[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

(TW for gore. So tldr, Killua ends up falling into a deep sleep for the first time in a while in a cave thats away from Snowbound camp, in which he experiences a night terror (everything in italics is him dreaming), during this he ends up thrashing in his sleep which causes him to injure himself in several places. As soon as he wakes up, he lets out a blood cutterling scream, so anyone in the area should be able to hear him. He is currently standing panicked, not even realizing he's injured. Please don't try to match muse! Any response is seriously greatly appreciated. Injuries: A gash running down the side down to the front of his neck, a long gash almost down to the bone on his right arm, cut above his left eye, slash on his chest.)

So, this is what clan life was supposed to be like. Killua had wondered ever since he was stationed in the clans whether or not he would be able to experience the same feelings. Now, his feelings weren't exactly complete just yet because he knew that he had a problem simply looming over his shoulder and it would probably not go away without him getting involved with his family. But for the meantime, and for the first time in a long time, he was actually enjoying himself. The assassin had no reason to constantly think about what his next choice of action would be when it came to being violent. Instead, he was thinking about what his next adventure would end up being. It made excitement bubble up in his chest every time he thought about what possible fun he could make for himself while he was living in this clan. A clan that wasn't all that great, but it wasn't terrible either. There were some faces that he enjoyed being around, while other's he didn't get along with them at all. Which was bound to happen thanks to all the social awkwardness that he had all of the time, but it was better than nothing. At least he was trying and there were those that lived here that were willing to listen to him despite that. He was still young and had a lot to learn about the world around him and what bliss it could offer if everything went according to plan. Which with Killua, he was used to things going the complete opposite way. There were chances that what could happen wouldn't actually happen, and the unexpected would happen more than the expected scenario. It was hard to take Killua by surprise in that regard, as he was trained to be prepared for any situation, which is why he always thinks about worst case scenarios in his life. He had to be prepared because of how violent the clans could be, and how violent he could be as well. His personality didn't necessarily mix with Snowbound all that well, and he had gotten the argument plenty of times if he considered those that weren't willing to kill weak, why would he join a clan like this one? Simple. Killua couldn't stand the creatures that were simply all about killing and the pleasure of it. It reminded him too much of his own family, even though some in his family didn't kill for the fun of it, but for payment.

There was still that one factor that would draw him away from those certain clans, and those that lived in those clans simply lived to piss him off it seemed like. All of them basically had the same personality and the same goal in life and that goal was easily thrawted by anyone that was even remotely capable of fighting back. They had too big of an ego for their own skull, and it was that ego that usually got them killed. They thought that they were so tough, and yet when they were finally captured and tortured they usually didn't last all that long. There were plenty of ways to break someone's mind after all. The wildcat had been taught several different methods, and if he wanted to he could make anyone's life miserable forever. That wasn't what he was here to do though. Killua knew that he shouldn't be the one to try and seek salvation, but he was. Even a monster like himself believed that there was some peace that could be had, whether it was artificial or genuine it didn't matter to him. Just as long as it was something that he had never experienced before, and he yearned for it. He was tired of being alone and tired of having no one to talk to other than a snake that couldn't talk back to him. The assassin had been instructed plenty of times over that there was no need for him to make any friends because he would just ultimately kill them. In some aspects, his family was right. He had left Amorette basically to die and hope that she had transferred to another body which she had done. He had killed the first friend that he had ever made when he was a kitten because his family had ASKED him to. Was that all it was going to take for them to rip everything that he had worked towards now? To give him one simple command to where he wouldn't be able to refuse? No. He couldn't let that happen. Not again. Killua had silently sworn to himself that no one in Snowbound was going to die while he was around. Was he that protective of them? Not exactly. It was more for his own motive that he didn't want to end up blaming himself if someone did end up dying. It was a horrible state of mind, but it was the only state of mind that kept Killua sane. And now, he did have a reason to stay in Snowbound right now, and that was because London was here. The one that was willing to listen to his story and not judge him for the past that he had committed. Both he and the albino clouded leopard didn't seem to have all that great of a past, as he could tell from the look in her eyes and the experience. Not to mention the way that she held herself and seemed to apologize for something that wasn't even remotely her fault. The albino serval never thought he was going to meet someone so understanding and nonjudgemental.

