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but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Margaery - 05-07-2018
[align=center]
MARGAERY MIKAELSON
"Darling, I'm sorry but I'm glad I'm not you."
She felt hopeless.
No.
Correction.
She was hopeless.
Weak. Selfish. Awful. Beastly.
The charming, honeyed queen she once resembled was nothing more than a distant memory, a picturesque being that resembled good times... not these times, these terrible, terrible times. The sickness in her lungs had only intensified and the sickness in her heart (for she could not refer to the emptiness in any other way) had followed suit. What had happened to her? When had her life snowballed so much that now she was but a prisoner to her own actions...? And thoughtless actions they were.
So desperately did Margaery want to turn herself over to her instincts and be reduced to nothing but a feral, blood-driven beast. It would be easier that way, she couldn't hurt Suiteheart anymore that way. She would be free of responsibility. Of commitment. She would finally make her father and mother proud. There was something heartening in that prospect, a little part of her still so attached to the idea of satisfying someone. She had never been enough.
Not for Lilyspoise and Lissa and Eli.
Not for Suiteheart.
Not even for her old and new clanmates alike.
At least being a monster would fulfill somebody's expectations of her.
But she couldn't think that way. She couldn't leave Suiteheart that way.
As much as she desired an escape, she was acutely aware of the state her wife was in. Stressed beyond belief, being abandoned would do no one any good and so, Margaery had to continue to fight. She was worried though, while mentally she could put up a struggle, lack of care and treatment had left her physical form fatigued and ill. Every breath was a rasp and she appeared skinnier now- her thin form shaking. Blood had been difficult to come by because of the simple fact that she couldn't move fast enough to ensnare anyone and her eyes reflected that- no longer tumultuous storms, but rather foreboding pools of crimson.
She was a mess.
That much had been decided.
But she was lost. Misguided. Alone.
"Where did I go wrong?"
"The casualties were her hope and her sanity, a damaging calamity of fragile ideals being washed away."
She felt hopeless.
No.
Correction.
She was hopeless.
Weak. Selfish. Awful. Beastly.
The charming, honeyed queen she once resembled was nothing more than a distant memory, a picturesque being that resembled good times... not these times, these terrible, terrible times. The sickness in her lungs had only intensified and the sickness in her heart (for she could not refer to the emptiness in any other way) had followed suit. What had happened to her? When had her life snowballed so much that now she was but a prisoner to her own actions...? And thoughtless actions they were.
So desperately did Margaery want to turn herself over to her instincts and be reduced to nothing but a feral, blood-driven beast. It would be easier that way, she couldn't hurt Suiteheart anymore that way. She would be free of responsibility. Of commitment. She would finally make her father and mother proud. There was something heartening in that prospect, a little part of her still so attached to the idea of satisfying someone. She had never been enough.
Not for Lilyspoise and Lissa and Eli.
Not for Suiteheart.
Not even for her old and new clanmates alike.
At least being a monster would fulfill somebody's expectations of her.
But she couldn't think that way. She couldn't leave Suiteheart that way.
As much as she desired an escape, she was acutely aware of the state her wife was in. Stressed beyond belief, being abandoned would do no one any good and so, Margaery had to continue to fight. She was worried though, while mentally she could put up a struggle, lack of care and treatment had left her physical form fatigued and ill. Every breath was a rasp and she appeared skinnier now- her thin form shaking. Blood had been difficult to come by because of the simple fact that she couldn't move fast enough to ensnare anyone and her eyes reflected that- no longer tumultuous storms, but rather foreboding pools of crimson.
She was a mess.
That much had been decided.
But she was lost. Misguided. Alone.
"Where did I go wrong?"
"The casualties were her hope and her sanity, a damaging calamity of fragile ideals being washed away."
[font=georgia][COLOR=black][size=14px]the ascendants [color=#b14767]| observer | wilting rose | vampire | tags
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Suiteheart - 05-07-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Unbeknowst to Margaery, she had always, always, always been enough for Suiteheart. She was enough when she had six eyes instead of two. She was enough when she had lost her memory and didn't know who Suite was. She was enough when she transitioned into a vampire. She was enough when she morphed into a beast. She was enough when she proposed to Suite. She was enough at the alter, when they sealed their love with wedding rings. She was enough when her lungs filled with smoke and she wasn't as strong as she used to be. She was enough when she was a shell of her former self. She was enough when Suite witnessed how hard she was working to get back to what she used to be.
And now?
Now, as Margaery shut off their bond and further isolated herself in her sickness... Well, she was still enough for Suiteheart.
The love the Starstruck Guardian possessed for the other was stronger than any bond or any obstacle in their path. It was the only thing that had kept her alive during their year apart, and it would be the only thing keeping her going in the weeks to come as life continued on a downward spiral.
Margaery had always been more than enough. She was so much better than Suiteheart deserved, and everyday, Suiteheart thanked God for her wife. Margaery was the best thing in her life, and no matter what, she always would be. Margaery was her rock, her home, her world. And it destroyed Suiteheart to think that Margaery did not reciprocate those feelings.
When Margy had shut off their bond, something broke deep within Suite. Perhaps it was a bit of her sanity or perhaps it was a bit of the anchor that weighted her feral side down. Yes, the polar bear, much like her vampire wife, was containing a monster within herself. Suite often prided herself on how strong her willpower was, but when her wife distanced herself, a little voice whispered, 'Let go.' She felt like Atlas; doomed to hold up something so heavy and cursed to keep it that way unless she wanted things to come crashing down. And she desperately did not want that.
And besides, Margaery was still physically there. Her presence was enough to sate the monstrosity that dwelled within her mind. And she wished she could do the same for her wife, but her wife's condition wasn't similar enough.
As for her current state, it was truly a mess. The fire in Margaery's garden had left her paws burnt and slow-healing. Her fur was also damaged, but it had regrown quickly. Her throat was still sore, and when she spoke, she swore she would still taste the smoke. It was a haunting reminder, and she could only imagine how Margaery felt. Yes, imagine, for their bond was severed. She had no idea what Margaery felt these days. And truth be told, it made her angry.
She was not angry because her wife didn't share every emotion with her, no. No, she was angry and upset that her wife had so easily isolated herself. It was a simple 'sorry,' and then it was over in seconds. That wound was fresh, and it would be some time before it healed. Suiteheart simply could not understand it. It made her feel as though Margaery no longer cared enough to let Suite help with her problems.
She felt useless.
When she heard Margaery speak, her chest ached. A deep sigh fell from her lips. She wanted nothing more than to comfort her wife, but how? She clearly did not want it. Margy had isolated herself, so Suite would just stay away... So why were her large paws headed for the observer?
She cursed herself as she sat down, across from her wife. Her dark eyes were masked, but if one looked hard enough, sadness and anger could be found within their depths. But she was tired, and she would not be quick to act on the latter unless provoked.
"I could ask myself the same thing," Suiteheart murmured, voice cool but not cutting. "I... Margy, I don't understand..." She left it at that, hoping her wife could understand what she was trying to say.
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Margaery - 05-08-2018
[align=center]
MARGAERY MIKAELSON
Margaery didn't have the energy to be angry. Not anymore. She was tired and she was hungry and she wanted, more than anything, release. Whether that came in a sleep that actually did more than worsen her condition or blood to halfway improve her strength, she did not care. She just knew that she was teetering on the brink of nonexistence and that soon, soon, she'd cease in being if she did not properly take care of herself. Or let me take over, That quiet voice murmured in the back of her head. It had been especially talkative as of late, reminding her at any opportunity that there was always a plan B... a way to fix all of this. The Monster would feed and it would recover and all would be well again but Margaery... Margaery would be lost. Maybe forever this time. It wasn't an option. Not now at least
A cough rattled her trembling form, dragging her back to a reality that consisted of a burning in her chest and a burning in her eyes. She didn't know why she was suddenly on the verge of tears but, considering she had been fighting so hard recently, refused to bat them away, instead allowing them to slide silently down her cheeks. This was hard. So unbelievably hard and she-
A voice.
Suiteheart's voice.
It caused a blurry, tear-soaked vision to refocus, this time falling upon the form of the bear. She tensed at the sight of it, memories, a million of them, flooding her brain. She could still recall the feeling of the stake entering her chest, missing her heart only by a few centimeters. She had been lucky that day, immensely so. She wondered if she'd see that brute, feral anger, if it still lurked underneath the surface of the ursine her opposite. Everyone had beasts they so desperately tried to hide, Suite included. She supposed the real question was if Suite's was here to play.
