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+---- Thread: mischievous woodpecker;; O, Panic attack, development, OOC prompt (/showthread.php?tid=1507)
mischievous woodpecker;; O, Panic attack, development, OOC prompt - ARGUS - 05-22-2018
SOMEBODY SHOWED YOU ALL OF THE HORROR-
YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH IT!
[div style="background-color:#BG COLOR;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] AN: YES there is an an. This was a week in the making. The crux of my character development for argus. This was based off an ooc prompt but a long time in the making. I am so proud of lil gus. She has come so far. So for this. Whisper is in light blue text, and Argus is in the light red color that i used to use! Warnings of first person panic attacks and third person descriptions of panic attacks. Vague mentions of suicide and child neglect. THat's all!//
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Argus woke up on the edges of panic. The dark of the night seemed to curl around her, tendrils grasping ripping at her barely comprehensible fogged brain and filling her with images of the dream she could not remember. She grasped the furs under her paws. Deft calloused paws hardened by sands of the harshest climate avalable- nails sharpened shined- until the silver claws shined in the dim lighting- covered in blood as the images cast.
Quickly the furred rugs that rested on the western style bed in the office quarters were shredded. The mattress stuffing spilling out. The taste of blood coming from the back of her throat made it hard to keep herself silent. Spit bubbleing between her jaws as she spat into the corner of the sea den. Trying to breathe past the ash the smoke- dear gods the ship is burning
get out get out getoutgetout
The ship was on fire and it was her fault. Her home was burning and she was to blame. Argus has burned down her home in a fit of panic. She had to flee had to-
Just like riverclan. Just like Bloodclan.
r u n
Her wings sputtered. The limbs snapping in a violet flap. edges of her wingspan hitting the walls and making the small corner of her den shake where she was on the ship. A snarl of panic and in a flash of white- the small glass window of her room was shattered and the large wolf that was almost angelic on appearance, took oof like a bat out off hell. Slipping through the window uncaring to the small scratches she caused due to the remaining glass shards in the window.
-Quickly there was a spash. The water's churned in the night, and argus was inches away from succumbing to a watery grave. Wings snapping into the night. One giant ungraceful flap, silent feathers boisterous as the panicked Her left wing sore- the joint still healing would give out any minute. But argus' wings were built for power. One flap and she was zeroing on the island. More importantly- the entrance of the island.
Abandoned train tracks paved the trail inside the island. The edges of the jungle cut with the ancient twoleg train. It's form decayed and rusted, but still a train. Filled with carts that were familiar to bi-colored eyes. Argus had little clue to what color her eyes shined now. red, light blue, one blue one green, black - void - dead souless- . She crashed through the canopy. Tree's cushioning what could have been a lethal fall, and when she looked up she was reminded yet again. How ... homely this place really was.
The sands of the beach, the sea, the abandoned carts of the train.
These were the little reminders. Of a past argus had tried to abandon. of a history she tried not to show. She had wondered briefly before- how much anyone knew. How much someone could glance from the places she frequinted on the island just what kind of places she used to live. Raised in the desert. Broken in a subway station. Reforged within the sea.
it all ends in fire.
It all ends with me.
But now, there was only panic. Ghosts gripped her head. sending a telepathic wave of an agonized screech as images flickered. Contorted bodies falling into an abyssal hole. The firelight reflecting on the ruin out of the twoleg's grasp.
such a masochist the ghost chanted, quieter only for her. Why do you force yourself to remember? Why won'y you let yourself forget. Let yourself forget? Voices grinned cruelly. The reason she chose to remember taunting her.
The fire does not discriminate in her dream. It burns everything in her memories. Washes away the past guilt. Searing a memorable finial horah for a wolf who only wanted a family. The fire does not discriminate who it burns. It burns them all away too. Burns her. Burns
it burns it burns itburnsitburns
It's time to go.
Argus heaves her breath, her eyes closed in an valiant attempt to hide the tears- makethem s t o p. She does not notice the slip inside her mind. The missing whole in where- once her other's would joined in. Would push and prod would poke and unravel her. Control her. A puppet to her own mind-
A frighteningly small figure pushed against argus. Headbutting her chest and pushing through the crazed frenzied claws. Black blood coated the dirt, and a little girl, a lonely little wolf let the giant wintered beast cling and cry.
There was nothing sadder, then someone cheering themselves up. Was there?
