embrace my lungs -

the destructive fire that had taken her home, had left her without a home save for that of her departed ex girlfriend, a place she didn't wish to enter for the aching pain. not that it was any different to the physical pain she felt, covered in burns that were on the mend, portions of her wings burnt through and simply ugly looking. she'd been all but destroyed emotionally in that fire, still coming to terms with what had been revealed to her when the fire had consumed her body and what felt like her soul. she was in the shade of the trees, laying on her belly for a while, coughing and wincing at the tightness of her skin and muscles, exhaustion coursing through her recovering body, cream tabby fur singed in many places as she tried to groom her paws. everything hurt so horribly, but she couldn't keep staying in Seven and the others' care, being in the medical reaper's care was fine by itself, but she couldn't be around people for that long without wanting to go insane.

suppressing a hiss of pain, she laid as easily as she could upon the rain softened ground, wheezing as coughs racked her on occasion. laying her head down on the ground, eyes closed as she felt a breeze, the fae would exhale wearily, letting sleep overcome her, or what little of it she could obtain. it musn't have been more then fifteen minutes before a coughing fit woke her, throat aching and screaming at her in protest. sighing as she lad there, watching as sunlight crept towards her slowly, just existing amidst the pain and agony, drifting until coughs woke her.

finally with a defeated breath as the sun came towards her paws, the she-cat drew herself to her paws and entered into the settlement from her shaded resting spot. wincing at the warmth of the sun, Merlin pushed herself to pad along the pathways, gaze roaming over the old houses that resided within the territory, so many left uninhabited, some left like how she left atbash's, preferring to keep the memories and ghosts of the departed within their homes' walls. as her path brought her further, she watched as the swamp and surrounding trees began to reclaim some of the oldest and un-touched homes. finally, there, she settled upon a house that was fairly overgrown but still in a good condition, her gaze fixed on the house a bit tiredly, but feeling a sense of welcome from it. a little bit of elbow grease and this place would truly become her own. for now though, the blossoms growing upon each vine and piece of land brought her a serene feeling of peace, of a home she hadn't seen in many, many years. the home that she had raised her siblings in, the fields around the house filled with golden wheat that flowed in the wind like gilded waves of the sea, the orchards filled with blossoms upon the trees.

standing there for a good amount of time, before limping forward to sniff at the flowers, listening to the buzz of the insects, sort of in her own little world. was this home? could she make this her home now? proper cleaning would have to wait, but the angles and corners of the outside alone felt welcoming enough to the weary woman, the gentle curves of the windows and their sills a greeting smile. maybe she was too tired, imagining that the house was smiling at her. she moved around the plants for a while, enjoying the smells of the flowers before finding a concrete pad in the midst of the small field of flowers. brushing aside dirt with her paws, she moved across the pad slowly, realizing it was part of the walkway up to the house, settling in a patch of sun and closing her eyes. this was good enough, though she didn't know the conditions of the inside of the house.

this is the house!//

- your breath i keep

embrace my lungs -

the peace of mind that she was afforded and the warm beams of sun carressing her fur were all but enough to cause her to drift off again. though, she was aware of the other tailing her a distance back, she wouldn't be a knight if she couldn't tell that she was being followed. as she laid there, paws tucked under her body and her tail covering her side and tucked close, eyes half-lidded as she simply existed in the moment. it felt good, everything considered. this was as close as she felt that she might ever make it to paradise, her work simply wasn't done and while the peace was what she craved, paradise was not something that she rightfully felt that she could claim for herself. but it wasn't so wrong to indulge in the memories of a time she had lost, of the laughing and smiling faces of children sticked by honeys and jams, bread crumbs caught in their fur and hair. she could imagine them here, the children that were her most beloved siblings, racing through the flowers and enjoying themselves. would ... would she ever see that sight again? would she ever have her own family to raise here and watch grow?

coughing overtook her again, shoulders shaking as she tried to recapture her breath. fur ruffled along her body, she would cast her gaze back to christian once the fit had passed. she must have woken the pup earlier on, she didn't mind the silent companionship, nor did she mind the presence of a child in the land between memory and reality. wiping her mouth free of blood-spotted speckle, she would smile at him after wiping it off in the grass, calling out to him, "you don't have to stay far away, little one. i don't bite hard.", she chuckled, ears swiveling backwards momentarily as her body shook with another coughing fit. lords help her, she hated this roughness in her throat, what she wouldn't give for atbash's honey tea.

she wasn't aware that the child had taken it upon himself to guard her, but she would appreciate it, all things considered. if she protected everyone, who protected her? she would never have thought of it like that, nor would she have ever thought of herself being so small in so large a world. thoughts like that often led to agony and grief, the tantalizing taste of the bottle rich in the back of her mouth at those times. no, for now, all she wanted was the peace that she was afforded in these moments. peace was found and lost just as quickly. ximen's death was just another marring in the peace, but she would give her all to protect it, even in her moments of weakness such as now. "I will let you know though, I .. haven't spoken German before. I only know a little, from my travels."

- your breath i keep