? go where? where would lucian be going? "i'm not going to wait, because i already know the outcome. i'm sorry, but i'm going. i'll say bye to you and the others later." and with that, the voices disappeared, the crying from my depressed self resumed, and everything faded away until i was back at the island.

"'i, i'm just walking,' i said, oh no."

collapsing onto the ground, i found that the sobbing from the hallucination, or rather a flashback, had been from me. after a while, i finally got back up, tears covering my face as i desperately wiped them away. this was so stupid. why did i do this? why did i have to be an idiot and take this stupid juice shit? it was only causing me pain and desire; the pain of going back into the past and the desire to change it all.

second hallucination: valentine:

how could lucian have left him like that? i couldn't comprehend it, though i had basically done the same to them. we had been best friends from the start, and he was the first to left. how could he do that to me, to them? he left the others as well. we were brothers, and i broke the rule. i was the one who shut myself off first. we promised to never do so, and to be there for everyone. but i had broken the rule in my distress.

now laying in the middle of the sand, i looked up at the stars. i was reminded of when valentine and i would often do this to get away from the others when they were too busy messing around. we would point out different constellations, all while laughing and making fun of them. it had been a fun time, but those days were past now. until i heard a giggling voice next to me. "you were wrong, prin. that's orion, you twit, not lyra! baegchi!" i held my breath, wondering how i should react on this one. was it just another hallucination? when i turned my head, i saw the soft yellow colored feline, a big smile on his face. "hyung, do you not think it's me? i'm here, i'm real."

sitting up, i didn't know what to think. my heart wanted to believe it was true, that valentine was telling the truth. but my brain knew it was just another hallucination. letting out a sob, i closed my eyes shut, and hard, as i breathed out: "you're not valentine." opening my eyes, i found out i had been correct, though an outline in the sand was left from where it had been. wiping tears away, i looked back up at the constellations, only to realize that i was, once again, back home, and looking up at my ceiling.

getting onto my paws, i let out a long sigh, looking around to see my former self once again. i looked worse, and it had probably only been a couple more days from the last hallucination- uh, flashback. shaking my head softly, my ears perked when i heard yelling outside. "p-please! no, you can't take me! i- i have to check on my friend!" "i'm sorry, but i can't let you do that. because you have no legal guardian, we have to take you back." curious, yet afraid, i opened the door, wondering if they could see me. when there was no reaction, i assumed they couldn't, and i looked back in the house for a split second to see that my flashback had not moved an inch. it seemed i had blocked everything out.

turning back to the commotion outside, i gasped when i saw that valentine was being grabbed by two others, a strict looking cheetah standing in front of him. a frown etched her face, and turned downwards in distaste, though her voice was sickly sweet and filled with false reassurance. "valentine gran, you will be taken back to the orphanage and will not be allowed to leave until a legal guardian picks you up or adopts you. i'm sorry, but these are the rules. and you know that." tears were running down his cheeks as the yellow feline fought, looking around helplessly. my friends, who were standing a little ways off, were crying, though dylan was missing out of the five. where was he? my mind was quickly back on valentine as he was dragged away, his cries echoing hopelessly.

"but it's my fate, it's my fate. but i want to struggle."

everything once again faded back to reality, and i was left standing in the same position i was left in. i had lowered myself to the ground, as if in pain, my eyes closed softly. we all knew it would probably come, that valentine couldn't stay hidden from them forever. but i didn't know that it'd be so soon like that. they didn't even let him say goodbye...

third hallucination: dylan:

"maybe i, i can never fly."

and now i was back on the island, finally. but every time i returned, i seemed to be in more pain, both emotionally and physically. lying in the sand, i kept my eyes open, staring at the chapel in front of me. this stupid jungle juice shit. when would it go away? when would i not have to suffer anymore?

fourth hallucination: shiloh:

giving a long sigh, it took me longer to push myself to my paws this time. leaning against the tree, i groaned in pain, making my way back to the water; where it had all begun. with aching muscles, i lowered myself close to the water, lapping it up graciously. it felt good to have cold water going down my throat instead of bitter, thick juice.

after a few moments, i finally got up, feeling replenished as i walked over towards the chapel. it was beautiful, despite it's old age and withering. with shaky paws, i put a paw on the door, about to open it before i heard an amused voice behind me. "prin, are you supposed to go in there? i didn't know you liked to cause that much trouble, hyung." turning around, i was now facing shiloh, the blonde feline giving me a reassuring smile. "hi. just wanted to let you know this'll all be over soon." he seemed so confident. why couldn't i be like that, even if he was a hallucination?

lashing my tail, i smirked. "oh, shiloh, i know it'll be. it's gotta end sometime. i- i'll be back for you. see you, buddy." i said as he then disappeared, turning back to the chapel door. putting my paw once again on the door, i opened it, stepping not inside of the chapel but outside my home. sighing in annoyance, i flicked my ear. i was starting to get tired of this. but my mind wandered back to dylan. i was learning something from these hallucinations, wasn't i?

