and pain is just a simple compromise ❁ birthing

[color=#b14767] ❁ ❁ ❁

Four children.

Four beautiful children.

It was a shame that their existence demanded such a heavy cost from Margaery.

She was on the brink of death. Actual death. Not those glorified blips in her life in which she sought out another body to contain her ancient spirit. She could feel her strength fleeing as her soul strained to finally leave the mortal world, her vision fading to black. She had anticipated this outcome- knew that, in order to be a mother, she would have to exchange her precious life for theirs. Margaery hadn't told anyone. Hell, she couldn't have told anyone. Suiteheart would never have let these children come into existence if she knew the price Margaery would be forced to pay.

Did she have any regrets?

Just one, admittedly. It had taken her a thousand years to actually begin to live and now she was giving that up for her children. Monster, not a mother. No... she had always existed as both. This was a fitting end for her then: the thing that made her a monster successful in ripping her away as she became a new mother again. What a shame. What a shame. She didn't even know what came next nor was she ready to face divine judgement. Her history was splattered with blood and murder and she knew that her transgressions would surely earn her a permanent place in hell. But that was okay. Really, it was. She was leaving behind four lovely children - two boy and two girls - who would be in good hands in the Ascendants.

It was okay.

Everything was okay.

She was looking weakly upon them now, her feelings of agony muted temporarily by their very presence. She had decided to let Suiteheart name them. knew that she, right now, was in no state to. [color=#b14767]"Pulchra filii mei..." Margaery whispered, [color=#b14767]"My beautiful children. I'll miss you."

The little leeches.

The hungry monsters.

Her babies.

Parting from them filled her with such sweet sorrow.

She glanced at the three letters that rested near her. There should have been more of them but she didn't have the time. She hoped her clanmates understood... hoped that they realized that she had been dying all along and didn't want to just sit around writing goodbye letters. The three she had written though, well, she could recite their contents from memory.

Hazel,
Aurea puella meis. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I wanted to, really, I did. You have been such a golden light in my life and I only hope that you continue to shine brightly. Please, please be there for Suiteheart. I know it's a lot to ask but I'm worried about how she's going to take all of this. Thank you for the bracelet, for the smiles, for the love.
Tell my children stories of their mother... teach them to appreciate the beauty of nature, or art. Look after my gardens for me love, don't let them die.
With all the love in my heart,
Margy

She glanced at the second one then, reading and rereading Bastilleprisoner's name a dozen times.

Bast,
My sweet, sweet boy.
I forgive you for everything.
You've done nothing but make me proud and I'm going to miss you more than words can express.
Thank you for replanting my gardens, for the fridge, for everything. You're a good leader and an even better person. My only request to you is that you work with Suiteheart to help raise my babies. Please. Don't let them ever forget me either.
I love you.
Margy (Margaret)

And last, but certainly not least, Suiteheart. By this point, she figured her wife was already on the way, having felt the pain that Margaery currently did. She didn't know if she could hold on long enough, not when her world was rapidly fading away and the only thing she could see were her babies and the letters.

Suiteheart Folie-Mikaelson.
My love.
Mea vita.
I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know that I should have told you and that keeping this away from you was unfair on my part but I couldn't let you worry yourself to death. I'm going to miss you more than words can express. Please stay strong for me. The little leeches need a mother and as much as I know that you would prefer them to have two, you'll be all they have.
You are my soulmate. The love of my life.
I've searched centuries for a love as wonderful as ours.
I only wish I could say that we'll meet again.
To my sun and stars: I love you.
Margaery

She inhaled a shaky breath...

And then, Margaery Mikaelson-Folie died.

Roy had been limping through the observatory when his ears pricked up at the anguished cry from Suiteheart. The bobcat almost instantly came to a stop, looking in the direction of Suiteheart's distress. Something doesn't feel right, Suiteheart keeps calling Margaery's name, and each time he hears it, he swears there's more anguish and despair than before. Margaery was heavily pregnant, Roy had assumed it would be any day that she'd give birth- and then, it all clicked. Margaery must have given birth to her children, and something must have went wrong! Roy had no idea that Margaery would be sacrificing her life for her children's. He had no idea that the birth would cost her life, and it seemed like he wasn't the only one who thought this way.

