[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

Killua had a father. His name was Silva Zoldyck and he was probably the greatest assassin in the world along with his grandfather Zeno. Out of everyone that did live in the Zoldyck family, the wildcat only liked two of them, and that was his father and grandfather. He didn't like his older brother Milluki, and he was absolutely afraid of his oldest brother Illumi. He wasn't sure what to think of Kalluto considering that they rarely interacted with each other, not like it really mattered in the end. The wildcat had always looked up to his father based simply on the bother that the other seemed to possess. Killua knew that if he worked hard enough, that eventually he would be up to that strength the same as he was. It would be tough work, but that was the plan that his family had in plans for him. He never considered Silva to be annoying or a horrible person. Hell, if his father was a horrible person than so was he. They were all assassins, and Killua never judged them on the work that they did in their spare time. Silva had always been the one to think of a situation logically, and had taught Killua some nice and valuable lessons while he was a kid, but that was the extent of his fathers parenting. If they ever talked to one another, it simply meant that they were going to be talking about the family business and nothing else. There was never really a father son talk in that regard. Which Killua was somewhat fine with but would have liked to know a little bit more about his father. Besides Illumi, the young assassin spent most of his time talking with Zeno, his grandfather. The other was certainly down to earth, and despite being old he was pretty nice to talk to. He was the only creature that he could complain to that was in the family, although there were times that Killua could complain to the butlers that did whatever they asked. It wasn't the same. He wanted to know what it was like to have a real family and what it was like not to have to hide anything. He didn't hate or despise his father compared to like how he hated Illumi. His father was just doing his job and there was nothing Killua could do to place the blame on the dragon right now. He respected his father in all of the high regards, and the last thing that Killua wanted was to get on the dragon's bad side. He had no idea what types of powers that his father was capbale of, and he knew for a fact that if they ever got into a fight he would get his ass handed to him.

The only father figure that he had a chance to look up to when he finally decided to leave the Zoldyck household was Circusclown. The former of the clan that Stark had become leader of. The other had realized what Killua was, and that he was going through a tough time trying to figure out the ways that their morals worked. The albino serval then got used to being around Circusclown as they would do nothing but constantly mess with each other, but when they did get serious Killua would ask the maine coon for some form of advice with him. The other had taught him some important life lessons that stuck with him even to this day, and the bag of candy that was in the back of his cave in Snowbound was meant that he didn't want to forget what the former leader had done for him in terms of his growth to someone that was better. Growth into someone that wasn't what his family wanted him to be and that's exactly what he wanted to do. Then, Circusclown disappeared when he committed suicide, something that Killua only knew about when Stark had been the one to deliver him the message along with the bag of candy. Killua had been crushed, that Circusclown had killed himself and only left a message behind. What was he supposed to do now? Killua felt alone again despite having his adopted sister that lived with him. Who was he going to ask to for advice? Who was he going to talk to that could relate to what he went through? No one. And that broke Killua a couple days after what he had learned, and he even started to resort to some bad habits. The topic of Stark himself was a complicated one. As soon as Killua had decided to leave the clan that he had started to call his home, he wasn't sure if he would ever see the tiger again. He had abandoned not only the clan that he had worked so hard with but also abandoned his adopted sister after he had gotten injured by Illumi. Putting himself in a panic at the realization that Illumi would simply come back because he wouldn't end up leaving the clans like he was instructed to do. He couldn't do that to any of them and needed to get away before any of them end up getting hurt. So he left, and it felt like his body was ripped in half when he came to the conclusion of what he ended up having to do. He hated it. He HATED it. Recently though, he didn't even all that lonely out of consideration that he now had a friend to turn to when he just wanted to talk or even let off steam in that regard. It was nice to have someone that genuinely wanted to know about him instead of digging for information and not really caring about who he was. The wildcat knew that Stark was pretty close to him, but he wasn't sure what to consider the tiger. Until after he had injured himself, the other had called him 'son'.