He knew that if he decided to tell the rest of Snowbound, they would be afraid of him and he would be shunned. He couldn't have that happen when he was finally establishing roots for himself in this place. London had been able to drag him slightly out of the depths of darkness that his family was slowly dragging him back into. Killua knew London wasn't necessarily capable of protecting herself thanks to the condition with her blood, and so he would protect her. Protect the one that had given him some semblance of hope. One that had made him laugh countless times at the words that left her mouth. He owed her that much, even if she told him that friends didn't need to pay back debts. He didn't care and was going to do it anyway, the clouded leopard already meant so much to him after all. Despite having a friend now, Killua still wasn't taking all that much care of himself when it came to physical matters. He did start to eat again after he went through the fit of unstable mental health for a couple of weeks, but it was still barely the minimum that he needed in order to survive. Sleep had never been an option for the albino serval out of consideration that he knew what was going to happen if he did fall asleep. He would be awake with nightmares, and so Killua had decided that he would just rest his eyes throughout the day and that compensate for his lack of sleep. The method had worked for the first week, but now, he realized how much of his mind was actually drained and how hard it was for him to actually think. He was nearing his limit, and he knew that if he didn't do something he would pass out from exhaustion. Which wouldn't be the first time something like that happened. The assassin blinked his sapphire blue optics as he walked through the night landscape of Snowbound territory, heading to his own cave that he considered to be his den. There were plenty of reasons why Killua refused to sleep in Snowbound camp, one of them being the night terrors that he did suffer from. His paws made no sound as he approached the mouth of the cave, the cave is mostly above ground instead of going deep into the ground. Killua had no idea whether or not anyone knew where he even lived. Like he could really care. His metal claws didn't make any sound as they scrapped the rock floor of the cave. There was only one opened area of the cave, and there was no branching off tunnels. It looked like a hole that was just slightly in the ground. The assassin lets a heavy sigh escape his jaws as a frown was spread across his facial features. His shortened tail swayed behind him as he stood there for a couple moments. As if to psyche himself up to take a nap in case the damned voice came into play again. He flicked one of his nicked ears before laying himself down on the ground. Ten minutes. He was going to give himself ten minutes to rest up and then he was back to patrolling again. He didn't care about how tired he would be when he woke up. He refused to sleep. No one in the world could make him do it. Killua inhaled sharply as he lowered his body to the floor, laying his head down on his paws, his sapphire blue eyes directed toward the entrance in case someone decided to investigate the cave. Finally, his eyelids became too heavy and ultimately his eyes closed. His breathing slowed considerably before he was finally asleep. But instead of the ten minutes that he was given himself, his body didn't give him an option. Hours passed. And Killua's nightmares came to life.
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A groan escaped the albino serval's jaws as he fluttered his eyes open. Why the hell did his body feel so sore all of a sudden? The wildcat let himself mentally check how his body was doing, twitching his limbs back and forth to make sure that there was nothing broken. Maybe because he had been on the move for so long it just meant that his muscles had gotten sore because he refused to rest them. Yeah, that had to be the answer. When his eyes were finally open, he glanced down at his paws and his arms, which there didn't seem to be anything wrong with them. Either way, his suspicions were soon gone as he got himself up onto his paws. He parted his jaws to let out a yawn as he stretched his limbs, arching his back. Enjoying the sound of hearing his shoulder's pop from being in one position for so long. Wait. How long had he been asleep? A slight panic went through his body as he turned to look at the mouth of the cave, and his jaw went slack. It was bright and sunny out. He had slept all night?! That wasn't possible. He had made sure that he could always wake up when he wanted to and that there were no issues to be had. There was no way he could sleep an entire night without waking up during the middle. It had never happened before, and his sapphire blue eyes narrowed at the entrance of the cave. Of course, he wouldn't argue that he actually got a good night's sleep, but there was still something off. To the point that the fur on the back of his neck fluffed itself up as if sensing an incoming danger. Killua snuffed the feeling out as he walked outside of the cave, and went through his thoughts about what he was going to go do today. He could check up on some things or go to the Typhoon to talk with Argus. Or he could just see what London was doing, because it seemed like wherever the clouded leopard went, Killua seemed to follow without any hesitance. Killua still believed that there were threats from the other clans, and he couldn't have London bleed out while he just happened not to be there. He wouldn't let it happen again. His paws made no sounds as they crunched through the snow as he made his way toward Snowbound camp. Even if London wasn't there, he would be able to track her scent if she had recently left camp, or simply just ask around for the Lionheart. He managed a steady pace back toward camp, but while he was walking toward it, he felt eyes on the back of his head that was making him uneasy. It was impossible again. There was no one that could get away from his acute senses and actually be able to watch him without him knowing.