"What don't you understand?" She inquired smoothly, unflinchingly. She wondered, vaguely, how long she could maintain this composure. Her control on herself was slipping and with it, came her uncanny ability to manipulate and lie and talk her way out of nearly every situation. They were traits that she hated about herself and yet, she continued to allow them to dominate her- even in this situation.
[color=#b14767]"I'm trying to help you, okay? Trust me," She continued. She knew she hadn't given Suite any room to do so though. She had gone behind her back and visited Lil, she had shut off the bond without so much of a word (save that flimsy 'sorry' which she already regretted)... hell, even now, she was pretending as if there was no issue. As if her plan had been a stunning success and things were only getting better.
They were far from better.
A cough fell from her lips and she looked away, copper eyes closing momentarily. [color=#b14767]"I'm not sorry... for what I did, I mean. I'm a monster, you know that. Let me save you some anguish, okay?" Finally, emotion touched her soft voice, halfway breaking it. Anguish. Turmoil. And of course, that immense sadness... She couldn't escape that sadness. [color=#b14767]"I've always been awful. I've always been beyond redemption and you.. You've always tried so hard to save me, to see the good in me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how good I was at seeming good. But I'm not and deep down, I know you know that. We both have our own demons to fight and I," She paused, coughing again, [color=#b14767]"I only wanted to lessen that intense burden. You feeling this struggle isn't doing you any favors, I know you know that too. Everyday is a fucking battle for me, okay? And I can't live with myself anymore knowing that I'm dragging you threw that too."
"So you can hate me. You can get angry. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm trying my best to be that thing that you want... that perfect little queen who's biggest worry is whether or not there's weeds in her garden but I'm not her, and perhaps, perhaps I've never been her. I don't know... I don't know." The tears had only continued in their assault, escaping half-shut eyes and dampening her cheeks. The truth hurt but she had a feeling that whatever Suiteheart had to say would only hurt more.
She turned back towards the polar bear at that though, face giving away nothing except a sort of tragedy that could not truly be conveyed by words. Was that all she was? A tragedy. She wondered if Suite thought so too.
She wouldn't blame her.
A cough rattled her trembling form, dragging her back to a reality that consisted of a burning in her chest and a burning in her eyes. She didn't know why she was suddenly on the verge of tears but, considering she had been fighting so hard recently, refused to bat them away, instead allowing them to slide silently down her cheeks. This was hard. So unbelievably hard and she-
A voice.
Suiteheart's voice.
It caused a blurry, tear-soaked vision to refocus, this time falling upon the form of the bear. She tensed at the sight of it, memories, a million of them, flooding her brain. She could still recall the feeling of the stake entering her chest, missing her heart only by a few centimeters. She had been lucky that day, immensely so. She wondered if she'd see that brute, feral anger, if it still lurked underneath the surface of the ursine her opposite. Everyone had beasts they so desperately tried to hide, Suite included. She supposed the real question was if Suite's was here to play.
"What don't you understand?" She inquired smoothly, unflinchingly. She wondered, vaguely, how long she could maintain this composure. Her control on herself was slipping and with it, came her uncanny ability to manipulate and lie and talk her way out of nearly every situation. They were traits that she hated about herself and yet, she continued to allow them to dominate her- even in this situation.
[color=#b14767]"I'm trying to help you, okay? Trust me," She continued. She knew she hadn't given Suite any room to do so though. She had gone behind her back and visited Lil, she had shut off the bond without so much of a word (save that flimsy 'sorry' which she already regretted)... hell, even now, she was pretending as if there was no issue. As if her plan had been a stunning success and things were only getting better.
They were far from better.
A cough fell from her lips and she looked away, copper eyes closing momentarily. [color=#b14767]"I'm not sorry... for what I did, I mean. I'm a monster, you know that. Let me save you some anguish, okay?" Finally, emotion touched her soft voice, halfway breaking it. Anguish. Turmoil. And of course, that immense sadness... She couldn't escape that sadness. [color=#b14767]"I've always been awful. I've always been beyond redemption and you.. You've always tried so hard to save me, to see the good in me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how good I was at seeming good. But I'm not and deep down, I know you know that. We both have our own demons to fight and I," She paused, coughing again, [color=#b14767]"I only wanted to lessen that intense burden. You feeling this struggle isn't doing you any favors, I know you know that too. Everyday is a fucking battle for me, okay? And I can't live with myself anymore knowing that I'm dragging you threw that too."
"So you can hate me. You can get angry. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm trying my best to be that thing that you want... that perfect little queen who's biggest worry is whether or not there's weeds in her garden but I'm not her, and perhaps, perhaps I've never been her. I don't know... I don't know." The tears had only continued in their assault, escaping half-shut eyes and dampening her cheeks. The truth hurt but she had a feeling that whatever Suiteheart had to say would only hurt more.
She turned back towards the polar bear at that though, face giving away nothing except a sort of tragedy that could not truly be conveyed by words. Was that all she was? A tragedy. She wondered if Suite thought so too.
She wouldn't blame her.
[font=georgia][COLOR=black][size=14px]the ascendants [color=#b14767]| observer | wilting rose | vampire | tags
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Suiteheart - 05-08-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Suiteheart could've scoffed at the words. Helping her? Helping her? If anything, all Margaery was doing was hurting her. Lying, running away, isolating herself... Those were not things that benefited Suiteheart. No, those were things that severely hurt her. She had tried time and time again to reach out to her wife, but Margaery kept pushing her further and further away. What Margaery perceived as help, Suite saw as abandonment. It crushed her.
"Margaery... How can you say that?" Her voice was tight, gripped with a range of different emotions (mostly confusion and sadness). "You - you pushing me away isn't helping anyone! Do you know how that feels?" she questioned, voice taking on a bitter note. "Not a week after our bond started again, you killed it. You took every ounce of hope I had and crushed it into the ground... I looked for you for a y-year... Our bond was gone then, and I thought you were dead... And when I - God - when I finally found you again... And then you turn around and shut yourself away because you think isolating yourself helps?
"Tell me, honestly: is you shutting down and walking away good for me or just you?"
Tears had reddened her dark eyes as soon as she began to speak, and now, they spilled over. Her cheeks were dotted with tear stains. She hated herself for crying. She didn't want to appear weak, but after so long of pretending to be strong, she couldn't hold up the facade. Her ending question only made the tears fall faster and harder because she knew what the answer was. Deep down, she knew.
"Margaery, I love you. What you're going through - what you think about me -, it hurts but... But you thinking you're better off alone hurts worse. Can't you see that?" She had momentarily stalled the tears, but the damage was done: her voice hitched slightly as she spoke, and her eyes were red. "When I married you, it was for better or for worse. And just because you've given up on... whatever we are now doesn't mean that I have."
As Margaery began to speak of herself as a monster, Suiteheart shook her head. "No..." she whispered, closing her eyes, continuing to shake her head. Margaery was not a monster. She was broken and lost and unsure of herself. She had done bad things, but so had Suite. She was not a monster. She couldn't be; monsters were incapable of love. Monsters were vicious and cold and calculating. And Margaery was not those things. Margaery had the potential to be them - everyone did -, but she had not given in.
Not yet. And Suite prayed that day would never come.
"Margy, I killed you." She had opened her eyes as she spoke these words, looking again at her wife. This memory terrified her to think on. "And after that, you still loved me. When I died, you still loved me. When I forgot who you were and who I was, you still loved me. And when we were apart all those months, you looked and looked and looked for me because you loved me... Monsters don't do that. They can't." Margaery had to believe her. It was the truth, wasn't it? "And I know how awful everyday is for you. I do; believe me, I felt it through the bond, and I can read it on your face now. But cutting off those that genuinely care about you's only gonna make things worse. I love you. And I want to help you. If this is a distance thing, then I can give it to you, but I can't sit by and watch you throw everything away because you're afraid. Margaery, it's killing you."
'It's killing me. I love you, but you've broken my heart.' But she would not be so selfish to say that aloud.
Tears. This time, from the observer. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. And I never wanted you to be some perfect, little thing. I wanted you to be you, mistakes and all." She shook her head again, slowly, sadly. "I love you. So much... Please, don't do this to yourself."