Thinking about it at the time, Killua had ignored what the other had said thanks to the fact that his mind was fuzzy, but now that he was thinking about it, it made him not only flustered but also extremely confused. Son? Was that another way he was just talking to others or did Stark really mean it like that? Killua had to be sure because he doubted the other let something like that slip either. The albino's wounds were healing nicely, despite how upset how slow he was at healing right now. The cuts had been clean and he changed his wrappings several times a day so that his wound wouldn't get infected. He flicked one of his large white ears as his paws silently crunched in the snow as he went toward the area where Stark lived. It wasn't exactly hard tracking the tiger's scent, while trying to track himself down was near impossible thanks to the fact that he didn't have any scent tied to him. Killua clenched his throat as he debated several different ways of bringing up the situation, his shortened tail swaying behind him as he approached the opening of Stark's cave. He had arrived just in time to hear the tiger say his last couple of words, which stopped Killua in his tracks. Was the old man talking to himself? Was it important to know what he meant when he said that? The assassin hesitated for a couple moments before silently appearing at the entrance to Stark's cave. Bandages were still wrapped around his throat and his arm as he spoke out, alerting the other to his presence. "Mucking what up?" The question was rhetorical, as the assassin didn't really care how the other was going to answer that. His gaze looked around the cave, having never really seen it before before his gaze turned to look back at the tiger. "Yo. Can I talk to you for a second?" Killua questioned in a calm manner, his facial expression not showing how nervous he was. What was the worst that he could happen? Talking to each other in a serious manner wasn't something that really happened all that often though.

snowbound -- snowstriker -- male -- 8 moons

[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

Killua had once found the clans confusing when it came to whether or not they would take care of someone or leave them out to die. Some clans would just look at a creature that was dying and wouldn't even bother to help them because there would be no point in the end. Killua knew that was probably the correct move when his morals were skewed back in the day. On top of that, the wildcat didn't see a reason to waste herbs or medical supplies on those that wouldn't join the clans or find themselves helpful. That, and it would mean that they would be put in a bad position if the creature that they were helping were going to ultimately end up trying to kill them because they didn't realize that they were helping someone that could be considered dangerous. This had happened once when he lived in the previous clan for a while and ended up visiting the clan that Stark would end up leading in the future. Killua had come across someone that was just a loner and not part of the clan that was lying bleeding on the ground. He was surprised at that considering that he would have expected someone to finish the job instead of leaving someone to bleed out to death. The creature was a domestic cat that was around his age, and one that probably had a life ahead of him. Despite this, Killua could already tell from the injuries that he had sustained that he wasn't going to make it, at least if a clanner found him it would be a waste of resources. Instead of having someone suffering while they bled out, Killua had opted to simply get rid of the creatures suffering himself, having done it plenty of times before with the jobs that his family had forced him to take while he was younger. Killua had been prepared to take the life of the youth when Circusclown had spotted him and told him to stop. Killua immediately began angrily at the leader, especially since the other shouldn't be so dense to think that the youth was capable of being saved. Killua had tried to get around the leader but didn't find any sort of luck against him either. The wildcat didn't simply get why the leader wanted to save the injured creature that was bound to die anyway. 'You have no right to take the life of someone who's fighting to stay alive'. Were the words that Circusclown had given him that basically changed his life and still affected him to this day. Which is why he felt guilty when he killed out of his frustration and anger now. Killua almost broke down in front of the former leader, making sure to explain to him how Killua had never been taught how important life was. And how everyone that was around today just wanted to live and keep on living.

They wanted to find happiness in the short lifespans that they did have despite all the hardships that they were going through. Killua realized that's what he had been seeking for all this time. Killua wanted to learn what kept the clanners ticking while they lived in war filled groups that were constantly at each others throat one way or another. After Circusclown had told him those words, the assassin had opted to help heal the youth because he knew that the blood loss would be enough to kill him by the time they reached the camp that was a good distance from them. He was quick at work as he managed to clean up the wounds and stop the bleeding using a large number of powers at his disposal. It was from that moment on Killua knew exactly how much he needed Circusclown. The assassin needed to have the other's guidance to figure out what he needed to know in order to live in the clans and live a normal life. Killua wasn't the only one that was seeking out a normal life, as his current friend was trying to seek her own way in life. London had obviously been through some sort of trauma, especially with the way that she dealt with conflicts and constantly apologizing to those around her even if she wasn't the one at fault either. He wasn't going to press her about her past, and honestly just hoped that it would eventually disappear the more they remained friends. But what was he supposed to do as her friend? It was a learning process for both of them, and he was going to have to be patient, which he had plenty of. He was supposed to always have patience, after all, it had been part of the job. Killua couldn't help but let a little grin spread across his facial features when he watched as Stark basically dropped everything onto the ground. He had that reaction with most creatures that weren't used to his presence. There was only one creature that didn't react to him seemingly appearing out of nowhere and that was London. He was used to it, and it gave him a sense of satisfaction that he wasn't getting rusty in that regard. Killua rolled his eyes at the tiger's statement about knocking before entering. But he couldn't help but laugh a little bit at the rest of what the tiger said. He, of course, knew about the different types of books that talked about evolution and different theories. He had been forced to read them as a kit, but he wasn't a complete expert on them anyway. Killua raised one of his stark white paws to gesture with them. "Knock? It's a cave. What am I supposed to do, scrape my claws down on the rock to let you know I'm here? I'm pretty sure that would make you go deaf faster old man." Killua's teasing voice rang out when he spoke to the tiger.

