2.0.2 2.0.2 ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
Beasts of Beyond

⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2018, 09:35:05 PM »
bc i needed to save this: ShowHide
for as long as long as they could possibly remember they had been here, had been trapped within the same compound, the same cell, strapped to the same table. they were sure it had to have been years, of course, they did not have a good concept of time and couldn’t be completely sure but even if they could not tell one day from the next they knew that they have grown much since the endless amount of torture began. Oh, ahem, not torture as the scientists would so surely scold them for saying but the experiments, it had been years since the experiments had begun. they weren’t sure what made that word any better than the other but maybe it helped the scientists feel better about what they were doing; the word experiment meant change, knowledge and understanding, it was a connection to progression of the human race. although, mmxii had always wondered why it was they who had to pay the cost in order to advance the human race. were they not human? why was it they who had to suffer for the masses? why did they not have a choice in this matter? maybe they wanted to live a normal life, be treated like a living breathing person and not lowered to the level of inhuman beast that could be beat all for the purpose of science. they didn’t want to just be “the experiment” they wanted to be human.

maybe they were being selfish in their thoughts, they had been told since they were very little that one must suffer for the masses to flourish; it was almost hero-like to sacrifice oneself for the good of all but, well, what had the masses ever done for them? when had they ever agreed to this sort of sacrifice? why should they be put through this hell on a day to day basis when they were never given a motive, never given a reason—personally—to give up every inch of their being in order to serve people who had not once ever done anything for them. they didn’t care about the others anymore, had stopped caring quite some time ago because it was so much easier to become numb and hardened, to stop caring about anyone else but yourself when you lived through these kinds of conditions. they didn’t care about how selfish they might have been, they were constantly in so much pain, pain that they had never asked for and it simply didn’t seem fair to accept it because if it didn’t happen to them it would happen to others. they were tired, they wanted to leave but they didn’t have that option… maybe they had a right to be selfish.

it was the excessive throbbing of their wrists that brought them back to reality, the metal cuffs were rubbing against the burned skin beneath into rawness and, from what they could feel, some of the burn scabs had begun to reopen. to be quite frank, it was excruciating and far past the normal level of uncomfortable, however, this was not something new to them and they had no trouble handling the agony that was racing around in their hands and spreading up their arms. they knew that they would rather have the burning around their wrists than somewhere else more sensitive, it was certainly better than having a metal cuff clipped around their neck or ankles like it had often been before in the past. it was a lose-lose situation but they supposed that they had to pick the option that was not as bad as the other alternatives. the only real complaints they had about the wrist cuffs anymore was the length of time that it took the burns to properly heal, constantly reopening them made the process longer and far more painful. they knew that they didn’t really have to worry about infection surrounded by advanced medical technology and highly trained doctors and scientists but, really, worrying was the only thing mmxii could do. it was a way to pass the time, as stupid as that sounded, there wasn’t much one could do in a tiny cell and if focusing and stressing out over something small and seemingly insignificant was something they could do, they were going to do it. there was no concept of time here, if they did not escape through their worries or daydreaming they were sure that they would have gone mad a long time ago.

mmxii allowed their head to fall back against the concrete wall as they closed their eyes, a low hum slipped from their throat as they they began to pull at the chain connected to the wall just above them. it was another one of the very few things they could do in their cell, it was monotonous and, at this point, simply muscle memory as they pulled their wrists back and then forward with just enough force to shake the connector right above them. a long while ago they had noticed that the connector had started to become weak, the repetitive motion of pulling on the chains loosening the screws against the wall; they weren’t sure how they had noticed but they supposed they didn’t really care anymore, maybe one day they would be lucky enough to pull off the chains and be able to lay down completely flat without instant pain. although, sometimes they liked to believe that their continuous pulling of the chain was not really a conscious decision but something deep down within them that refused to give up and pulled simply because there was the chance that one day they would be able to break them off and leave this cage for good. this likely sound stupid or crazy but, well, you had to remember that mmxii likely could not think as straight as everyone else anymore, their mind went off in a million and one different directions in search of something to do. maybe they were going mad and this was only the beginning signs of it, all this time of being treated lesser than an animal was likely beginning to finally push into their very core. they knew that they had to get out soon or they were not sure what would happen to their mind, the only thing that they had that actually belonged completely to them. they wouldn't allow the scientists to take that away from them.

they shifted slightly when they heard a low groan outside the cell door and a creaking from the connector just above them, they paused their pulling to turn around and press their front against the wall for support as they raised their hands to run along the chain. it was loose, looser than it had ever been before and as they pulled just slightly they could feel it give just a little bit and they could already feel the adrenaline spreading throughout their body as they turned their head to look in the direction of the door. they knew it was late into the day, it had to be, they didn't move to a singular guard until the rest of the compound was preparing for sleep and they felt something akin to hope pour from their heart as they pressed their back into the wall. this could very well be the chance they had been waiting for and while they had no idea what the fuck they were going to do they knew there was no possible chance they could let this moment be wasted, couldn't sit back and wait, they had to act now or they may never have this kind of opportunity ever again. they began to turn around fully, pressing their back into the wall as they began loudly clanking the chains, sightless eyes narrowing in on the door as they tried to make it as loud as they possibly could. they lifted their chin slightly before beginning to click their tongue, the noise annoyingly bouncing off of the walls and helping mmxii map out exactly what was in the way of the door, of how they were going to have to move when the time came.

a loud banging on the door had them smiling wildly and normally mmxii would have stopped and simply gone to sleep but now they bit their lip and continued on with their clanking of the chains. this was frightening and new territory, breaking away from the obedience that had been beaten into them so many times seemed scarily easy. there was no denying that they were afraid, however, this would not stop them, not now, not ever again. they would no longer bow down to the bastards who had beaten and abused them and called it fair by laws of science, this was their chance to finally have a choice in what they did with their life and they were going to do their very best in order to get what they wanted. along with the clanking of the chains they opened their mouth to start clicking their tongue again, over and over and over again in a fashion that they were sure was driving the guard outside absolutely nuts.

click, click, click, click.