that's when i heard the screaming and crying. snapping my head over to shiloh's house, i heard him crying. "eomma! appa! jungjihasibsio! no! i have to be there for ac-ace! he needs me!" he had been pulled out of his home, his mother and father looking down at him with disappointment and slight sympathy. "we know, adeul, but he has his parents. you can't be here anymore. it's not safe enough." not safe enough? how was it not safe anymore?

that's when i noticed that only ace was there, with kinsey missing. where was he? what happened to him? fear caused my throat to tighten, in which i coughed, causing everyone to look my way. "did you hear that?" shiloh's mom said worriedly, looking at her husband. he nodded quickly, as if scared. grabbing shiloh once again, the boy fought, clawing at his father. it wasn't much of a surprise; he tended to be the scariest when he was angry. but yet, it was quite unexpected.

"p-please! you can't make me!" after a few cuss words and angry clawing and spitting, he finally got tired. the boy began to give up until he was limp in his father's grasp, too tired to put up a fight. and with that, they ran off, leaving ace behind with tears streaming down his eyes in fear.

"i can't fly like the flower petals over there, or as though i have wings."

gasping, i stumbled back onto the front of the chapel, the door closing as i fell down the steps. crashing with a yell, i cried out in pain, grabbing my wrist. it felt like i had broken it.

fifth hallucination: kinsey:

i lay curled up in a ball for what felt like hours, and possibly could have been hours. i don't know how long i've been out here. it felt like weeks almost. maybe it had been and i just didn't notice because the hallucinations last a whole day or something. i mean, it could be possible, right?

giving a long annoyed sigh, i hit my head against the sand in anger, letting out a loud yell full of rage. i hated everything about this. i hated... i hated it all. i hated everything about this place even. why did i come here? why didn't i just give up? i should've stayed back in seoul and found them. instead, i ran to pincher, thinking maybe he could solve all my problems. i was an idiot. i was the worst son, the worst friend, the worst person to ever live. at least i felt that way.

soon enough, i seemed to have fallen asleep. it seemed impossible, but i did, tired from the hallucinations. i seemed to be getting weaker every time. why? shaking my head, i opened my eyes, only to find bright blue eyes staring over me, and a large smile. yelling, i hit the creature with my bad paw, cussing out in pain. whatever it had been tumbled off me, laughing as it got back up. "wow, i didn't you had that much in ya, prin! thought you were dead for a moment, too."

glaring at the silver feline, i shook my head and let out a chuckle. what seemed like sweat dripped from my fur, landing in my eyes as i watched kinsey. "dangsin-eun babo! neo naleul nollaekyeo juggehaessda. ne hyung-eul ileohge daeuhamyeon neoleul dasi ttaelineungeoya!" i said with irritation, wincing as i realized the throbbing pain in my wrist. grasping it again in pain, i lay on my side, watching as the hallucination of kinsey laughed harder.

"there's my hyung! i hope you're ready for the next one. it's a ride." kinsey's voice suddenly went cold and dead, and he melted away into mist as he spoke those last words. gulping, i scrambled to my paws, careful to keep my one injured paw in the air. and when i managed to look around, i wasn't standing in my home, or even outside of it. no, i was somewhere completely unfamiliar, standing right in front of a severely beaten feline.

at first, i couldn't recognize who it was. their fur was almost completely covered in red and wounds, and their face bruised and beaten. it wasn't until i saw the icy blue eyes staring at me that i realized it was kinsey. backing up in shock, i watched as he lifted his head to glare at me, licking the blood from his lips. "i told you, hyung, it's a ride. make sure to keep all body parts inside the vehicle at all times, and remember to suffer." my eyes widened in shock as i yelled out, backing up into a wall.

grabbing at my head, i winced in pain, noticing that kinsey was back in the position that he had been in when i arrived. it... it had just been another hallucination. breathing out with a sigh of relief, it was soon interrupted by the sound of a husky voice. "well well well, kins, are ya ready for another round? or should we let ya go this time?" i turned to the right only to cover my mouth to keep from crying out.

it was a large jaguar, easily big enough to swallow both me and kinsey whole. yes, it was an exaggeration, but you always gotta have my perspective of it, right? it had a large black eyepatch covering it's right eye, the other eye a bright amber color. standing in front of kinsey, he lowered himself down to the feline, who had not moved at all. "tough lil' bugga you are, eh? could ya handle one more round of 'how long can kins last against the claws?'" finally, kinsey answered, though his voice was horse and soft. "leave me alone, axle. leave me alone... you... you know i didn't mean to kill him..."

i almost couldn't breathe at the last sentence. kinsey had killed someone? what was he talking about? this... this had to be another hallucination. yeah, that was it. i was just dreaming again. but it turned out i wasn't. "oh, we know. that's why we're lettin' ya go... right after this last round." i couldn't watch as axle scratched kinsey's face, causing him to scream out in pain, blood splattering on the ground as he continued, over and over again, until kinsey's cries went quiet quickly. opening my eyes behind my crooked paws, i looked at axle as he grinned, blood staining his once pearl white teeth. "ah, so ya learned? good boy. well then, i guess we don't got enough time for ya anymore. off ya go, ya lil' shit!"

i watched as two other felines ran up to kinsey, taking off the chains that had kept him there. slumping onto the ground, tears were streaming down my face as his breathing became shallow. but despite all that had just happened to him, the silver- now red, feline got up, and though he fell many times, he eventually made it out. and with that, a voice echoed in my head. "i hope you learned your mistake, crownedprince."

