[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

(ah its okay buddy! So have i honestly haha)

There were plenty of things about Killua that other's could find to hate. Just so that they wouldn't have to be close to the young serval in any shape or form. He had seen the excuses that other's had made in order to avoid him. Whether it was someone that he knew by name and by personality, or even a butler that he had ended up growing up with. Of course, with the butlers, it was basically their job to do whatever he said, but he knew that butlers could be requested to be in charge of someone else in his family. He was a threatening creature, even when he wasn't trying to be. he could go from being incredibly serious about being completely stoic and devoid any emotions that could push through the wall that he had built for himself. Did he really build that wall himself though? Obviously, he hadn't been the only one to build that wall because his family had been the one to help in its construction in the end. Killua had plenty of personality traits that some would think would be too brash to talk to others about. He was blunt and rude half of the time when he talked to those that he didn't even remotely care about. There were only a couple of instances that Killua would find someone interesting to interact with to where he wouldn't try to ignore them entirely or act in a rude manner. If someone was around the same strength as he was, which he was capable of telling just by looking at someone sometimes in the way that they held themselves. If a creature was around the same age as him and was incredibly powerful then he would certainly give them a lot of attention. It was rare for him to find someone that had the same potential and capability that his family had told him that he had. He wanted to meet a creature that he could consider to be his equal. Anyone that was more than capable of taking him on in a small sparring match would be good enough for the young male as he was almost desperate at this point. But he wasn't desperate enough to try and associate with those that he found weak and annoying. Circusclown had ended up teaching him how to deal with other's socially, meaning he had a lot more patience with others as long as they weren't trying to get into his face. Killua often times spoke his mind about the obvious when it came to those that were on the border looking to join a group like this. He didn't sugar coat anything that he said and went straight to the point. Killua had figured that trying to make everything seem glorious would just crush the minds of those that had never been in a clan before. Which made sense, because one sometimes expects the clans to be a salvation from living alone for a good majority of the time. Until they figured out just how violent the clans were with one another and that they would probably be forced to put their lives on the line to be able to 'serve their clans'. Killua considered that be complete bullshit because he wasn't going to put his life on the line for the likes of Snowbound.

Even though half of the clans that they could probably fight with were weaker than him, but it would just be an annoyance and boring if the fights weren't at least someone interesting. If a fight got boring for the serval, it wasn't unusual for him to actually end the fight quickly just to get it over with. The same happened when it came to spars. He lacks the mercy that most of the clans have when it comes to getting into a fight with an opponent. He isn't one that is going to be nice or fight clean, as all that matter is winning in the end by any means necessary. That had been a lesson that his father had actually ended up teaching him a long time ago. At least it felt like a long time. As part of his training, as there was no such thing as fighting dirty when his life was on the line. He would have to use every means necessary to come out on top. Killua still stood by that to this very day. Because of this lack of mercy, he lacks a good amount of empathy toward others if they are in a bad situation. He rarely feels sad for others because he knows that he probably had his life worth. Part of him knows that he shouldn't compare his life to the those that he encounters since it's not the same, but it was hard for him to get rid of a bad habit that he had developed a long time. One that was going to take plenty of time for him to get rid of. Killua's aggression is another factor that clans have to live with. He was born to be violent from the very start, and he was born to be a killer for a short time.  The quickest way to piss off the young assassin is to look down on him. To make it seem like he's weaker than he actually looks just because he's a kid instead of an adult. He had met plenty of those that were around his age that had better morals than the likes of an adult because adults always think that they know the best for their kid. Which was exactly what his own parents had told him when he was having knives driven into his body over and over again until he couldn't feel it anymore. Parents knew best huh? Killua would laugh at that statement, as he knew anyone that was allowed needed to follow their own path instead of following the path that was created for them. What was the fun in following down a road that was always there? He would rather deviate from the path and explore the unknowns in the world because there was so much that Killua didn't know about. Especially when it came to social edicat, which he knew the correct ways to manipulate someone socially, but he didn't know how to socially connect with someone. His aggression became apparent when it came to the Typhoon. He didn't express rage or anger like other's would think someone his age would. He didn't spout words that he couldn't back up in a fight, and he remained almost unnaturally calm right before attacking someone. He was calculative and immediately knew the different ways that he could actually kill. When Guru had first attacked Killua, he hadn't really been pissed at the thought that someone had attacked a clanmate at that very moment. Instead, he thought of it as an opportunity to let loose some steam after his interaction with Argus on the Typhoon border. The wildcat needed to get some of his own frustrations out, but when he realized that London was close to bleeding out, that became his major concern. Now she had a scar that ran across her body that could have been prevented, but maybe it had been an eye opener when it came to those who she should trust and who she shouldn't. Killua enjoyed beating Guru up more than he would like to admit. It was a good time to medicate his frustrations until he realized how much he was actually enjoying it during this time.