Because no one else knows you better. The ghosts chorused But we know - oh we know. You'll never live free always under someone's thumb. Never free from guiltyou killed us
In the dark of the night. Whisper was a shade barely seen. Clear crystalline blue eyes closed as she breathed in the scent of blood, the earthy tint of the jungle. Of home on the other's pelt. She looked younger, she looked different. The exact opposite of argus. But they were the same. the same soul.
"It was just a dream Argus" The younger's voice was barely heard over the practiced ugly sound of the other's breaking. Argus' breathing coming out in gasps between choked lungfuls. " It's time for you to wake up. There is no fire, there is only you, there is only us."
Against argus she wasn't there. But she was all the same. She let herself be held. Wings curled around her- around them both. Argus voice was broken, ragged "Whi- isper." She hiccuped through her word. Stuttered it with awe and need. A vulnerability in the large wolf's voice. In her successor. In her hope. Broken down to the simple things.
cared too much. Just wanted a home, just wanted to fit in. Just wanted a family.
Come morning there would be questions. But the dawn was hours away, and for now she allowed herself to be held. Let herself linger in a world she has willingly left. Because the desert, was harsh, it was all the reminders of their lonely childhood. An empty vacant home that whisper left so abruptly.
But here in this embrace. She could stay for quite a while.
Re: mischievous woodpecker;; O, Panic attack, development, OOC prompt - CAESAR CIPHER. - 05-22-2018
SO NOTORIOUS !
CAESAR CIPHER. MALE. THE TYPHOON. CREW MATE.
//aaa I just ended up rambling about Caesar's past again; the only relevant paragraphs are the 2nd and last one ^^'
Also small trigger warning for mentions/thoughts of suicide in paragraph 4
If Caesar knew what Argus was dreaming about, he would probably laugh at her and tell her that everything was fine. That he himself was the blame of his home being destroyed and how proud he was of that. He remembered what it was like feeling the heat of flames, watching the fire grow and burn everything in its path - including people. He watched his Dimension rot from the inside out and escaped with his siblings at the last minute. He remembered how the Dimension started to die; turning dark and black on one side and traveling fast to the other, before disappearing entirely. At the same time, however, Caesar acted like he was proud of that, he really wasn't. But he was lying to himself just as much as he was lying to everybody else about that; even he had to tell himself that he was proud of it.
Caesar didn't sleep often, so it wasn't a surprise that he heard the noises coming from Argus's room. And being the nosy person he was, he stuck his head out of his window when he heard the sound of a splash, just in time to see Argus running off. And just because he was a nosy person, Caesar quickly turned tail and ran through the ship, trying to catch up to the canine. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't fast enough (for many reasons, including the body he possessed being sleep deprived), and he definitely wasn't going to catch up anytime soon when she took off into the air. But that didn't stop Caesar was still trying to run after her. Now, of course, water was going to be an issue, but he was going to use an NPC to help maneuver a boat, since he didn't know how to do that and swimming wasn't his thing. Possessing a water-dwelling creature was an option, sure, but he also didn't have the energy to do that right now.
Although Caesar wasn't aware of what what going on with Argus (since he wasn't with her right now and didn't have telepathy to try to get into her mind to help), but once again, he would probably scoff and laugh at her having a panic attack. And again, he would boast about how proud he was of destroying his home. He would claim he didn't understand why she was so upset, but oh how wrong that was. He was upset, but he was afraid of showing that. Although he didn't have panic attacks over the memories, they just caused him extreme distress and caused his consciousness to fight with his mind and body (which explained the internal bleeding). Panic attacks were another sign of weakness in his opinion, and if he knew Argus was having one, he'd probably start to see her as weak. She was a large creature and had a terrifying way of holding herself as she walked, so it'd come as a huge surprise that she was having an attack, and Caesar would be highly disappointed.
But just like Argus, Caesar didn't forget what he had done. He couldn't forget what he had done. It was horrible, he knew, and he had to keep acting like everything was fine. And every night, those memories would come to haunt him. They would torture him, terrorize him, although not nearly as much as they did during his Entrance Ritual. The Entrance Ritual took his memories to a whole new level, by creating events that didn't happen. Caesar still had no damn clue what the NPCs put in his drink - or hell, what the drink even was, but he absolutely fucking despised what happened to him. So it was safe to say he wasn't going to accept any drinks from anybody from that day forward.