"shut up! just fucking shut up!"

the door opened loudly and they could feel the corner of their lip pull up slightly as rough hands grabbed at the jumper they were wearing. this was what they wanted, what they had planned; the calmness of the scientists could not be matched just as the brashness of the soldiers could not be matched. just a few noises was all it seemed to take to rile them up into picking on the poor blind guinea pig, they kept themselves limp as the soldier shook them and screamed into their face. they did their best to block it out and focus on grabbing the chain near the cuffs around their hand and readying themselves for what was about to come and what kind of chaos they were about to throw themselves into. their anxiety was near crippling but they could not give into it, they could not allow the fear of the outside and of the soldiers to stop them from finally doing what they should have done so long ago. they gripped the chain harder, positive that their knuckles must have been turning white before looking up to where they assumed the soldier's eyes would be a blinking as innocently as they could. without warning they gave a final yank and the chains connected to the wall were torn from it's hinges, a loud bang filled the cell as the connector clattered to the ground. this is what they had been waiting for, years upon years of yanking at the expense of their wrists had led this this very moment... a chance at real and true freedom.

immediately they could feel the hesitation in the soldier’s hands, the slight pause indicating that he was stunned and confused at what had just happened and mmxii took that pause to slam forward into the body of the dazed soldier. normally they would have stood no chance against someone like them but, at the moment, the element of surprise was on their side. they climbed over the guard, slamming their forearm into their face and slamming his head against the ground as hard as they could, maybe they weren't strong enough to completely knock out the guard but that really wasn't the point, right now... they wanted to daze them, make it difficult to fight back for what they were going to need to do next. as quick as they could they moved the chain to wrap around the soldier's neck, pulling harshly and allowing the soldier's gasps for air to fill the cell as large hands gripped at mmxii's wrists and thighs in an effort to throw the thin experiment off. however, they would not go down, could not go down and tightened their grip on the chain; they weren't sure what they were doing, why they were doing it but it felt good... as fucked up as that may sound, it felt good to be in control of once, to be deciding if they were going to allow this soldier to die or live. they felt their bottom lip tremble slightly and tightened the chain with all of their strength, completely cutting of the guard's airway and praying that it was enough to completely subdue the man for right now.

the experiment paused slightly, heart pounding before quickly twisting the chains and hearing a loud crack that indicated the breaking of the poor soldier's neck. they were not so gone to admit that while it felt good to be in control it did pain them to hurt someone like this, to take something like a life away but they supposed that they really didn't have any other choice; at this moment it was kill or be contained and after so long of being caged like an animal... they were willing to kill as many people as they had to in order to get out of here. they let out a slow breath slumping on the soldier's chest as they moved their chained hands over to his belt, they knew that almost all the soldiers had keys to these cuffs, safety procedures they supposed, that they could all move and transport their slave if the need where to arise. they knew that they needed to hurry, that it would only be a matter of time before the guard rotation happened and they planned to be far from this cell when it happened and as their hand clamped around a set of keys they felt the anxiety really begin to kick in. it was hard to fit the key into the locks of the cuffs, not because it was an awkward angle but because mmxii couldn't get their hands to stop shaking long enough to accurately push the key into the tiny lock. it took a little longer than they would have liked but they finally managed to get one of the cuffs off and quickly pulled the other off; they rubbed their wrists slightly, hissing as the open burns were finally freed.
they knew they didn't have much time and moved to crawl over the body of the soldier, clicking lowly to ensure that they would make it through the door and not cause any loud noises by running face first into something that would raise suspicion. it only took a moment before they were fully on their feet and just another heartbeat before they found themselves in a frenzied dash out of the cell and into the hallway, painfully slamming one of their shoulders into the opposite side of the narrow walkway. their breathing was getting heavier and they knew that they needed to get a move on before the other guard came for a shift change and found the dead one lying in mmxii's cell. they pressed their bare feet forward slightly, checking their running room before they took off in a dead sprint down the hallway. it wasn't safe, not by any means, especially with an impairment like theirs but they didn't care, they didn't have time to care. they were going to have to rely on their form of echolocation and memory to get where they needed to go and couldn't waste time worrying about if they were going to hit something, break something and get punished because of it.

they knew their way to the lab by heart, they’d been down here countless times before and could easily direct themselves even without their sight; right, left, straight, left and right. they did not know where the exit was exactly, they’d never been there before and had never been allowed anywhere near it for obvious security reasons. however, they’d heard the guards talk about it plenty of times to have a vague idea of where they were going. they didn't know much about it, just that the guards often times liked to go outside and hunt or just relax instead of being cooped up in the compound all day. humph, lucky bastards. they kept pushing themselves, sliding through the right turn and spiriting down the hallway as fast as they possibly could; it wasn't smart, not when they knew they were making so much noise but they didn't care, they needed to make ground right now, needed to give themselves a head start and a chance at the possibility of getting out. they winced loudly when a siren began to go off, a blaring sound near deafening them and making it near impossible to continue their clicking effectively. they slowed in their running and moved their hands to cover their ears, groaning as their sensitive hearing was brutally assaulted. it seemed that the guard change had happened earlier than they hoped and someone had found the deceased soldier. it was troubling and mmxii found that this was no longer some impulsive action and the haze had finally frazzled and they came to realize that, at that moment, they were indeed attempting to escape. they kept running, heart pounding as more noises seemed to be going off and they could feel their senses already becoming overwhelmed with the newfound screaming and crying of the sirens and soldiers. they winced and made another hard turn, nearly hitting the ground as the made the next turn and began sprinting down what would be the longest of all of the hallways. luckily for them it seemed the soldiers had not yet reached this part and despite the blaring of the sirens they couldn't hear anything else, they knew not to get too confident, not now but at least something was working in their favor.