She inhaled deeply, knowing the only thing she would find in Margaery was anger. She needed a brief moment to prepare herself. She needed to be able to fight back whatever anger Margy would strike in her because she did not want to be full of rage. Being so angry was so exhausting, and if she were to become furious, she wasn't sure she could contain it again.
There was so much more she wanted to say too. There were so many things she wanted to bring up, but she didn't know how. Tension filled the air, and anything she said could make it worse. With that in mind, she bit her tongue, choosing to not bring up the Lil issue at the moment. That would come later.
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Margaery - 05-08-2018
[align=center]
MARGAERY MIKAELSON
The scoff was all Margaery needed to raise to her paws.
A moment ago, she had reasoned that she was too weary to genuinely become angry and now... now, she was throwing that sentiment straight out the window. "This isn't just about you, you know that right?" She demanded, albeit weakly. She didn't have the energy to be doing this and yet, she continued, her copper eyes two dark flames trained on the form of her wife. Accusations of any sort did not sit well with Margaery and she knew Suiteheart was aware of that. Why she even had the audacity to say such boggled her mind. [color=#b14767]"Do you know how it feels to be bonded with the thing you fear most, Suiteheart?" She inquired, suddenly the picture of cool anger, [color=#b14767]"Do you know what it's like feeling that side of you? You're being selfish."
There she was, that terrible ice queen that perhaps Margaery truly was under it all. [color=#b14767]"I can't keep sacrificing myself for this... for all of this. What I did was the best option for me and if you can't appreciate the fact that for once, I'm prioritizing myself, then I'm sorry," She extended in a distant voice, tears finally slowing in their flow. She refused to make eye contact though, knowing that this facade would crack and break away the moment that she saw Suiteheart crying. And so she focused instead on her paws, sheathing and unsheathing her claws as if she had nothing better to do.
[color=#b14767]"I've always been alone! You know that!" The sudden fit of rage caught even her by surprise and her eyes darkened until they resembled obsidian stone, claws sinking deep into the ground this time. She had completely disregarded her composure and her image, favoring now the burning sensation of rage that had all but consumed her. [color=#b14767]"You say that you married me for better or worse and yet here you are, making demands of me the moment that things got bad. I said it once and I'll say it again- you're being selfish. Let me do this for me... not you, not Lil, not anyone else but me. Let me break on my own for once, please. I need this. I need this more than you can ever understand."
Give me control. Allow me to fix this.
[color=#b14767]No... Stop tempting me. I'm not going to give in.
Sweet child, you've already started to.
Margaery would confess, she did not know what that meant. Without her knowing, her mental blockades had been reduced to nothing and the bond reestablished, her feelings of turmoil and sadness now free to be felt by her wife. The mask she was hiding behind was discredited immediately then, her calm nonchalance obviously a false indicator of how she was really feeling. But she was so unaware of the situation that she continued to meticulously maintain it, refusing to allow another slip like the one that had just transpired to occur.
Of course, Suiteheart had to mention killing her.
Of course.
The mere statement made her blood turn cold in her veins. She was back in that clearing again, face to face with the bear that had consumed her lover. She remembered how betrayed she had felt. How lost. How completely broken. Somehow, the feelings she experienced now were worse than those nearly tenfold. [color=#b14767]"Why do you have so much faith in me? You've seen what I'm capable of doing... you've seen me nearly kill our own daughter. I've," she paused, her voice no longer confident but trembling just as her body was now, [color=#b14767]"I've never been loved so dearly."
"Margaery, it's killing you."
[color=#b14767]"I know..." She breathed.
And then,
She broke.
[color=#b14767]"I love you... I love you so fucking much and I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I've given up on myself... I'm sorry that I've nearly become the monster that I hate so many times... I'm sorry that I shut you out but I couldn't live with myself knowing that you had to experience the darkness that was... no... the darkness that is consuming me. I've lied to you... I've done things recklessly... I'm the selfish one..."
There was a moment of a silence.
A stifled sob.
And a rattling cough.
[color=#b14767]"You'd be better off hating me than loving me, darling."
A moment ago, she had reasoned that she was too weary to genuinely become angry and now... now, she was throwing that sentiment straight out the window. "This isn't just about you, you know that right?" She demanded, albeit weakly. She didn't have the energy to be doing this and yet, she continued, her copper eyes two dark flames trained on the form of her wife. Accusations of any sort did not sit well with Margaery and she knew Suiteheart was aware of that. Why she even had the audacity to say such boggled her mind. [color=#b14767]"Do you know how it feels to be bonded with the thing you fear most, Suiteheart?" She inquired, suddenly the picture of cool anger, [color=#b14767]"Do you know what it's like feeling that side of you? You're being selfish."
There she was, that terrible ice queen that perhaps Margaery truly was under it all. [color=#b14767]"I can't keep sacrificing myself for this... for all of this. What I did was the best option for me and if you can't appreciate the fact that for once, I'm prioritizing myself, then I'm sorry," She extended in a distant voice, tears finally slowing in their flow. She refused to make eye contact though, knowing that this facade would crack and break away the moment that she saw Suiteheart crying. And so she focused instead on her paws, sheathing and unsheathing her claws as if she had nothing better to do.
[color=#b14767]"I've always been alone! You know that!" The sudden fit of rage caught even her by surprise and her eyes darkened until they resembled obsidian stone, claws sinking deep into the ground this time. She had completely disregarded her composure and her image, favoring now the burning sensation of rage that had all but consumed her. [color=#b14767]"You say that you married me for better or worse and yet here you are, making demands of me the moment that things got bad. I said it once and I'll say it again- you're being selfish. Let me do this for me... not you, not Lil, not anyone else but me. Let me break on my own for once, please. I need this. I need this more than you can ever understand."
Give me control. Allow me to fix this.
[color=#b14767]No... Stop tempting me. I'm not going to give in.
Sweet child, you've already started to.
Margaery would confess, she did not know what that meant. Without her knowing, her mental blockades had been reduced to nothing and the bond reestablished, her feelings of turmoil and sadness now free to be felt by her wife. The mask she was hiding behind was discredited immediately then, her calm nonchalance obviously a false indicator of how she was really feeling. But she was so unaware of the situation that she continued to meticulously maintain it, refusing to allow another slip like the one that had just transpired to occur.
Of course, Suiteheart had to mention killing her.
Of course.
The mere statement made her blood turn cold in her veins. She was back in that clearing again, face to face with the bear that had consumed her lover. She remembered how betrayed she had felt. How lost. How completely broken. Somehow, the feelings she experienced now were worse than those nearly tenfold. [color=#b14767]"Why do you have so much faith in me? You've seen what I'm capable of doing... you've seen me nearly kill our own daughter. I've," she paused, her voice no longer confident but trembling just as her body was now, [color=#b14767]"I've never been loved so dearly."
"Margaery, it's killing you."
[color=#b14767]"I know..." She breathed.
And then,
She broke.
[color=#b14767]"I love you... I love you so fucking much and I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I've given up on myself... I'm sorry that I've nearly become the monster that I hate so many times... I'm sorry that I shut you out but I couldn't live with myself knowing that you had to experience the darkness that was... no... the darkness that is consuming me. I've lied to you... I've done things recklessly... I'm the selfish one..."
There was a moment of a silence.
A stifled sob.
And a rattling cough.
[color=#b14767]"You'd be better off hating me than loving me, darling."
[font=georgia][COLOR=black][size=14px]the ascendants [color=#b14767]| observer | wilting rose | vampire | tags
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Suiteheart - 05-10-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]"Do you know it feels to be bonded with the thing you fear most, Suiteheart? Do you know what it's like the feel that side of you?"
Everything came crashing down at all once: sadness and anger standing out amongst the fallen debris. Oh, yes, she knew was it was like. She had a very accurate understanding of those feelings as Margaery had constantly poured her soul (perhaps unwillingly) into their bond when it was active. Every moment of pure hate and terror she felt. She felt so, so much. Suiteheart had always been displeased with herself, but that? That was the fucking icing on the cake. And as much as she wanted to not place blame on Margaery, it was becoming more and more difficult with each passing second.
And then there had been the fact that Margaery called her by her full name. Margaery was known for cutesy pet names, and she hardly ever used 'Suiteheart.' The way she spat Suite's name like poison - like it was some horrible secret - left her bruised. Anger flared in her eyes, but she refused to let in. She couldn't. Not with the notes of desperation and loss hidden underneath Margy's ice-cold guise.
