WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE —// basically jake is confronted by someone from his past, there's a brief conversation between them, and then he gets a letter from the one responsible for burning his house down prior to his arrival in snowbound (thus leaving them with his scars and whatnot). jacob just kinda breaks down after reading it bc he's frustrated and scared and confused. also, credit to cheets for archie's note!

Jacob was just out on a walk. He wanted peace. The humans were gone, the river was clean, and his clan was safe but his mind was still troubled. That wasn't new, though. Jacob had a way of worrying even when there was nothing to worry about. Perhaps it was the constant smell of smoke or the flicker of flames just out of the corner of his eye. Maybe it was the roar of fire at night or the fear that something terrible must be coming because he didn't get to have peace. Every time things seemed to get right for him, every time there was peace, it was destroyed in a matter of days or weeks but it didn't seem he got more than a month without tragedy and he'd been awfully lucky in Snowbound so far. Something terrible must be coming. Something terrible was always coming, though, and the only question that remained when when would it arrive. Apparently, that answer was the present.

"I used to tell you there was another little boy. That he would play with you when he came back. I even gave you some of his toys. You said you just wanted to go home, but you did eventually admit a friend would be nice. I think you were awfully lonely." It was such a familiar voice, one that he recognized from weeks of torment that had been sprinkled with kindnesses. It probably hadn't been as awful as he worked it out to be, they couldn't hurt him too much, but he'd been little and he'd been so afraid. He was still afraid. And he was still little. "You're still lonely, aren't you? But you're not so little. And you found the little boy. You can't tell me you don't know. You met all of us and you saw the eyes. You can't tell me you don't see it, you aren't blind and you aren't stupid, Jacob. You were always perceptive. You know but you won't accept it, will you? Just tell me that you-"

"Did ya' jus' come 'ere ta' torment me or did ya' want somethin'. I don' owe you nothin'. Anythin' ya' gave me it was 'cause someone else told ya' to," he heard his voice shake and cursed it. He would give anything to not be afraid anymore. Besides, he couldn't face what this man wanted him to. Pincher was his best friend. Even if he was one of them, it was clear he wasn't anymore. Besides, that opened up too many questions that he was terrified of. If this had all been some kind of awful joke or a way to get information. He'd been so careful. He hadn't been ignorant of the possibility, with the accent and the eyes, but Jacob was lonely. Jacob had learned lots of things about himself through his trials and one such thing was that he was resilient until he was lonely. The worst period of time for him when he'd been held in that awful place wasn't when they were yelling at him, it was when they left him alone for long periods of time. He'd never done well in isolation. That hadn't changed. Jacob needed other people but was also terrified of getting too close to anyone. He'd been hurt too many times by people that claimed to be friends. He just had so desperately wanted this one friend, who'd had to see him at his lowest point during their first meeting, who he told everything. Well, at least more than he'd told any others in a long time. "Ya' don' get ta' come 'ere n' question my friends n' my choices. I get ta' do what I want now, I ain't workin' for no one. I don' care where he came from or what he did 'cause he didn' care when I told him 'bout me. N' I certainly ain't belivin' anythin' you tell me, given our past. I don' have anyone else. Jersey, my brother ya' know, I ain't seen 'im in weeks. I haven't gotten letters from my Babbo so he may as well be dead, for all I know. My Pa n' Ma are dead, as ya' know well I'm sure. I ain't got no one else n' now 'e's hurt too. So if I found out tha' you had any part ah' this, if ya' somehow did this ta' me again, th-"

"Of course not. Not that I'm aware of, anyway. I can't tell you more than I know. Some things aren't shared with me. And you're right, no, you don't owe me or anyone else anything. I'm here because I have a message to give you. They thought if they sent me, you'd be more agreeable in taking it. They knew you wouldn't take it if it was them, you'd just argue or try to fight with them."

"N' who's them supposed ta' be?"

