breaths shallow, pain knotting along nerves too tender for the agony that they brought with, eyes closed and claws unsheathed, panting hard for air. oh merle and anitt, have mercy on my soul!, they found themselves thinking, awoken from their slumber by cramping and rolling pains along their spine, practically paralyzing the beast as they once were so very long ago in their childhood. biting down on the cry of agony, they buried their muzzle into their paws as they panted, attempting to deafen the sounds of their frantic breath in the empty hut. swallowing, they did their best to keep their cool, shaking from the pain ripping through their back, worse than the burden of scar tissue there, phantom pains screeching along their nerves.

sobbing helplessly, they bunched the pelt of the polar bear that had given them these injuries, closer to their body as if it alone could pull them from the shackles of their affliction. waiting for the torture to end, they pressed their cheek into the cold fur, memories pulling at their mind. "hnngh ... please ... stop", they would breathe, eyes screwed shut as the memories and torment worked together on them, reducing them to a heap of whispered sobs and frantic gasps for air despite their efforts to escape the panic that onset them. after what felt like hours of reliving the memories, they found that the pain pinning them to their nest was gone, shakily moving to stand up and move, to get the cramps out of their limbs. wearily, making their way, they would exit their hut, exhaustion making the world reel and heave around them, the sage's legs giving way and sending them to the floor of the bridge where they sprawled, trying to regain their dignity and mind. ah, they shouldn't have moved out here ... the sun was rising soon and with it, it would bring blinding snows. "hah ... anybody out here that mind's giving me a helping paw?", they would call out shakily, pushing their pride to the back of their mind. this was fine, they would be fine.

through the stinging needles of pain jolting along their form, muscles refusing to cooperate as pain made them it's plaything, agony ripping through any coherent thoughts that they might have. ah hells, why had they thought to come outside ... it was karma catching up to them. breaths becoming frosty clouds of moisture, they bit down on their tongue as they shuddered in a whole bodied way, the feeling of the snow melting under their belly unpleasant and undesirable. gasping at the shock of the cold liquids worming through their coat they shivered involuntarily, managing to calm their breathing with the firm reminder that they were not pinned by anything other than gravity. senses tuning to the hushed yet quick approach of paws, they would fix their gaze on the jaguar form of alexi, a croon of relief leaving them. ah, somebody had come.

huffing out a pained breath with a wince, "i'm alright, i'm just in a lot of pain. do ... don't worry too much, alexi. just ah, just a moment.", they would request as a wave of dizziness swept over the sage. had they eaten recently? they couldn't even recall that. "my legs gave out on me. i don't think i've been injured, it's phantom pains mostly.", they would do their best to calm the other before they entered into a state of panic. it would be just their luck should they have reopened an old wound. sucking in a pained breath as they looked up to apple, they greeted her with a low sound of pain, "hah ... apple, i'll be alright. i just need to get my strength back.", they would groan, sorely wishing that they had access to a smaller body.

after a while of fruitlessly resting they gave a grind of their jaws, nose picking up savah's scent, and most importantly the scent of herbs drifting on her pelt, "savah", they would attempt to greet her, "you've worked with herbs before, yes?", or so they would hope, the fragrant scent of herbs ever familiar to the former valereader, "i've need of herbs that aid in pain and strength - i should have burnet or chamomile inside the hut, and some willow bark. i can explain what they look like but my biggest problem right now is general dizziness and loss of strength. i guess this is an impromptu lesson until i can move back to my nest, since i'm a little too big for you three to move me.", they would try their best to address all three gathered around them, either close enough to touch or not.

taking a moment to steady their breathing and racing heart, the last tingles of the pain and memories shaking through their blood and bones, "just inside the small room off the side. behind the hanging deerskin.", they would murmur after a moment of trying to recall where they had stored their herbs, "chamomile is a small white flower with a rather large yellow center, sort of like a white daisy. willow bark is rather rough and veiny.", they would explain quickly and shortly, putting their head back onto their paws as they closed their eyes.

gut rolling and spinning, they would breathe heavily, "chamomile can be made into a tea, or it can be eaten straight. the same can be said of willow bark, it could be called vegetarian jerky.",  they laughed feebly, putting a paw over their muzzle as dizziness swept them. they were beginning to think that they really hadn't eaten anything for the last few days. they would have to fix that at a later time. groaning as they willed away the spinning of the world, they found that they wished the birds would be silent, unknowing if the bird song was within their mind or not.