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I wake up at the bottom of it all again - Goldenluxury - Warringkingdoms - 08-03-2019
[font=trebuchet ms]/tw: nightmares, blood, allusions to eye injuries and suicide in italicized portion, mention of alcohol in second to last paragraph
The linoleum floors chilled her paw pads as she paced through the corridors, the musty odor stifling all signs of life. Gray walls stretched as far as she could see, muted by darkness and disuse. Cold seeped through the ceiling and sank into every inch of the building.
She was alone, or at least she thought so. Occasionally she could hear the floors creaking, or dry coughing, or distant yelling. Maybe it was all in her head. Maybe it really was just her at the end of the world with no one left to challenge the odds, except her continuing to yell and scream as though it mattered what she had to say.
Finally, she reached a corner, something to break up the maddening monotony. She rounded it, and right before her were two felines, one whiskey-eyed, one sunflower-eyed.
Look at yourself, said the one, how many times, said the other, and the world proceeded to collapse into a cacophony of sights and sounds. Does it make you feel better. Eyes crying red. Phoenixes last forever. Steel melting under flames. We trusted you to not harm the guise of a loved one and yet it all burned down. Arrows, through the stomach, through the shoulder, through the side. You just won't die, much as she sometimes wanted to. Sometimes? Never changes. Teeth and claws breaking skin, ripping, shredding, fighting for either a life or a hope of one. Dishonest. Dirty. Dishonorable. Fine one to speak of honor.
They descended upon her
and she was awake, her entire body twitching in pain and panic, her breathing rapid and uneven.
She rolled over, staring down at the puddle of rainwater by her head. No blood on her face, no fresh wounds, no sign of an attack that hadn't already been dealt with. No scent of them. Just wood, warmth, mildew and moisture. She inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, trying for all she was worth to settle her breathing. She wouldn't want anyone to know about the state she was in, let alone a stranger; the Typhoon's help with her physical injuries was appreciated, but they had no further right to information about her mental health than some loner off the street.
She knew she shouldn't have fallen asleep. Mumbling herb names under her breath to distract herself, Rin got to her feet and trudged outside, stopping at the edge of the platform and staring out over the expanse of jungle. Despite the warm breeze blowing through the leaves, she still shivered, her ears pinned back against her skull. She didn't dare look at the stars, so she instead cast her gaze onto the sand, and counted the rocks protruding from among the grains. A menial task? Yes. Did she care? No.
"Twenty," she murmured, "twenty-one, twenty-one guns... no." Shuddering, she shook her head. "Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty... twenty dollar nosebleed... no. Twenty-five." Sitting down, she curled her tail around her paws in a vain attempt at warming herself up. Feeling cold and seeking warmth in the strangest places... didn't sound familiar to her at all, nope, nosiree. Swallowing, she continued, "Twenty-six, twenty-seven, too many war wounds and not enough wars."
With a stifled hiss, she hunched her shoulders. "Stop," she pleaded, unsure of whom she was asking. "Just... just stop." Lowering her head, she stared intently at her paws, unwilling to close her eyes. She just needed to forget, just for a few moments. Long enough to stop freaking out. Alcohol might do it, if she knew where to find some.
She probably couldn't get there anyway. Heaving a long sigh, Rin swept her gaze over the treehouses, hoping to find someone else awake at this hour. Not to have a long, deep conversation with, but to just... small talk. She'd hated the idea of small talk once upon a time, but maybe it could help her. Maybe.
Re: I wake up at the bottom of it all again - Goldenluxury - bubblegum - 08-06-2019
I HEARD, I HEARD ACROSS A MOONLIT SEA
THE OLD VOICE WARNING ME
BEWARE, BEWARE THE DAUGHTER OF THE SEA
BEWARE, BEWARE OF ME.
