✿ LOVEPAW ROUX-BRANNON ✿
noun
⑊ the coward in wolf's clothing. ⑊ the plea to match that which has come before. ⑊ the regret of that which has come to past, and that which will come later. ⑊ the truth that you will never be ready, no matter how hard you try.

( tl;dr at the bottom of post )

He knew back then that he was doing something he wasn't supposed to do. At the ripe age of only a little over 5 months, Lovepaw – Lovekit at the time – had known that he was not yet meant to take on the Jungle Juice ritual. Despite this, the young hybrid had felt as though he needed to. As time passed by and everyone around him kept on going and becoming better and better, he rapidly felt as though he was falling behind. Despite his young age, he felt as though he was already a failure. To his siblings, to his group, to his Mom. Goldenluxury Roux was the only parent that Lo had left, and he knew that he had a lot to live up to. His mom was practically a legend all over the beyond, and it didn't seem like he'd ever be able to live up to that legacy. However, he was determined to do so.  He would prove to everyone that he was his mother's son, and he had decided to do that through the entrance ritual. He would do it now, and be one of the only ones to have done so, and everyone would look at him as something special. Honestly, that was all he wanted.

Of course, this was all easier said than done. He knew that Roan would never let him anywhere near the Jungle Juice with permission, and both Michael and Keona had refused him when he had thought to just ask. They had given him the most startled and confused looks, ushering him away and telling him that he was far too young for it. However, he wouldn't be deterred so easily. Without the proper guidance of a soothsayer or dealer alongside him, Love had stolen into the night, waiting until everything was pitch black, and hidden from sight. Then, he had snuck into the temple, squirming his way into the darkest corners until he was finally able to get his paws on what he so desired. The Jungle Juice was his – and he knew what to do with it.

The process of getting to Haven Island had actually been a bit more difficult than obtaining the Jungle Juice, but he still managed. He knew a decent amount about sailing a small enough boat, given his long curiosity driven conversations with Goldie when she wasn't busy. So, he had eventually made it out to where he needed to be, paws stumbling out onto sand before he opened the Jungle Juice up. He tipped it back in one smooth motion, not planning on allowing himself any room for doubt, or wavering. Then, once the drink was done, he tossed the bottle aside, claws digging into slightly wet sand as he sat there on the shore, waiting for it to kick in.

Thankfully – or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it – it didn't take long for the effects to take place. One moment he was sitting on the shore, waiting for something to happen, and the next moment he was at the usual place where his mom held meetings. He immediately blinked and stumbled back, disoriented as he looked at the blurry-faced members of the Typhoon all around him. High up above his mother stood, her head held high and her voice firm as she did her usual meeting duties. However, even though Love knew she was saying something, he couldn't understand any of it. It was all a garbled mess, falling onto his ears with a stunning lack of clarity. He shouted upwards, confused and fearful, "Mom! What are you saying?" However, there was no response. Instead, the hallucination Goldie's unknowable words came to a stop, and the crowd all around him began to vigorously cheer. It took very little for him to realize that they were cheering for his mom. They loved her, as they always had.

It took only a couple of moments before their cheering died down, and suddenly he found that all their eyes were on him. Their faces were still bathed in shifting shadow, but their eyes seemed to glow with rage and vitriol, all directed at him. He tried to open his muzzle to speak, but no words came out, and soon the entire crowd had erupted in noise again. This time, however, instead of cheering for his mom, they were banishing him. Their unintelligible words still managed to get across a feeling of pure hatred, and he found tears welling in his eyes, the boy struck by fear and confusion. What was going on? Why? Why did they hate him?

And then, suddenly, he was knocked off his feet.

All of the air in his lungs escaped him in a gasp, his chest colliding with hard ground, and his head spinning violently. The scene had shifted once again, this time to the shore part of the territory. He tried to struggle to his feet, tears stinging his eyes from the pain of the fall, but he was quickly forced back to the ground by an unknown force. Lashing out against the invisible hand pinning him down, Love froze when he heard a weak voice from afar. Weak, and... familiar. His mom. Her voice so desperate, and soft, "Love... Lo... I need you to... t-t.. to help me. P... Please." The pain in her voice was palpable, and his green gaze urgently darted around, before freezing when he saw another form in the sand nearby.

