I. tags. / side by side, the lovelier goes up
II. bio. / reach for the top, til the bubble pops
III. timeline / pick a memory, insert to the past
IV. art. / which one is sweetest?
V. icons. / save it for the last

born during a war with two siblings, felix's father died a mere month before he ever got the chance to meet his child. his mother died about a month before the war ended, and one of his siblings shortly after due to malnourishment. spending the next few months recovery, the group's leader, arrowhead, takes felix under his wing. felix, at arrowhead's encouragement, changes his name to videopaw. while arrowhead is training videopaw,  he meets another serval named sheska. they're best friends. arrowhead continues training videopaw, and his name changes to videogames. after some "exploration" gone wrong, videogames births two serval kittens. one being his daughter, clementine. the other is sickly, and dies not long after. videopaw's sister, felicity, grows close with sheska, and the two eventually leave together, leaving videogames to raise clementine on his own.
videogames has an accident, leaving his back and wings mangled. arrowhead strikes a deal to save him, leaving videogames without wings and arrowhead dead. videogames is left to lead the group until his untimely demise, where lemy takes over. the being that arrowhead struck a deal with heals videogames, and finally deposits him back into the world. videogames, upon discovering the group had fallen apart in his absence, joins elysium.


✰ 11/1 | joining elysium
✰ 11/30 | lemy private


✰ 2/26 | return


✰ | playlist
✰ | pinterest
✰ | toyho.se

The spring festival was that night.
It's Moonlight Vale's first spring festival, and Felicity wasn't there to watch it with them. She left. She left, like Videopaw didn't matter, and like Sheska didn't matter either, and Videopaw was alone, without a family in the -- well. Not the world, Felicity was still alive, but she left him.
"Videopaw," Arrowhead chides, and the young serval's head snaps up, eyes wide. His mentor is looking at him, disappointed, gaze flat even as his maw quirks up in a smirk. "You can't get distracted. We still have to collect enough wood for the fire," Videopaw yelps.
"Ah, um -- Sorry!" He squeaks, not without a touch of horror. It wasn't uncommon for Arrowhead to get mad at him for the smallest of mistakes -- sometimes going as far as giving him a complete cold shoulder until he'd made up for it. Videopaw understands. Good leaders can't make mistakes.
"Well, you did just lose your sister, I guess," Arrowhead sighs, beckoning him with a swing of the tail, and it hurts, remembering, and it's worded like she did die. Videopaw, after a moment of trepidation, follows him, ears pricked. Arrowhead barely acknowledges him, but it's not unkind. "Anyone can see that," ... But not kind, either. There's an edge to Arrowhead's voice, and Videopaw ducks his head, miserable. "I can forgive that you're struggling, but it's not for anyone else to see," Arrowhead lectures, the wood strapped to his sides swinging with each step. Their stronger clanmates were cutting down some of the trees for firewood, and the smaller ones, like Videopaw and Arrowhead were just, well, collecting them from the ground.
"I understand," Videopaw chirps, voice small as he takes a particularly large one to add to his stack. The weight is uncomfortable against his wings, but he wouldn't dare to complain. "Are you anyone?" He can't help but ask. He wouldn't mind talking to Arrowhead about these sorts of things, even if he'd have to cut it down into something .. tolerable to the feline.
"Yes," Arrowhead says, blunt. The feline turns to blink at him, expression hard. Videopaw squeaks. "Anyone can take advantage of your emotions, even those closest to you," And there's something strange to his gaze, something distant and shifting and Videopaw doesn't get it. "If you can't avoid that level of closeness, it's best not to give them the ammo,"
He says it as though it's something old, already gone over. And -- and maybe they had, when Videopaw was smaller and maybe a little more frightened. It ... it makes sense, though. What had he told Felicity, only for her to leave? She could do anything with that information. She could decide, one day, that she didn't care about him and she wanted him dead and hurt and she could tell anyone.
"I think I get it," Videopaw mumbles, chastised. Arrowhead regards him considerately, the quiet way Videopaw stares at the ground, carefully schooling his expression into something shakily neutral. And Arrowhead smiles.
"You haven't been training for long," He says, voice dropping to a reassuring rumble. "You've done remarkably well so far. Just remember my advice, okay? I just want what's best for the group," His face is kinder than it usually is, the way it is when he's interacting with their other clanmates.
But never with Videopaw.
The young serval beams in turn, ears lifting from their flattened positions. "Yes, sir!" He chimes gleefully, relief bubbling in his chest. He doesn't want Arrowhead to be mad at him, and he wants his mentor to be proud of him, even when Videopaw makes stupid mistakes and is too emotional. He's still learning, and he'll be king someday, he just has to do it properly.
"Now, c'mon. We've got to take these back." And with that, Arrowhead turns on his paws and begins trotting back. Hurriedly, Videopaw scampers after him.