[align=center]Fortunate for Rin, one of Goldenluxury's specialties happened to be chatting in the middle of the God damn night. It was how she got through most of them as a child. The tigress had gotten long used to the sleepless nights and, while she was doing better, by at least giving herself power naps of sorts in a timely manner, it likely was not very healthy. She was clearly already starting to grow exhausted. But, could anyone blame her? The events kept colliding into each other. The thread of war grew closer each day. She knew better than to simply sit idle and believe that the Pitt would not retaliate. They would - she is sure of it - it was just a matter of when, and if it would occur before Crow, potentially Tena, and her could take them down. Stryker was out there wandering around somewhere. The lion had been left alive for far too fucking long, and she wants to find him. The Gods had sent her several messages to decipher - one she is still trying to figure out. A German word, certainly, had been chanted at her, and she could tell it started with an H, but that is as far as she the Gaelic girl had gotten. They gave her water elementals. They displayed her papa in chains. Her papa was supposed to return. She couldn't miss that. Perhaps that would be the Pitt's retaliation, somehow. Something to do with that.
The captain didn't know. She didn't plan to figure it all out, either, but she would at the very least make things were sorted if they were to go any which direction she could come up with. Preparation and brainstorming took a majority of her time spent in her room and, honestly, it was exhausting. She was tired of strategy. She just wanted to go apeshit. It was too time consuming, too thought provoking. The female pushed herself away from it when she'd felt the thoughts spiraling too far to focus. She needn't concern herself over things that didn't relate to the crew and their success right now, and her mind was always trying to distract her with ideas that she had buried a long time ago. She was just angry now. No other negative emotion let her be so productive. So, she would release some of that so-called anger, and do something productive.
The captain exited her room, staring out to the docks around her, looking to the large Tempest next to her living quarters. She would reach out her paws and attempt to push the water, gently focusing on it at first, so used to her powers coming too strong in the beginning, only to realize that was accomplishing nothing. So, the tigress tries again, but more pressure this time. Still, nothing, though. One more time. With feeling! And, finally, the water pushes into a small wave, rustling the seas around it ever so slightly. She sighs, staring out to the reflective ocean. Perhaps the nicest thing to say about these times was that, despite everything, she got to spend time by the sea. Even more time, arguably, being that it would be the main place for her to build her skills with her new power. The daughter of the sea always lived between two worlds, desiring to become a fish. Maybe the Gods were attempting to connect her to this lifelong goal, as closely as they could. Nonetheless, it was clear she would need to do things a little backwards when it comes to this new power. Rather than controlling the strength it already contained, she had to reveal it in a sense, and learn to control that. The female would reach one of her paws off of the docks and run it through the water gently, only to find the liquid clinging to her fur in a much thicker manner than it would if her fur was just absorbing it. It sat upon her paw, and suddenly she spots sparks flying out of her paw, similar to how her body would react to getting wet when she was still learning to handle her electric elementals.
The female shakes her paws, attempting to get the water off of her, only to result in various droplets floating within the air, still conducting the electricity emanating from her paws, causing it to travel farther. She stares at the light show in front of her silently for a moment, her fur sticking up slightly from the static and discovery. The captain grits her teeth, huffing slightly, pulling her paw closer to her back and then to the wooden dock she sat upon. The water then drops, her fur completely dry and sparks naturally zapping away. Perhaps for now she should avoid getting wet. She's too worn to be counting on her built control over her powers for now, clearly, as the electricity had exited her paws without her meaning it to. She shakes her head. Maybe she ought to do something else for a little while. She could go to the lighthouse, read up on German, try to figure out what it was those voices had been chanting to her. She could collect herbs for their stores. She could do a quick round about the island. Her wings extend and she walks a few steps before beginning to flap them and taking flight.
