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+---- Thread: red water dreams (/showthread.php?tid=12085)
red water dreams - Warringkingdoms - 06-13-2020
/tw: blood, hallucinations, flashbacks, and general emotional breakdown stuff throughout
/this one takes place a few days prior to Rin's official return
/don't worry about responding
Four weeks, now, had come and gone.
The second half had been easier, Rin thought, now that her injuries were certifiably on the mend. The town had been quieter, as though the world was still waiting for her. She wasn’t sure why, but at least Cooper had mentioned that they were getting visitors and newcomers- so Elysium was still going strong. Exercise was necessary to make sure her muscles didn’t atrophy, and pacing the house got old, so today she had set out for the sands. The fresh air would help the lingering fog in her head, she was sure.
The sky, cloudy as usual, hung over her as she followed the shoreline. Morning was indistinguishable from afternoon these days, but so long as the air remained free of lightning, it didn’t matter so much. The god of thunder would attempt to kill her sooner rather than later, she was sure, but if she stayed inside waiting for it to pass, it would become a game of patience- a game that she would lose. Besides, she had to convince the world that she wasn’t afraid.
As her paw hit a patch of wet sand, it occurred to her that she’d been here before, standing in this exact spot.
She wished she hadn’t remembered.
Suiteheart had washed up on these sands, once upon a time, her body caressed by the same waves that lapped at Rin’s paws now. Rin squeezed her eye shut, but she couldn’t resist the flow of the memories through her head- the sounds of children crying out in denial and anguish, wracked by their mother’s loss so soon in life.
She had to stifle it… but there was no damming a raging river.
The waters carried her to the polar bear’s paws, looming over her- false, an impostor. Platinum scales flashed at the edge of her vision as she shot the charlatan through the jugular, the blood splattering her face- and startling her awake, the taste of sea spray on her tongue. Her eye drifted down to her wet bandages.
Tears stung at her eyes… but she had to quell them.
She sat down wearily on the sand, pulling her limbs in tightly, in a sort of defensive position. Not that there was any defense against the words circling her, voices spiraling like a whirlpool. Peace seemed so close, yet so far away, sealed behind curtains of bloodshed and death-
-she shook her head, her eye counting grains of sand. Ground yourself. She had little other choice at the moment, unless she wanted to be swept back up in the past. An object arose from the tide out of the corner of her eye, drawing her attention. Blinking, she got up and hurried over to it- a box, about the size of a CD container. Picking it up, she looked over the cover.
Vices and Virtues.
“Rin! I didn’t know you could sing!”
It was a sign. It had to be a sign- they were mocking her. “You’re suggesting that we waste our time fighting ‘gods’ that don’t even exist,” she heard the voice of the one-eyed snarl within her head, a long-gone memory. Snatched up. Erased.
You’re going insane.
Bitter rage swelled up within her, the same rage that had turned to flames not long ago. She’d rip their eyes right out of their smug little faces, watch them beg for mercy. In due time they would be destroyed, and then forgotten soon after- torn from history.
Would that make it better?
...No, it wouldn’t.
Means to an end, she had to remind herself- that was all she was. Whether or not Monolith City forgave her was irrelevant, so long as she did this for them. She had to protect the future, if the past was to be remembered.
The gray of the water reflected the gray in her soul, growing ever darker.
She took the CD up in her jaws and started walking back towards her home, her head spinning from the constant swirl of echoes about her. Drops of water? liquid tapped against her back as she traveled, the wet sand sticking to her paws. The case tasted distinctly wrong in her mouth, like just holding onto it was a crime against those who it reminded her of. Like trying to keep it safe was an insult to the ones she’d already failed to protect.
“Your records aren’t going to bring them back.”
Though she’d heard it time and again, here and now the accusation sent a jolt through her, harshly enough that she dropped the CD. She squeezed her eye shut, letting out a hiss, but the tide was already roaring towards her, ravenous, destructive.
A voice screaming, one she knew was her own- blood pouring over her paws, rising up, dragging her away in the current. Flames howled from the bank, framing the still-living gods in shadow above her. Bones underfoot stabbed at her paws, faces she recognized wasting away below, demanding her life in repayment. She struggled to stay standing, gripping onto reality for dear life, but the floods were too strong
she couldn’t die here.
Energy surged in her veins.
She raged forward through the waves, the crimson waters eddying in wild turbulence around her as she lunged for their eyes- only to slip, sinking beneath the surface. Choking, crying out in silence, she lashed out in a vain attempt at survival- she had to survive, only through the end of the gods could they have peace, only then could they be free-
She gasped, and air rushed into her lungs.
The water lapped at her back, washing sand into and out of her fur in a repetitive rhythm. The sky above her was gray with clouds, not with smoke. Tilting her head, she could see the CD lying next to her, splattered with sand particles but otherwise unharmed.
“Does it make you feel better?” she heard the whispers, echoing within her head in time with the water’s beat. “We trusted you. How many times are you going to let us down?” She shook her head, shutting her eye, but they only grew louder. “Do the right thing for once. Prove your loyalty to us. If it really means that much to you-” she clamped her paws over her ears, struggling to drown them out- “you’d do ANYTHING.”
A choked wheeze that a more generous person might have labeled a “sob” escaped her, the others’ words fading into a mess of jumbled noise. She let go of her ears, letting their voices flow in a cacophony of grief. Pushing it down was impossible. She’d opened the box. She couldn’t put it all back in again.
She needed help.
The water swirled around her, the rain pouring down and circling- yet leaving both her and the CD unharmed. Pulling the CD closer to her, holding onto this one lifeline, she let herself cry. Ada’s screams couldn’t be heard above the others’ accusations, above her own voice berating her. Stop crying. Yet she didn’t, shutting her eye and letting the tears fall.
She would take this moment to grieve, to feel, to let it out.