it was not long before the next turn arrived and as soon as they hit the next left turn they found themselves barreling into something that felt like a mobile cart, throwing all of the contents onto the floor and slamming roughly into the ground. "what the fuck?" mmxii's eyes grew wide as they scrambled across the ground and tried to push themselves onto their knees, unfortunately, they were not fast enough and whomever they had managed to run into was quick to grab at them. no, no, no, no they couldn't be caught now, no, they flailed as hard as they could but the grip that the scientist had on their back was strong and they weren't big enough to pull it off of them.

the scientist grabbed them, pushing them face forward into the ground and mmxii could feel the panic building in their chest; they were so close, so close to finally being free and they couldn't lose, couldn't be taken down now. they felt hands gripping their back and frantically found themselves click, sightless eyes moving around frantically as their hands flared across the ground before landing on a broken piece of glass. they weren't sure what it was from, maybe it fell off of the cart they had bumped into but right now wasn't the moment to be choosy and as they felt the scientist trying to lift them up they closed their hand around the piece of glass. they could feel it digging into their skin, cutting the flesh as they managed to get a firm grasp on it before twist around violently and swinging it with as much force as they possibly could; they felt blood splatter the face as the piece of glass slashed across what mmxii assumed was the scientist's face. the following scream only confirmed their assumption and as they pulled their arm back once again to bring it down again they could feel bile rising into their throat as the piece of glass slid through skin. the scientist continued to scream and they took the chance to shuffle forward and stumble onto their feet, the only thing keeping them from a breakdown was the glass digging into their skin as their grip seemed to exponentially tighten and, for once, they were glad that they were blind... they didn't want to see what they had done.

they could faintly hear footsteps hitting the ground behind them, much further down the currently hallway and despite the violent shaking of their body they forced themselves to drop the shard and shuffle forward. they pressed their fingertips to the wall, gagging as their bare feet stepped through the same warm blood that was splattered across their hand and, from what they could tell, their face and jumper. they were going to be sick but they were going to have to hold it in, they could vomit later if the need were to arise but, for now, they had to block everything out and focus on getting to the exit. they breathed in quickly before beginning to sprint down the hallway, fingers still grazing against the wall to keep them stable as they blindly ran down a hallway they had been pulled down so many times before. they clicked their tongue quietly, trying to ensure that they wouldn't be running into anything that could slow them down and make it easier for the soldiers behind them to catch up and take them back to their personal hell. the footsteps behind them grew louder, mmxii pushed their legs as hard as they could, chest heaving as their eyes began to water from the exertion but adrenaline ensuring that they would not be stopping any time soon. this was a fight or flight situation and their body was helping them take flight, helping them by helping itself and, and, and, fuck, they were so close, they were so close.

they made a sharp right when their hand gave from the wall and spirited as quickly as they could through the narrow way, breathing heavily as they used both arms to push themselves forward; praying to all things that they would not run into anything that could end this game of cat and mouse. they clicked wildly, taking as much information from what was in front of them as best they could, having to move over slightly to keep from doing a swan dive into a desk; they knew they were getting closer, the sirens were starting to quiet down and they knew that the soldiers would likely all be out and looking for them at this point. this worried them, of course, they couldn't see anything and there were likely more soldiers than they could fight off, especially in their weakened state but they couldn't and wouldn't stop running, wouldn't stop trying despite the danger they were now putting themselves into and the level of punishment that was surely in order if anyone managed to get their hands on them. they began clicking loudly, lungs heaving and making it difficult to get a proper sound out to judge exactly where they were and how far away from the exit they were at that moment. they finally managed to get out a dry click, eyes widened slightly as the noise bounced off a solid object just a little ways in front of them.

they tried to slow down but couldn't stop fast enough to keep from harshly slamming into the iron door, panic kept the from hitting the ground as they moved their hands wildly over the door. they had no idea what the fuck they were doing but they knew that they had to do something, that there had to be some way to open this things; fuck, they didn't even know if this was the right door but... but they could never remember being taken down this way and from simply listening to the guards over time they felt this was right, they hoped it was right, god, if they were wrong then all this would be in vain and they were so fucking scared of that. what would happen to them if they were pulled all the way back into the labs, what would they do? mmxii couldn't take it anymore, they didn't want to live like this anymore... if they had to they'd steal a gun from one of the guards and put it against their temple. they wouldn't go back, they refused to. they felt tears building in their eyes as they blindly shifted to the left of the door feeling the area as a sob escaped their lips and just as the footsteps behind them seemed to be catching up, mmxii's hand skimmed over a large button and without hesitation the experiment pressed down as hard as they possibly could.

they weren't expecting the spray of disinfecting spray and began hacking violently as the iron door shifted and began to slide open. they weren't sure what was on the other side but they didn't have the time to contemplate and fell forward through the door as fast as they could. they hit the ground harder than they were expecting and wheeze loudly as the air was knocked from their lungs, they knew they didn't have time to lay there and try to catch their breath and began pulling themselves across... across something cold and wet. it was a strange feeling and despite the water soaking into their blood stained clothes it was, well, a nice feeling but they didn't have time to worry about what was touching them, didn't have time to worry about how cold they were. maybe they would marvel at the world and what it felt like to step foot outside for the first time ever at a later place, right now they were still not in the clear and the sounds of the guards seemed to get louder and louder the longer they laid on the ground contemplating the feeling of grass. they pulled themselves to their feet, all six of their toes curling into the mud awkwardly as the experiment struggled to get some sort of traction as they forced themselves into another full on sprint blindly through what felt like an open field.

