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lost boys - Warringkingdoms - 05-03-2020
[font=trebuchet ms]So between the genius, the daemon, the guardian angel, the shikigami, the familiar, and the tulpa… only the familiar offers anything resembling a solution. It’s not much, but it’s something to go off of.
Finnloch’s library was the perfect place to study, quiet and full of resources on just about every topic one could imagine. With the gentle sunlight pouring in through the open window, the breeze ruffling her fur without blowing away her papers, Rin could almost ignore the fact that she was still very, very far from a proper solution to her problem.
The change of location had done wonders, really- that, or she was finally out of the lethargic trance that had plagued her over the past month. Rin still wasn’t sure, but she was grateful nonetheless.
Familiars are probably the closest match, as they form a contract with their “user” and can be summoned at the “user’s” command. Rin glanced out the window, the sentence left unaccompanied for a few moments. It had been some time since she’d last seen Nemhain. Were they still able to communicate? Rin hadn’t had the need to message her, so she hadn’t made any attempts to do so. With a sigh, she turned back to her notes and continued writing. Perhaps a de-summoning and re-summoning by another party, or a modification of the contract… I’d have to figure out who keeps track of the contract, though. Maybe I’ll ask later.
For all she knew, she was following the wrong lead entirely, and this would get her nowhere. But it was a start.
A start, after so many weeks of accomplishing basically nothing. Pretty much all the other possible methods she’d devised would require risking the life of one or both parties. Much as they presumably both wanted this, it wasn’t worth either of their lives- especially since Rin was fairly certain if she died, her persona would die with her.
Even this path, while less dangerous, might end up being a dead end. Maybe personas worked in such a manner that no previously-researched metaphysics applied to them, at which point she’d have to start from scratch. Still, she had to try.
Soon enough she’d find it, of that she was sure.
“A man who is possessed by his shadow is always standing in his own light and falling into his own traps,” or so Jung says, Rin scrawled, her eyes flickering back and forth between her steady writing and the past writings in the book. A “shadow,” she remembered Nemhain calling herself. The thought of casting such a large, powerful, benevolent shadow would never not be preposterous to her, but then… according to these writings, few people readily believed that their shadow was really part of them. Few people were prepared to register their own flaws, and some wouldn’t even register their own virtues.
Don’t be so full of yourself. Remember the Dunning-Krueger effect?
Rin blinked, and her eyes focused in on the taunts that had manifested in her notes. Were those her thoughts, absentmindedly communicated in a trance, or were they something worse? Was she losing control again?
Out-of-body experiences, she jotted down, her ears twitching. This had nothing to do with her research, but while she was thinking about it… maybe Goldenluxury would be able to provide further answers. Episodes of being detached. Thoughts that I can’t seem to shake- often hateful. Flashbacks. She glanced over at the textbook again, then back at her notes. Possible savior complex. Definitely an inferiority complex. Of course, Jungian psychology could be completely out of date by now and she’d never know the difference, but it was a place to start.
Small steps, she had to remind herself.
There was a light, somewhere within the fog, that would lead to the end of this. Now, for once, she could see it- and for once, she would follow it. Getting help for herself would indirectly help the others as well; Elysium deserved a leader who could keep their head on straight, but if she was all they had, she could at least improve her ability to match that description.
She had an excuse to get better. All that remained was to actually get better.
The gods were running out of legs to stand on. Dangerous as they were, Elysium had them beaten in numbers, total firepower, and teamwork. The remaining five would get stronger, for sure, but so would the Elysites- and so would she.
Little by little, she was regaining her grasp on the situation.
Much as it had stung to admit her past, present, and probable future failures, as always, the ashes yielded a phoenix. She’d damaged Elysium’s trust in her, but they had protected her time and again despite that. She could name one, maybe two leaders who deserved such loyal comrades, but though she would never deserve them, she could at least serve them with the same loyalty in return. She could, possibly, begin to achieve…
...well, not redemption. Redemption was an odd word, one that she wasn’t necessarily willing to apply to herself. Redemption would take bringing everyone she’d lost back to life, or something of equal magnitude- something about as feasible as filling up the fjord with sand, sand that had long since blown away, sand that could so easily slip away at the slightest mistake.
Sand that could never pour out from me. ...Maybe there’s a better metaphor here. I don’t know. Does it matter?
Despite the defeatist words she’d left on the page, Rin shook her head. The Skyborne’s declaration that she would never be able to do the right thing hung over her head, but in time they would be proven wrong. Pulling herself back together for the others’ sakes was the right thing to do. Nemhain and the others had given her a second chance; all that remained was to take it.
A chance, offered by one, accepted by another… effectively a contract.
A spark lit, illuminating the darkest corners of her mind- a thought, previously dismissed.
Find the contract holder, and they’ll know how to release both parties from the contract.
Of course- Nemhain would know the details of the contract, and if she didn’t, she would know who did. Freedom could be just around the corner for the persona. A soft, low chuckle escaped Rin, her eyes brightening. Of course the answer was that simple. Actually freeing Nemhain might not be, but at least they would know. This was a breakthrough.
She’ll leave you behind.
“I’m alright with that,” Rin murmured under her breath, closing the book and shuffling her notes into a neat stack- with the key hypothesis at the top. She’d actually accomplished something today. If indeed Nemhain wanted to be free, she’d be thrilled to hear about this when she came back; and she would come back, Rin was certain of that much in this moment.
Over a year’s work had gone into thwarting the gods by now, and she had plenty left to give.
Leaving the books there, she carefully set the rest of the desk back in order, then lifted the stack of her notes telepathically and left the desk. That was enough for today, she thought. All that was left to do was to wait for Nemhain to get back, then start answering some questions.
With a half-smile, she shut the library door behind her.
/wordcount: 1230
/you can reply if you want to burn some muse (but don't feel the need to match muse if you do reply), but don't feel pressured to
/tl;dr: Rin makes some progress on her research and is in a good mood