They were constantly making fun of each other, and despite the topic, he was wanting to talk about serious, he couldn't help but make fun of the older male even if it was just a little bit. Killua watched the others body language carefully to see how he was going to react, the other sipping his coffee and sitting himself down. The young assassin made his way further into the cave, his pawsteps making no sound but he still kept his distance from Stark like he did everyone else. The albino serval wasn't showing that he was nervous, and he probably would never show that he was. At the mention of it being cold, Killua let out a low huff. "When isn't it cold? And besides, you could probably make yourself something to keep you warm." Killua stated calmly instead of teasing the other this time. But there was still a lot left unsaid, and as the silence between them began to grow he noticed the change in Stark's body language as he began to shift himself a little bit more. Did it finally click in the tiger's head? It had to. He doubted Stark was that dense not to realize what he was talking about. The albino serval sat himself down onto the ground, his claws sheathed as far as they would go, which meant the tips of the metal were still going to be seen. Killua raised one of his paws and adjusted the bandage that was around his throat before his gaze was directed toward the ground instead of the tiger. "Neh... When you called me 'son'..... did you really mean it?" His voice was filled with nothing but confusion, and despite this, his body language looked completely normal and relaxed. Completely different to what his inner mind was working with right now. He didn't raise his head to look up at the larger wildcat, and instead, he would simply wait for the other's vocal response.

snowbound -- snowstriker -- male -- 8 moons

[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

(guessssssssss who's late with this!!)

Taking care of others wasn't something that Killua was good at. And it wasn't probably anything that he would be good at either. He didn't have enough experience when it came to taking care of others in the first place. He always had the mentality that everyone should be capable of taking care of themselves to a certain degree instead of having someone babysit them all of the time. It was especially annoying when he was one of the most power animals that did live in Snowbound. Killua remembered when he wouldn't even try to help those that were in trouble and would watch as they started to bleed out onto the border. But this had been when he was still with his family. He didn't have any morals because any sort of moral he thought of for himself would just hinder the job at hand. Something he couldn't afford to happen. The assassin needed to just have one thing on his mind and that was to become strong enough to that he could become the family heir without there actually being any sort of issue. Killua had that thought in mind because in the beginning he really did enjoy being an assassin. he got stronger, and he could use that strength in order to elicit fear in those that came across him. It was entertaining. But like a toy that was played with too much, it got old far too quickly for him. He wanted something else, and he wanted something better. The torture sessions that he was going through were practically boring to him, up to the point where he could even fall asleep if he tried hard enough as he wouldn't feel all that much pain in the first place. The wildcat grew even bored with the aspect of clans when he was stationed in them for a good amount of time. He found every action that a clanner did to be extremely frustrating. He would always complain the way that they ran things, and in most instances he was right about what he said. Of course he was. He was looking at everything like a logical standpoint, and like that of an assassin. He wasn't about to let anything get past him either, as it meant that he could easily be killed if he wasn't careful. Despite how tough he considered himself to be, Killua was actually incredibly fragile being a smaller wildcat species compared to the massive creatures that others could end up becoming. Which is why he had no choice but to be stronger than those that tried to go up against him in a fight. Since he had left his family, he had become a lot more merciful and even a bit more patient with those that he interacted with. He kinda had to, and he found that his patience was usually rewarded as no one really liked someone getting in their face and yelling at them either. However, his bluntness didn't go away when he was laying down reality to those that joined the clans. This was no safe haven. This was no paradise. Clans were always riddled with issues. They were constantly violent with one another and there was no changing that. When a group of creatures lived next to another group, there were bound to be territorial disputes. It was in their instincts, and those that didn't want to fight were bound to be picked on because they were innocent.