they turned quickly, stopping in their tracks and looking in the direction of the compound, they couldn't hear anything and it put them on edge; it was as if all of the noise suddenly stopped like the compound and the soldiers had dropped off the very face of the planet. they heaved loudly, shaking as they began to shuffle backwards while keeping their front to the compound; they wanted to hear something, anything that would give them a clue as to what was going on. however, it was a loud bang that had mmxii moving their hands to cover their ears before an excruciating kind of pain slammed into their right hip and they found themselves screaming as they stumbled backwards. they removed their hands from their ears and pressed them down against the white hot pain in their side, it was like being set on fire and they stumbled backwards as the sounds of feet began running towards them. they weren't sure what was happening, they were scared and confused and they felt their entire world collapsing as they realized that this was it... they weren't getting away, they were being contained again and they let out a loud sob.

the footsteps were getting so close and the experiment continued to shuffle backwards fruitlessly, they weren't sure why they were still trying, they weren't going to win. maybe it was some final attempt, desperate until the very end, they couldn't just give up, they had to make the soldiers drag them back in screaming and fighting. they weren't going out without a fight, they refused to do so. it was then that they realized that the soldiers were screaming, voices being thrown in their direction and maybe if mmxii was more coherent they could make out what the soldiers were saying but adrenaline, fear and panic was making everything way too hazy. however, it was the moment that something hit the back of their heel and they felt themselves falling backwards that they realized what the soldiers were doing.

they were warning them.

everything felt as though it were moving in slow motion, they could feel their back hit dirt and then fling up and the come back to hit the ground again and again and again. they were rolling down something, spinning out of control as rocks and twigs and other outside life smacked painfully against them. they felt bile rise into their throat and spill out of their mouth as they finally released their vomit over themselves, stress finally taking over their body as they continued to roll down the side of the cliff. they weren't sure if this was it, if they were going to die and for the first time their cursed their inability to see, to understand what the fuck was going on and being stuck in a world of blackness and confusion where they couldn't even see if they were just going to roll onto flat ground or take a nosedive off a large cliff where they would fall, ultimately, to their death. they didn’t register that they were screaming, hacking between fits of fear and vomit that was still clogged within their throat; they were fucking terrified and they well had reason to be. it was a repetitive motion and they were sure that something was going to break with how hard they were beginning to hit the ground when the rolled up into the air, their eyes were screwed shut and their arms were wrapped tightly around their neck as they tried to curl up into the fetal position in the hope that it would offer better protection for them than the flailing that they had been doing earlier.

the tumbling didn't last very long after that, they never slowed but simply found themselves being hurled off what they assumed was a cliff. figured. they twisted around, flailing helplessly in midair as they awaited the eventual hit of the ground that would signal their demise, well, they supposed that they would at least be getting to die a freedman and not a slave; maybe it was a rather depressing thought but... if this was how they were going, at least they had had the chance to feel the outside world just once. the longer they held onto these thoughts the slower time seemed to go, they couldn't have been falling for more than a few seconds but it felt far longer than that and just as mmxii was coming to terms with their death their back slammed into water. they were stunned for a few seconds before realizing that they were being pulled violently in the direction that the water was running and that their lungs were beginning to burn. they began kicking their feet and moving their arms as best they could but they had never known how to swim; however, they were slightly relieved when they were able to push their head above the water and to gasp for breath.

being in such fast moving water was probably incredibly dangerous for them and even if they had no idea where they were going or even how far away the bank was they knew they had to get out of the water as fast as they could. it was icy cold and they were sure their lips were beginning to turn blue as they pitifully trashed in a random direction in the hopes that they could reach the bank before the water took them and they slipped under the waves permanently. they moved their arms and kicked their legs as best as they could, reaching out every time they felt they had moved just a little bit, desperately trying to grab anything that would be able to help pull them out of the assumed river. it seemed like luck truly was on their side today as their hand was able to grab onto a small branch that was stilled rooted to the edge of the river; they pulled their other arm forward and despite the soreness of their body screaming at them to let go they began yanking themselves along the branch and painfully crawling onto the sand of the bank. somehow they had managed to get this far, god, they weren't sure how but they knew enough to never look a gift horse in the mouth and despite still coughing up water they forced themselves forward and onto wherever it was that they had landed. 

their side was on fire, pain bursting up from their hip and quickly spreading throughout their body as they struggled further into the forest. they weren’t sure how they were still managing to walk, to keep pushing forward despite the screaming of their body and the desire to just roll over and submit to the agony trying to cripple them. no matter how much they wanted to do that, however, they knew that it would be a sign of giving up, of being far too weak to survive outside of the hell that the compound had been and they refused to admit to that. it was true that they had no idea where they were and certainly were not prepared to survive in the wilderness with no supplies, no knowledge, no sight and no skills; it was very likely that they would meet their end out here somewhere, funny, the thought of that didn’t bother them as much as they thought it should have but… maybe, in a twist way, they were okay with meeting death in the wilderness.

they were shivering as they walked, body completely drenched from the freezing water and making it difficult to keep in any sort of warmth, especially because they assumed that it was night and the temperature was likely reaching dangerously low levels for someone to be out here in the way that they currently were. they could hear the clattering of their teeth and they could feel the tremble that moved throughout their legs but they could do nothing about it but keep walking and hoping that by moving they would somehow manage to keep a little bit of heat within their broken body. however, it was getting increasingly difficult as their body began to finally come down from it's adrenaline high and wanted nothing more than to shut down at that moment, immediately. they were beginning to sway on their feet, grabbing onto nearby trees in an effort to keep themselves upright. quietly they lifted their chin, chin shaking as they attempted to get a clicking out to get a small idea of what was going on around them and if there was anything they were going to need to be watching out for. it was difficult and they couldn't get the proper sound out the first time and the more they tried they more nauseous they seemed to become, body finally reaching it's edge and succumbing to exhaustion. a combination of loss of blood and simple exertion being the reason they found their body turning completely against them.

