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+---- Thread: FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO ☆ power development (/showthread.php?tid=12525)
FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO ☆ power development - roan ; - 08-19-2020
Emotions were so vicious, sometimes. Even more vicious than the strongest lion, or the biggest wave. They could roll over you in an instant, and destroy everything that you had been working towards. Make you feel like you were nothing. In some ways, Roan had been doing better as of late. He hadn't felt like nothing, because he had things to be proud of. He was proud of himself for becoming soothsayer, proud of his mother for being an officer, proud of all of his siblings for moving out and growing on their own. However, part of him still felt like nothing. Made him feel like he was useless, because he had failed one of the people that he had cared for the most. Deep down inside, he knew that there was nothing that he could've done for Sam's condition. It was a death sentence from the start, and no amount of his medicinal knowledge would've been able to help. Yet still, there was that tiny part of the siamese that whispered every day, mockingly. That said, it's your fault Sam died. You should've seen what was going on sooner. You should've saved her. Goldie must hate you now. He knew it was all lies, and just the result of an exhausted and stressed mind jabbing at him, but there was a part of him that believed it. Part of him that really believed he had failed his family, and lost his cousin's trust.
When he had gotten up out of bed that morning, Roan had known there was something wrong from the start. There was a heaviness to his every step, and a breathless feeling in his chest that refused to go away, even as he buried himself in tasks. He could see it in the way that he fumbled over his books, and the way that his paws shook as he sorted herbs. He wasn't alright, even if he stubbornly refused to admit it. After all, he was supposed to be the stable one. He was supposed to be the soothsayer, and that meant being around for everyone else. He couldn't afford to fall apart, because if he did, then it would be detrimental to everyone. He thought back to Devland's words, and how the other had said how impressed he was with Roan's work. The draconic feline didn't want to disappoint anyone. Not Devland, not his clanmates, and least of all his family. His thoughts were racing at that point, jumbled together and messy as tears pricked at the edges of his vision. He took a deep breath inwards, unable to stop it when a book of herbs slipped from trembling paws, crashing against the floor of the temple. He needed air. He needed the feeling of the wind hitting his face, and he needed the scent of the sea in his nose.
Most of his trip to the shore was a blur, if he was to really think about it. Paws slipping against the cold stone of the temple floors as he made his way outwards, desperate and breathless. He didn't care if anyone saw him as he raced towards the sea, relaxing only slightly when the feeling of sand between his toes hit him. Still, it was grounding, and eventually his vision refocused, staring out over the great expanse of blues and greens that shifted and splashed before him. The wind was whipping at his face, and the scent of the sea was present, yet he still didn't feel calm. He still didn't feel whole. The urge to cry got stronger, and Roan's mind was once again filled with the voices. Only this time, there were louder. More urgent, and more accusatory, screaming in his head louder than the sound of the bell at the gates. You killed her. You're a failure. You shouldn't be soothsayer. All you do is fall apart. You couldn't even protect your own family. Goldie hates you. She hates you, because you failed. You failed, and Sam's dead. You killed her. You killed her. You killed her.
It was all too much. Far too much for Roan to take now, or really ever. It was all so overwhelming, and Roan could feel his powers responding to it. Coming to life, eager to protect him from the unseen threat that lived inside his head, shrieking and scolding. It all came to a head as the soothsayer screamed, voice raw and booming with power, "I DIDN'T KILL HER!" Everything snapped, and the very sky above seemed to come apart. There was a sickening boom as Roan's elementals drew the bolt down from the sky, crashing it into the sand just a short distance in front of him. He recoiled in shock, his ears ringing from the sheer sound of the lightning bolt of electricity raining down from above. His breath was coming out in desperate gasps as he stared at where the strike had hit, the ground caved in and the sand scattered and charred, but intact. Near immediately afterwards, Roan felt exhaustion spread through his body, his form unable to stay upright from how much power he had just used. He swayed for a moment before falling forward, collapsing into the sand as tears stung his eyes.