"Well you have to read to know that. Will you take it?" Jacob snatched the letter before it was even fully extended. He then watched as the man turned without a word, leaving as soon as he'd arrived. Jacob felt tears building in his eyes out of frustration and let out a soft huff, turning away and opened the letter with trembling paws before opening it.

Dear Little Jacob,
I hope you remember me. I sure do remember you. And the fire. The pain. The scars. They stick to my skin as well as the longing to give you the same pain you have placed upon me. I've been watching you for quite some time now, you look just like my fiance. You have the same softness that she had until I got burned by that wretched fire. I never wanted things to turn so chaotic, so deliciously wrong. Now, I've seen what you do with your life and I must say I'm quite impressed. I never thought a pathetic, meek little kid like you would become the big boss of some group. Wouldn't it be terrifying it one of them backstabbed you? I sure do hope not. You deserve more than a simple stab in the back. You deserve to remember the familiar pain we both share when that fire ruined us. But I gotta say Deniz seems fond of you, even with your horrifying scars! Lucky you, I haven't had that much of a chance to swoon anyone recently. But I gotta say, Deniz should really know more about you... of the things you have done, the things your family has done. Disgusting Corleones... it's a shame you're one of them. You were such a sweet kid. Guess all good things must come to an end, eh?
- With burning love, Archie

"No, no, no, no-" The words escaped as barely a whisper and tears built up in Jacob's eyes as his chest seized and he felt as though he were gasping for air. How could he let this happen? How had they found him? He'd been so careful. But they mentioned Deniz by name. No, not they, Archie. How could he have been so stupid? Tears rolled down his cheeks and he quietly folded the letter up, holding it to his chest as he tried to compose himself before the walk back.  —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP

"SPEECH"

WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE — Jacob heard the pawsteps long before he heard any voices and he tried desperately to get himself under control. He could always sob when he got home. Right now he was still out in the open and he needed to calm himself down. Still, even as he tried to slow his breathing, it only sped up more. He felt like he was going to suffocate. Like all the fear was wrapping bony fingers around his lungs and squeezing them. Another sob came from him when he heard Natasha's question and he fought the urge to run. He didn't want to run anymore. He promised himself he wouldn't. Not when things were well, not when they got hard, never. He didn't want to run again. He was sick of being chased from home to home by these people and he was sick of having to hide everything about himself and he was sick of feeling constantly fearful and paranoid. He just wanted to be better. He didn't want the hallucinations, the smell of smoke that haunted him, the nightmares, the paranoia, the running. None of it. He just wanted to be happy and he wanted the people he loved the most to be with him. He wanted Jersey to come home from wherever he'd disappeared to, he wanted Pincher to be safe and come stay with him here, he wanted his Babbo to stop climbing towards that throne in the city and just be with him, he wanted his Ma and Pa to be here with him and healthy and alive. But all of those things were just desperate wishes from a kid that hadn't really been ready to grow up when he had to.

"I-It's fine-" the words came as a wheeze as he tried to stumble away from the pair. He didn't want his apprentice to see him like this. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He'd been doing better for so long. He thought for sure that maybe some of the treatments were working. He knew there would always be bad days but this was awful. He'd been so nervous and paranoid and his mind felt like it was being pulled in so many directions that he never knew what to think or do. And now he couldn't even talk to Pincher about it. "It's fine." Maybe if he said those words enough, they'd believe it and it'd be true but the seizing breaths that kept getting closer and closer to hyperventilation told otherwise. Ever since the situation with the humans had first broken out, Jacob's mental health had been declining. Then Pincher had gotten hurt and now this. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. It was all so overwhelming. It was all so much. He never wanted this. Archie said in his letter that he was impressed but Jacob never wanted any of this. He didn't want to lead Snowbound, he didn't want to do anything other than be a doctor who helped everyone he could and someday have his own family. Jacob saw how power tore his family apart and he never wanted to be a part of that again, yet here he was. "It's fine." The words became part of the sobs now, riding on short exhales followed by sticky, sharp inhales. —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP