Pawsteps were thumping outside my den, the small cry of an apprentice was heard, “Softsong! I have a thorn in my paw!”

I stood, shaking my soft blue fur, very disgruntled, “I couldn’t tell from your whimpering, Deerpaw. Give me your paw”

The younger held out his paw, blood oozing from the dirty paw pad, tears in his eyes, “I didn’t mean to Softsong, I promise.”

I sighed, my yellow eyes softened slightly, “I know.” I plucked the thorn out with my fangs and quickly wrapped the wound up, “There, now go back to doing what you were doing.”

“Thank you, Softsong!” Deerpaw ran off, keeping his weight off of his injured paw.

I sighed, heavier this time.

_________

I was born in the middle of leaf-bare. It was snowing, and all the other kits died from the cold. I was the only one left.

Starclan gave me a gift, and I never forgave them.

I can see the future.

_________

I looked around the moment I left the nursery.

And, all I could see was everyone’s death

I screamed and hid away for as long as my mother would stand. She forced me to tell her why I wouldn’t look at anyone, and when I told her.

I had no choice.

I became the medicine cat apprentice at 6 moons old.

I screamed and pleaded to become a warrior. It was all I wanted, I wanted to fight for my Clan, I wanted to protect my clanmates. I wanted to hunt, and learn to fight. I wanted to have kits. I didn’t have a choice. But, I could see the future of every cat I look into the eyes of.

“It is a gift from Starclan, not a curse”

It was a curse.

Everyone chanted my name, “Softpaw! Softpaw!”

_________

My mentor was Stoneface.

He was horrible. He would scream and try to put the fear of Starclan into me. He would ridicule me over the smallest things. He would hurt me when I messed up. I learned to sleep with one eye open.

I learned how to protect myself from a slate gray tomcat.

_________

I was presented to Starclan as an apprentice, I was apprenticed too late for the half-moon meeting. I had to wait until the next half-moon.

Stoneface sourly introduced me to the other medicine cats and took me before the Mooncove. I remember my ceremony with much disdain.

“Softpaw, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat?”

“It is.” I didn’t mean it.

“Then come forward.” He beckoned me with his tail, his blue eyes slitted.

“Warriors of StarClan, I present you with this apprentice. They have chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant them your wisdom and insight so that they may understand your ways and heal their Clan in accordance with your will.” he looked over at me, “Wade into the water and dream.”

I waded into the two-inch water and laid down. I dreamed.

I dreamed and I asked so many questions.

I could not control my destiny, I was born too early. I was to become a medicine cat and put my curse to use.

I never had a choice.

_______

“Do you understand now why I chose you to be a medicine cat?” Stoneface asked me on our way back to our clan, his eyes pitying (is it real or is it an act?).

“I will never forgive you, or Starclan.”

I was punished for denouncing our warrior ancestors.

I hate being touched anymore. I keep my tail low, even when I’m happy.

_______


I kept my mouth shut. I learned the herbs, I learned the treatments, and I became a full medicine cat.

“Softsong, do you know why I named you that?”

I didn’t answer.

“I knew you were always too soft to hurt a fly.”

Three seasons later, Stoneface disappeared.

I made him choke on his words and wished him luck in the Place of No Stars.

_______

I never dreamed with Starclan after my first one at the Mooncove.

I didn’t care if I went to little kitty hell for killing my mentor.

I didn’t care if I went to little kitty heaven.

I didn’t care if I walked between worlds.

Starclan cursed me, and I never will forgive them.

______

“Softsong!” Ashstar was calling me, a kit on the cusp of apprenticeship bounding after him, “I think this one has something to ask you.” he had a gentle smile and encouraging look at the little scamp.

The poor thing stammered, “I w-want to be a-a medicine c-cat!” he took a deep breath, “Iwanttohelpothersandhatethethoughtofhurtinganyoneandreallythinkyou’recool!”

I blinked, and looked just below Ashstar’s eyes, “Okay?”