( tl;dr: Roan had a breakdown from feeling like he failed Goldie + Sam, and brought down a massive bolt of lightning onto the beach. Everything is (mostly) unharmed, but he exhausted a bunch of his power and collapsed afterwards )
When he had gotten up out of bed that morning, Roan had known there was something wrong from the start. There was a heaviness to his every step, and a breathless feeling in his chest that refused to go away, even as he buried himself in tasks. He could see it in the way that he fumbled over his books, and the way that his paws shook as he sorted herbs. He wasn't alright, even if he stubbornly refused to admit it. After all, he was supposed to be the stable one. He was supposed to be the soothsayer, and that meant being around for everyone else. He couldn't afford to fall apart, because if he did, then it would be detrimental to everyone. He thought back to Devland's words, and how the other had said how impressed he was with Roan's work. The draconic feline didn't want to disappoint anyone. Not Devland, not his clanmates, and least of all his family. His thoughts were racing at that point, jumbled together and messy as tears pricked at the edges of his vision. He took a deep breath inwards, unable to stop it when a book of herbs slipped from trembling paws, crashing against the floor of the temple. He needed air. He needed the feeling of the wind hitting his face, and he needed the scent of the sea in his nose.
Most of his trip to the shore was a blur, if he was to really think about it. Paws slipping against the cold stone of the temple floors as he made his way outwards, desperate and breathless. He didn't care if anyone saw him as he raced towards the sea, relaxing only slightly when the feeling of sand between his toes hit him. Still, it was grounding, and eventually his vision refocused, staring out over the great expanse of blues and greens that shifted and splashed before him. The wind was whipping at his face, and the scent of the sea was present, yet he still didn't feel calm. He still didn't feel whole. The urge to cry got stronger, and Roan's mind was once again filled with the voices. Only this time, there were louder. More urgent, and more accusatory, screaming in his head louder than the sound of the bell at the gates. You killed her. You're a failure. You shouldn't be soothsayer. All you do is fall apart. You couldn't even protect your own family. Goldie hates you. She hates you, because you failed. You failed, and Sam's dead. You killed her. You killed her. You killed her.
It was all too much. Far too much for Roan to take now, or really ever. It was all so overwhelming, and Roan could feel his powers responding to it. Coming to life, eager to protect him from the unseen threat that lived inside his head, shrieking and scolding. It all came to a head as the soothsayer screamed, voice raw and booming with power, "I DIDN'T KILL HER!" Everything snapped, and the very sky above seemed to come apart. There was a sickening boom as Roan's elementals drew the bolt down from the sky, crashing it into the sand just a short distance in front of him. He recoiled in shock, his ears ringing from the sheer sound of the lightning bolt of electricity raining down from above. His breath was coming out in desperate gasps as he stared at where the strike had hit, the ground caved in and the sand scattered and charred, but intact. Near immediately afterwards, Roan felt exhaustion spread through his body, his form unable to stay upright from how much power he had just used. He swayed for a moment before falling forward, collapsing into the sand as tears stung his eyes.
( tl;dr: Roan had a breakdown from feeling like he failed Goldie + Sam, and brought down a massive bolt of lightning onto the beach. Everything is (mostly) unharmed, but he exhausted a bunch of his power and collapsed afterwards )
ROAN Ó FOALÁIN-ROUX - THE TYPHOON - SOOTHSAYER
[sup]template made by tikki[/sup]Re: FEEL THE WAY THAT YOU DO ☆ power development - Lawlocked - 08-19-2020
[color=transparent] [w]isker
[color=transparent] [w]isker
law didn't come to the beach much anymore. it wasn't due to a lack of want: a depression in his own self but a hyper vigilance of the living; of the family that lived and breathed and it was due to law's cycle, a need to know where they were that when lawkit found his time to the beach, it was more often than not due to him trying to find one of his siblings, or a longer related family member.
emotions were a... strange thing. law found himself submitting to it more often than not. at such a young age emotion and instict blended together in such a heady mix. robbed of the security of having his parents, still coming to terms with the death of his mother: robbed him of his voice. it was often more often than not that law felt invisible to the entire group. felt the need to scream- to shout and to rebel against the feeling, but he couldn't speak, his voice a rumble in his throat cut off by his own... inability confidence to do so. to speak. to speak would drawl attention, and law could do without the attention. had never felt easy at the eyes along him. now more so than ever: mourning sam had only made it worse.