Goldie starts off high, gliding down slowly as she moves closer to the jungles that took over a large portion of their island, her glowing eyes looking down to the world below her, and then to the volcano. There is not much activity, aside from a few crewmates wandering about themselves, nocturnal creatures making way through their regular nights, and the gentle peaceful quiet of their island. She angles herself downward, gently floating closer to the trees as she extends her claws to help land. She was watching the trees carefully, not wishing to land on one that contained a treehouse so that she wouldn't potentially bother a crewmate, but coincidentally would land just next to Rin's place of rest. The tigress looks down from the top of the tree, seeing through the leaves a figure. The female methodically hops down the branches, ending up just a few feet away from Rin's own treehouse. "You're up late," she'd comment casually. If it hadn't been obvious before, it would become increasingly clear to the Elysium member there was little chance the captain of the Typhoon ever slept. Did she need it? Maybe being the daughter of the sea means she needn't rest like regular mortal creatures. However, her tired eyes would declare the truth.
The captain didn't know. She didn't plan to figure it all out, either, but she would at the very least make things were sorted if they were to go any which direction she could come up with. Preparation and brainstorming took a majority of her time spent in her room and, honestly, it was exhausting. She was tired of strategy. She just wanted to go apeshit. It was too time consuming, too thought provoking. The female pushed herself away from it when she'd felt the thoughts spiraling too far to focus. She needn't concern herself over things that didn't relate to the crew and their success right now, and her mind was always trying to distract her with ideas that she had buried a long time ago. She was just angry now. No other negative emotion let her be so productive. So, she would release some of that so-called anger, and do something productive.
The captain exited her room, staring out to the docks around her, looking to the large Tempest next to her living quarters. She would reach out her paws and attempt to push the water, gently focusing on it at first, so used to her powers coming too strong in the beginning, only to realize that was accomplishing nothing. So, the tigress tries again, but more pressure this time. Still, nothing, though. One more time. With feeling! And, finally, the water pushes into a small wave, rustling the seas around it ever so slightly. She sighs, staring out to the reflective ocean. Perhaps the nicest thing to say about these times was that, despite everything, she got to spend time by the sea. Even more time, arguably, being that it would be the main place for her to build her skills with her new power. The daughter of the sea always lived between two worlds, desiring to become a fish. Maybe the Gods were attempting to connect her to this lifelong goal, as closely as they could. Nonetheless, it was clear she would need to do things a little backwards when it comes to this new power. Rather than controlling the strength it already contained, she had to reveal it in a sense, and learn to control that. The female would reach one of her paws off of the docks and run it through the water gently, only to find the liquid clinging to her fur in a much thicker manner than it would if her fur was just absorbing it. It sat upon her paw, and suddenly she spots sparks flying out of her paw, similar to how her body would react to getting wet when she was still learning to handle her electric elementals.
The female shakes her paws, attempting to get the water off of her, only to result in various droplets floating within the air, still conducting the electricity emanating from her paws, causing it to travel farther. She stares at the light show in front of her silently for a moment, her fur sticking up slightly from the static and discovery. The captain grits her teeth, huffing slightly, pulling her paw closer to her back and then to the wooden dock she sat upon. The water then drops, her fur completely dry and sparks naturally zapping away. Perhaps for now she should avoid getting wet. She's too worn to be counting on her built control over her powers for now, clearly, as the electricity had exited her paws without her meaning it to. She shakes her head. Maybe she ought to do something else for a little while. She could go to the lighthouse, read up on German, try to figure out what it was those voices had been chanting to her. She could collect herbs for their stores. She could do a quick round about the island. Her wings extend and she walks a few steps before beginning to flap them and taking flight.
Goldie starts off high, gliding down slowly as she moves closer to the jungles that took over a large portion of their island, her glowing eyes looking down to the world below her, and then to the volcano. There is not much activity, aside from a few crewmates wandering about themselves, nocturnal creatures making way through their regular nights, and the gentle peaceful quiet of their island. She angles herself downward, gently floating closer to the trees as she extends her claws to help land. She was watching the trees carefully, not wishing to land on one that contained a treehouse so that she wouldn't potentially bother a crewmate, but coincidentally would land just next to Rin's place of rest. The tigress looks down from the top of the tree, seeing through the leaves a figure. The female methodically hops down the branches, ending up just a few feet away from Rin's own treehouse. "You're up late," she'd comment casually. If it hadn't been obvious before, it would become increasingly clear to the Elysium member there was little chance the captain of the Typhoon ever slept. Did she need it? Maybe being the daughter of the sea means she needn't rest like regular mortal creatures. However, her tired eyes would declare the truth.
