2.0.2 RUN THE NUMBERS / leo
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Offline goldenluxury

  • The Typhoon
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« on: November 02, 2018, 09:46:12 AM »
To be frank, the girl is pretending. Goldenluxury Roux has not returned. This is not who she is. This is just some fake illusion of her. She was getting better and better at pretending. And, it's better this way, she decided. Making others believe she is happy, that she is remembering, that she knows who she is and is confident about it, is much more preferable than letting them see the truth. She is just a scared, confused girl. She does not remember. She only is learning and writing. She is observing and adapting. She is pretending. She does not know who she is. She does not know who Goldenluxury Roux is or if she is accurately portraying her. She does not know what her life is. She only remembers that she has a papa, who is the captain, has died once before, that she was a slave to Stryker for murdering a Pittian, and that she had a mama, but she has died in her place, publicly executed by Stryker himself, because she was rescued before her own punishment had been completed. It is her fault. And she can't fix it. And she is scared. And she is angry.

Goldenluxury Roux is angry.

But, what is she angry at? She does not know. Stryker? Maybe. He should have waited for her, or came after her instead. He should not have killed Guru. He should not have let her live with this. But, even then, he had said he wanted to better her. He wanted her to be a good person before she was killed. But, she is not a good person. She is pretending to be one. Is she angry at herself? Yes, actually. She is quite angry at herself. But, she does not know what more to do about it. She is pretending and there is not much more she can do. She cannot fix this, and that is perhaps the most frustrating thing about all of this. No matter how good or helpful she tries to be, she will never be able to fix it.

There are times where she still considers going to him. Times she considers begging him to somehow take it all back. Times she wishes she could just undo everything. She wishes she had just ran, and then her papa would have never been able to rescue her. She wishes she had never done it all in the first place. She wishes he would fix it. But, how dare she do that? She brought this - all of it - upon herself, and now others have gone to such great lengths to finish it. And now she is just angry. But, she is pretending not to be. She has to pretend. So, the girl walks. The bengal walks about the island silently, struggling between steps with her harpy eagle next to her.

Goldenluxury Roux's name has spread. She knows he declared it in front of everyone. She knows that he killed Guru publicly. She knows they know she is the daughter of the captain. That she is a dealer. The best she can do for now is work to make her name something good. So, she walks.



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