He stopped to look over his shoulders, but of course, he saw nothing. Maybe it was his paranoia or not even his own feelings that he was experiencing right now. It could just be his brother that was messing with him. A huff escaped his jaws as he made his way through the entrance of the camp. That was strange. Where was everyone? "Hello?" Killua called out to see if anyone was answering. They had so many members now, he would expect to at least see a familiar face, even if it possibly would be a face that he didn't get along with. There was no response when his voice echoed through the cave and its networks. Well, that was just great. The assassin lowered his head to start sniffing the ground, and what made it even worse, there were no longer any scents around. Not even one scent. All he could smell was dirty and earth. This made his body stiff as he looked around, wondering what the hell was going on. His heartbeat started to increase as he made sure that all of his senses were on alert. "Killua? Is everything okay?" A familiar voice rang out to the left of Killua and his head snapped in that direction. A sigh of relief escaped his jaws as he looked at London, the usual smile on her features as she made her way over toward him. There wasn't anything off about her behavior, but that didn't mean that he was going to calm down immediately either. "Oh uh yeah. I was just wondering where the hell everyone is at. It's like this place became a ghost town." Killua said light-heartedly, although there was a tension in his voice when he spoke. London seemed confused about what he was asking for a couple of seconds before finally responding. "You don't remember?" London asked in a genuinely confused voice. Killua would raise a nonexistent eyebrow toward his friend. Not remember? "What do you mean? I literally just woke up. Did I miss something while I was out?" Concern bubbled up in the middle of his chest, and he held his breath as he waited for her response. Her smile didn't falter. The gleam in her eyes didn't disappear. "You don't remember what you did?" The voice that escaped the albino clouded leopard didn't sound like her anymore. It sounded robotic. Dead. Monotone. It didn't fit her at all. His entire body flinched. What did that even mean? Then the smell of blood filled his nostrils what seemed to be out of nowhere. It was coming from his right, toward the cave that was Snowbound camp. There was a new feeling as he began to turn his head. Everything. Everything was covered in blood. Severed limbs having been impaled into the rock walls. He could barely make out what the corpses were. Jacob was one of the ones that he did recognize. The hybrid was laying on the ground. Missing half of his throat.