"maybe i, i can't touch the sky."

i was left shaking back on the island, where i collapsed back onto the sand, completely drained and in despair. why couldn't it be over? why did i keep having to see my namdongsaengs suffering like this? i couldn't take it anymore.

sixth hallucination: ace:

"still, i want to stretch out my hand, i want to run, just a bit more."

i was left trembling on the ground, so weak that i couldn't support myself. the sun had started to rise, sunlight covering the island softly. it was over. it was all over. breathing in relief, i let out a long, slightly crazy laugh. i was free. i could go back. i could forget all of this happened.

but i knew i couldn't forget it. nothing about this night would be forgotten. stumbling to my weak paws, i lifted my injured one, limping towards the bridge until i remembered. i had to write something and put it in a bottle. a confession.

heading over to the area, i sat down quickly, almost falling over from my lack of balance. i grabbed the ink pen and paper, glaring at it for a while. what would i write? finally, i let it all pour out. [i]"i should have never been given this wonderful give of time travel that has been stripped from me, and rightfully so. going back into the past has shown me many things that i deeply regret. but i promise that when i get my power back, i will right everything again. and this has shown me that i will never be as good as them." suddenly, i noticed six flowers next to the paper as i rolled it up. picking them up, i held them close to me. they represented my friends. but could it be another hallucination? it could be. shaking my head, i put the paper in the bottle and threw it into the ocean, watching as it drifted off.

seventh hallucination: the fight:

i breathed out a shaky sigh of relief. i felt this weight lifted off my shoulders as i got up, my energy not yet restored, but i continued on towards the bridge. what was i going to do when i got back? i didn't exactly know. would there be a celebration with cake and ice cream? i hoped so.

then i remembered that i had forgotten my satchel. cussing to myself, i hurried over to grab it, suddenly having that feeling of something watching me again. shaking my head, i knew it was just my jitters. i was just freaking out still, that was all. putting it over my shoulder, i limped as fast as i could towards the bridge. but that's when i saw a flash of silver from the side bawl into me.

crying out in shock, i rolled on the ground until i was pinned down by the throat. gasping for breath, i looked up quickly at who was doing this. surprise flashed in my beautiful, frightened eyes as i saw who it was. it was kinsey. and he was still covered in blood and bruises. he looked... awful. and completely insane.

a laugh passed through his swollen lips as his claws sudden unsheathed, digging into my neck. wheezing, i tried to grab at him, but i was so weak that i could barely move. "you thought you escaped the past, huh? well, no shit that you haven't, 'prin!' i always hated that stupid nickname." the crazed boy added, though it seemed quite unnecessary. at the opportunity, i kicked up into his stomach, making him fly off me. scrambling to my paws, i ran over as fast as i could to the bridge, all my weakness and pain gone as blood poured from my neck.

my mind was a mess as i ran, faster and faster towards the bridge. i had almost made it, about to jump onto it when i felt kinsey bite into my tail. being dragged back from the air, i landed hard against the sand, the wind taken from me as i struggled to breathe. narrowing my eyes against the sun, which was rising higher now with every second, i stared at kinsey with confusion, fright, and sadness. "w-why are you doing this to me, kinsey? i- i didn't mean too... but i'm sorry i know it wasn't rig-" "oh, so you knew it wasn't right? then why'd you do it, huh? you left us. all of us! i almost died! and here you are, living the high life instead of finding us. what a friend you are." he spat on my face, now stepping on my stomach as he left a long, deep scratch. crying out once again, i gritted my teeth.

and that's when i noticed he was flickering between black and silver.

that it wasn't kinsey. it was some crazed feral cat.

motivation ran through me when i realized i wouldn't be hurting my best friend. it was just another stupid ass hallucination. it never ended, though the hallucination of ace had lead it to be so. getting up, i suddenly ran at the feline, barreling into it as i began blindly clawing at it. it's yowls filled the air as it tried to escape my grasp. and when it eventually did, it was horribly mauled, with scratched eyes. it was probably blind now.

then, without another glance, it ran away back into the haven island.

"wide awake, wide awake, wide awake, don't cry. (cry, cry.) wide awake, wide awake, no lie. (no lie) no lie, no lie yeah."

collapsing, i felt my head spinning as i sobbed into the sand. this... this wasn't happening to me... as i began to fade out, i heard a voice call out to me. it... it was my father. "DESMOND!" then everything went black.

"wide awake, wide awake, wide awake, don't cry. (don't cry, don't cry.) wide awake, wide awake, wide awake, no lie. lie, lie."