"Believe me, I know. You made sure of that," the bear explained, ear twitching in slight annoyance. God, did she know how Margaery felt. "And for the record, I'm not pissed off that you're trying to do something for yourself. No, I'm fucking angry because you're pretending that this is actually going to be beneficial to yourself." Margaery had never done well when she was by herself... And neither had Suite. They were soul mates. They needed one another... Didn't they?
The next words out of Margaery's lips caused Suiteheart to recoil. Something about them cut worse than anything she had said thus far. "You know, that really fucking sucks, Marg." Her eyes were daggers, and they cut just like knives when she looked at her wife. Always alone? Bullshit. "I'm so fucking glad to know that all I ever did to make you feel welcome and at home didn't work. Thank you. Thank you for saying I wasn't good enough to make you feel like you weren't alone." She rolled those dangerous eyes of hers when Margaery's darkened to thunderclouds. If Margaery was suddenly angry, Suite was more so.
Everything inside her wanted to let go, but something held her back. And she knew it was Margaery. Try as it might, the feral side of her refused to fully surface as long as Margaery was around. The girl across from her was her anchor. She had held her down for so long, but how much longer would the charade last?
"I'm not being selfish! I'm trying to make sure you don't go off the fucking deep end! Again!" Oh, boy, here was the rage. She wasn't quite yelling, but the heat behind the words was enough. Everything inside her was white-hot. She was gunpowder, and Margaery had successfully lit the fuse. It would only be a matter of time now, wouldn't it?
She gave a mighty shake of her head. She was done. She was trying so hard to salvage this, but Margaery didn't care. She only wanted to fade away. She wanted to do her own thing and not worry about their failing relationship or their daughter. It made her sick to her stomach. "No... You know want? Fine. Be selfish, Margaery Mikaelson-Tyrell... But you have to give me one good reason - just one actual reason. Make me understand. Just tell me why you need this so fucking badly, and it's fine. I'll let you break and break and break until there's nothing left." Her anger had burnt out, now replaced by exhaustion. "I'll let you do everything on your own. But the second you need me - for whatever reason - I'll be there. Always." She took a breath to steady herself for the next words. They would hurt Suite more than Margaery, she was sure. "But if you don't want me, then forget about it. All of it. You don't want my help, so I won't give it to you or force it on you. I try and try and try, and you just constantly push me further away. You're right; I can't physically or mentally play this game anymore.
"I love you, but you have broken me so badly."
Her face held no trace of tears. Her dark eyes just mimicked bitterness and grief. Perhaps there were traces of anger too, but that was hard to read. But she was so angry. So deeply angry. But she had become a master of hiding that emotion as of late, masking it for weariness like a few seconds before.
She averted her eyes as something began to burn in her chest before moving to her head. She knew the sensation all too well. It was the telltale sign of their bond. The burning feeling was on account of the deep rage each female portrayed, yet there were other emotions too. Soon enough, the polar bear began to feel everything else. It was muddied at first and then clear as day. Before Suiteheart could take time to sort through Margaery's lapse of a mental wall, the latter was speaking again.
The chocolate point shook. She trembled like a small child who could not sort through feelings of despair and fury. Everything inside of Suiteheart screamed to reach out and comfort her (thank you to the bond for restoring her levelheaded temperament), but she knew this would be a death sentence. Margaery didn't want Suite around, and she certainly did not crave an embrace from her.
"Margaery, don't..." she trailed off as the other began to weep. "I believe in you because I know what you're capable of - I've seen it. You're a good person. Please start believing that, even if only for a few seconds at a time." Margaery was good. A good Clanmate. A good friend. A good mother. A good wife. Why was it so hard for the other to grasp that? Why couldn't she see how much of a shining light she was even when dealing with this hell?
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was trapping you into something. I'm sorry I can't let you go even though you might need me to. I've made so many mistakes, Marg, but choosing to go with you through this shitty time in both of our lives is not one of them. I want to be with you. And I want to help you. And, God, I'm so sorry that I can't be with you and help you at the same time."
If Margaery allowed herself to stay with Suiteheart, she wouldn't be able to recover. If Suiteheart tried to help Margaery recover, she couldn't. The polar bear form was what had them stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Margaery couldn't live like this. And as much as it fucking killed Suiteheart to let her go, she had to. She would rather have Margaery be okay than anything else. Margaery was her number one priority. Always. "I'm not better off hating you, Margy. Believe me, I'm not."
The bear inhaled deeply. She thought over her next words carefully, and she tried to think of every possible outcome for this scenario. Despite the fact that it hurt to even conceive to notion, it needed to be done, and it would work. It had to. It was the only option. She looked again to her wife and said, "I know about Lil. I know how you two met up the other day. She's in the Typhoon. She's healing there. She's a good healer."
An expression of pure pain stitched itself to her ivory features. She closed her eyes momentarily to avoid the onslaught on tears, but there was no way to hold them back. They manifested regardless, and they rolled down her cheeks as she tried to ready herself for her next words. [color=#73B1B7][b]"G-go to the Typhoon. Stay there. You're not he-helping yourself by staying here, and I'm a constant s-source of pain to you. Please... Please, just go there and be with Lil. Take care of her and yourself. Don't stay here. We're just going to keep hurting each other."
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Margaery - 05-11-2018
[color=#b14767] ❁ ❁ ❁
First, there was sadness. It crushed her, strangling the already strained air from her lungs until she was suffocating. She couldn't live like this. She couldn't live like this.
Then, there was the anger. Try as she might, she could not fight off the flames of her rage- she had no choice but to succumb to them. She couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't fight anymore.
Finally, there was nothing. The darkness had welled inside of her. It had consumed her. And now, she was the thing that she despised most. Not a bear. Not an open fire. No- Margaery Mikaelson was a monster. It was the only way she could survive this. It was the only way she could survive this.
No! No! Stop... Stop, you can't do this! I'm not done fighting!
Her attention diverted momentarily from Suiteheart, focused now upon the tiny voice in the back of her head. She supposed it was the last remainder of the real Margaery- a little warrior who had yet to give up and give in. She appreciated that, she supposed... but not enough. The beast had been unchained from its shackles and had no desire to return to them so quickly, if at all. Freedom was liberating; she would not so easily exchange it in favor of the whines of a troubled girl.
[color=#b14767]"You're mistaken, love," She began smoothly. The tears that had once flowed with so much reckless abandon had already begun to dry but her eyes remained two dark pools of cooled fire. There was something else lurking within them now- a shadow of the darkness that she had at long last handed control over to. That had been what happened, right? One minute, she was a shaking, emotional mess who thought the world was caving in on her and the next, she was this... this thing. Cold. Calculating. And in possession of a burning fervor to make Suiteheart regret every word that just dripped from her jaws.
She blinked slowly at the polar bear, an air of nonchalant carelessness practically radiating from her lithe form. Her only source of real emotion was the anger she felt on Suite's end and even that was muted and dull. She forgot how much she enjoyed being this detached creature. Why had she not plucked all of her petals away to reveal her steel-lined thorns sooner?
I told you that you'd enjoy this, She thought to herself, succeeding in momentarily shutting up the pesky voice that was begging her now to return to the confinement that she so bitterly hated. No, it had been decided- this Margaery would not return to the deep recesses of the other's mind. She was here to stay indefinitely and oh did she want to have the time of her life.
[color=#b14767]"I suppose I speak for her now," She continued in that even, cold voice of hers. She referred to the real Margaery with such casual indifference that she almost found the urge to laugh, truly enjoying her newfound power in this less than laughable situation. [color=#b14767]"I'd introduce myself but we've been acquainted once before, as you remember." Suite had even touched on Margaery's history in losing control... how delightful! It was so nice to be remembered, especially after knowing how hard Margaery worked to ensure that the monster was kept under lock and key. Being weak had repercussions, she guessed. [color=#b14767]"Perhaps you should try to calm down, darling. You know you're the reason I'm here right? She finally let go because she couldn't deal with you anymore. She couldn't deal with this. You broke her. Your selfishness. Your hatred. You're the reason she unraveled."