Even so, that doesn't erase the fact he still had daydream-nightmares - daymares? - about what happened, and it haunted him. He never seemed to get any rest from getting those memories every night (and that's not what prevented him from sleeping; he just choose not to), and it was tiring, honestly. So Caesar could relate to the voices Argus heard about how she didn't let go of the past, however the voices he heard were accusing him of not doing the right thing, telling him to kill himself for what he did, to just end it all; he should just erase himself from existence. They snarled at him about how terrible of a person he was for doing what he did, how much of a disgrace he was. And Caesar had to fight those thoughts off, and half the time, he honestly considered listening to them. Caesar didn't want to live with the guilt anymore, but at the same time... If people knew he destroyed his home and didn't feel any remorse, he would be feared, and that's what mattered most to him. Or so he believed, anyway.
And just like Argus, Caesar wanted a place to fit in. He wanted a home, he wanted to be somebody, and somehow he thought destroying his home would suffice enough. It was funny to think that; that he would find something on this Earth,
when he already had a home. He may not have been able to fit in, especially after the Shaman's predictions and him getting exiled, but at least he had a home. And The Typhoon could never be that. Caesar knew how some people didn't like him, and he believed he was going to change that, but at the same time... He didn't care.
"Argus?" Caesar panted as he finally caught up to the wolf, practically heaving for air. "The hell's happened to you this time?"
//aaa semi-rushed towards the end since I got called to do something by my mom lol
Also small trigger warning for mentions/thoughts of suicide in paragraph 4
If Caesar knew what Argus was dreaming about, he would probably laugh at her and tell her that everything was fine. That he himself was the blame of his home being destroyed and how proud he was of that. He remembered what it was like feeling the heat of flames, watching the fire grow and burn everything in its path - including people. He watched his Dimension rot from the inside out and escaped with his siblings at the last minute. He remembered how the Dimension started to die; turning dark and black on one side and traveling fast to the other, before disappearing entirely. At the same time, however, Caesar acted like he was proud of that, he really wasn't. But he was lying to himself just as much as he was lying to everybody else about that; even he had to tell himself that he was proud of it.
Caesar didn't sleep often, so it wasn't a surprise that he heard the noises coming from Argus's room. And being the nosy person he was, he stuck his head out of his window when he heard the sound of a splash, just in time to see Argus running off. And just because he was a nosy person, Caesar quickly turned tail and ran through the ship, trying to catch up to the canine. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't fast enough (for many reasons, including the body he possessed being sleep deprived), and he definitely wasn't going to catch up anytime soon when she took off into the air. But that didn't stop Caesar was still trying to run after her. Now, of course, water was going to be an issue, but he was going to use an NPC to help maneuver a boat, since he didn't know how to do that and swimming wasn't his thing. Possessing a water-dwelling creature was an option, sure, but he also didn't have the energy to do that right now.
Although Caesar wasn't aware of what what going on with Argus (since he wasn't with her right now and didn't have telepathy to try to get into her mind to help), but once again, he would probably scoff and laugh at her having a panic attack. And again, he would boast about how proud he was of destroying his home. He would claim he didn't understand why she was so upset, but oh how wrong that was. He was upset, but he was afraid of showing that. Although he didn't have panic attacks over the memories, they just caused him extreme distress and caused his consciousness to fight with his mind and body (which explained the internal bleeding). Panic attacks were another sign of weakness in his opinion, and if he knew Argus was having one, he'd probably start to see her as weak. She was a large creature and had a terrifying way of holding herself as she walked, so it'd come as a huge surprise that she was having an attack, and Caesar would be highly disappointed.
But just like Argus, Caesar didn't forget what he had done. He couldn't forget what he had done. It was horrible, he knew, and he had to keep acting like everything was fine. And every night, those memories would come to haunt him. They would torture him, terrorize him, although not nearly as much as they did during his Entrance Ritual. The Entrance Ritual took his memories to a whole new level, by creating events that didn't happen. Caesar still had no damn clue what the NPCs put in his drink - or hell, what the drink even was, but he absolutely fucking despised what happened to him. So it was safe to say he wasn't going to accept any drinks from anybody from that day forward.