Re: I wake up at the bottom of it all again - Goldenluxury - Warringkingdoms - 08-07-2019
[font=trebuchet ms]/tw: flashback and mentions of eye injuries in paragraph 6 (italicized)
Stress-induced insomnia was no stranger to Rin, either. She had spent entire months at a time on an abnormal or nonexistent sleep schedule when she was younger, burdened by everything that was at stake, and all the terrible things that were free to happen when she slept. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, too; one particularly sleepless week had forced her to rest for a full night afterwards, long enough for things to go to hell without her being able to do anything about it. Whether she slept on a normal schedule or refused to sleep at all until she fell unconscious, she couldn't win.
At least now, she had the power to neutralize some of the ever-present threats. The Pitt was sure to retaliate if they figured they could get away with it, she knew that much from experience, so the coalition of Tanglewood, the Typhoon, and Elysium would need to strike back soon. She may not have been a member of any of the three, but stopping the Pitt was just the right thing to do- and if the Pitt caused any more damage, it would get in the way of her vengeance against the gods.
She was trying to be single-minded about her goal, staying on the warpath and looking for opportunities. The gods were beginning to play dirty, though, if the Maiden was any indication, and the past was steadily gaining on her. If it caught up to her, she knew full well it would swallow her whole. She had to keep going, keep up the pace, and get this done, before the inevitable arrived.
Part of her wondered what would happen if she just... told someone that she was trying to kill her old pantheon's gods. They'd think she was crazy, there was no doubt in her mind of that, but that was okay; actually, it was better that way, lest she get too attached to them and doom them to a terrible fate. Anything to remind herself of what she was supposed to be doing now, rather than what she'd failed to do before.
She heard leaves rustling, the impact of someone landing in the trees close by, and turned her head to look. Through the cover of the leaves, she could see the silhouette of a winged animal in the moonlight.
One eye bloodied, lost forever, the other demanding answers. Did it make her feel any better? Neither answer would satisfy him. Nor should it. He had a right to be angry, to hate her because she hadn't been good enough. Never was.
Her claws unsheathed, digging into the wood beneath her, but she could only stare helplessly as the creature descended.
Once Goldenluxury came into view, though, Rin blinked. Her eyes darted from the fins on the captain's legs, to the heterochromatic eyes, to the completely different facial structure. This was a tiger, not a wolf. This was not a clanmate. This was not someone she'd wronged. She had to focus on that.
Finally, she shook her head, her ears swiveling in Goldenluxury's direction. It was late, she was tired, and the captain was clearly tired too from her facial expression. "Yeah," she answered, with a slow nod. "I've had problems with insomnia since I was a kid." Admitting to a poor sleep schedule was a strange conversation starter, but it wasn't like she had confessed as to why she had a poor sleep schedule, and anything to prevent her from thinking back was welcome.
With a low, wry chuckle, she remarked, "The medic offered me more poppy seeds. Probably should've taken them up on it."
Re: I wake up at the bottom of it all again - Goldenluxury - bubblegum - 08-07-2019
[align=center]
GOLDENLUXURY ROUX
I HEARD, I HEARD ACROSS A MOONLIT SEA
THE OLD VOICE WARNING ME
THE OLD VOICE WARNING ME
BEWARE, BEWARE THE DAUGHTER OF THE SEA
BEWARE, BEWARE OF ME.
information — plottingBEWARE, BEWARE OF ME.