Collapsed and bloody, it was Goldenluxury Roux.

Her breath was weak and desperate, and her eyes were filled with unshed tears, every breath seeming to drive some more life out of her. Lovekit tried to scream, thrashing against the unknown force that kept him in place. However, it didn't loosen up at all, instead only tightening and making him watch as his mom wheezed and suffered, before another shaded figure stepped forth. The young hybrid only managed to force out a scream before Goldie's throat was slit in one smooth motion. Her body fell limp, and Love wailed. His struggling accomplished nothing to get him any closer to her body, or any closer to doing anything of use.

Slowly, the scene around him began to fade, until nothing was clearly defined anymore. Instead, he was just left in a void of fog and his own tears, his small form curling up into a ball as soon as he was free of the strange force. Even as he sobbed, he could hear voices whispering in his head, chanting and taunting, "Goldenluxury Roux is dead. You did nothing to save her – your own mother. She was the one that everyone loved. She was the only one who could love someone like YOU. And now she's gone, succeeded by a coward. A coward who everyone will hate. A coward who will never live up to all she was." Their words cut into him deeply, his body trembling violently as his sobs became more frequent and painful. The chanting never seemed to stop, and he began to wonder if he would ever be free of this hell.

It was after that thought that he fell unconscious, dead to the world around him.

–––––––––––––––––––––––

Everything after that was... a blur. As far as he was aware, his experience with the Jungle Juice had happened 2 months ago. At least, that was how long ago Natyli had estimated. He didn't remember dragging himself to her home on Haven Island, nor did he remember essentially collapsing on her front steps, but it had evidently happened. His memories of those entire two months were blurry at best, or nonexistent at worst, but Nat filled him in on most of it. Apparently he had gone to her house after the entrance ritual, barely able to drag himself to her home, and then he had passed out once again. After that, he had been roused from his unconscious state a few times in order to eat and drink, but aside from that? He had been gone. Practically a corpse residing in Natyli's home, hidden away for two whole months.

He had known that the Jungle Juice wasn't intended for children, but he had never expected the side effects to be quite so... near fatal. Deep down, the young beta knew that he was lucky to be alive, and he was probably lucky that he had made it to Nat's place. If he hadn't... well, there wouldn't have been anyone to occasionally give him food, or water. He would've slowly fallen apart, lost to the world all because of a desire to be seen as great. Not only had he not gotten that, but he had gone through a traumatizing experience and now didn't even know what was going on back on the mainland. Nat wasn't exactly a fountain of knowledge, most of her focus as usual being on making others happy with pranks and activities.

Honestly, Lovepaw hadn't even known if he wanted to go back to the mainland, but he knew he couldn't stay on Haven Island forever. He needed to return home and face the music, no matter what the particular band happened to be.

So, he had bid farewell to Natyli, making his way back to the shore and once again grabbing once of the small boats that dwelled there. It wasn't too hard to sail himself back, but he did have to admit it was more difficult then it had been to get there. It came with the exhaustion, he supposed. Either way, he eventually made it back, docking his small boat and heaving himself up and towards the beach of the mainland. As he walked along, his head seemed to spin more and more, his legs feeling weak. Evidently a few days wasn't long enough to entirely write off an entire two months of being in a near comatose state.

Lo managed to make it only halfway up the beach before he needed to sit, his hind legs giving out on him and dropping his flank roughly onto the ground below. He winced, a sigh leaving him as he looked down at himself. He certainly wasn't a pretty sight, with his fur tangled and matted, and the usual bandana that he wore around his neck in near tatters, covered in dirt. He had no idea how he would explain his disappearance or current state to anyone that approached him, but he doubted he would be able to lie. Even in his best state of mind, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to come up with a lie to explain something so extensive.

( tl;dr: two months ago, love decided to steal jungle juice so that he could do the ritual when he was only 5 months old despite knowing it was dangerous. he managed to do the ritual and had a horrible hallucination of everyone hating him and his mother dying, and then he collapsed. he managed to drag himself to natyli's place on haven Island, but then ended up in and out of a coma for abt two months as a side effect of the jungle juice. he came back to the mainland and is now sitting halfway up the shore, with his fur matted and messy and his bandana practically torn to shreds ; most of the text above the cut is his jungle juice hallucination and only really the stuff after the cut is important )