The other's esophagus hanging out in a grotesque manner. Someone had ripped his throat open. His limbs were twisted at an awkward angle, the bones jutting out in an unnatural manner. Someone had tortured him before ripping out his throat from the looks of it. Killua's eyes were wide with shock and fear as his eyes looked at the next creature. There was nothing but green fur that was around that area, and there was only one creature that had green fur. Izuku. He had liked the guy, but he wasn't particularly close to him. Did he wish for the other's death though? The male's body almost seemed to have been completely flattened by some massive force that was no longer around. To the point where the other's organs had begun to pop out from orifices. The maine coon's wings had been ripped off and stabbed into his body. The scene continued to go on, and for some reason, Killua couldn't bring himself to look away despite the horror of what he was seeing. There was a severed tail not too far away from where Izuku's mangled body was at. The assassin was able to barely tell through all the blood the coloration that it was a tawny hue. A cougar's tail. No. Mel couldn't be dead as well. She was the second creature that he had bonded close to in Snowbound. He couldn't kill her. NO. The severed tail was close to where the corpse actually was. Her body had been sliced in half, although it looked as if someone had done it with a rusty knife because the edges were rough around that area. She was missing her jaw, her tongue having rolled out of her mouth. Her once vibrant green eyes were now a dull hue, and they were looking at him. He kept eye contact with the corpse, and his body wouldn't move. Tears began to prick his eyes. No. He couldn't have done this. He wouldn't lose control that badly. He refused to believe it. It was during this time that Killua heard a whimper, and his dull blue eyes turned to look in the direction that the sound had come from. What was that? There, he saw a familiar black kitten. One that was dragging behind a partially severed leg. Trying his best to make his way toward his father. Jacob's mangled body nothing but flesh now, and he could hear Harrison pleading to his father. But as a kitten of his size, that sort of injury wouldn't take him long to die. He had to save him. He HAD to. Killua tried to force his body to move. He could still save him. Not everything was lost. He still could. His body again refused to move, and soon Harrison dropped to the ground. Killua was forced to watch as the other's breathing slowly began to stop, till there was nothing left. Had that been why his body had been so sore when he woke up.

Finally, his head was given movement, and he looked down at his paws. He hadn't realized it, but his body was covered in everyone's blood. There was nothing left. He looked like he was drenched in the crimson fluid. He wanted to vomit. Then, something heavy landed behind him, causing his breathing to stop and look over his shoulders. A large black tiger with owl wings stood before him. Emotionless black eyes staring down at his brother. Now, he had full movement. Fear gripped his body to the point that it was suffocating. No. This couldn't have happened while he was around. There would have been some sign that Illumi was around. His breathing started to quicken as if he was running out of oxygen, taking a step back from his older brother. "S-Stay away from me!" Killua shouted before he was ultimately knocked down to the ground by something. Standing over him was London, but it wasn't exactly London. A large yellow needle was sticking out of the side of her head, and there was no longer an expression on her face. She was being controlled by his older brother. "S-Stop! Please! Leave her alone! I'll do anything!" His brother didn't say a word as he pleaded for his friend's life. Killua was barely able to dodge London's strikes toward his throat while she pinned him to the ground. He had to do something. He had to remove the needle. He raised one of his paws and tried to push her off. Instead, his body made sure to use more force than he had wanted. Killua could do nothing but watch as his metal claws sliced through the clouded leopard's throat. Her blood pooling onto his stomach and chest. Her body dropped to the side, and Killua immediately started to panic. He hadn't done that. Had he? He had just wanted to push her off! The condition with her blood obviously meant that the wound was going to be fatal but, there had to be something he could do. Killua tried to use his powers to conjure up the supplies he would need to save his friend. But nothing happened. He was powerless. He hovered over her body as he attempted to shovel snow into the wound to stop the bleeding. London wasn't looking at him. Tears poured down his face. "No no NO. Please, I didn't- this wasn't supposed to happen. Please be okay please don't leave me!" Killua screamed as he watched the clouded leopard's blood coat the snow around them. Then her breathing stopped. And everything exploded.
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It wasn't uncommon for Killua to thrash around in his sleep during a night terror. The entire time that this did indeed happen, the wildcat had been thrashing in his sleep. However, his body had a habit that whenever he was stressed, his metal claws would remain sheathes. Metal claws that were more than capable of slicing through flesh with a simple swipe of his paw. This made it to where he was prone to where he hurt himself. Thanks to his high pain tolerance, Killua didn't wake up while he was injuring himself. His limbs flailing and twitching during his night terror as his own claws sliced themselves through the side and the front of his throat. Not deep enough to where it would kill him, but obviously still a concern. The assassin then carved into his flesh on his arm and then his chest. Blood starting to pool around him as it seeped into his stark white fur. As soon as London died in his dream, Killua let out a blood-curdling scream, one that echoed through the cave and through the night. He had only been sleeping for five minutes in total before he finally woke up. Killua had jumped up immediately on his paws, his paws almost slipping on the blood that had pooled on the ground. His throat felt raw as he sucked in lungfuls of breath. His eyes were wide with fear, but also, his eyes seemed lost. It was obvious that he wasn't aware of his surroundings, and that he was in a panic. His stance was more defensive than aggressive, at least from someone looking at him. Killua felt no pain from his injuries as he had yet to come to. His entire body shook, as if he was extremely cold, his metal claws curling into the ground. No tears streamed down his face.