She would notice the wariness of the female, and the captain couldn't blame her. She'd be just as hostile if she were in the female's paws. Nonetheless, she would not bother commenting on it, instead focusing on the conversation they've managed to spring from the silence. Her feathered ear tips twitch slightly, taking in the female's words. "Insomnia?" she'd echo the word, tilting her head slightly. Clearly, the captain had never considered something like that before for herself. Chances are, the female could sleep most nights, if she put in the effort to do so. There was a difference, though. She chose not to. She has associated sleep with death for a very long time now. The female shook her head to herself for a moment. "Dunno if I can say the same." Did it really count as insomnia if she was the one inflicting this upon herself? It was entirely intentional she did not sleep, after all. It was unproductive, left things to become a morning mystery, allowed her to miss things she would rather not be absent from. Either way, she's not really sure she cares too much about the technicalities. So, she leans back slightly, focusing back onto the Elysium member across from her.
Idyllfields visited her - she's glad to hear this. The sage is good for the job, she's sure of it. "Well, considerin' 'm the one trainin' 'em, I certainly have free reign t' grab you some now, if you'd like." The captain offers gently, shrugging. Though they may not be allies, the female still sees little need to act hostile towards the female. They may very well be at war against each other one day, but, for today, they have a common enemy. Why make a bad name of herself when she is still awaiting the response of the female's leader? Besides, it just wasn't in the captain's nature to be an ass for no reason. Simply being a foreigner was surely not a reason. Whether the female took up her offer of medicine or not, she'd not care too much either way. It was a personal choice and Goldie would not judge her for either. If she were to accept and it were to work, she could simply go about her night, find something productive to do. Or, they could continue to chat - not necessarily unproductive in her mind - it gave her more insight into this member they were letting into their home, as well as potentially gave them a better name to Tena. "Alternatively, I could make some tea."
Idyllfields visited her - she's glad to hear this. The sage is good for the job, she's sure of it. "Well, considerin' 'm the one trainin' 'em, I certainly have free reign t' grab you some now, if you'd like." The captain offers gently, shrugging. Though they may not be allies, the female still sees little need to act hostile towards the female. They may very well be at war against each other one day, but, for today, they have a common enemy. Why make a bad name of herself when she is still awaiting the response of the female's leader? Besides, it just wasn't in the captain's nature to be an ass for no reason. Simply being a foreigner was surely not a reason. Whether the female took up her offer of medicine or not, she'd not care too much either way. It was a personal choice and Goldie would not judge her for either. If she were to accept and it were to work, she could simply go about her night, find something productive to do. Or, they could continue to chat - not necessarily unproductive in her mind - it gave her more insight into this member they were letting into their home, as well as potentially gave them a better name to Tena. "Alternatively, I could make some tea."
Re: I wake up at the bottom of it all again - Goldenluxury - Warringkingdoms - 08-09-2019
[font=trebuchet ms]Come to think of it, Rin wasn't really sure it was insomnia, if she only lost sleep due to stress rather than an underlying physical condition. From her medical experience, she had determined that she was free of any such conditions. Still, it wasn't a choice to remain awake, for her. If she could stay awake forever without her body shutting itself down, she most certainly would, if only to protect the people around her- but no one had that power.
It was true that, as captain of this group, Goldenluxury had the authority to get some more poppy seeds. Still, if she did go out... Rin would be alone. She wasn't entirely sure she could tolerate another few minutes of solitude, in her state. Well, she probably could, but she didn't want to. Selfishness, cowardice, whatever one wanted to call it, Rin was too tired not to engage in it. She swallowed painfully, then opened her mouth to give an answer- a refusal of painkillers.
Goldenluxury was the first to suggest an alternative, though. Tea. She had had tea before, or at least been offered it, but it had been ages. She couldn't recall the taste, or where she had been offered the substance in the first place. That might be better, then. It would be almost like a new experience, something untainted by the past.
"I'll take tea," Rin said finally, with a small but firm nod. Taking tea was an activity suiting for an ambassador and the other clan's leader. She was no ambassador, just an injured fool that suffered from night terrors, but in this situation she'd do. Better that than to have tea just for the sake of it. This way, she could speak well of the Typhoon to Tena, and thus could ensure that retribution against the Pitt was all the swifter. Besides, a warm beverage could stave off the chill that had settled in her bones.