A far cry from the truth but the real Margaery was far from being present enough to testify such. Instead, the chocolate point merely raised a paw and inspected her claw lazily. [color=#b14767]"Is that a good enough reason for you? Or are you too blind to realize that you're the problem here? She's.. no.. I've never been the problem. Had it not been for your utter carelessness, your little doll of a wife would still be here, growing roses and putting everyone else's needs before her own. You're absolutely pathetic."
Something stirred inside of her- some absolute rage that succeeded in catching the beast off guard. Had she truly not given up yet?
Suite. Suite!
Oh.
She understood now.
She was exploiting the bond to communicate, to discredit the words that her physical self had woven so confidently. That couldn't happen she wouldn't allow it.
Don't listen to her, okay? I love you, I love you so much... When the walls around our bond fell so did my control on her... I promise that, darling. I prom-
[color=#b14767]"Cut it out."
And just like that, Margaery Folie was chained and shackled in her own mind just as her counterpart once had been. Even the simply act of locking her away like that sent a wave of satisfaction over the chocolate point and she, momentarily appeased, allowed her attention to once more fall upon the figure of the bear. [color=#b14767]"You should have listened to her when she warned you about being a monster. You're breaking now because you were too stupid to do anything but dote on her. You need her, it seems, but I believe that it's safe to say that she doesn't need you."
There was a pause.
[color=#b14767]"In even the slightest."
A little part of her managed to soften though and her heartless expression, much to her own chagrin, faltered in even the slightest. [color=#b14767]"Why? Why won't you hate me? Why, after all of this?" She questioned, her voice something soft and trembling. Perhaps the real Margaery had seized control for a mere moment. Perhaps she had not. It was hard to tell. But her lapse in emotion did not last long and her face was soon carved from ice again, lips set in a thin line.
[color=#b14767]"News flash: Lil is the only smart one here. She hates me because she probably sees me for what I am. Perhaps you're the one who needs to be sent away to the Typhoon. Are you trying to punish me?" She accused, though mostly an over dramatic exaggeration.
[color=#b14767]"You don't control me, love."
"Nobody does."
Then, there was the anger. Try as she might, she could not fight off the flames of her rage- she had no choice but to succumb to them. She couldn't fight anymore. She couldn't fight anymore.
Finally, there was nothing. The darkness had welled inside of her. It had consumed her. And now, she was the thing that she despised most. Not a bear. Not an open fire. No- Margaery Mikaelson was a monster. It was the only way she could survive this. It was the only way she could survive this.
No! No! Stop... Stop, you can't do this! I'm not done fighting!
Her attention diverted momentarily from Suiteheart, focused now upon the tiny voice in the back of her head. She supposed it was the last remainder of the real Margaery- a little warrior who had yet to give up and give in. She appreciated that, she supposed... but not enough. The beast had been unchained from its shackles and had no desire to return to them so quickly, if at all. Freedom was liberating; she would not so easily exchange it in favor of the whines of a troubled girl.
[color=#b14767]"You're mistaken, love," She began smoothly. The tears that had once flowed with so much reckless abandon had already begun to dry but her eyes remained two dark pools of cooled fire. There was something else lurking within them now- a shadow of the darkness that she had at long last handed control over to. That had been what happened, right? One minute, she was a shaking, emotional mess who thought the world was caving in on her and the next, she was this... this thing. Cold. Calculating. And in possession of a burning fervor to make Suiteheart regret every word that just dripped from her jaws.
She blinked slowly at the polar bear, an air of nonchalant carelessness practically radiating from her lithe form. Her only source of real emotion was the anger she felt on Suite's end and even that was muted and dull. She forgot how much she enjoyed being this detached creature. Why had she not plucked all of her petals away to reveal her steel-lined thorns sooner?
I told you that you'd enjoy this, She thought to herself, succeeding in momentarily shutting up the pesky voice that was begging her now to return to the confinement that she so bitterly hated. No, it had been decided- this Margaery would not return to the deep recesses of the other's mind. She was here to stay indefinitely and oh did she want to have the time of her life.
[color=#b14767]"I suppose I speak for her now," She continued in that even, cold voice of hers. She referred to the real Margaery with such casual indifference that she almost found the urge to laugh, truly enjoying her newfound power in this less than laughable situation. [color=#b14767]"I'd introduce myself but we've been acquainted once before, as you remember." Suite had even touched on Margaery's history in losing control... how delightful! It was so nice to be remembered, especially after knowing how hard Margaery worked to ensure that the monster was kept under lock and key. Being weak had repercussions, she guessed. [color=#b14767]"Perhaps you should try to calm down, darling. You know you're the reason I'm here right? She finally let go because she couldn't deal with you anymore. She couldn't deal with this. You broke her. Your selfishness. Your hatred. You're the reason she unraveled."
A far cry from the truth but the real Margaery was far from being present enough to testify such. Instead, the chocolate point merely raised a paw and inspected her claw lazily. [color=#b14767]"Is that a good enough reason for you? Or are you too blind to realize that you're the problem here? She's.. no.. I've never been the problem. Had it not been for your utter carelessness, your little doll of a wife would still be here, growing roses and putting everyone else's needs before her own. You're absolutely pathetic."
Something stirred inside of her- some absolute rage that succeeded in catching the beast off guard. Had she truly not given up yet?
Suite. Suite!
Oh.
She understood now.
She was exploiting the bond to communicate, to discredit the words that her physical self had woven so confidently. That couldn't happen she wouldn't allow it.
Don't listen to her, okay? I love you, I love you so much... When the walls around our bond fell so did my control on her... I promise that, darling. I prom-
[color=#b14767]"Cut it out."
And just like that, Margaery Folie was chained and shackled in her own mind just as her counterpart once had been. Even the simply act of locking her away like that sent a wave of satisfaction over the chocolate point and she, momentarily appeased, allowed her attention to once more fall upon the figure of the bear. [color=#b14767]"You should have listened to her when she warned you about being a monster. You're breaking now because you were too stupid to do anything but dote on her. You need her, it seems, but I believe that it's safe to say that she doesn't need you."
There was a pause.
[color=#b14767]"In even the slightest."
A little part of her managed to soften though and her heartless expression, much to her own chagrin, faltered in even the slightest. [color=#b14767]"Why? Why won't you hate me? Why, after all of this?" She questioned, her voice something soft and trembling. Perhaps the real Margaery had seized control for a mere moment. Perhaps she had not. It was hard to tell. But her lapse in emotion did not last long and her face was soon carved from ice again, lips set in a thin line.
[color=#b14767]"News flash: Lil is the only smart one here. She hates me because she probably sees me for what I am. Perhaps you're the one who needs to be sent away to the Typhoon. Are you trying to punish me?" She accused, though mostly an over dramatic exaggeration.
[color=#b14767]"You don't control me, love."
"Nobody does."
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Suiteheart - 05-12-2018
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]The overwhelming sadness caught up to her first. It blindsided her, leaving her shaken up and cold. She felt responsible, so responsible for leaving her wife in a state of complete and utter disrepair. Agony rolled off of her in waves, and Suiteheart felt each one crash into her over and over and over again. The last of those waves almost took her under, desperately trying to drag her into their depths.
But anger revived her.
It was white-hot and molten. It was not the regular flames of fury Suiteheart could feel through their bond every so often. No, this heat was stronger. It was deeper. It was more malicious. It wasn't simply fire anymore - it was like hot lava. It coursed through her veins, making her feel so alive and connected to every sense that it hurt. In fact, a barely audible gasp escaped her jaws.
Wide-eyed and concerned, fighting back rage and sadness, she tried to speak. No words sprouted, for there was now a nothingness that reached her. The hollow, empty feel bore into her soul, settling into her chest. She felt heavy, unable to breathe properly, and she wasn't sure if this was because of Margaery's issues with asthma or the realization that Margaery was gone.
That fact nearly knocked her from where she stood. The sudden ripping away of Margaery's true soul left Suiteheart sick and dizzy. As their souls were connected, Suite couldn't help but feel as though she had lost a part of herself. Margaery was, in more ways than one, her other half. To lose her all over again created tremors within her being, and she began to shake violently.
She could feel everything; she could feel nothing.