The assassin could easily play the innocent card thanks to his age and act completely defenseless and kind. It had been part of his job to fool others into thinking that he was something that he wasn't. He still did that to this day, when he was in a terrible mood he would still give off a grin to make sure that someone wouldn't be scared of him when he got pissed off. Social interaction almost felt like a chore with certain creatures, except London of course because the clouded leopard never seemed to be boring. Her thoughts always interested him, as they were strange and something that he had never encountered before. Being around those that acted differently from the usual stereotypes that he had come to known was certainly a treat for Killua. Killua raised a nonexistent eyebrow at the tiger when the other mentioned that he was going to put in a door. How the hell was that even going to end up working? Especially if the other intended to use a precious type of wood that Killua knew about. Of course, he did there were different type of wooden tables and areas in the mansion that he grew up in. His family was rich after all and were able to purchase basically whatever they wanted. "A door? What are you going to do just figure out how to drill holes into the way so you can make hinges? Or are you just going to wedge a piece of wood at the entrance of the cave and hope that works?" Killua stated with the smirk on his face as he messed with the tiger even more. That method certain would be entertaining, but the albino serval could always just knock the door down completely so he could make a dramatic entrance. At the mention that he already had the means to stay warm and that there shouldn't be any need for improvement. Killua seemed to be lost for what the other was saying until he looked around and noticed that there was obviously room for more than one animal to live in this cave. Wait. Wasn't there that Steve guy? His eyes moved from where Stark probably had been sleeping back to the tiger himself. Oh. No thanks. "Okay okay forget I asked sheesh." Killua would let out an airy huff from his jaws as he didn't want to get into the aspects of Starks love life. That just seemed weird, especially for an older guy. It seemed rather childish for him to react in such a way, but there were still parts of him that were a child. The Zoldyck's sapphire blue eyes were trained on the larger wildcat as he waited for the other's reaction to what he asked. It was fairly easy for him to read body language, and Stark wasn't that great when it came to hiding it either. It was basically in his personality to be fairly readable, at least in Killua's experience being around the former leader. Killua had looked up when silence had broken between them just so that he could see Stark's reaction instead of looking down at the ground like he had been originally. When the other gave him a one-word answer, and the answer he wasn't expecting to get, Killua visibly flinched for the first time in a long time.

Out of the simple factor that the entire ordeal was a shock to him and not something that he really regarded as painful. Killua kept his jaws shut as he watched as the tiger moved into a standing position, and he had to fight his instincts to standup as well. Why was he suddenly afraid of Stark standing up? That didn't make any sort of sense in his mind, but then again, he wasn't the only in his mind. He let the other finish what he was saying so that he could absorb everything that the other was saying. Killua didn't realize his body had started shaking at Stark's confession, and his head started to throb as the whispers started to grow in volume. He's lying. You know you only have one family. He doesn't know what you are.. Illumi's voice rang out in his head, and he felt himself start to hold his breath. His throat was clenching up, and it was true that Stark didn't know what he was. He shouldn't have to be pushed into the situation that his family was bringing toward him, but at the same time he had already confessed to London what he was and she was the only one that understood him. His large white ears pinned against his skull as he opened his mouth to speak, but then closed his mouth again. Trying so desperately to try to find the right words. A pained look spread across his facial features. He hated feeling this much. He was never supposed to feel anything. And all the strange emotions that were bouncing around in his skull was causing him nothing more but confusion and frustration. "I'm... not that." Killua said through clenched teeth, speaking in almost a choked manner. Killua was no longer looking at the tiger, his metal claws having unsheathed themselves and scratching the rock flooring underneath him. "You don't know what I've done. How dangerous I am." This was when the words started to spill out, and his head snapped up to look at Stark, having moved into a standing position himself. "I've killed thousands. I'm worse than any anti-clanner that's out there! Even Circusclown saw me take the lives of others before he died! I'm not good! I'm dangerous. Anyone that becomes associated with me gets hurts. If my family knows that you're connected to me in some way, they'll come after you. I can't protect you! Not from him." Killua's voice was shaking, and he seemed to be close to the point of shattering, his voice raising to pitches that he was yelling. He had gestured with his left paw and pointed his metal claws toward his chest when he talked about what he was. An assassin. One that was trained to kill and nothing else. He was trying to be better, and he truly was, but it was so difficult for him. Killua didn't mention who he was specifically talking to, knowing that Stark knew that it had been his own brother that had nearly killed him that day. He still had the scars that were hidden underneath his thick fur. It was obvious that the apprentice wasn't proud of the things he's done, but he also didn't mention that it hadn't been something that he wanted before. There was no redemption for him in the clans.

snowbound -- snowstriker -- male -- 8 moons