---

Fire.
It burns hot, and being so close to it makes his skin burn, but he doesn't dare react. Next to him, apparently unbothered by the heat of the raging bonfire, sits Arrowhead. He's talking with their clanmates, and Videopaw is expected to sit back and watch.
Arrowhead had been explaining how to set up the festivals, and the plans for the next, but he doesn't care about Videopaw right now. He has to keep up good relations, or so he's said.
"Videopaw!" Sheska. The serval's ears prick, and he smiles as she approaches. There's a bounce to her step, her grin wide. She's carrying a flower crown, and without missing a beat, she drops it over Videopaw's head, laughing.
"It's a bit early, but I managed to grow them!" She says, and she sounds so proud of herself. She's been so tired lately, missing Felicity, and it makes Videopaw giddy. "And .. you've been a little stressed lately, so I thought I'd make something for you," And her grin fades into something soft and tender and Videopaw's chest aches.
He can't trust people, that's what Arrowhead said, but the idea of pushing Sheska out of his life hurts in an entirely visceral way. Felicity already left, though. What's to say Sheska won't, too?
"What about you?" He presses. Arrowhead is starting to look over, and Videopaw can't read his expression. He doesn't need to. It's with a sense of dread that Videopaw realizes that his time with Sheska is going to be cut short.
"Sheska," Arrowhead chides, voice curt and impatient, but still warm. "Videopaw has things to be doing,"
Sheska scoffs. "It didn't look like it," And Videopaw can't tell if she's disrespecting him or what. Arrowhead shakes his head.
"I was just distracted. Go on, now," And his voice is still so gentle and he smiles at her so kindly and -- why can't he be that kind for Videopaw?
Why does Videopaw have to be on the receiving end of his coolness and the times he snaps? He wants to curl into himself. He doesn't want Sheska to go, and he doesn't want to be sitting here and being the very last person Arrowhead will pay attention to.
But Arrowhead's busy. He already spends so much time with Videopaw, it'd be simple selfishness to ask for more. So what if Videopaw's just sitting there while everyone's enjoying themselves? So what if Videopaw's alone while Arrowhead laughs with their clanmates?
Videopaw doesn't need them. He's going to be king, and he -- he needs to be a pillar of strength, and if he has to stand alone, that's fine. He doesn't need anyone. He doesn't need anyone at all.
"Videopaw." Arrowhead's voice shocks him out of his silence. Videopaw jolts to attention, wide eyes promptly falling onto the smaller feline. Arrowhead smiles at him. "Good job, you snapped into focus pretty quick. Don't get distracted. Stay on alert," Arrowhead advises, and Videopaw nods heavily, determined.
Arrowhead seats himself next to the serval, and, suddenly, Videopaw is relieved. It'd been so lonely, and hot, and he was bored. His ear flicks. Better not to admit it, though.
"Sir? Um. Why am I still here? I don't mind, but, um," Videopaw tilts his head. Arrowhead grins, all teeth, and Videopaw's heart pounds. Oh no. Did he slip up? Did he slip up??? His tail curls around his paws.
"You're here to learn from me. What would you learn if you were to spend time with everyone else?" He says, and his voice is as confident as it's ever been. Like he knows so much, and Videopaw knows so little. But that's -- that's okay. Videopaw is learning. He's going to be king, and he's going to be a good one, and he just has to listen to whatever Arrowhead has to say. After all, everyone lives Arrowhead, so -- so if Videopaw was just like him .. they'd like him too, right?
"N, not a lot," Videopaw concedes, though he's sure that he could learn a fair bit. Arrowhead knows best. Videopaw is just .. just the student. He's still learning. Arrowhead knows best. "Um. Thank you, I guess," And he feels so empty and lonely because he can see Sheska somewhere else, talking with everyone else like it didn't matter. Like Videopaw didn't matter.
His breath comes out shaky, and he tries to lean into his much smaller mentor in comfort. Arrowhead sighs, and slips away without missing a beat, and he turns to scold Videopaw, and his expression is suddenly so cool, like it always is, and Videopaw just wants to know why.

The slow slip of ooze down his back, the blinding, blurred pain. Shifting shadows. Videogames can't move.
Nobody was coming.
Ultimately, it doesn't even matter.

