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+---- Thread: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private (/showthread.php?tid=1150)
WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - Suiteheart - 05-06-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]When she had suggested ambassadors to Starrynight, her children had been in mind. It would be a simple way to kill two birds with one stone: she could help her group, but she would also be helping herself to find her children. And even though Starry had not given her verbal confirmation for being the ambassador to the Typhoon, it would not stop her from heading there. She had to look. She had to see for herself. She needed to know for herself of her daughters were still alive.
Heavy pawsteps took her forward. She was not sure where she was going exactly, but she was hot on the trail of the Typhoon. The full moon party had left her with hope, for she thought she had heard Lil's voice, but... she wasn't sure. Since losing her daughters, every cream-colored feline was them. Every light brown piece of fur was her daughters, and she had to pursue it. Everything colored purple was Lil. Everything. The ghost of their disappearance haunted her more than anything, for she had no closure.
Dead or alive, she just wanted to find them. She wanted to know, for not knowing was eating away at her. And besides that, Margaery had not told her about her meeting with Lil.
No, Suiteheart knew nothing of the sort. She did not know of their verbal argument or of Margy's asthma troubles. Her wife had chosen to keep it a secret, and should Suite find out, it would surely break her heart. It was a trust thing, and as Margy had not told her, she obviously did not trust Suite. Simple as that, wasn't it? ... Perhaps not. There were layers here -- many of them --, but the Starstruck Guardian was blind to them. In time, she would learn to see.
But more pressing matters were at the forefront of her mind.
The large polar bear held three charm bracelets in her maw as she found the railroad tracks. She stopped, noting the scent markers. Her eyes wandered the scene, noting the crashed train, the way it embedded itself into the land. The land was slowly reclaiming the broken piece of machinery, and there was something refreshing about that thought: everyone, sooner or later, would be recclaimed by the earth. The finality of it was comforting, for Suite knew she would have a place, that she could give back after she had taken so much.
Though momentarily distracted by the old train, its flowers, and its moss, she quickly shifted her attention ahead of her. Sooner or later, someone would have to come by. She would explain how she was scouting out the region for potential ambassadors, and she might even ask to see inside the territory. She would question whoever greeted her, asking if they happened to know Lil, Lissa, and Eli. She was nervous, but she was ready.
"Hello?" she called, making her voice reach out as far as it could. "My name is Suiteheart. I'm a Starstruck Guardian of the Ascendants. I've come to talk." Her tone was friendly and light, but there was desperation behind her words. She closed her eyes and murmured a silent prayer, asking that her daughters reside here. This was the only place she had not searched.
If there were not here... If they were not here, they would not be anywhere.
[color=#73B1B7][b]
Re: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - Margaery - 05-06-2018
trackkkkk
Re: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - lilyspoise - 05-06-2018
There are many names in history
but none of them are ours.
lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags
This was stupid. All of this was stupid and dumb and it was a mistake an idiot would've made so she didn't know why she made it because she could be dumb but not that dumb and it was just-- ugh.
Stupid. Lil thought to herself, sighing. She had been fishing by one of the streams and had slipped and fallen in, which wouldn't have been an issue if she hadn't managed to cut the bottom of her paw. Now she had a cut she was trying not to get dirt and sand and everything else unholy into while also still walking like the quadruped she was supposed to be.
She'd seen some marigold growing on the train, and there were always cobwebs in that dingy old place, so she decided to head in that direction. It was closer than walking to camp, and her risk of infection decreased the sooner she treated it. As she traversed to the train, she came by the supplies she needed -- unsurprising, since this was a jungle with spiders in it and marigold was a weed, so it was really everywhere -- and was now heading to the train tracks; it was the closest source of water.
Moments before she arrived, Lil heard a voice call out. A voice much too familiar-- a voice that she shouldn't by any means had heard.
"I'm a Starstruck Guardian of the Ascendants."
Lil ran towards the voice, frantic. She hadn't seen Margaery nor Suiteheart at the Ascendants event, so when she'd seen Margaery on the island... No, no, no!
The tabby skidded to a halt in front of Suite, eyes wide and now watering as she stared up at the polar bear.
"Suiteheart...?"
The herbs fell from her mouth as the sickening realization set it.
She'd thought -- it was on the island, so it couldn't have actually been Margaery. Last time she was on the island she hallucinated, so she'd assumed the same for when she returned but...
"Oh... oh no..." Lil murmured quietly, feeling more and more tears pooling in her eyes. No, no, no... Did this mean... she genuinely said those things to Margaery? Yes, she was upset and felt abandoned, and yes, she did want an apology from them, but she thought that she was hallucinating on the island again, she didn't think that Margaery was real.