The leader giggled as the kit gasped and bounced around and took off to tell their parents and siblings. Once the kit left, the leader stopped laughing, and looked at me, “Do you even know his name?”

“Of course, I delivered the little devil.” I scoffed, insulted by my own leader.  “Besides, Graykit has been destined since birth to be a medicine cat apprentice.

Ashstar looked at me all pitiful, “I’m sorry for what Starclan did.”

I didn’t need his pity, I shooed him away.

I didn’t want to see him get killed 8 more times, three times by clanmates, twice by Greencough, once by a deer kick, once to poisoned water, and the last to being crushed by a tree.

Graykit wouldn’t live past apprenticeship.

_______

Graypaw was dying.

I tried to save him, I loved him as if he was my son. He was so close to getting his full name.

“Softsong? I can’t feel my legs.” he slurred his words, the tree branch slammed on his spine and when they pulled the branch off of the medicine cat apprentice, it was apparent he wouldn’t live.

“Graymask.”

“Your name is Graymask”

“I like that name.”

“I love you Softsong.”

________

I didn’t take an apprentice for years.

Starclan cursed all my apprentices to die.

Yarrowpaw died, she drowned.

Briarcloud died, she was poisoned.

Larkcry died, he was run over by a car.

Hazelpaw died, she had a heart attack.

Reedpaw died, he was killed by an uprising against Ashstar.

I never forgot Graymask.

_______


“I just want one apprentice to survive!” I screamed to the sky one half-moon meeting. I was dreaming. I haven’t dreamed in a long time.

“Don’t punish them because of me!”

All the apprentices I could’ve had surrounded me (where’s Graymask?), I had steered them away from their deaths as the medicine cat apprentice, but Starclan made other ways for them to die.

“Starclan is cruel, and we do not walk with them.” they all whispered as one, “You tried to save us, and Starclan refused.”

“They seem to meddle too much for their own good, eh, Softsong?”

“Graymask, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t blame you.”

_______

“You should’ve never have killed Stoneface.” the Starclan cats whispered, it was loud.

“He was just doing what he was told.”

“So you told him to abuse me and hurt me?”

“No.”

“He deserved to die.”

“Not by your claws.”

“Then why did his eyes tell me otherwise?”

_______

“Softsong?”

I hummed at the apprentice who entered my den, letting him know I’m listening.

“I want to be a medicine cat instead.”

“Okay.”

I never looked into his eyes.

_______

I presented the tom next half-moon. I was happy, I hadn’t felt like this since I had Graymask.

“Cloverpaw, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat?”

“Absolutely!” he grinned, I smiled.

“Then come forward.” he stepped up to me, “Warriors of StarClan, I present you with this apprentice. They have chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant them your wisdom and insight so that they may understand your ways and heal their Clan in accordance with your will.”

“Wade into the Mooncove and dream.”

_______

Cloverpaw learned quickly.

Ashstar gave his last life to save Cloverpaw from getting struck by a falling tree.

His deputy became Wolfstar. I never looked into his eyes.

I didn’t want to know.

______

After Deerpaw left, I tidied the den. Cloverpaw was fast asleep, he helped deliver kits at sunrise, so I let him rest (Stoneface still haunted me, telling me I was being too soft on him).

I decided to tell Cloverpaw one day about my curse.

I would tell him everything.

Maybe it’s time to learn to forgive.

Allegiances:

Leader: Hazelstar - Massive brown molly with green eyes, left twisted back front paw. (4 lives)

Deputy: Aspenjaw - White tomcat with gray flecks and blue eyes.
Apprentice: Birdpaw - Brown and black molly with green eyes.

Medicine Cat: Starlingflight - Brown and white color point tomcat with yellow eyes.
Medicine Cat Apprentice: Stonepaw - Black molly with gray flecks and green eyes.