---

"Arrowhead," A bubbling sense of unease, clogging in his throat, going entirely unheard. His mentor's ear flickers, that familiar pensive look fading from his face with effort. Videogames can see it even still, not quite as well hidden as Arrowhead would have liked.
That was fine. It's only Videogames that can still see it, now.
Arrowhead doesn't acknowledge him.
"Arrowhead," He tries again, raising his voice. Lets just enough of that worry to seep into his voice, so that Arrowhead sighs and stops, tail swiping with a sense of irritation.
"What is it, Videopaw," Exhaustion. And ouch, Videopaw, huh? He usually just calls him Felix these days. He must be pretty upset. It's not Videogames' problem, though. Arrowhead won't let it be. And that's -- fine. Arrowhead is smarter than he, so he can deal with it himself.
"There, was, um, another one," Arrowhead's response is immediate, ears falling back and he looks so hunches his shoulders and he looks so angry, fur bristling even despite the upset face even he can't seem to hold back.
It says something about Arrowhead's distress that he doesn't even cuff him on the head for that um.
"Who?" Rough and detached, so completely contradictory from Arrowhead's face. What was the point of keeping your voice distant if your face couldn't match it?
"The -- One of the students," Flunked in training, and ultimately fell apart once she was left behind. "Saikta," Sheska's sister. She'd never liked Videogames much, something sour in her expression whenever she regarded him, but he was supposed to be blank and generic and liked, so he'd -- he'd been trying to sway her, just in passing. And it'd been starting to work, but now she was --.
Arrowhead says nothing, but Videogames watches his face intently. Alarm. Sinking realization. What was going on in his mentor's head? Did he realize how transparent he was, or was it just Videogames again, noticing far more than he should?
Arrowhead isn't hurt by her loss. He doesn't care. There is, however, something like dread, like he's realized something horrible. Videogames doesn't like it. He doesn't press. It's not his place. It's never his place.
"I'll take care of it," Arrowhead says, finally. Videogames tilts his head just an inch. Take care of what? The funeral? Arrowhead takes a shuddering breath, face half-crumpling even as he makes a valiant effort to keep his face "Felix, look ..."
"Arrowhead?"
".. Take care of yourself, okay? Don't go wandering out at night or anything like that,"
"...Okay, Arrowhead,"

---

"Felix," Saikta's funeral was over and done. Arrowhead seeks Videogames out now, something haunted to his eyes, braced for something. "We have to talk,"
"Arrowhead?" Something's terribly wrong. Videogames regards Arrowhead with concealed concern, ears pricking with attentiveness. Cover his worry with alertness, prompt him for a proper answer. Don't let him regret it and leave.
"Felix," And he's so tired. Why is Arrowhead so tired? What's Videogames missing? Why is Arrowhead only telling him now? "There's something ... after me,"
That hadn't been what he'd expected.
"After you?" On second thought, maybe Videogames is glad Arrowhead told him at all. Don't make him regret it. Don't make him regret it. Stay attentive, no emotion. You have no emotions.
"That's why .. this is happening,"
"Th -- You mean the --" No, no, it couldn't be. Arrowhead isn't involved with this. But Arrowhead would't lie. He needs more information.
"Yes, it, I," He's fumbling, why is he fumbling? He's never stumbled, or tripped over his words, and he gets mad whenever Videogames does. Something heavy is curdling in his chest. A sigh. "It's trying to get me to back down. It wants me as -- a part of it."
"A part of it?" A pause. This is happening because of Arrowhead. Arrowhead has a plan. Arrowhead has a plan. He always has a plan. "What're you going to do?" Why are people still dying? Why does he sound so defeated?
"Nothing."
And Videogames -- freezes. Nothing? He waits. Arrowhead doesn't elaborate. Nothing. Nothing at all. He's letting this happen. He's letting this happen.
"What're the repercussions? Will it get stronger?"
"No."
"So why? And -- And if you don't have any plans, if you aren't going to make any, why are you letting them die?" Videogames' voice shakes. Why is it shaking? He's in control. He's in control. No emotions. Videogames doesn't have feelings, because he's not a person, and a king can't let themselves be upset. He can't be upset. He feels nothing.
"It's not my responsibility," Arrowhead says, blunt. Regarding Videogames with bared teeth and dead eyes. "You can't control what anyone, anything else will do. It makes no sense to be a matyr," And Videogames --. Arrowhead is always right, isn't he? He's always right. Videogames should listen to him.
But he's wrong.
People are .. going, and Arrowhead isn't doing anything. It isn't matyrdom, is it? Does it really matter if it is, and it's not, if only it stops.
Videogames doesn't want Arrowhead dead. He can't understand his thought process, either. Something sickly circles in Videogames' chest, something distrusting. Arrowhead always said he had his best interests in mind. The group's best interests. Was this the best interests of the group? Letting people die because you couldn't come up with a better solution? Because, when you failed to, you refused to take the final option?
It's suffocating. Arrowhead is smart. Arrowhead can come up with a plan. Arrowhead didn't, and didn't try and he valued his life over everyone else's. Like a coward. Like he promised he never would.
Ultimately, does he really have Videogames' best interests in mind either, if he's been lying in the first place? Videogames' best interests don't matter. Videogames doesn't matter. But it matters to the group, because Videogames is going to be king, but maybe, if Arrowhead was well and truly wrong, and what if --.
He doesn't like doubting Arrowhead. He doesn't want to. He shouldn't. He thinks of Arrowhead's annoyance, Videopaw, the way he'd shooed Sheska away at the festival, and the sour faces he made whenever he talked to someone for too long --
Everyone else looked so happy without all of these lessons, all the doubt and lies and masks. So in control. It didn't stop them, they still were so strong --
Stop.
"I need to think about this," He says, finally. People are dying. Arrowhead's letting it happen. Videogames won't. He'll do something about this, he just needs to think. He can't look at Arrowhead's face, and he can't handle the constant loop of he let this happen. There's a trick to it, something he's missing because he's too emotional. He's too hysterical, he's in the wrong, he needs to calm down.
"Felix --" A note of panic. Videogames doesn't heed him, easily stepping around the form of his mentor, wings slowly spreading with each step. "Felix!"
The sky is dark when Videogames takes flight.