snowbound -- snowstriker -- male -- 8 moons

[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

(Late response but I wanted to continue this)

Growing up too fast. A term that was used in the clans quite often thanks to the factor that they were forced to grow up at a decent pace. Depending on the group that they were living in depended on how they interacted with others in the end. The assassin had done exactly that for the majority of his life instead of being allowed to enjoy the happenings of the world around him. He was struck with the realization of what the world actually was and what would happen out there waiting for him once he did decide to try and make it out on his own in the end. Killua had thought he had been prepared for what would happen in the world around him, but in the end he couldn't have been more wrong. He had let his emotions get to him and he started to connect with those that he interacted with. Something that his family didn't quite approve of and did everything in their power so that he wouldn't force connections with anyone, not even the butlers that he lived and that were supposed to serve him and his family. Killua remembered there had been a time that he was talking to someone outside of the gate of the mountain that the Zoldyck's lived on. The young male didn't really think much about it all things considered thanks to the factor that he didn't feel there was any harm with simply talking to a loner that posed no threat to him and his family. The loner was pretty easy for him to talk to, and since he wasn't doing any training at the moment it meant that he wouldn't have to worry about having to go back into that damn mansion to be tortured for the next couple of hours. Killua had easily noticed that the loner obviously didn't trust him at all, as the other's body language was severely reserved in that regard. Killua didn't blame him considering that the other probably felt that Killua wasn't someone that was even remotely ordinary in that regard. Belonging to an elite assassin family that one's name could carry for large distances was almost like a burden for Killua to constantly hold over his shoulders. His family was his burden. Killua had talked with the loner almost till night started to fall and the creature became relaxed around him. Until he heard his mother screaming his name in the shrill voice that she always used. He followed what she said and went back toward her without a second thought, saying goodbye to the loner. What he didn't realize was that his brother had been watching them the entire time, and as soon as the serval left the loner was dispatched.

Killua had never anticipated that he would even see the loner again since the land was large and many creatures could live in it. Killua had no idea to this day exactly how much his family did control his life in the background when he wasn't watching. There was another instance where he had grown close toward one of the butlers in training, that just so happened to be around his age at the same time. When his mother realized the developing relationship of what a friend could be, she made sure that the young butler was punished and tortured so that it would never happen again. Of course, Killua noticed the sudden distance between both of them, and when he approached her about it he asked her what had happened. The butler kept her lips tight and said that it was nothing for him to concern himself with, but said it in a professional manner instead of being rude. Being one to easily cut ties from himself, it wasn't hard for Killua to start to completely ignore the butler. He was so naive at that point that he didn't think that his family had messed with her mind and crafted her into what she wanted to be. His family was everything for him. They were a poison that would weave their way through his bones and rot him from the inside out once they got a hold of him. He was drowning in the blood that they had spilled in the past, the killing not being one of the reason's why he hated his family because everyone was bound to kill something sooner or later. Whether that be a creature that was sentient or one that had no mind for their own. Killua still had no idea what the ideology of a family really was. There were a couple of examples that currently existed in Snowbound, but most of the creatures that lived here were incredibly independent and had no idea who the other creature was unless they just decided to approach them without much really care. Killua was different, as he constantly put up walls against those that started to become close to him. Not only afraid of what his family could do to them but also afraid of himself. He had hurt thousands of other creatures before even coming to Snowbound, and yet could anyone forgive that kill count? He only knew of one creature that was capable of such things, and that was London. The one that hadn't cared about his past and the one that just wanted to be normal like he did. The snow leopard hadn't judged him at all for his actions, and he was happy for that. No, more than happy honestly. The assassin had so much weight on his shoulders and he didn't want to pass it off to anyone else. That would be selfish of him, so he kept his emotions to himself. Not thinking that he was worth the time for other's to deal with his own problems that he felt he should be able to fix himself. And yet, he had killed London in his dream. He had killed everyone that he had started to connect with.