Warriors: Wrenheart - Light brown color point molly with blue eyes.
Apprentice: Ashpaw - Blue tomcat with amber eyes, hard of hearing.
Blackfang - Black tabby tomcat with amber eyes, blind in one eye.
Apprentice: Ryepaw - Brown tabby molly with amber eyes, missing an ear.
Cloudspeck - Old white molly with gray flecks and blue eyes.

__________

I saw the cat next to me, he was glaring at our current leader, Hazelstar. I noticed that a lot of cats don't seem to like the brown molly.

I heard mutters and news of how she shouldn't be leader, she let the other clans step on us and gave away territory.

She let them die.

__________

I never really paid much attention to the mutiny talk. I didn't want to be involved.

Until I was.

I was on dawn patrol with Aspenjaw, the deputy (my son, oh my wonderful son, what happened?), Ryepaw, and Blackfang. I was pinned down next to the border, and if I didn't choose a side, I would regret it.

I didn't doubt for a second they meant they'd kill me.

I swore to the revolution.

________

The revolution was roughly 80% of the warriors, and half the apprentices, with support from the deputy.

The elders were just tired, and the medicine cats holed up away from the drama.

They had secret meetings. They had claws out battle training. They talked about how they wanted to gut and string Hazelstar and bring justice to the Clan.

I just didn't want to die.

I just nodded and trained.

"Starclan, please, don't let it end like this." I prayed.

_______

I was littered with scars, and I never trusted my clanmates.

Anything that was considered against the revolution resulted in a disappearance, missing limbs, blinded, or any permanent injury.

They colluded with other clans. Only one agreed to help.

"Starclan, please, don't let it end like this." I prayed.

______

Birdpaw was found dead.

Birdpaw was found dead in the river. Face twisted in fear and agony, eyes milky and wide open, fur was torn off of her in chucks.

Birdpaw fell into the river, it was ruled an accident. No apprentice was to leave camp without supervision for a moon.

Birdpaw was murdered, and I know Blackfang did it. Blackfang always talked about how much he loved the river.

Blackfang drowned Birdpaw. She was found trying to tell Hazelstar info about the uprising.

I need to do something.

“Starclan, please, don’t let it end like this.” I prayed a lot lately.

______

I was getting old, my son was Aspenjaw. I never considered him my son anymore since he threatened me. I saw the look of absolute depravity on him. I raised him better, I guess he didn’t care anymore after his mate died.

I see him sneer in my direction, I see him dig his claws into the ground when he sees Hazelstar. I see him look darker and darker. I no longer see my son. I see his father in him.

I need to do something.

I can’t help my clanmates anymore. I’m too old to be part of the revolution.

I can’t fight against them.

I need to take Ashpaw with me and escape.

(But, where would I go?)

________

Ashpaw poked me awake, I was asleep by the nursery during a nap. His face was desperate and scared, “Cloudspeck, we need to go.” he whispered, “I see them talking about how you’ve stopped participating.”

I sat up alarmed, “I need to talk to Wrenheart.” I got up and stretched. I strutted over to the molly.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. She didn’t say anything. Her son was Starlingflight, he was found dead with red foam on his lips, terror on his face, “you can still come with us if you want.” (Was Stonepaw ever name?)

She didn’t respond. She just stared ahead. I turned and collected Ashpaw, and hardened my resolve. I puffed out my chest and stomped up to Aspenjaw, “I need to teach Ashpaw a lesson, may I take him out of camp?”

Aspenjaw sneered at the apprentice but gave permission.

I stomped out of camp, Ashpaw’s eyes were terrified as he scampered after me. I weaved from tree to tree until I got to the biggest tree. I unsheathed my claws, and Ashpaw nodded. I scratched him up a bit and left blood of both of us on the ground. We rolled in some fox dung to hide our scents, and we bolted across the territory.

We ran and ran and ran.

“Starclan, please, help us.” I never stopped praying.

______

I was crying as we were stopped by a patrol by the neighboring clan, they were very against the mutiny happening next door. They took us to the border.