The voice that exited Margaery's lips was almost normal. Almost. There was something hidden in the undertones that suggested this was someone else entirely, but Suite did not need to hear it to know it in her heart. The voice was silky and smooth. It was deadly, icy, chilling Suite to her bones, and the words cut like sharpened knives. Her eyes. Her eyes were veiled, shrouded in a darkness that used to only be whispered about. It was something as powerful as it was dark, and it did not sit well with the Starstruck Guardian. Her shaking only grew more intense as the full force of the words slammed into her.
As the creature her opposite simply blinked, Suiteheart forced her trembling to subside. She could not and would not be frightened of this thing. She did not want to give it that power. The other was already holding a vast majority of her world above her head, just out of reach, so there was no reason to give it more leverage. A shaking breath left her, and she straightened up as she inhaled.
The polar bear set her jaw and tried to stand tall. If Margaery -- or whatever was possessing her -- could be cold and unfeeling, surely she could to. She could at least pretend. It was easier said than done, however, especially when feelings of indifference and carelessness manifested within her mind. It was funny how the other's uncaring attitude made Suite care that much more.
"Save the formalities," she spat, shaking her head. She didn't give a shit about the beast that had taken control of her wife. "I killed you once, and quite frankly, that's all that fucking matters right now." The unfortunate side of this was that she had also killed Margaery... And now that she thought back on it, had she truly killed this monstrosity? She wasn't sure... If anything, she and just silenced the beast, throwing it into the farthest reaches of Margaery's mind.
But it had always been there, lurking. God, maybe there was no true way to beat this thing. Worry didn't begin to describe it.
The ice queen's next words made her blood boil instead of freeze. "Don't," she snapped, voice growing loud and wild with anger. She would not stand by and let the beast accuse her of things. These accusations couldn't be true. They couldn't... No. No, Suiteheart could not be to blame for sending her wife spiraling out of control. No. No. No.
"Do not fucking speak to me like you know the truth. You are the reason you're here. Not me. No me! Not entirely. Your constant fucking badgering of Margaery was wearing her down. The only reason you managed to slip through the cracks is because I told her she needed to get help. You're only here because you took advantage of Margaery in her weakest moment. You stole that from her.
"I'm sure you know this, but you are a fucking monster."
The words left her quickly. They were combinations of blazing hot and freezing cold. The tone at which she spoke was so severe that any normal being would have turned tail and ran, but what she was dealing with was no normal being. The monster before her was used to this type of behavior, so Suite equated that to being able to finally rage, rage, rage. There was nothing to contain this. Sooner or later, she was bound to lash out. And then, nothing would be repairable.
"Fuck off." She curled back her lip, revealing dagger-like teeth that could and would easily snap the faux-Margaery in half. Obsidian claws dug into the earth - a final last stand as she attempting to keep herself grounded. Her own beast was rising, wishing to fight against the feline. It was to make the creature bleed for every falsity it spoke. "And don't be ridiculous. If you weren't in the picture, none of this would be happening. Margaery wouldn't hate me as much as she wants to, she wouldn't have taken all those innocent lives if you hadn't compelled her, and she wouldn't be gone now if you hadn't decided to show your ugly-fucking-face." She was seeing red now.
A snarl leapt from her throat, and her muscles tensed, ready to fly at the femme. She would kill her. She would kill that thing that had taken her wife. She -
Then, out of the darkness, a light. Everything stopped for a few fleeting moments, and she felt the serenity of her wife fall over her once more. She stepped backwards as Margaery's true voice filled her head. What she heard were not unkind words but words of unconditional love. An explanation was also contained within the words, and she would hold onto that, just like she would hold onto Margaery's last 'I love you.'
She tried to think of some way to hold onto her wife, but before she could even say that she loved her, Margaery was locked away. The wall was repaired. No, more than that, it was reinforced. It was so strong now that she wondered if Margaery would ever be able to pull it down. "She's not a monster; you are. You're the manifestation of everything she's tried to not be. You're two separate beings. And you're too much of a coward to be on your own, so you hide behind Margaery. You're not powerful or strong in any kind of sense. You're weak. You're the pathetic one, not me. No, not me." She snorted, head shaking. "And she does need me. We need each other, that's how this thing works."
Or so Suiteheart desperately hoped.
She watched as the hardened individual melted into something softer. Confusion sprang up in her eyes, for this was not the evil being she had warred with seconds before. The fire and ice in her eyes fell away, leaving calm and sadness, confusion and love. Margaery. It had to be. She prayed it was her. "Because I know you." Her voice was quiet, hurting. It was as far away from the fury she had spat just heartbeats ago. In that moment, she wanted to reach out, to hold onto her wife again. If she held her, maybe she would stay. If she could just hold her, Suite could protect her from all this evil. However, before she had the chance, the chocolate point shifted into that frozen, uncaring creature once more.
The mention of Lil hurt - not because it was probably true, but because Suiteheart didn't want it to be. After her own meeting with Lil, she knew their family stood on shaky ground and thin ice. Sending Margaery away now could, admittedly, cause catastrophic consequences. Then again, perhaps the healer was the only one with the ability to save Margaery's true soul. "Lil doesn't hate Margaery. She loves her. Lil's just hurt right now, confused. And if you, for once second, think about harming her again, I will not hesitate to kill you." The threat would fall on deaf ears, she knew, but perhaps it could insight Margaery to seek out Lil. Lil would then be able to fix her, right? Right? "And no, no punishment here. I was trying to save Margaery's feelings. I didn't want her to be around me. Or were you too stupid to understand that?"
She rolled her eyes at the other's next words. Everyone was controlled by something. Even those that seemed lawless. "Margaery does. It'll only be a matter of time before she chains you up again."
Poor Suiteheart, so hopelessly hopeful.
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Margaery - 05-13-2018
[color=#b14767] ❁ ❁ ❁
It was Suiteheart's sudden realization that Margaery was gone that finally coaxed a laugh from the chocolate point. There was no love, no happiness, no warmth behind the giggle that fell from her jaws- only an icy satisfaction gained from her wife's distress. She truly was a monster, she affirmed to herself delightfully, and being this way... well... it supplied her a demented sort of pleasure. The Margaery before her had been soft and gentle (though there was no denying the thorns she hid away under velvet petals). She had put her family first and herself second. She had loved so much regardless of the things she lost and lost and lost. She was the perfect image of a kindly queen and for that- people loved her. This Margaery could not so much as hold a candle to her beacon of light and she wholly and completely relished in that fact.
A corrupt, analytical creature, her biggest priority was stumbling across her next meal. She was as clever as the devil and twice as pretty and planned to use that honeyed charm that the old Margaery had to lure in friends. Family. Anyone she could simply so she could snatch their life away. There was just an innate urge for her to do that. For her to kill. She supposed she had her father and her uncle to thank for that. Years of murder and murder and more murder had made the metaphorical act of playing god more so a family trait than anything else. She was merely acting as they had in their lifetimes.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Of course, she had other motives. She wanted to succeed in finally making Suiteheart hate her. She wanted to destroy the delicate image the polar bear had of her darling wife. She wanted to rip their tiny family apart once and for all and ensure that there was no way for them to ever heal the wounds she inflicted.
Why?
Because Margaery knew Margaery too well. Being isolated alone in her head gave her access to her biggest fears as well as the things that set her soul aflame. Her family was the one thing she loved more than anything on the planet and so long as they were intact, she would continue to fight for control. That couldn't happen. She needed to remain here, living and breathing and not trapped in the confines of a mental prison. And as long as Suiteheart and the souls were in the picture, that desire was but a nearly intangible dream.
The one downside to her plan was the bond. It connected them in every way and though the feelings were weak and muted, the real Margaery could still experience the turmoil of emotions that Suiteheart was experiencing. Even now, she could feel her fighting- kicking and screaming and begging for things to go back to normal. The Monster was not so easily phased. Her requests were absurd and would never be fulfilled. Everyone's fate had been predetermined long ago by this new and twisted Margaery and she would rather perish than see her business go unfinished.
"I killed you once.."
Was that... fear?
Confusion graced her otherwise stony features for a brief second. Why was she suddenly afraid? A beast as apathetic and uncaring as she should not have been so easily rocked by such a simple (and empty, in her opinion) statement. Was real Margaery actually succeeding in returning her to her mental shackles? No... that wasn't possible. That couldn't be possible. There had to be another alternative- some minute detail she was missing. Whatever the case, she could not let her slip and accidental portrayal of terror remain any longer.