Killua got excited whenever there was a fight, especially one that had promise of being interesting instead of the boring one that he was used to. He wanted to be challenged, and the clans barely were able to accomplish that. However, the clans challenged him in another way, and that was his mental attitude and what he thought of himself. Most creatures held themselves up with confidence, and Killua practically leaked confidence all of the time. He had confidence in all of his abilities. He enjoyed fights, and that would never change. This probably wasn't the best fit for him in a place that wanted to remain as passive as possible. Even when the Typhoon approached on the border and Guru was there, he was pissed because he could see through the rouse that the Typhoon had tried to make themselves be. Why did the other's want to become allies with the likes of them when they could become allies with the Ascendants? The Ascendants had the same thoughts as Snowbound did, and even if they didn't live near a beach it would be better for them not to worry about the issues that had come through with the Typhoon. It had only been because Mel had been there that he had managed to calm down, but he had also managed to find out exactly how London felt about herself. She blamed herself for everything. Which Killua could somewhat relate to when it came to the first couple of times that he came to the clans. Killua also self-depreciated himself all of the time, which had been taught to him by his family that he was nothing but a machine. Killua having almost accepted that about himself if it wasn't for a couple interactions that he would end up having with others. Just as there were negative factors to consider with Killua, there were plenty of positive ones as well. The assassin was extremely loyal to those that he became close to. Such as the adopted sister he had ended up getting close to in the previous clan that he had lived in. This soon leads to him being extremely over protected of the female, but it was all in the best intentions because his family was looking for him and if they found out he bonded with someone they would end up becoming a target. The serval had to protect her, and he was a good means of protection thanks to how strong he was. Killua almost always remaining calm could easily dissolve a situation if it was needed, using logic to help calm down any scene that was created in a clan. He was a great strategist, probably one of the best, meaning that he could help out clans during times of war. He could keep clans protected, but if he saw other's using him as the likes of a bodyguard it would just piss him off in the end. Due to his own past, Killua didn't really judge other's for the past that they had gone through. It would be hypocritical if he did because it would mean that it would right for other's to judge him for something he didn't want to be. There had been a moment that Killua had judged Argus when the other had told him how many children she had manipulated since she was alive. It made him feel uneasy because it sounded exactly what his own family had done to him when he was born. But, considering that she had seemed upset about the tragic things that she had done, so he had pushed the thoughts into the back of his mind. He still remained careful around the white wolf just in case she decided that he was worth manipulating in that regard.

London was someone that he had never thought he would end up meeting. Someone that was so understanding and willing to listen to his story, and the entire time she wasn't once afraid of him. She was stronger than she wanted to give herself credit for, and Killua was going to make sure to try and help her with the small issues that she was dealing with. It was the least that he could do just to try and help her. Killua had wanted to laugh at what the other said about how it was rude to stare at the corpses. She almost said it so casually. It was strange. But nice at the same time. He couldn't argue with that. Killua had lowered her gaze, as she wanted for the very last thing that he said. He was so tired. So tired. Killua's head snapped up when the other agreed with him about having a normal life. That's all that she had wanted. Which probably meant that whatever she went through was complete hell. They had that in common as well, except he was more murderous than she was. Again, there was no fear and only comfort in her eyes. The emotion of shock was placed across his facial features as his sapphire blue eyes were wide as he gazed into hers. He wasn't completely understanding what was happening right now, but hope bubbled up in his chest. Hope. He hadn't felt that in a long time. When she thanked him, his expression didn't change either in that span of a couple seconds. Thank you. He had never heard that phrase directed toward him. At least, the only time he's heard it, it was coming from London. It made him feel strange. Made him feel an emotion that he had never had before. He wasn't sure what to define the feeling as, but he kept the confusion he was feeling away from the rest of his features. He wasn't sure exactly how to express how much London's words ended up meaning to him. His eyes almost seemed to start to get glazed over for a span of a couple seconds as he stared at her, before lowering his gaze. He was. Happy. HAPPY. Choked laughter escaped his jaws, but no tears ran down his face. No. He wasn't going to cry. He couldn't cry just yet. He had already exposed himself in front of the wildcat, and he couldn't completely break down in front of her. Not yet. The other probably would be confused about why in the world he was laughing in the first place, although it sounded close to a sob. He had never thought that he would feel these emotions again. Feelings that his family had tried so hard to snuff out from his very mind. They tried everything. Everything. And yet here he was. He was sitting in front of London. His first friend. It sounded too good to be true. "Friend." Killua would say in a low voice, but his tone was happy. Excitement bubbled up in his chest as he realized that he didn't have to hide who he was anymore. Him and London could work toward living a normal life. He wanted to do everything. Everything that was considered fun and he wanted to drown in it. Killua raised one of his paws and wiped his eyes, but no liquid came out onto the white fur. He had wiped his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision that was starting to blue. He then raised his head again, and he was practically beaming. Relief. Happiness. Hope. All of these feelings were finally expressed across his features. It felt like decades. It was far too long that he had felt alone. "Imma have to get used to saying that now huh?" Killua stated happily as the smile stayed on his lips. A genuine smile. One that wasn't fake or put on to make other's think that he was happy and okay. He had his first friend. He couldn't be happier.

heck why did i cry typing this

snowbound -- snowseeker -- male -- 8 moons