“Starclan light your path.”

I took Ashpaw with me to Twolegplace. We passed by many houses and learned it was called a town. We just kept running. We never looked back.

“Cloudspeck?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“When will we stop running?”

“Soon, sweetness, soon.”

I didn’t pray that night.

______

We passed through 2 towns, and a city (it was like a town, but with bigger buildings?). We stopped looking over our shoulders, we stopped running. We met some housefolk, and found our own. Ashpaw was renamed Denim, and I was named Speckles.

Denim still had nightmares about Birdpaw. I still looked up at the stars wondering about what was happening in our home. Where it all went wrong, and why I never seen it until it was too late. Did I abandon them? Was I a coward for running away and taking Ashpaw with me?

Did I make the right choice?

I prayed that night.

______

“Cloudspeck.”

“Wrenheart? Are you…”

“I’m sorry, I was killed during the battle against Hazelstar.”

“I’m so sorry I abandoned you.”

“I’m so sorry I took Ashpaw away.”

“It was the right choice. We were doomed from the start. The clan has fallen apart, and was absorbed by the ones who supported Aspenjaw.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

I cried and prayed all night.

I never forgave myself.

Allegiances:

Leader: Hawkstar - Silver lynx point tom with a jagged pink scar down the right side of his face and muzzle. Has blue eyes. (6 lives)

Deputy: Bonejaw - White tom with gray tabby markings, has amber eyes.

Warriors: Duskcreek - Dusky black and red tom with hazel eyes.
Silverpool - Silver molly with blue eyes.

_______

I slunk up the hill, my fur spiked with blood and dirt, my claws sore, and a few broken. My wounds still bloody, but scabbing. I slowly stopped at a fresh mound of dirt, heart heavy, eyes wet.

“Hey, mum.” I wetly mew, “I guess, you really did get me to listen for once, huh?” The battle was yesterday, and my mother told me to run and I did. She was dumped on the border after the battle, and I still can’t believe it. Even after she’s in the ground.

My paws are smudged with freshly churned dirt and dried blood. I haven’t cleaned myself yet. I did not have the energy or wanted to yet, “I think you’d be having a field day, mum,” I chuckle, “My fur is sticking up everywhere and it’s so dirty that you can’t tell fur from dirt and blood.” My voice is getting more and more crackly as I spoke. I can barely hold myself together.

I would like to visit her.

“I didn’t think I would miss you fussing over me, mum…”

_______

I hold my head high, tears running down my face. I am being named the same day, bloody and dirty. I don’t know if I deserve it, my mum is in the ground cause I ran (if I stayed would she have lived?).

“I, Hawkstar, leader of Riverclan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. They have trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as a warrior in their turn.” Hawkstar’s voice booms across the clearing, his voice not showing an ounce of sadness for the fallen warriors, “Duskpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan to your last breath?”

“I do.” I sneer, I cannot believe Hawkstar has already forgotten the 7 cats that died last night.

“Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Duskpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Duskcreek. StarClan honors your bravery and your strength, and we welcome you as a full warrior of Riverclan.” He looks down at me, “Your mother would be proud.” A bit of a smirk is on his face, he knew.

He knew.

_______

I have a permanent snarl on my muzzle since my name ceremony. I know Hawkstar is not worth a fish’s tailfin now. I know something is wrong. I know. I know it’s something.

I plan on finding out.

I am awakened by a tap from Silverpool, her eyes show worry, “You didn’t sleep very well last night Duskcreek. Are you sure you are up to hunting?”

I grunt, I feel myself soften a little, “I am alright, I’ll hunt.” I see her brighten as I pull myself up, and stalk out of the warrior den.

I look at the hill where my mother lies and pause, squinting ever so slightly at it. I thought I saw a flicker of starlight in broad daylight. I think I’ll visit my mum when I get back from the hunting patrol.