Even Harrison. The kid that shouldn't even be exposed to violence at this point, and the other had broken his leg just to let him bleed out as he killed his father. He was truly disgusting to allow something like that to happen. The ivory-hued wildcat seemed to want to curl into himself at the tragic sight that was still burning into the back of his eyes. He wanted to get away. Run away from the image. That's all he ever did though huh? He continued to run away from his problems instead of dealing with them face on like most would think he would. He was afraid. He had always been afraid of what the future could hold because he can't predict what could actually happen in the future. The assassin didn't know what to do with himself, and he barely registered that someone had entered the cave, having found it away from the security of Snowbound camp. Although, Killua wouldn't consider living in Snowbound camp to really be secure in that regard, too many bodies to keep track of in one small area. The albino serval's wild eyes turned to look at Skyreacher, someone that he had never seen before, and his jaw clamped shut instead of panting like he had done before. The assassin took a silent step back, but in that same instance, his paw became drenched in the blood that had been dripping from the ground. What? Killua felt little to no pain as he didn't even really bother to vocally address Skyreacher, but instead he had looked at him when his eyes turned back to normal despite the shock that was on his face. When he took a step back, his right paw immediately started to slide, on something. Killua barely managed to catch himself, his metal claws making a grinding sound as the two tough surfaces ground against each other. The sound didn't hurt his ears, as all he could hear right now was his heartbeat. His eyes slowly moved down to look down at his right arm and noticed the large clean cuts that spread across the limb. What the hell?! Killua had a moment of panic for a second, before realizing what it actually was. He had to do a mental check of his body. Blood dripped in front of his right eye. He had a cut on his forehead somewhere. He felt his skin becoming sticky around his throat, and he raised one of his paws to touch the area to feel the wounds. Any type of wound near such a sensitive area was a bad sign. But in the end the wound didn't seem to be all that deep. Good. He could stitch it close. Immediately a facade was put on his face as he looked calm and collected all over again as he sat himself down away from the puddle of blood in his cave. He was able to focus his powers just enough to conjure up some gauze, bandages, and stitches. He needed to stitch the wound on his arm first as that was his main concern. What if he hit a main artery? He would be dead, but the blood wasn't gushing enough to instigate that he did. Killua tried to take the needle in one of his paws, but thanks for both of his appendages covered in blood, it was basically impossible for him to hold anything. It would just slip out of his grasp. A frustrated hiss escaped his jaws as his shortened tail lashed behind him, and then more voices made their way toward his ears. His normal gaze turned to look at Jacob and London made their way into the area, and his chest clenched his entire body stiffening. They looked perfectly fine. It was another damned night terror then. His ears were pinned to the back of his skull as he calmed his breathing down again, knowing that he would have no choice but to let Jacob heal him despite him not liking anyone else touching him in the end. He clenched his jaw as he looked off to the side, not looking at the two Snowbounders. "Fine." Was all that Killua stated in a calm voice. Despite this, his entire body was shaking. He couldn't get the damn images out of his head.

snowbound -- snowstriker -- male -- 8 moons