they felt their knees give out first, exhaustion spreading throughout mmxii's weakened body as they struggled to continue pulling themselves across the ground, fear refusing to allow them any type of rest despite everything else nearly shutting itself completely down. they did not know where the soldiers were or exactly how far away they were from that hell and they couldn’t stop, even if their body demanded it, until they were sure they were far away enough away to be considered safe. call them stupid, they did not care, this was the only time they had ever felt freedom and they would not let it be taken from them even if they had to die to never lose this feeling. they shifted slightly, pain intensifying and their mouth opening in a silent scream as both hands moved to press over the bullet wound.

[tw: slight gore, um, unprofessional medical procedures]

mmxii knew that they would need to take this bullet out, stop the bleeding and close the wound before it had the chance to get infected. while they had never done something like this before they had been in the healing stages more times than they could count and they had a vague idea of what needed to be done in order to keep the wound from causing them more hassle than it already was. they did not have a weak stomach, they’d felt true pain before and even if the thought of what needed to be done brought up a flare of anxiety, mmxii pushed it down in favor of rolling onto their back.

slowly they pulled shirt away from the wound, groaning as dried blood clung to the shirt and yanked the bullet hole roughly before damply pressing against the upper part of their stomach. their chest heaved slightly, the pain causing a sort of exhaustion that they could not really achieve in any other way or fashion. it took a few moments, a few agonizing moments before they allowed their fingers to drift over the wound and map out the injury; mmxii their best to feel how bad it was and what would need to be done in order to fix the current situation, well, sort of, they already knew what they were going to do but they needed a moment to fully come to terms with what they were about to do. it was going to hurt, they were sure of it but pain was something they could handle, had been forced to handle over their life and they could do this. they closed their eyes, took a deep breath and allowed their head to roll back onto the dirt behind them as their hands shook and they attempted to keep themselves as calm as they possibly could. it was a difficult task, they were used to pain but it was simply instinct to lean away from something that would cause pain and mmxii couldn't help the shaking of their body as they pressed two fingers against the wound to control the bleeding just slightly. a heartbeat passed and mmxii's breath grew ragged as their anxiety flared, the longer they waited the harder it would be but they had to do it, had to do it, had to, had to.

the experiment breathed in one last time before roughly shoving two of their fingers into the wound, they couldn't even come close to containing the agonizing scream that ripped out of their throat. they felt a sob build in their chest as tears began to gather in their eyes, however, despite the obvious pain they continued to dig their fingers deeper into the hole. tears were slowly dripping down their face as their teeth bit savagely into their bottom lip, easily drawing blood as the soft flesh was torn apart; tears, blood and sweat dripped from their chin as they pushed past the second knuckle on their fingers. they let out a loud sob as they tried to follow the exact path the bullet had taken, they knew it was on a safe path, as strange as it must sound mmxii knew that the scientists did not want them dead and would not shoot the kill. it was painful, yes, but they knew that it hadn't hit anything major, it wasn't fatal but, at that moment, they fucking wish it had been.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." they couldn't help the incoherent mumbles as they dug in deeper, this was excruciating and they were not afraid to admit that. more blood dripped from their bitten split-lip as they tried to keep their scream bayed, their sobs quiet and to keep hidden from any of the soldier or scientists who could very well be in a near vicinity. they let out a few quick breaths, finally push up to the very hilt of their fingers before they felt a cold metal tip against their finger that easily stood out from the ridiculously warm flesh around it. they paused for a minute, trying to collect themselves in order to have to nerve to start pulling on the small piece of metal; it was going to be twice as bad pulling their fingers out of the wound as it was pushing them in and they could feel the edges of their mind starting to twist into a kind of hazy blackness. they needed to act quickly now, their subconscious trying to come to them in an effort to distance them from the distress that their physical body was currently going through. they let their lip go, mouth falling open as their fingers curled around the back of the bullet and began to pull outward. now, they didn't dare hold in their pained screams as the bullet moved centimeter by centimeter from their insides; it was an unexplainable kind of pain, that kind that you could never ever describe to someone who had not lived through it themselves and as mmxii finally pulled the metal object from their wound they began a loud and uncontrollable sobbing.

they weren't allowed to cry usually, no matter how brutal the experiments became and how much they desperately wanted to shout out their agony so that the people could understand what horrible things they were doing to someone who looked and breathed as they did. the young adult flicked the bullet away haphazardly, slowly laying their whole hand over the inflamed area. there was still something that needed to be done but their body felt numb, weakened from exertion and it felt almost impossible to move any part of their body to even attempt to cover the wound and slow the bleeding. however, they knew they couldn't just lay down and allow themselves to bleed out on a muddy forest floor. they pressed their other hand to the ground and began pushing themselves up, wincing breathlessly as them managed to prop themselves up against a tree.