I lighten my steps as I sit with the other cats on the hunting patrol, my mind whirring with thoughts of my mum. I don’t know who we’re waiting for since Silverpool is here, she never mentioned who the third cat is.

Said molly fidgets next to me as I critically glance at her, wordlessly asking what is going on. Finally, she bursts, “It’s just us! I wanted to go hunting with you, and just you!”

Blinking in surprise, I cautiously glance around, my eyes catching Hawkstar nowhere to be seen, or even Bonejaw, “I guess I can go with you.” She looks so happy as if she will explode. Silverpool is purring so loud and I can’t turn back now.

We leave camp and she keeps brushing her fur against mine. I awkwardly scoot a little away, but she follows me. She keeps trying to twine tails with me, but I keep my tail low and near my paws. She keeps trying to catch my eye, but I look away.

She likes me.

But, I don’t like her.
I can’t.

By the time we’re at the river, Silverpool looks at me, “We’ll start here, let’s catch enough for everyone, yeah?” she laughs.

I didn’t laugh, I just nod and look into the river. I see a few trout, and a bass (“Mum! I caught a bass! It can feed half the clan!”). I crouch by the edge, making sure my shadow doesn’t fall on the water, and I wait.
I wait.
I wait.
I wait.

Now!

I flash a paw out, hooking the bass on accident. I pull it up, holding on to it with both paws, and desperately try for a few stressful moments to give it the killing bite. I end up slamming its head into the stone next to the river. It stopped struggling. Looking down in dismay (why is everything tinted with memories I don’t want to remember?), I feel Silverpool brush up against me, a lick on my face. I feel numb.

I feel eyes on me, and a flash of white disappearing from the edge of my view.

Bonejaw.

The fish is in my jaws, I can’t speak. I look at Silverpool preening over a catch she didn’t make, and her tail twining with mine. I look at her trying to tell her we need to head back, she doesn’t understand.

I pull away and bolt back to camp, bass heavy in my jaws.

________

I got back to camp, Bonejaw’s scent still stale. He was sent to watch me, but why?

I shake my head, ‘Not now, focus on visiting her.’ I deposit my catch, hearing the mew of congrats from a few warriors and an apprentice. Hawkstar watches me, his eyes sharp and calculating. I don’t know what he wants from me.

I see Silverpool and Bonejaw come back into camp with two trouts and bluegill. I feel ill looking at the silver molly. I look away, but she comes bounding up to me even when I’m heading back out to see my mum.

“Duskcreek! Why don’t you eat with me? I’m so proud you caught a bass! Did you know Bonejaw found a conch shell! You only find those at the ocean, which is why they always mean good things happen when they are found! He told me kittens are the thing it alludes to the most!”
“Cool…” I mumble, clearly knowing where this is heading, “I’m heading back out.”

Silverpool faulters, “But...you-” her head suddenly snaps to Bonejaw back at the fresh-kill pile as if she felt his gaze on her,  “Be back soon, okay?” she licks my cheek and picks up a trout for herself.

I escape, feeling sick at her blatant affection. I never told her she could do that. I race to the hill where the soil is no longer freshly churned or even disturbed. Flowers and grass are the only things on her now.

I collapse, my eyes close, and I lay my head in front of the little mound of dirt, whispering, “Hey, mum. I missed you.”

The wind blows as if she answered, “I can’t help but remember you at every little turn. I know it’s been awhile, but it’s close to when the battle happened and weird things have been happening.” I take a deep breath, steading my thoughts “Hawkstar has been arguing to start a second camp, and has been having Bonejaw keep an eye on me. I don’t know why…” I open my eyes ever so slightly, everything is blurry, “Silverpool keeps trying to make me her mate, and I’m so confused. I don’t like her, but she keeps hitting on me and giving affection. She acts like I don’t get a say. I just don’t find anyone or anything romantically attractive. I don’t really think I feel it.”

The wind blew harder, a whisper carried on it, Beware the talons and bones that will carry the river to death.