[color=#b14767]"I'm not afraid of you," She extended casually, the tip of her tail flicking in some attempt to only further prove her indifference. Was the statement a lie? Yes. Would Suiteheart know that? She... actually didn't know. The bond was perhaps the only thing that truly confused her and to this day, she struggled to know what was and was not felt by its power. As smart as she was, it had never occurred to her that everything (and I mean everything) was communicated between the supernatural link they shared.
"Don't."
Was she trying to intimidate her?
How foolish.
Suite might have had the teeth and the claws, but Margaery possessed both unnatural skill and nearly unmatched agility. She would not fall at the hands of her wife. Not today. [color=#b14767]"You live in a blissfully ignorant world, Suiteheart Folie. You're too dumb to understand the consequences of your actions. Margaery is a liar. You don't know the real her. You don't know anything about her. She's a master of disguises. She's manipulative, cunning, and she has her claws in you. You need to let her go. She's... I'm doing nothing but harming you," She offered. Her voice softened at the last bit, mimicking how the Monster assumed Margaery would speak in such a situation. She was proud of her efforts too- it sounded like Margaery was in control for a split second.
[color=#b14767]"What you fail to understand, love, is that her and I are two sides of the same coin. She's always been me as I've always been her. The problem is- she has a terrible habit of repressing things. Memories, emotions, me. Had she not tried so hard to run from her agonizing bloodlust and her true nature, had she never found you who made her want to be such a good person for no reason at all... then perhaps she and I would coexist peacefully as one complete person."
It was true. Suiteheart had done nothing but influence Margaery to be good and pure... to not succumb to the temptations of darkness and the promises of evil power. She had complicated everything to a severe extreme and this Margaery hated her for it. Things would have been so much easier had Margaery not given her heart away with such reckless abandon.
[color=#b14767]"If you weren't in the picture, our precious Margaery would be happy. You fail to realize that you've caused her an incredible amount of pain. You've killed her. You've forgotten her. You've terrified her. I'm a manifestation of all those wounds you left on the person you proclaim your love to everyday. I'm the bitterness and rage that she never expressed to you out of her own fear that you would hate her for standing up for herself. Just accept that you truly are pathetic, Suiteheart. You're ruining her.. no... you've ruined her."
Her stare was unwavering- eyes a combination of both burning hatred and icy aloofness. She wouldn't so much as respond to the girl's next comment about knowing her. Suiteheart didn't know her. Not like she used to. That had been her own fault, she accepted that, but she would not entertain the idea that Suiteheart even a close idea of who Margaery really was. She had become exceptional at wearing a fake face towards everyone she interacted with. She was a true enigma and honestly, she liked remaining that way. This had been her burden to share alone and no one, not even her wife, was allowed to indulge in the knowledge of what was really transpiring underneath that pretty, charismatic surface.
[color=#b14767]"But that's where you're wrong," She suddenly continued, dragging herself back to reality, [color=#b14767]"You're still in control, love. And as long as you still have that hold over yourself, you would never, ever hurt me. You care too much about me. You'd hate yourself forever if you took away the one thing that kept you feeling safe and grounded. In fact, I know you still regret killing me the first time. Margaery didn't look at you the same for how long? I know the moment you phased back into a bear, all those memories came flooding back to her. They haunted her dreams... I'll take full credit for that. Her subconscious needed a little push- it made it easier for me to take over when she finally couldn't deal with you any longer. And about Lil, perhaps I'll have to take your words as a challenge. I'll kill her. I'll kill you. I'll kill anyone. Watch me."
She laughed cruelly again, a wicked smirk coming to life upon her chocolate jaws.
[color=#b14767]"Margaery can't chain me up again."
There was a pause.
[color=#b14767]"The real Margaery is gone."
A corrupt, analytical creature, her biggest priority was stumbling across her next meal. She was as clever as the devil and twice as pretty and planned to use that honeyed charm that the old Margaery had to lure in friends. Family. Anyone she could simply so she could snatch their life away. There was just an innate urge for her to do that. For her to kill. She supposed she had her father and her uncle to thank for that. Years of murder and murder and more murder had made the metaphorical act of playing god more so a family trait than anything else. She was merely acting as they had in their lifetimes.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Of course, she had other motives. She wanted to succeed in finally making Suiteheart hate her. She wanted to destroy the delicate image the polar bear had of her darling wife. She wanted to rip their tiny family apart once and for all and ensure that there was no way for them to ever heal the wounds she inflicted.
Why?
Because Margaery knew Margaery too well. Being isolated alone in her head gave her access to her biggest fears as well as the things that set her soul aflame. Her family was the one thing she loved more than anything on the planet and so long as they were intact, she would continue to fight for control. That couldn't happen. She needed to remain here, living and breathing and not trapped in the confines of a mental prison. And as long as Suiteheart and the souls were in the picture, that desire was but a nearly intangible dream.
The one downside to her plan was the bond. It connected them in every way and though the feelings were weak and muted, the real Margaery could still experience the turmoil of emotions that Suiteheart was experiencing. Even now, she could feel her fighting- kicking and screaming and begging for things to go back to normal. The Monster was not so easily phased. Her requests were absurd and would never be fulfilled. Everyone's fate had been predetermined long ago by this new and twisted Margaery and she would rather perish than see her business go unfinished.
"I killed you once.."
Was that... fear?
Confusion graced her otherwise stony features for a brief second. Why was she suddenly afraid? A beast as apathetic and uncaring as she should not have been so easily rocked by such a simple (and empty, in her opinion) statement. Was real Margaery actually succeeding in returning her to her mental shackles? No... that wasn't possible. That couldn't be possible. There had to be another alternative- some minute detail she was missing. Whatever the case, she could not let her slip and accidental portrayal of terror remain any longer.
[color=#b14767]"I'm not afraid of you," She extended casually, the tip of her tail flicking in some attempt to only further prove her indifference. Was the statement a lie? Yes. Would Suiteheart know that? She... actually didn't know. The bond was perhaps the only thing that truly confused her and to this day, she struggled to know what was and was not felt by its power. As smart as she was, it had never occurred to her that everything (and I mean everything) was communicated between the supernatural link they shared.
"Don't."
Was she trying to intimidate her?
How foolish.
Suite might have had the teeth and the claws, but Margaery possessed both unnatural skill and nearly unmatched agility. She would not fall at the hands of her wife. Not today. [color=#b14767]"You live in a blissfully ignorant world, Suiteheart Folie. You're too dumb to understand the consequences of your actions. Margaery is a liar. You don't know the real her. You don't know anything about her. She's a master of disguises. She's manipulative, cunning, and she has her claws in you. You need to let her go. She's... I'm doing nothing but harming you," She offered. Her voice softened at the last bit, mimicking how the Monster assumed Margaery would speak in such a situation. She was proud of her efforts too- it sounded like Margaery was in control for a split second.
[color=#b14767]"What you fail to understand, love, is that her and I are two sides of the same coin. She's always been me as I've always been her. The problem is- she has a terrible habit of repressing things. Memories, emotions, me. Had she not tried so hard to run from her agonizing bloodlust and her true nature, had she never found you who made her want to be such a good person for no reason at all... then perhaps she and I would coexist peacefully as one complete person."
It was true. Suiteheart had done nothing but influence Margaery to be good and pure... to not succumb to the temptations of darkness and the promises of evil power. She had complicated everything to a severe extreme and this Margaery hated her for it. Things would have been so much easier had Margaery not given her heart away with such reckless abandon.
[color=#b14767]"If you weren't in the picture, our precious Margaery would be happy. You fail to realize that you've caused her an incredible amount of pain. You've killed her. You've forgotten her. You've terrified her. I'm a manifestation of all those wounds you left on the person you proclaim your love to everyday. I'm the bitterness and rage that she never expressed to you out of her own fear that you would hate her for standing up for herself. Just accept that you truly are pathetic, Suiteheart. You're ruining her.. no... you've ruined her."
Her stare was unwavering- eyes a combination of both burning hatred and icy aloofness. She wouldn't so much as respond to the girl's next comment about knowing her. Suiteheart didn't know her. Not like she used to. That had been her own fault, she accepted that, but she would not entertain the idea that Suiteheart even a close idea of who Margaery really was. She had become exceptional at wearing a fake face towards everyone she interacted with. She was a true enigma and honestly, she liked remaining that way. This had been her burden to share alone and no one, not even her wife, was allowed to indulge in the knowledge of what was really transpiring underneath that pretty, charismatic surface.