Lily broke into sobs.
"I-- I-- I'm so-- so, so, sorry. I didn't know it was her-- the, the island, it... it-- last time she wasn't real-- I didn't think..."
I told her she wasn't my mother.
Lil shook her head frantically, backing away from the bear.
"No, no, no... They-- They abandoned me, stop impersonating them just go away!" The hallucinations must have been manifesting here, too-- she couldn't handle this. No, none of this was real. She was at the Ascendants and she didn't see them, it was impossible for this to be anything but a product of her sick mind. "Leave immediately!"
Stupid. Lil thought to herself, sighing. She had been fishing by one of the streams and had slipped and fallen in, which wouldn't have been an issue if she hadn't managed to cut the bottom of her paw. Now she had a cut she was trying not to get dirt and sand and everything else unholy into while also still walking like the quadruped she was supposed to be.
She'd seen some marigold growing on the train, and there were always cobwebs in that dingy old place, so she decided to head in that direction. It was closer than walking to camp, and her risk of infection decreased the sooner she treated it. As she traversed to the train, she came by the supplies she needed -- unsurprising, since this was a jungle with spiders in it and marigold was a weed, so it was really everywhere -- and was now heading to the train tracks; it was the closest source of water.
Moments before she arrived, Lil heard a voice call out. A voice much too familiar-- a voice that she shouldn't by any means had heard.
"I'm a Starstruck Guardian of the Ascendants."
Lil ran towards the voice, frantic. She hadn't seen Margaery nor Suiteheart at the Ascendants event, so when she'd seen Margaery on the island... No, no, no!
The tabby skidded to a halt in front of Suite, eyes wide and now watering as she stared up at the polar bear.
"Suiteheart...?"
The herbs fell from her mouth as the sickening realization set it.
She'd thought -- it was on the island, so it couldn't have actually been Margaery. Last time she was on the island she hallucinated, so she'd assumed the same for when she returned but...
"Oh... oh no..." Lil murmured quietly, feeling more and more tears pooling in her eyes. No, no, no... Did this mean... she genuinely said those things to Margaery? Yes, she was upset and felt abandoned, and yes, she did want an apology from them, but she thought that she was hallucinating on the island again, she didn't think that Margaery was real.
Lily broke into sobs.
"I-- I-- I'm so-- so, so, sorry. I didn't know it was her-- the, the island, it... it-- last time she wasn't real-- I didn't think..."
I told her she wasn't my mother.
Lil shook her head frantically, backing away from the bear.
"No, no, no... They-- They abandoned me, stop impersonating them just go away!" The hallucinations must have been manifesting here, too-- she couldn't handle this. No, none of this was real. She was at the Ascendants and she didn't see them, it was impossible for this to be anything but a product of her sick mind. "Leave immediately!"
Re: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - Suiteheart - 05-07-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Everything had happened so quickly. First, there was the scent of Lil in the air - unmistakable and homey. The young woman was every bit a piece of her home as Margaery was, and the smell of her broke her heart. She thought she had forgotten it, but here it was, as plain as day. And poor Suiteheart thought she was going mad; first seeing her daughter and now scenting her? What was next, speaking to her apparition?
She reflexively took a step back, trying to steady herself. The ghost of her daughters would not leave her side, and as much as she took comfort from it, it hurt. She would see their smiling faces and hear their laughter. Some days, it was too much to handle, causing her to break down. So perhaps that's why tears welled up in her dark eyes when she saw the figure in the distance.
It was running towards her, and something inside of her knew it was her daughter. Though the creature appeared ghostlike, made up by her consciousness to hurt her, she was real. In her heart of hearts, she knew it. She didn't need to examine the notch in the girl's ear. She didn't need to see the earring. She didn't need to stare into those soft lilac eyes. No, she knew it was her girl. A mother's intuition, she supposed.
"Lil!" she called, voice happier than it had been in months. She let the tears fall freely now, no longer afraid to be emotional. This was her Lil, and Lil didn't mind that. "I can't believe you're here! I just came on a whim and -"
And then the girl before her crumbled. Everything inside of Suiteheart felt like it was breaking again. The anguish on Lilyspoises' face broke her heart. This was her daughter, and... and her appearance was causing this meltdown. The polar bear took a tentative step forward, hoping Lil would not continue to back away.
"No, Lil, it's me. It's Suiteheart, I promise. I'm real. I'm here," the Starstruck Guardian answered, trying to keep her voice calm (which was somewhat impossible). "Lil, you're okay. Please, listen, you're okay."
"Leave immediately!"