I freeze, my heart racing. I can’t breath, “Mum?” she couldn’t have given me a prophecy, I’m just a regular warrior. I’m just broken Duskcreek. Named after his mother, Mistycreek, the morning after she died. I’m right about Hawkstar and Bonejaw. Something isn’t right.

I would like to visit my mum.

The tortoiseshell stood alone at the border. After everything, after all that has and was, she thought. She thought about the was, what led to her existence trapped between the River and a rotting hellscape of a Forest. She thought about the has, what kept her from redemption by conspiring with those many times worse than her. She thought about her kits more often than not. For all her snarling, and her posturing, she was tired.

So tired.

The rage that burned in her was doused. She was so tired of holding on all the anger and the drive for revenge. The grief and pain.

She supposes she'll never see her kits, who's to say they faded, forgotten from memory? Does anyone ever tell the story of Mapleshade anymore? If they do, she doesn't know. She haunted the River more than the Forest.

She never really understood her anger at Sandstorm, or Spottedleaf. Or really anyone afterwards. It was just there. She had to blame someone, she was jealous of so much.

All these storybook endings, yet why did her's end up with her kits dead from an unfair exile, her ex-mate not caring, and seeing her dead kits, wondering if StarClan actually cared to take them.

She just wanted her kits to be safe, she wanted them to leave her alone. She wanted her precious children to live another day, to be innocent children.

To say she regrets what happened would be an overstatement. In the fever of grief, she didn't (and still doesn't) regret her justice. She was proud of it even.

She regrets not doing more. She should've gone upstream instead. She should've waited until the river wasn't as full. Should've could've would've.

Hindsight, she didn't obtain until now, things would've gone better if she just did anything other than what happened. If she slowed down and stopped to think. If she didn't fixate on her ex-mate so much.

She liked to imagine it, if she didn't lose her kits, if she never went to the River, what would life look like for her and her kits?

She liked to imagine, she'd be happy.

She wished she never crossed the River.

Allegiances:

Medicine Cat: Yarrowfur -

Warriors: Emberwing -
Apprentice: Gorsepaw -

______

I trembled as another wave of need overtook me.

I don't need it.
I can live without it.
I don't need it.

I went down to the river that night, and I never came back.

Allegiances:

Leader: Wolfstar - Dark gray tomcat with lighter gray underbelly and paws, short tail. Green eyes. (9 lives)
Apprentice: Whitepaw - Longfurred white molly with one blue eye and one copper eye.

Deputy: Deerleap - Light brown tomcat with white spots across his back, green eyes, and bobtail.

Medicine Cat: Softsong - Longfurred blue molly with yellow eyes.
Medicine Cat Apprentice: Cloverleaf - Black tabby molly with green eyes.

Warriors: Cloudmist - Older white tomcat with smudges of gray and blue eyes, partially blind.
Apprentice: Briarpaw - Spiky brown color point tomcat with amber eyes.
Owlwhisker - White and brown color point tabby mix, vivid yellow eyes. They/Them.
Emberleg - Black, white, and ginger molly with amber eyes, very short legs (back right hind leg lame). Former housecat (munchkin cat).

Elders: Ryefang - A blue molly with yellow eyes, almost deaf.

________

She stared across from her fence. If she went further, her collar would shock her. She was trapped and scared. Her housefolk were cruel to her. She couldn’t help but wonder if those clan cats are nicer. She wouldn’t be very good at fighting, she had a lame leg and was so short. She couldn’t hunt either. She’d just be a burden.

She sighed miserably, it wasn’t like she could go out there anyway.

Allegiances:

Leader: Rockstar - Muddy black and brown tomcat with green eyes. (6 lives)

Deputy: Brokenclaw - Ginger tomcat with a broken hindleg, hazel eyes, broken front claws.
Apprentice: Swanpaw - Short furred white molly with ice blue eyes, hard of hearing.