[tw over]

they shifted their leg closer to them before moving both hands to grip the bottom of their pant leg. the material was thin and fragile and mmxii had no troubles making a small tear in the fabric before beginning to rip it up to their knee and tearing it across, completely detaching it from the rest of their pants; it was impromptu and likely dirty but it was the only thing they currently had that could work as some kind of bandage. they winced loudly before shifting to wrap the cloth around their waist, it wasn't a very long piece of cloth but they weren't very big at the moment, punishments having been harder through the past few... periods of time, they weren't sure how long they had been going on, well, either way, they could feel each of their ribs and their collarbones stuck out plainly and it wasn't hard to wrap the scrap of fabric completely around themselves.

they pulled the wrap tightly, pressing their hand over the now covered wound as they finally allowed their body to relax, head pressing into the wood as their sightless eyes began to droop. it wasn't a good time to fall asleep but if they could control it they would of, instead they slowly allowed the exhaustion take over and their subconscious to push them back into a world free from the pain of their physical form. their dreams were never good but, at that moment, they knew it would be nothing but darkness and they welcomed the relief with open arms, their mind fully fading from consciousness.

the first thing that they felt when they began to softly pull themselves from unconsciousness was pain, an ever familiar thing and, for a split second, they almost seemed to forget the days before; everything they had done, where they were and why it was so excruciating to move. however, it only took a few moments before the memories came flooding back and the young adult found themselves groaning loudly; they weren’t sure if it was one of regret or just an extension and release of the pain building in their middle. the next thing that they noticed was that their entire body was stiff and numb with cold, which, likely wasn’t something good but mmxii was far too worn to care at the moment. they shifted one of their cold stiff hands to gently press against their bandaged wound, wincing as a spark of pain traveled throughout their body before fading into a dull throb. they were sure that had to be a good sign, a sign that it was healing and that the bleeding had, for the most part, stopped; they weren’t sure they were completely out of the danger zone but, for right now, it was as good as it was going to get. they let out a slow rush of air, their awkwaened movement beginning to warm up some of their frozen muscles and they realized exactly how painfully cold they were. they knew they were going to have to find shelter soon, leave this area because even if they had not been found the night before this spot was not safe and they could definitely be much further from the compound than they were right now. they were tired, their body thoroughly exhausted but they stilled pressed a hand against the tree behind them, huffing as the the cut from the glass began to open and throb. however, they forced themselves to ignore it and continue to pull themselves up.

they pushed themselves up as hard as they possibly could until they were standing upright on two very unstable legs. it was then that they felt it, a soft warmth that spread out over their body and chased a little bit of the cold away; they couldn’t tell exactly what it was but it felt amazing and mmxii let out a soft content hum as a soft chirping began in the distance. for the first time since they escaped they allowed a soft smile to split over their face, enjoying what they assumed were rays of the sun shining down from the sky. this is what they always thought freedom would feel like, uh, well, minus the pain in their… everywhere. they were not sure they had ever been this close to happy before and it felt nice, it felt nice to not feel like a pet anymore and something wild and free and if they could they would have certainly done a little happy dance in order to let some of their overflowing emotions out. nodding softly to themselves they allowed their newfound good mood to propel them forward into the deeper parts of the forest, they knew they had a lot of ground to make if they were going to be far enough away from hayward to be comfortable.

they spaced out after that, focusing solely on trying to stay upright as they stumbled through the brush of the forest; their bare feet were being cut by the rocks and twigs that layered the ground but they were too mentally lost to actually care. they did their best to click, to make sure that they had some idea of what was going on ahead of them but they were too tired to keep it up for very long and took to grabbing onto the trees to led them to wherever it was that they were going. they didn't really care anymore, now it was just a game of trying to keep moving for as long as they could, sure they were in pain but at least moving made them fade away from what was really happening around them and allowed them to still put room between themselves and the place that they had successfully escaped from. it mustn't have been twenty some minutes later, again, mmxii was bad with time, fuck, for all they knew they could have been hobbling through the forest for more than an hour and simply not have noticed it or really understand the period of time that had actually passed. they mumbled softly, hand reaching forward to grab onto the next tree, however, when their hand grasped nothing but thin air and they found themselves knocking their shin against something hard and tripping they, embarrassingly, yelped. they were too tried to click and they supposed this was their punishment, tripping over something hard that could have easily been avoided if they had been strong enough to stay focused and not zone out like they had.

"shit." they whispered slightly, curling up into a ball as they tried to hold their bullet wound and surely bruised shin as the laid on the strange path. it would be so easy to give in now, to just lay here and accept death at the hands of whatever beasts roamed the land around here but, well, for some fucking reason mmxii knew they couldn't give in, knew that they had to get back and keep pushing themselves. they didn't even know what they were going for now, maybe it was still the promise of freedom that motivated them or maybe it was something else but whatever it was it was the only real thing that they found they could hold onto anymore. they rolled over into a sitting position, rubbing their head slightly as their newfound headache pounded just behind their eyes. their body was exhausted, so very close to giving out but there was just no way that they had the time to give it the break that it deserved. something needed to be done, apparently.

they blinked a few times before beginning to click, listening as closely as they could as they noticed that the strange path continued on in both directions. they narrowed their eyes slightly before moving a hand to feel at the wood and metal that made up the path; mmxii wasn't sure what exactly it was but they assumed that it must have been for moving something large. slowly they moved down to press their ear against the metal part of the side, wincing and place their hand over their wound at the weird stretch of the new position stretched the healing skin. they couldn't hear anything, which, they assumed to be a good thing as it meant that whatever this path was it wasn't currently in use by anything large and machine like. which meant that they would be able to walk along it and follow it to wherever the fuck it was going, maybe it would lead them to somewhere they would be able to stay for the night instead of being forced to sleep outside in the cold yet again.

they stubbornly pushed themselves back onto their feet then, swaying slightly as they forced a foot forward against the tracks, body shaking with the effort that such a small action had caused. they were exhausted, their body pushing the very edge of what it could take and they knew that if they didn't find somewhere safe soon it would not be anything in the wild that would kill them, it would be pure exhaustion. they huffed loudly, slowly limping down the tracks and wincing as their sore body stretched wrong through every step they took; they wanted to die, they wanted to lay down and die but knew that just wasn't an option and continued onto the path. they were freezing but it was a lot better than it had been last night, well, what they assumed was last night as even though it was cold now... there was something warm shining on their skin and they assumed that that was what it felt to have sunlight on your skin. they were still shaking, body unused to such a temperature change and the thin clothes that mmxii was wearing were still damp from the river and the coldness clung to them like a magnet.

