breath catching in the jaguar's throat, they stopped to breathe, coughing out the excess air. lifting their head, they stopped at the border and proceeded with dignity. calling out kydobi's name, the jaguar moved at a fast pace, tracking him down. findng him, they halted, "kydobi, stop being pensive and come here. i have something to show you." they called out to the man they still considered their friend after everything they had gone through. This spat had gone on for too long.

exhaling, the other feline flicked their tail, "There's something that I want you to see. Something that you might enjoy." they answered him, knowing he was still upset over the circumstance of their last meeting.

turning away, they headed back through the jungle part of the territory, in a beeline for a territory neither had visited in forever.

paws carrying them into the old territory, they gave a soft noise as they tried to refamiliarize themselves with the desert territory that they had once cslled home. stopping whiskers short of running into a slump of sand covered stones, they flicked their tail and traveled over it. headed for their old home, they touched their nose to the old stone building's wall, wistfully staring into it.

"do you remember when we first met?" they asked quietly, voice soft with memory and a longing that they did not bother covering. the wounds of losing this land that they once called home were still raw, and it showed in the tensions of their body, nosing into the falling apart building in soft curiosity, seeking out where eclipse had nestled into their side, so many of their old belongings laying in the dust and ruin. they were searching out something important to them, but that was not why they had brought him here.

"kydobi. i do not want to split ways eith you mad at me without understanding my reasons and why i do what i do. you may not want to be here or anywhere near here, but you were my only friend in all of these groups. and your lives." they murmured as they nosed aside dirt and debris, searching out an item they did not know if they would find. breath halting as the ground around them rumbled, they went still, listening to the sound of grating rocks and sand before it went still, their heart hammering in their chest.

turning their head back they 'looked' at him, licking their lips and sighing with a flick of their tail, "because i have another friend, does not mean that you cannot still be my friend, kydobi. that's all i have left in this world, friends. even if you are the ardent now, you still need people to rely on as friends." he murmured softly.

sighing, they turned away, grabbing the few items that they could reach, a black feather tucked behind their ear. looking blankly into the house, they worried their lip and exhaled, "even if we don't stay friends, I want you to know that you've always viewed you as my friend, and at one time ... even more than just a friend. I still do. Even if you dont want to hear my words, i need to let you know about how i felt, just in case my time runs out and im left to haunt those ive left behind." they grumble lowly, breathing out. they had been reminded of how quickly their loved ones could be taken from them.

"kydobi ... you already made it clear on where we stand. but i haven't been able to lay it to rest. i can't forget you, because i did love you, and i still do love you, even if it'll never be returned to me. im okay with that. but i still love you and when you died ... i couldn't take it, even though you were not mine." they murmur, claws digging into the ground as they spoke, tongue pressed to the roof of their mouth.

a curt exhale and flick of their tail, not moving, "i loved you the whole damn time, kydobi. don't make me hate myself anymore for trying to do something with that affection. every time that i told you of how i felt, you denied it. you went the other way. you ran from it. then the one time that you found it in yourself to face me, i had tried to move on.", they turned to face him, their face expressionless. "don't pin this all on me. you told me it was alright to move on. i asked if i could move on and you gave your agreement although i should never have needed it. so yes, we stand here as friends, or whatever is left of our friendship." they chuffed, stepping away from the building, easing their sword over their shoulder.

paws picking a path through the grounds they had once loved, they coughed to clear their throat of all the dust clogging it. "do you have any idea of what happened at the raid? how many people broke because you died? how many tears were shed? you're lucky to be so loved, kydobi.
so very lucky. they all grieved. without you, they were lost." they murmur, tongue thick in their mouth. let him find out from someone just what they had done when he lay dying and dead. let him find out what he meant in words that they could not share without losing composure.

"i would have 'respected' it, had it come earlier. i was at one time one's mate, but oh, he died. love is a cruel game in my family. we die or the ones we love die. death comes after everyone sooner than it should. so forgive me for being greedy and trying to love someone else after that damn raid. forgive me for trying to be someone more than i am. forgive me." they end up growling, hating their voice cracking and the pent up emotions showing in their tone. as they had walked, their paws brought them to the cliffs of the old territory where the aspects, the group's gods, had once lived. standing on the precipice, they felt hot and angry tears welling in their eyes, claws digging into the rock as they breathed in the sulphurous air, teeth grinding together and ears laid back. why had they started to break down, to lose their calm, why had they had to yell at him or even drag him here?