Suiteheart's mouth hung slightly agape, words unable to form. She managed to shake her head minutely as she still grasped at unreachable sentences. She... Lil wanted her to leave? [color=#73B1B7][b]"N-no... please..."
Re: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - lilyspoise - 05-08-2018
There are many names in history
but none of them are ours.
lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags
Lil shook her head, backing away as Suiteheart moved forward.
"What did I do... What experiment did I mess up so badly that these hallucinations won't stay away..." She murmured to herself, lashing her tail in pure anxiety. She needed to think-- think about how if this was really Suiteheart, how she would get the other to leave. These hallucinations were solely a projection of her own mind, so they would follow the rationale of her mind, right. It's how it worked with Margaery most recently, and it was how it worked on the island during her initiation.
"Why did you come back? Feel guilty that you left me behind the first time?" Lil growled, looking up with a glare at Suiteheart. Tears still pooled in her eyes, but with the way they were narrowed, she seemed more angry than sad. More spitfire and rage than ocean waves-- she was going to defend herself or absolutely lose it trying. It was what she always did. "Let me ask you this, Suiteheart, if you or Margaery cared half as much as you guys claimed to, then why did you run off? Why did you hurt me in the same exact way my birth mother did?"
The tabby recollected her herbs and padded past Suiteheart, then grabbed some of the moss from the beach rocks and dipping it into the nearby water. She rested her wounded paw in the water to let it soak. Tilting her paw and head in such a way required to clean it would be rather annoying, so it was much easier to do most of the soaking now and then clean the wound with a a few quick swipes.
"Why are you here?" Lil asked, not as much spitfire rage as before but the same apathetic attitude she had shown Margaery on the island. "You abandoned me-- you both abandoned me. Do you think I could just move past that because you claim not to have, despite your actions saying otherwise? Stupid. This folly will not blind me to the truth-- not again, not anymore."
I͢.̴.͟.͘..̨in..͢.m̵.͟..͟a.͟.͘n͞c͝e̛.....L̛í.͞.̨..͠.̢.n̛o.͏..̴.be.̶...e҉..͢.̡.y̧...̵.̢.̷s.....d̕raḿ..͏.͏.̢.ic҉,
...
.͞.l̀y ̸..͢. ͡.͟.̴.̀.̶ .͠.̕.ui̢te̛h.́..͟r͘t҉ .͝.̕.͘ ͏c....̡.͝. ͘...o҉u ͏..͠. h...̕r me?
H..͞...̧ld o...̵n.
...
...
Ｉｓ ｔｈｉｓ ａｎｙ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ？
Ｓｕｉｔｅｈｅａｒｔ ｃａｎ ｙｏｕ ｈｅａｒ ｍｅ？ Ｉ＇ｍ t̶ŕapp͞ęd-- ｈｎｎｇ－！
Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｈｅｌｐ ｍｅ．．． ｔｈｉｓ h̵̢́ų̸̛̕ŕ̷̴͢t̷̴̢͜ś̴̡.̵̷̢̛͝.̵̡̨̢͢.̨̨́
// TRANSLATIONS: "I'm glad that in my absence, Lil has not become any less melodramatic. What a legend."
"Holy shit-- Suiteheart, can you hear me?"
"Hold on."
"Is this any better?"
"Suiteheart can you hear me? I'm trapped-- hnng--!
"Please help me... this hurts."
"What did I do... What experiment did I mess up so badly that these hallucinations won't stay away..." She murmured to herself, lashing her tail in pure anxiety. She needed to think-- think about how if this was really Suiteheart, how she would get the other to leave. These hallucinations were solely a projection of her own mind, so they would follow the rationale of her mind, right. It's how it worked with Margaery most recently, and it was how it worked on the island during her initiation.
"Why did you come back? Feel guilty that you left me behind the first time?" Lil growled, looking up with a glare at Suiteheart. Tears still pooled in her eyes, but with the way they were narrowed, she seemed more angry than sad. More spitfire and rage than ocean waves-- she was going to defend herself or absolutely lose it trying. It was what she always did. "Let me ask you this, Suiteheart, if you or Margaery cared half as much as you guys claimed to, then why did you run off? Why did you hurt me in the same exact way my birth mother did?"
The tabby recollected her herbs and padded past Suiteheart, then grabbed some of the moss from the beach rocks and dipping it into the nearby water. She rested her wounded paw in the water to let it soak. Tilting her paw and head in such a way required to clean it would be rather annoying, so it was much easier to do most of the soaking now and then clean the wound with a a few quick swipes.