they wanted to laugh now, to be honest; they must have looked a mess, hair plastered to their face, covered in a mix of blood and mud, clothes ripped, bare foot, dried blood crusting some parts of their clothes as it began to dry. their burn's scabs were likely falling off by now, reopening some of the wounds while others tried to finally scar over; they must have looked like a monster, no, they must have looked like something close to the walking dead. especially with their current limp, well, at least thinking about this had given them a chance to space out of the painful reality of their physical body but they knew it was only a limited amount of time in which they could pretend that nothing hurt. they shuffled forward, however, it was the sound of something moving, moving through what they thought must have been the brush on the side of the path. they began to sink down to their knees, fingers moving around the tracks before grasping a large rock in their hand; they didn't know what was out there, if it was a soldier or some kind of animal but they weren't going to let it take them.

they gripped the rock as hard as they could, listening closely as the brush continued to move around and make noise and before anything could come near them they turned towards the sound and released the large rock as hard as they could before turning and stumbling off the side of the tracks. they couldn't run, not in their current state but they began and frenzied crawl across the ground and as far away from the sound as they could. they didn't care to figure out what it was, who or what it came from and whether it was really there or not because their scared mind just wanted to get the fuck away from it. they could feel their breath coming quickly as they continued crawling across the ground, trying to push up onto their knees and then their feet and beginning and scared hobble through the forest.

their entire body ached as they forced it back into a flight or fight mode, however, this time they didn’t have the advantage of adrenaline and found that the only thing pushing them forward was fear and will; they didn’t want to be found, they couldn’t see who it was and they weren’t going to let that thing take it away and back to the compound where they would be continuously beat and broken only to live each day in the exact same way. they’d grown up there, likely been born and had survived for years and they didn’t want to go back and they didn’t want to die there. their breath was becoming ragged again, spit dripping down their chin as they finally seemed to push past a part of the forest and into what felt like a clearing. they clicked their tongue quietly, still on hyper alert as they stumbled through the open grassy area. they stumbled again, ankle twisting harshly and giving out as they, once again, felt themselves flayed out on the ground. they couldn’t hold back their sobs as the tried to push themselves back up again, body shaking as they managed to get themselves onto their knees; they knew there was no way they could put themselves back on their feet again but they were content to simply kneel there, cover their face and just cry. they didn’t know why they were crying, sure, there was the aspect of their body being in pain but they knew that, at that moment, that wasn’t the reason they had resorted to tears. mentally and emotionally they were broken, years of neglect seemed to finally be catching up to them and everything seemed more than what they were capable of actually handling. they fisted their matted black hair before moving to push their forehead into the ground, uncaring of the way the position pulled on their wound; they were shaking again and the fingers in their hair seemed to tighten drastically and before they could hold themselves back they let out a pained scream. they were in agony and they had no way to relieve it, no other way than to simply cry and scream.

unbeknownst to mmxii, a short ways in front of them was a large wooden building; it would differ greatly from the concrete building that they had spent their entire life in. they were so close to help and even if they did not know it they still felt like a sort of failure, breaking down when they still needed to keep moving forward. this was the place that had kept them going, even if that was not something they could possibly know or even understand. maybe it was fate or something else, at that moment, however, they were content to sob into the dirt, finally succumbing to all of the emotions they had held in for so, so long.

pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2018, 11:49:50 PM »
Active with:
— Chernobyl

— Shintaro
— Marhada
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #17 on: September 09, 2018, 03:21:58 AM »
— Death | No real name, will respond to death in all languages.
— Sexless; Agender [They/them], doesn't care about pronouns.
— Asexual Aromantic | Not currently interested in relationships.
— Varies in age | Ageless spiritually/mentally | Not born, simply was.
— Enjoys roaming, flaky | Member of the Rosebloods | Official d/milf
AKA: The Pale Rider, Angel of Death, Grim Reaper, Horseman.

— Single | Formally married to Fuckboy [He was cronched by trolls]
— No romantic feelings | Uninterested but craves companionship
— 1/4 The Horsemen of the Apocalypse | 1/2 Oldfucks | 1/3 Primordial.
— No biological parents | Generation one | No apprentice or mentor.
Trusts: God, Amara, Dean & Sam Winchester, Lirim, Fuckboy, Darisam.
— Will not initiate relationships or flirting, if they do it's mostly teasing.
Children: Snappingbones, Corpsebride, Darium Break, Hope Break, Duncan Vantas, Sayonara Lullaby Break, Gaylord [& Danny]