Even so, that doesn't erase the fact he still had daydream-nightmares - daymares? - about what happened, and it haunted him. He never seemed to get any rest from getting those memories every night (and that's not what prevented him from sleeping; he just choose not to), and it was tiring, honestly. So Caesar could relate to the voices Argus heard about how she didn't let go of the past, however the voices he heard were accusing him of not doing the right thing, telling him to kill himself for what he did, to just end it all; he should just erase himself from existence. They snarled at him about how terrible of a person he was for doing what he did, how much of a disgrace he was. And Caesar had to fight those thoughts off, and half the time, he honestly considered listening to them. Caesar didn't want to live with the guilt anymore, but at the same time... If people knew he destroyed his home and didn't feel any remorse, he would be feared, and that's what mattered most to him. Or so he believed, anyway.
And just like Argus, Caesar wanted a place to fit in. He wanted a home, he wanted to be somebody, and somehow he thought destroying his home would suffice enough. It was funny to think that; that he would find something on this Earth,
when he already had a home. He may not have been able to fit in, especially after the Shaman's predictions and him getting exiled, but at least he had a home. And The Typhoon could never be that. Caesar knew how some people didn't like him, and he believed he was going to change that, but at the same time... He didn't care.
"Argus?" Caesar panted as he finally caught up to the wolf, practically heaving for air. "The hell's happened to you this time?"
//aaa semi-rushed towards the end since I got called to do something by my mom lol
Re: mischievous woodpecker;; O, Panic attack, development, OOC prompt - ARGUS - 05-23-2018
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SOMEBODY SHOWED YOU ALL OF THE HORROR-
YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH IT!
[W]iskerSOMEBODY SHOWED YOU ALL OF THE HORROR-
YOU WEREN'T BORN WITH IT!
[div style="background-color:#BG COLOR;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] Argus is very much accustomed to people like caesar. Who would laugh at something at secretly yearn. Who would mock someone for a weakness they refused to show. Argus used to be someone like that- or whisper was. Whisper grew up like that. The people adjust to the climate and predictably desert dwellers were hard-ass secret softies. Except they were more aligned with being actually secretly crazy. Where their clanmates would have shown you their bloodied corpse piles, their scarred rattled broken forms with pride. Savageness as a means of pride- They were bubbly. Hiding the nurtured bloodlust behind an innocent smile.
No, the loss and morning had always remained buried deep. In all of them. In argus. It wasn't meant to see the light of day. Never meant to be revealed. Argus wondered the difference between the two. What made people show their outward scars with pride, and hide the ones that hurt the most deeper? Shame? Regret? Was it some means of self preservation, some mean of not wanting to be hurt like that again?
She wondered when she thought it was better to hide who she used to be?
When they were little and new. They revealed it all. Showed tears and rage, showed bubbliness and envy. Showed that savageness that was nurtured inside of her, and the nature of any being with a conscious- the self doubt. When had she thrown away the ease she felt for the first years of her life in being completely open- away?
It started with a fire.
The first of the fires she did not intend to start. Living in a fox hole under the roots of a tree. She was unsure what started it at first. But she only noticed it when she was literally on fire. Her tortured nerve endings blazing to life again. Well after her first death but stil afraid of death the same. She crawled out from under her burning home. One wing already in cased in fire. and had to rip it out in sake of letting the fire consume her entirely.
Argus had always been drawn to fire. Even after that event. When did she truly start to fear it?
Maybe it was well in after she realised her life was in shambles. Her daughter missing her mate dead. Everything lost and what was the oint of anything anymore in it? She joined the seaside freaks of riverside for revenge- to show them the errors of their ways, the corruption in their purity. The fallacies of their peace. When she set fire to her home, killed the leader. She did it to proove a point, but not one for them. No, that lost it's luster long ago.
When fire turned into an omen. A banner to fly you are not welcome here. You do not have a home here, anymore.
She came to The typhoon with eyes wide open for the first time. During her stay she has done nothing but close them away. Shut out what she has learned through the people she used to be. She had driven towards helping herself while trying to cut out the issues. Try and shove them down. Deeper. Honestly it wasn't a surprise that she was breaking down slowly. First Famori and Zactov. And now whisper.
Time to remember. Time to a c c e p t.
It did take a bit for Caesar to catch up with them. And while argus was vaguely aware she was being followed during her retreat. She was too detracted by her panic. Her younger self was still clutching her furs. Well past and through argus' breakdown. And Argus did not ask to be released at all. Whisper wasn't like Zactov, she would not attack anyone and she was... nice company. A security blanket that soothed the being's nerves. Whisper knowingly didn't move from where she lingered. Argus' wings covering them both- when cipher finally showed his face around the corner. Out of breath. She offered the other a shake grin. Opening a wing to reveal the small wolfing.