"Why are you here?" Lil asked, not as much spitfire rage as before but the same apathetic attitude she had shown Margaery on the island. "You abandoned me-- you both abandoned me. Do you think I could just move past that because you claim not to have, despite your actions saying otherwise? Stupid. This folly will not blind me to the truth-- not again, not anymore."
I͢.̴.͟.͘..̨in..͢.m̵.͟..͟a.͟.͘n͞c͝e̛.....L̛í.͞.̨..͠.̢.n̛o.͏..̴.be.̶...e҉..͢.̡.y̧...̵.̢.̷s.....d̕raḿ..͏.͏.̢.ic҉,
...
.͞.l̀y ̸..͢. ͡.͟.̴.̀.̶ .͠.̕.ui̢te̛h.́..͟r͘t҉ .͝.̕.͘ ͏c....̡.͝. ͘...o҉u ͏..͠. h...̕r me?
H..͞...̧ld o...̵n.
...
...
Ｉｓ ｔｈｉｓ ａｎｙ ｂｅｔｔｅｒ？
Ｓｕｉｔｅｈｅａｒｔ ｃａｎ ｙｏｕ ｈｅａｒ ｍｅ？ Ｉ＇ｍ t̶ŕapp͞ęd-- ｈｎｎｇ－！
Ｐｌｅａｓｅ ｈｅｌｐ ｍｅ．．． ｔｈｉｓ h̵̢́ų̸̛̕ŕ̷̴͢t̷̴̢͜ś̴̡.̵̷̢̛͝.̵̡̨̢͢.̨̨́
// TRANSLATIONS: "I'm glad that in my absence, Lil has not become any less melodramatic. What a legend."
"Holy shit-- Suiteheart, can you hear me?"
"Hold on."
"Is this any better?"
"Suiteheart can you hear me? I'm trapped-- hnng--!
"Please help me... this hurts."
Re: WE'RE SAINTS JUST SWIMMING IN OUR SINS AGAIN ; private - Suiteheart - 05-08-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Experiments? Hallucinations? Confusion riddled her delicate features, causing her to quirk up a nonexistent eyebrow. What was happening here? What secrets did these islands hide? Worry found its way into her heart at that, for she did not want her daughter to spend the rest of her days on some island that forced you to see things that were not there. It was crushing to be haunted by ghosts, and it was not a fitting lifestyle for Lil.
Even so, Suiteheart could not bare trying to take that from Lil. This was the girl's home, despite possible dangers. And Lil was growing up. Despite wanting to shield her from every possible bad thing out there, she had to let her daughter experience the world. She had to let her grow up.
The polar bear opened her maw to speak, to assure her daughter she was not a figment of her imagination or the island, but Lil began to yell. Accusations began to fly, and her rounded ears flew backwards. Abandoned her...? "No, Lil... When the islands started falling apart, I was trying to get everyone down the staircase-" Vivid memories flew across her mind's eye. She could see the terrified faces and she could hear their screams. "And I went back for you and Eli and Lissa, but you were all gone. Margaery and I looked and looked while everything fell down around us. And there was fucking nothing left..." Her voice grew shaky and tears surfaced in her eyes.
She had tried so hard to save everyone, but she had somehow managed to fuck it all up anyway.
"I - we... We never meant to hurt you, Lil. You have to know that. Deep down, you have to believe that," the bear rumbled, sounding so terribly exhausted from this fight already. Lil was a believing creature. And when her mind conjured up the idea that Suiteheart and Margaery were the same as her birth mother, she undoubtedly believed it.
"I looked for you for so long, and this place was last on my list. I didn't see you at the party, but something inside of me knew you'd be here. And so I came to see for myself, pretending I was doing ambassador work. So how... how can you say I didn't try? That Margaery didn't try? You haven't spoken to us in a year, how could you think that?"
Oh, but little did Suiteheart know that Lil and Margaery had had a secret meeting. Granted, it was by chance, but Margy had not said anything to Suite about it. Their conversation, anything that was discussed - Suite was in the complete and utter dark on that.
"If I abandoned you, I wouldn't be here now. If I didn't want you in my life, I wouldn't have been looking for a year. I'm sorry it took so long to find you. I'm sorry I couldn't -"
She silenced herself completely as a message reached her. It was distant, messy. The words were difficult to comprehend, but she recognized the voice immediately. It was one of the souls. It was... It was Eli! Where was she? She was clearly not with Lil... And, oh, God, it sounded like she was in danger.
"Eli?" she whispered, hoping that this was not a hallucination like Lil had spoken of. Fear and hope intertwined within her heart, but fear soon overran the hope when she began feeling what her daughter was experiencing. She opened her mouth to speak, but she was paralyzed.