Suiteheart. She sounds so distressed and broken- just like he had been with Maes. Roy had felt like crumbling at the discovery of Maes, and Suiteheart was the one who pulled him back. He should do the same for her, he should make sure Suiteheart knows she has Roy to go to for support. After all, isn't that want equivalent exchange is? How would it be fair if he just watched a friend in despair, and did nothing about it?

So whatever plans Roy had for the day were tossed out of the window. The male limped as quickly as he could, almost to a point of running, going as fast as his three legs would take him. Roy bursted into the den, his gaze landing on quite the scene before him. There laid Margaery, limp, with Suiteheart beside her, silently sobbing. For a moment, his eyes flashed back to the moment when he was mourning Maes, and how he laid beside his best friend for one last time. The difference here though was that Margaery didn't commit human transmutation, truth no. She actually created real life, along with the help of Suiteheart, yet like human transmutation- it cost her life. It wasn't fair, life isn't fair like this.

The male held back a sigh, and slowly made his way over to Suiteheart, not that long after Luna. Roy didn't look over at Radeken as he made his way over, keeping his attention focused on his friend. Roy reached out for his friend, attempting to place his paw on Suiteheart's shoulder. It was almost like the two of them traded places. "Suiteheart, I'm so sorry for your loss," The Flame Alchemist said as his ears flattened to his skull, "If you need to go to anyone for support... I'm here for you."

Cooper was anxious to the point of exhaustion and feeling sick to his stomach. With every step and movement, he felt like he was going to loose his lunch. Not that he’d eaten lunch, he’d felt too sick and didn’t bother. He was worried too, about Margaery and Suiteheart. As the due date crept closer, it seemed that their relationship was growing strained.

That’s where Cooper was headed, to talk to Margaery and get her side of things. It was slow going, as his stomach lurched with every step. This immense feeling of doom that has washed over him, filling him with dread and anxiety. He hadn’t felt like this in moons, not since- no. Now is not the time to be thinking about it.

He needed to get to Margaery, needed to talk to her. Just fight through his own emotions, suppress them into the back of his mind. He wasn’t far now, just a few more minutes at most.

Need to talk to Margaery. Need to talk to Margaery. Need to talk to Margaery. Need to talk to Margaery. Need to talk to Margaery. Need to talk to Margaery.

This was on loop in his brain, motivating him forward, when he heard it.

He heard the anguished cries of Suiteheart, plunging itself into his veins and striking them cold. Despite everything, despite the sway in his step, despite the blur to his vision, despite it all, he began to run. Sprinting, claws leaving gouges in the floor, fear leaving gouges in his heart, Cooper ran. Not again. he couldn’t be loosing someone again.

Images of curly brown fur flashed in his head, of warm eyes full of love, eyes soon turned dull. And then, the images were replaced, flashes of Margaery taking their place. No! it couldn’t be happening again.

”Dia-Diane, it’s happening again and I’m-I’m so afra-afraid” panted our as the canine, rounding the corner to where he knew she would be. What he was, it brought him to a halt. The scene of Suiteheart, curled over her still-formed lover, their kittens crawling around and crying. Roy and Luna, both attempting to comfort the grieving molly and Rad, well Rad was there.

Emotions flooded the canine. Exhaustion, pain, grief, and anger. Anger was strong, flooding his veins and warming him. But who was he to be angry at, who could he blame for tearing away Margaery. His instincts blamed the kits, screaming at him to tear them away from her, to push them away. It was their fault she was gone!

No. No, they were barely minutes old, they couldn’t be blamed. Margaery, she was the one to be blamed. She probably knew it was going to happen but... but she was gone.