"Had a nightmare mostly. But I found... A kid." It would be odd the say that Whsiper was a part of her. Hard to explain how devided and busy her mindscape was. Just... A mess really. The lie fell easily into place. Whisper taking it into stride as she huddled closer to argus. Turning crystal blue eyes towards the cipher.
Whisper took one breath at a time. Dawn was still coming. The light of the sun not yet breaking into the sky. But she could feel it. The instinctual tiredness of living nocturnal- of living sand-bound stronger in the younger doppelganger than it ever would be in Argus. They were connected mentally. They did not need to talk to each other for whisper to catch onto the story. Allowing her eyes to water but not fully cry before she turned her icy stare towards the tribe-mate. Er... Crewmate.
" Who are you?" Her voice was louder, cutting through the silence that argus left. Even as she curled deeper under the wing she kept her tone light and without any hostility. Just curiosity. Timidness. Like any child left on the border, clutching at the first sign of comfort she was given.
No, the loss and morning had always remained buried deep. In all of them. In argus. It wasn't meant to see the light of day. Never meant to be revealed. Argus wondered the difference between the two. What made people show their outward scars with pride, and hide the ones that hurt the most deeper? Shame? Regret? Was it some means of self preservation, some mean of not wanting to be hurt like that again?
She wondered when she thought it was better to hide who she used to be?
When they were little and new. They revealed it all. Showed tears and rage, showed bubbliness and envy. Showed that savageness that was nurtured inside of her, and the nature of any being with a conscious- the self doubt. When had she thrown away the ease she felt for the first years of her life in being completely open- away?
It started with a fire.
The first of the fires she did not intend to start. Living in a fox hole under the roots of a tree. She was unsure what started it at first. But she only noticed it when she was literally on fire. Her tortured nerve endings blazing to life again. Well after her first death but stil afraid of death the same. She crawled out from under her burning home. One wing already in cased in fire. and had to rip it out in sake of letting the fire consume her entirely.
Argus had always been drawn to fire. Even after that event. When did she truly start to fear it?
Maybe it was well in after she realised her life was in shambles. Her daughter missing her mate dead. Everything lost and what was the oint of anything anymore in it? She joined the seaside freaks of riverside for revenge- to show them the errors of their ways, the corruption in their purity. The fallacies of their peace. When she set fire to her home, killed the leader. She did it to proove a point, but not one for them. No, that lost it's luster long ago.
When fire turned into an omen. A banner to fly you are not welcome here. You do not have a home here, anymore.
She came to The typhoon with eyes wide open for the first time. During her stay she has done nothing but close them away. Shut out what she has learned through the people she used to be. She had driven towards helping herself while trying to cut out the issues. Try and shove them down. Deeper. Honestly it wasn't a surprise that she was breaking down slowly. First Famori and Zactov. And now whisper.
Time to remember. Time to a c c e p t.
It did take a bit for Caesar to catch up with them. And while argus was vaguely aware she was being followed during her retreat. She was too detracted by her panic. Her younger self was still clutching her furs. Well past and through argus' breakdown. And Argus did not ask to be released at all. Whisper wasn't like Zactov, she would not attack anyone and she was... nice company. A security blanket that soothed the being's nerves. Whisper knowingly didn't move from where she lingered. Argus' wings covering them both- when cipher finally showed his face around the corner. Out of breath. She offered the other a shake grin. Opening a wing to reveal the small wolfing.
"Had a nightmare mostly. But I found... A kid." It would be odd the say that Whsiper was a part of her. Hard to explain how devided and busy her mindscape was. Just... A mess really. The lie fell easily into place. Whisper taking it into stride as she huddled closer to argus. Turning crystal blue eyes towards the cipher.
Whisper took one breath at a time. Dawn was still coming. The light of the sun not yet breaking into the sky. But she could feel it. The instinctual tiredness of living nocturnal- of living sand-bound stronger in the younger doppelganger than it ever would be in Argus. They were connected mentally. They did not need to talk to each other for whisper to catch onto the story. Allowing her eyes to water but not fully cry before she turned her icy stare towards the tribe-mate. Er... Crewmate.