he enjoyed the quiet, but he was much too busy to find his own solace. anxiety jittered in his bones and his wings felt numb most days- from the stillness or lack of attempt to use them law assumed. they saged against his sides, growing fledgling feathers dragging along the dirt and muck- dirtied for the most part and preened only when the itch of another molt came. he was looking for... someone that day, raxanne, his aunt when he heard the thunder. lighting crashed at the beach and law felt a jolt of adrenalan stutter into his chest. kicking up his respone. he was nearby he could... he could check
roan's scream against the sky was frigtening, lots of things made lawkit afraid but his family so unstable unsettled him so much: everyone was mourning and law felt quiet and helpless and roan's scream cut off by the storm of sound that ringged inside law's head. it hurt to hear the thunder of the lighting strike. it hurt and law's skull rattled before he made the deicison to run towards roan.
words, were not found by the time the creature found himself there along roans side. a low whine bleeding from his chest as he moved closer. ear's perked, trying to distinguish a heartbeat in beyond the ringing in his ears. the sound of breathing in tandem with the static.
the smell of ozone and salt, the ring of static in his ears, in the wake of the thunder, someone could hear lawkit's fragile voice cut into the air, for the first time in since... since.
"[glow=grey,2,300]roan, you can't... you can't. don't... don't fall asleep like mother-[/glow]" a hickup between the chocked off wine. brilliant silver cut with worry as lawkit's paws- claws attempted to dig into any limb he could reach. trying to distern the hint of breath he knew could be felt. if he couldn't hear it... he could feel it right? that was... what the books said- how could he- "[glow=grey,2,300]stay awake. you can't... you can't sleep[/glow]"
emotions were a... strange thing. law found himself submitting to it more often than not. at such a young age emotion and instict blended together in such a heady mix. robbed of the security of having his parents, still coming to terms with the death of his mother: robbed him of his voice. it was often more often than not that law felt invisible to the entire group. felt the need to scream- to shout and to rebel against the feeling, but he couldn't speak, his voice a rumble in his throat cut off by his own... inability confidence to do so. to speak. to speak would drawl attention, and law could do without the attention. had never felt easy at the eyes along him. now more so than ever: mourning sam had only made it worse.
he enjoyed the quiet, but he was much too busy to find his own solace. anxiety jittered in his bones and his wings felt numb most days- from the stillness or lack of attempt to use them law assumed. they saged against his sides, growing fledgling feathers dragging along the dirt and muck- dirtied for the most part and preened only when the itch of another molt came. he was looking for... someone that day, raxanne, his aunt when he heard the thunder. lighting crashed at the beach and law felt a jolt of adrenalan stutter into his chest. kicking up his respone. he was nearby he could... he could check
roan's scream against the sky was frigtening, lots of things made lawkit afraid but his family so unstable unsettled him so much: everyone was mourning and law felt quiet and helpless and roan's scream cut off by the storm of sound that ringged inside law's head. it hurt to hear the thunder of the lighting strike. it hurt and law's skull rattled before he made the deicison to run towards roan.
words, were not found by the time the creature found himself there along roans side. a low whine bleeding from his chest as he moved closer. ear's perked, trying to distinguish a heartbeat in beyond the ringing in his ears. the sound of breathing in tandem with the static.
the smell of ozone and salt, the ring of static in his ears, in the wake of the thunder, someone could hear lawkit's fragile voice cut into the air, for the first time in since... since.
"[glow=grey,2,300]roan, you can't... you can't. don't... don't fall asleep like mother-[/glow]" a hickup between the chocked off wine. brilliant silver cut with worry as lawkit's paws- claws attempted to dig into any limb he could reach. trying to distern the hint of breath he knew could be felt. if he couldn't hear it... he could feel it right? that was... what the books said- how could he- "[glow=grey,2,300]stay awake. you can't... you can't sleep[/glow]"
[glow=#5E5E5E,2,300]The dark doesn't frighten me[/glow]
[glow=#5E5E5E,2,300]I chose to close my eyes; it is mine[/glow]