Cooper gave a mournful whine, slowly creeping forward until he reached the small gathering of animals. With tears streaming down his muzzle, he pressed his nose to her chest. He was searching for a heartbeat, like he’d done before when she’s fallen. This time, this time there was nothing.

He let out another whine, turning his head to look at Suite instead. He pressed himself against the white molly, wrapping his tail around her. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, unsure of what even to say.
"Speech"

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★ WHEN MY HEART IS MADE FROM GOLD AND FORGIVENESS SEEMS TOO BOLD

From the start of the day, Hazel had been off-kilter: restless and shaken, an indescribable itch scratching away at her bones. Productivity wasn’t her solution, and neither was pent up energy, for she was as tired as ever. Exhausted, in fact, from her ordeal with Bastille, comforting Margy, and talking to Suite. Everything was sapping at her energy like there was no end, like the hits would just keep on coming.

She was getting frustrated pacing in her room, feeling like the walls were about to squeeze the air right out of her lungs. Her heart was racing, her paws were jittering and everything was vibrating and Deus, she need to get out of here. Hazel was about to start climbing walls with that odd anger starting low in her stomach and chest, waiting for the spark that would ignite it.

With a lash of her tail and a frustrated noise, the feline stalked out of her room. She didn’t really have a set destination in mind until she hit the staircase. That fleeting thought about her talk with Margaery had reminded her that she needed to pay their Seraph a special visit. While her agitated state probably wasn’t the best for a good ol’ heart to heart, Hazel didn’t really care.

Hazel was nearing the top step when it trailed along her spine: the cold, pale, wispy fingers of wrong wrong wrong. It carded through her fur, parting the air around her in a chilling breeze and crackle of electricity. Hazel’s stomach dropped, the blood in her veins freezing, because...fuck, fuck, she remembered this feeling. She remembered it drowning her when Bastille showed up on the border without a heartbeat. Except...that sensation had been tinged with icy blue; why was this tinged with - rose -

Very suddenly Hazel was running, sprinting as fast as her paws would take her to find Margaery Mikaelson-Folie, all concepts of finding Bastille lost. She was racing the overwhelming feeling of silence, of stillness, trying to outrun it before it reached its victim. She couldn’t lose Margy, wouldn’t be able to take the shock of it, the low burning desperation that would forever drive her out of her mind because she thought Margy was strong enough. She thought Margy could handle it, could take it -

Then she rounded the corner, heart slamming wildly against her chest with words already spilling off her lips. “Margaery ubi est? Ubi est ea?” Hazel demanded, fear and panic crawling into her throat. She was terrified, fucking beside herself with fear, awash with chills and desperation because she had felt it coming, she could save her.

But the crowd confirmed it. Confirmed what she already knew, really, but refused to believe. Hazel’s breath hitched - snagged in her throat, already sore with the oncoming tears. She moved on autopilot, every trembling part of her throwing off waves of despair.

“Nulla nec nulla nulla, non commodo…” The girl whispered, voice breaking. Tears glittered, fat and wet on the ledge of her eyes. “Ne recedas, Margaery.” She breathed.

Hazel felt lost - alone and broken in two as she watched the four squirming bundles huddled against Margaery’s belly. She wanted to admire them, to coo and gush over the new life, but for the life of her...she couldn’t. Not when Margaery was dead. Not when Hazel could still smell the rich scent of roses invading her nose, and the gentle warmth of the other feline as she carefully allowed the first real hug of her life.

She barely registered the letter with her name on it, quietly sliding it to herself and refusing to open it. She wouldn’t be able to read it, anyway, but it still smelled of Margy, and that, she could cherish. Hazel curled in on herself, tucking her paws underneath her.

If she had known the world would be this heartbreaking, she would have never left home.

(Margaery ubi est? Ubi est ea? - Where is Margaery? Where is she?
Nulla nec null nulla, non commodo… - No, no no, please don’t…
Ne recedas, Margaery - Please don’t go, Margaery)

★ — hazel — "speech" — eight months — the ascendants — tags — ★