" Who are you?" Her voice was louder, cutting through the silence that argus left. Even as she curled deeper under the wing she kept her tone light and without any hostility. Just curiosity. Timidness. Like any child left on the border, clutching at the first sign of comfort she was given.
Re: mischievous woodpecker;; O, Panic attack, development, OOC prompt - CAESAR CIPHER. - 05-24-2018
SO NOTORIOUS !
CAESAR CIPHER. MALE. THE TYPHOON. CREW MATE.
It was pride - it was always about pride for Caesar. Everything he did was just a step towards becoming a person in power, a person with authority. He believed that having some sort of position in life was the only way to be happy. And since achieving that wasn't so easy, he found other means to bringing this feeling of pride: torture. Murder. People were like playthings to him. The reactions he got for digging his claws into their throats or feeling their life drain away gave him a sense of power, a sense of pride, a sense of pleasure. Caesar hadn't always been this way, until he learned what he was truly capable of. He deserved to be King instead of the previous one. He was clearly more powerful than the King in the sense of having abilities, so why wasn't he King? Because he wasn't born to the King. It was that simple.
Dimension FiveX had a tight hierarchy system, and Caesar and his siblings were born into the lowest Tier. But that didn't mean they were always stuck there, however that was the case for most demons. Vigenere was lucky enough to be chosen for the King's Guard, so that was proof there that even the lowest members could become somebody. But they never could be the King. You had to be born into that rank. Caesar couldn't settle for that. He couldn't settle for being a nobody. So what was his immediate reaction? To kill the King. To steal his throne. To be the one in charge. To be the one with the most authority and power over people.
And to be truthful? Caesar was proud of his achievement, for the most part. What he did regret, however, was he means of doing so. He was proud that he was able to temporarily become King before he destroyed the Dimension, but he wasn't proud of destroying it. He regretted making that decision. He killed his parents, they were burned alive, and all he could do was watch. Because he was too cowardly to admit what he done was wrong and wanted to keep this feeling of pride he had in having power.
So what made people want to hide their feelings about what they've done? Shame? Regret? It was both for Caesar. He will gladly admit what he had done and say so with pride, but if somebody asked how he felt about it, he probably would break down or run off - probably the latter more than anything. Breaking down was a sign of weakness, as mentioned before, and that was something Caesar didn't want to show. Because he was ashamed of it. He was ashamed of showing true, real emotions instead of the ones he showed on the outside.
Caesar's gaze flickered to the child as Argus brought her up and his lips slightly curled up in disgust. Great. He thought to himself with a growl. Now they'd have to deal with some clingy ass child on their hands. "Caesar Cipher." The demon grunted in response to Whisper. "What about you?" Yeah, his tone revealed he didn't exactly want to talk to Whisper, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice when he was spoken directly to, did he?
Dimension FiveX had a tight hierarchy system, and Caesar and his siblings were born into the lowest Tier. But that didn't mean they were always stuck there, however that was the case for most demons. Vigenere was lucky enough to be chosen for the King's Guard, so that was proof there that even the lowest members could become somebody. But they never could be the King. You had to be born into that rank. Caesar couldn't settle for that. He couldn't settle for being a nobody. So what was his immediate reaction? To kill the King. To steal his throne. To be the one in charge. To be the one with the most authority and power over people.
And to be truthful? Caesar was proud of his achievement, for the most part. What he did regret, however, was he means of doing so. He was proud that he was able to temporarily become King before he destroyed the Dimension, but he wasn't proud of destroying it. He regretted making that decision. He killed his parents, they were burned alive, and all he could do was watch. Because he was too cowardly to admit what he done was wrong and wanted to keep this feeling of pride he had in having power.
So what made people want to hide their feelings about what they've done? Shame? Regret? It was both for Caesar. He will gladly admit what he had done and say so with pride, but if somebody asked how he felt about it, he probably would break down or run off - probably the latter more than anything. Breaking down was a sign of weakness, as mentioned before, and that was something Caesar didn't want to show. Because he was ashamed of it. He was ashamed of showing true, real emotions instead of the ones he showed on the outside.
Caesar's gaze flickered to the child as Argus brought her up and his lips slightly curled up in disgust. Great. He thought to himself with a growl. Now they'd have to deal with some clingy ass child on their hands. "Caesar Cipher." The demon grunted in response to Whisper. "What about you?" Yeah, his tone revealed he didn't exactly want to talk to Whisper, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice when he was spoken directly to, did he?