---

"Don't go wandering out at night or anything like that --"
How much did Arrowhead know? Why isn't he telling them? Did he leave too soon? He said he wasn't going to freak out on Arrowhead, he wasn't going to make him regret talking, but he did.
Arrowhead was right. He's overemotional. Why did he choose him? Videogames would be a terrible king.
A flash of black. A flash of pain. Videogames' vision goes dark.
No one is coming.

---

"-- such a shame it came to this,"
A haze. Shadows and red. Sharp blue.
"-- good one, see?"
Blinding pain, something separated. He can't move.
"-- good care,"
He's soaking and sticky. It slides down his fur, he can't see. He can't focus. Shuts his eyes and he can't breathe.
"But maybe it won't come to --."
Hard to comprehend. Hard to feel. Hard to see past the pain.
A chuckle.
Fade out.

---

Awareness comes quickly.
His sides are sticky. He can't feel his back. The chill of the night air is cold against his back. His head is fuzzy.
It should hurt.
It doesn't hurt.
Why doesn't it hurt?
"A deal," It's saying. It takes a second to comprehend the words -- a deal? A paw hooked around his neck. It draws him in, pressing him against its side. Constricting. Blearily focusing -- blinking around, taking it in. He needs to know. He needs answers.
Green meets violet. Arrowhead looks back at him with the most open horror Videogames has ever seen on his face. No mask, no failed attempts at hiding it. Just a shaking expression, something solid setting.
"A deal," Arrowhead says, almost agreeingly. His voice is shaking, too. "Put him down." Without any fanfare, Videogames hits the ground.
He can't move.
A deal.
As rapidly as it came, his awareness fades out. His eyes stay on Arrowhead the whole time.

---

He wakes up slowly. Head fuzzy -- he can't remember. Numbness. He can't feel.
A deal.
The stench of copper. An ache over his body.
A deal.
A deal.
Why can't he remember?
Something wet beneath his weight. Something dried against his fur. It stretches uncomfortable against his skin as he shifts. His wings won't move when he tries to stretch them. Something's pressed against his back.
He doesn't feel them against his wings.
He can't feel his wings. Like they weren't there to begin with.
A deal.
The stench of copper.
A weight pressed against his back.
Arrowhead.
Videogames snaps to attention, eyes opening, ears pricking. Arrowhead. Arrowhead.
What happened? Why can't he remember? What happened? Something dark. Something fading.
Arrowhead.
The ground is red. It gives beneath his weight, soaked. The scent of copper.
Videogames can't breathe.
Arrowhead. He can't feel his wings. His back stretches uncomfortably when he shifts. His head is fuzzy, this is all his fault, why doesn't it hurt. It should hurt.
Arrowhead. Arrowhead, Arrowhead. Arrowhead, a liar.
A deal.
Arrowhead, bleeding on the ground. Arrowhead, blown to pieces.
"Don't go wandering off at night," and he was so stupid and emotional.
Videogames can't breathe.
He can't move his wings.
His back stretches uncomfortably when he shifts.
He can't breathe.
It's his fault.