Medicine Cat: Nutwind - Brown molly with amber eyes, has an overbite due to a broken jaw.
Medicine Cat Apprentice: Larkpaw - They/Them, white and golden cat, tufted ears and mane, green eyes.

________

Larkpaw ducked their head, hurt pulsing in them. Their father, Brokenclaw, refused to believe that they were agender. He belittled and giggled at them, saying it was stupid and to stop acting like a kit.

It really hurt, they thought. Larkpaw hated being called a molly, they didn’t like it at all. They didn’t feel like one. They didn’t feel like a tomcat either.

They were Larkpaw, ‘Why couldn’t Brokenclaw see that?’ The medicine cat apprentice despaired as Nutwind gently stroked their back with her tail.

“He’ll understand one day, Larkpaw.”

“I hope so, I love him so much.”

_______

Swanpaw gently headbutted Larkpaw, then signed, "How are you?"

They sighed, and spoke facing the white molly with emphasized mouth movements, “Brokenclaw snapped at me for correcting him about my gender. I did it really nicely too…”

‘He’ll understand one day. In the meantime, would you like to go walk with me?’

Larkpaw lit up and nodded, their tail kinked high in agreement, “Of course, Swanpaw!”

Ferretpaw used to be excited to be a gladiator, it was his dream since he was a kit to become the Van Guardian. He wanted cool scars, a tough name, and respect. He wanted the leader to look at him and tell him he defended the colony well.

But, dreams are fluid, he learned in the middle of the Arrkań-Maiàth War.

When Ranara declared war, Ferretpaw squared his shoulders and declared he'd pass the promotional exam early. He declared he'd win every fight, and prove he's gladiator material. He declared, he declared, he declared.

What are declarations but broken promises waiting to happen?

Ferretpaw's once excitement for training and devotion to learning each battle tactic faded. He could hardly knock a single soft-paw over. He could hardly force himself to unsheathe his claws during actual battles. He never won a single mock fight or a real fight. He was useless, no matter how much extra training, and extra practice, he did it never bore fruit. He woefully thought this before being called desperately into an ambush as a backup. Several tails streamed with his as the patrol he was on bowled over any Arrkań or Maiàth cat in sight.

His paws clumsy and anxious as he tried to fight a tortoiseshell molly triple his size, his barely unsheathed claw harmlessly passing through her fur as she let out a thunderous cackle, and easily pinned him down. Her teeth and claws ripped into his soft belly and his leg. His screeches were drowned out by caterwauls of anger and pain, blood dripping underneath him before suddenly he could breathe again. Ginger stripes in the corner of his eyes send the massive molly running.

Foxwave.

And, then he passed out.

Ferretpaw awoke to find himself in the Soothsayer's den, medicine lining the walls of the cave and a pool of running water that flowed to other caves making gentle sounds. He lay there, dazed, realizing he can't become a gladiator. He couldn't be, he couldn't be, he couldn't be. Then, he remembered that Foxwave, one of Ranara's merchants, saved him.

Spending 2 moon cycles healing, Ferretpaw found himself following after Foxwave. The tom going to Fenári and Virina to trade like usual, to give and take news due to the courier being injured previously. Ferretpaw began accompanying him, forgoing his gladiator training, forgoing his current tutor.

Ferretpaw found something he thought was amazing.

His head spun as he saw Foxwave barter, haggle, and fairly present his items. He watched as the merchant wrote down requests, kept an eye out for something, and even bantered with customers. He watched a world he considered weak and unneeded compared to gladiators unfold before him.

Ferretpaw asked Frogstar if he could switch paths. Warned he'd have to start basically from scratch with pathing, and that he might graduate late, Ferretpaw breathlessly took it. He wanted it more than anything. He wanted to become a merchant.

Ferretfoot wasn't a gladiator, he realized as he was on his first solo travel. He realized his paws weren't meant to destroy or harm, but to protect important things for others, delicately handle fragile items, use his paws to make important trades to help the colony, and make others smile when they receive the item they want.

Ferretfoot was happy.