[color=#b14767]"But that's where you're wrong," She suddenly continued, dragging herself back to reality, [color=#b14767]"You're still in control, love. And as long as you still have that hold over yourself, you would never, ever hurt me. You care too much about me. You'd hate yourself forever if you took away the one thing that kept you feeling safe and grounded. In fact, I know you still regret killing me the first time. Margaery didn't look at you the same for how long? I know the moment you phased back into a bear, all those memories came flooding back to her. They haunted her dreams... I'll take full credit for that. Her subconscious needed a little push- it made it easier for me to take over when she finally couldn't deal with you any longer. And about Lil, perhaps I'll have to take your words as a challenge. I'll kill her. I'll kill you. I'll kill anyone. Watch me."
She laughed cruelly again, a wicked smirk coming to life upon her chocolate jaws.
[color=#b14767]"Margaery can't chain me up again."
There was a pause.
[color=#b14767]"The real Margaery is gone."
Re: but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p - Suiteheart - 05-14-2018
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The laugh struck a cord deep within Suiteheart's soul. It shook her deeply, tremendously. The sheer coldness of the act almost sucked the breath right out of her, and had she not been on the verge of her feral side, it would have. Had she not been about to come loose, the laughter would've killed it. Even now, the act pained her greatly, and she had to look away. It burned like flames, and the fire was rising higher and higher and escape was out of reach. She inhaled to steady herself.
She wasn't weak. She was not weak like she used to be. A year of travel had made her strong, capable. It molded her into something that was capable of self preservation. Right now, that's just what she needed. Margaery was gone (at least for the moment), and Suite needed to stay alive to kill the beast that possessed her lover.
The only thing she could never hope to accomplish was hating Margaery. Even when the she-beast sent her careening down the edge of her own psyche, she would still love her wife. Deep down, at the core of her soul that had not been overtaken by wild desires, she would still love her wife more than life itself. No matter what the creature in front of her attempted to do, it wouldn't be enough. Nothing would ever be enough to dispel the true love she possessed for Margaery. Nothing. Nothing on this earth or in heaven or hell held that power.
This new Margaery might believe she had the strength, the ability, to complete the task, but she didn't. This creature was just barely able to see the light of day. Suite did not and would not believe the other could contort Margaery's mind so much to destroy the being of light and love she had come to know.
The polar bear would not lie, however. She was terrified of the chance that the possibility was there. This new Margy had hidden talents and tricks, she knew. She could feel it. Without having to pry, she could sense the subtle differences from the last time she had encountered her. Her months of lying in wait had made her stronger and more well suited for destruction. It was a horrifying reality, but she tried not to let it faze her. Surely this thing wasn't that powerful.
Suite supposed it all truly depended upon Margaery. Not the one across from her, but the true chocolate point. If she loved and cared for Suite the way Suite cared for her, then perhaps they could beat this thing. They had done it once, so surely it was within reach. Albeit, Margaery was concealed from her, hidden within the depths of her own consciousness. Time, she hoped, would tell the answer to her worries. Until then, she would believe with her entire being that Margaery reciprocated these feelings - even if only partly because then they had a shot, however tiny.
A shot was still a shot, and she would take anything or nothing at all.
She tried the bond, desperately searching for her wife, but found nothing expect cold, unfeeling emotions. New Margaery had done a nice job of hiding Old Margaery away, she would give her that. If she wanted to sense her wife, the other would have to reach out first, for Suite could not break through. Ever so often, though, she swore she felt her wife. But these feelings were almost nonexistent. She wasn't even sure if it were real. Perhaps it was her own subconscious trying to sate her own demons.
While searching, she did come into contact with fear. This wasn't Margaery's. As awful as it was, Suiteheart knew that emotion like the back of her hand. This new fear she felt was foreign, not her wife's. It radiated darkness, and it was cold - both were vastly different than whenever she sensed Margaery's emotions.
But back to the fear the monster was exhibiting. A sinister smile graced her maw at that. She had found a sore spot for the she-beast. Oh, this was too easy! The least the bitch could do was pose a challenge. Much like Margaery had given her earlier, she let a cruel laugh fall from her lips. It was dark, dangerous, threatening. And her laughter continued as the creature explained or was afraid of her.
"Oh, honey," she spat, eyes narrowing while she maintained her shady smirk, "you and I both know that's a fucking lie. You're terrified. And you should be, because I'll not hesitate to kill you if given half the chance." She could sense every bit of the lie the other was trying to feed her, but the mistruth wouldn't reach her. She wouldn't hear of it. Lies didn't sit well with her.
Suiteheart offered the other a mighty roll of her eyes at the next words. Oh, she was trying to frighten Suite now? No use. She was passed being scared. She wasn't sure what had clicked, but damn was she glad it had. "That's cute that you think that, love. But I know her more than she knows herself, and it's a damn shame that you think I only know half of her." And as she ended her small speech, she shook her head as faux-Margy tried to pose as the real McCoy. She knew that wasn't her wife even if the job was convincing; the simply wasn't enough emotion behind the words. 'Try again, sweetie,' her eyes seemed to say.
"Oh, poor baby. I'm so terribly sorry I messed up things for you! I had no idea you thought you were entitled to ruin Margaery's life. You'll have to excuse me for my misunderstanding," she said, voice bathed in heavy sarcasm. Though she often blamed herself for possibly ruining her wife's life, the words spoken by the other seemed to imply something else entirely. It made her feel as though she had done the right thing all those moons ago.
Love changed all things. It was usually for the better. Suite was glad that had been the case with she and Margaery.
She stood tall as she readied herself for the next words. An arrogant smirk rested upon her maw as she knew she was winning this war of words. She knew everything to say in response to the monster before her. It was almost too easy, and she -
"If you weren't in the picture, our precious Margaery would be happy. You fail to realize that you've caused her an incredible amount of pain. You've killed her. You've forgotten her. You've terrified her. I'm a manifestation of all those wounds you left on the person you proclaim your love to everyday. I'm the bitterness and rage that she never expressed to you out of her own fear that you would hate her for standing up for herself. Just accept that you truly are pathetic, Suiteheart. You're ruining her.. no... you've ruined her."
The words were like a bullet to her heart. Something deep within her broke into so many pieces that she knew the damage was irreversible. She was slipping. Her hold on whatever this was was falling. She could not continue her control on her own inner demon. It screamed to be let loose, and she was no longer able to contain it.
And so she didn't.
Release. That was what it was.
Her obsidian eyes somehow managed to darken. Her stance shifted into the offensive. She was poised and ready, and she would not hold back. Margaery was buried within herself, and Suiteheart's inner destructive force wanted to come out full force. And so it did.
The polar bear disregarded the words that had broken her wholly and completely. She didn't need them. She was something else now - something focused on destroying what had destroyed her. The dark expression she wore was a mixture of fire and ice. A breath passed through parted lips as the transformation was sealed. The normal Suiteheart had taken a back seat to recover, and the new Suite was not sure how long she would be out to play. She did, however, know she would make it count.
"Well, I suppose it's a good thing she's not in control anymore, Margaery." Though the voice exited Suite's mouth, it was different. It was a cold steel. It was something razor sharp. It wanted to hurt everything in its wake in order to justify everything that had hurt the real Suite. "Unlike Margaery's Suiteheart, I don't really give a fuck. I'm here for vengeance." Her words were snarled.
"All you do is bitch," she commented, taking a step forward. She wanted action. She wanted to feel the other break in her claws or between her teeth. She wanted blood. She craved death. Oh, this would be fun, fun, fun. "Killing you won't kill Margaery. I know that much. It's funny how much I remember since our last encounter. Do you still scream and cry the same or have you grown up since then, my darling?" She took another massive step forward, grinning maniacally.
She dug her claws into the earth, ripping and tearing the ground with ease. Ah, it felt good to be in control again. She was getting the hang of this absolute power faster this time. Everything was so much simpler than the last time. "Let Margaery stay gone. This is between you and I know," she rumbled, lifting her head from the ground to stare at the feline. "Margaery and Suiteheart might not be able to contain you, but I certainly can. You're pathetic. You're easy. I'll kill you again."
It was a challenge, plain as day. She was curious to see if the other would pick it up. Oh, how she wished the other would attempt some stupid act of arrogance!