— One of the three preeminent ( known ) beings; alongside Darkness ( Amara ), Light ( God/Jason ). Preeminent simply means that these were the creatures that first came into being before the creation of the universe itself; Death is unsure if they are older, as old, or younger than God themselves. In the end, just know they're fucking old.
— They were not born, they were not created, they simply were.
— Death has always believed everyone to be equal and, to them, there is no clear definition of who is evil and who is good as it is not their job to judge someone. A child and a mass murderer stand on equal ground for Death and while to some that may seem a little strange it makes perfect sense to them; it is not their job to determine who is righteous and who is a sinner, in the end it's their job to reap everyone regardless of what they are or what they have done.
— They are the oldest of the Horsemen, however, they do consider the younger horseman something like family... it's simply a difficult concept for them because their definition of family and mortals is different. They enjoy the other Horsemen's company but they know in the end they will die. They aren't exactly friends with them and have always maintained a pleasant professional relationship with them because that's the most they can offer, they have no desire to remain close as they know bad things happen when Death becomes far too close to [ War & Famine & Pestilence ].
— For a long time they considered God and Amara to be their only friends, however, after locking Amara away to protect the stability of the universe and the deception of God on their entire relationship with Fuckboy... Death is painfully alone now. Of course they have their children but it's difficult to be close with them when you know they're abominations that shouldn't really exist and because of your past transgressions no longer wish to have contact with you. Death's lonely as fuck and the only other friend they had was Lirim and they don't know where the fuck they went. Shit's been hard.
— Death's own power and immortality mean little to them, they aren't a being that constantly dwells on what they are but takes life as it is. They know everything will one day die, they aren't stupid enough to believe that everything with exist forever. They will one day reap the universe and then themselves. It's a humbling factor of their personality, they don't desire to be better but to simply be.
— Now, let me shout this from the roof: Death is not a bad guy! They don't believe they're evil, they don't want people to see them as awful because they truly believe they are good. Well, as good as a true neutral can be but they just... they just hate that everyone hates them, you know? They believe themselves to be a reprice from life, to be peaceful and necessary for the balance of the world to continue; their job is not something of darkness, Death believes that it is natural and that mortals must accept their fate. They adore life, they do, and it breaks their heart for everyone to look at them—at what they do—and make judgement; they find the souls of mortals to be the most beautiful thing they have ever seen, they don't want to destroy you but to simply move you onto the next world. Honestly, they're about one insult from sobbing in the bathroom.
— Death is bound to no one, they're a strong independent bitch. No god, angel, or other supernatural beings own or control them—Death simply allows them power. It is the reason they can be apprehensive around death gods and various other reapers because they assume they have control when, bitch, that's not how this relationship works. They are the pawns, not death.
— Death is death. They are the embodiment of it, not simply a herald or other conductor.

— Currently appears as an extremely emaciated albino saluki, wears a soft black collar with "Fuckboy" written over the tag because why not. They're heartbroken the trolls ate the one good person in their life; I refuse to let these meme die.

— death is a complex character, although, for a character that is actually the very personification of death itself i'm not sure you would have expected anything less than complicated. death is not this sinister, cold, cruel, brutal or disgusting being that so many would assume, no, they are... caring in a sense; caring in a way that a mother would fawn over a child. while i will admit they are incredibly apathetic, that idea usually only extends to the decisions and actions of the mortals - they don't care who loves who, who hates who, why you are fighting war, why this or that matters at all, they simply do not care about selfish problems like that and are likely to be a little sarcastic and sometimes rather annoyed by them. they just like to watch the world, they have no desire to become involved in it like so many would think of them; no, they enjoy sitting back, smelling the roses and simply watching as the mortals go about their everyday lives - it's amusing and peaceful for them and they have no desire to ruin it. i can say that if anything gets way too dramatic for them they will outright insult somebody but that's just because they quite frankly cannot handle it, they find it utterly ridiculous that people focus so much on such small things. they're passive and will not fight back in a situation if they do not feel like they have to, insult them, berate them, accuse them, do whatever you please but death will simply stare at you and possibly tell you how whatever you said was wrong and then move on with their lives as they don't like being held down. which, leads into the fact that death... does not really get close to anybody, they don't form friendships or relationships as they don't exactly feel the need to - they know the outcome of everything and they don't like wasting their time, blunt as it is. well, that and they have a certain desire for someone to earn their respect - something that is rarely done and something that so far has only been given to god and the winchesters and... no one else. it is just difficult for them to respect when they know everything about everyone and it takes a special kind of stupid to gain the acceptance and trust of death itself. outside of that death is just really chill, they enjoy playing with children more than anything, maybe stuffing their face full of pizza or just going day by day in the same that they have before - they take it slow, they have no need to rush anything.

— Impossible mentally | Legendary Physically | Advanced training.
— Will not start fights | Will not finish fights | Mostly just takes it.
— Prefers not to kill, they will always show their opponent mercy.
— Attack in bold underline WHITE
— Ask for capture or injury | @DEATH or @ASYLI for plotting.
— May powerplay peaceful or nonviolent actions.
— Can only be killed with their own scythe; doesn't really die.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2018, 04:09:50 AM by DEATH »
- ̗̀ I'm a man, I'm a twisted fool  ̖́-

Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #18 on: September 09, 2018, 04:10:20 AM »
☠ they have all known powers, which they have mastered; although, they do have powers that are strictly specific to them.
☠ immune to telepathy, even by other omniscient spirits; their mind is impossible to connect with in the same way that death is not fully understood; they have the power to block people and to allow them in.
☠ nigh-omnipotence | mastered.
☠ nigh-omniscience | mastered.
☠ necromancy | mastered.
☠ memory manipulation | mastered.
☠ teleportation | mastered.
☠ touch necrokinesis | mastered.
☠ invisibility | mastered.
☠ conjuring | mastered.
☠ earth element | mastered.
☠ thermokinesis | mastered.
☠ affiliated with water.

figure out which ones i can buy and how much it's finna be
+ note, death doesn't enter fights and doesn't battle with their powers
they're not a dick they'll just take the beating
« Last Edit: September 09, 2018, 04:10:57 AM by DEATH »
- ̗̀ I'm a man, I'm a twisted fool  ̖́-

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #19 on: September 09, 2018, 04:12:36 AM »
also note: Death from FF & BB and now BoB is still the same death
they remember everything but it's like entering a new universe for them
they know it's different but they're not really. concerned about it?
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #20 on: September 09, 2018, 10:40:18 PM »
other oneshots i have to save before i lose them

MISCHA: ShowHide
she'd heard of them before, the clan cats; they were a story spread through the street, ally, and stray cats - pesky legends made up to keep them from wandering too far into the forest and claiming land that was taken by other strays. mischa had never really cared for the forest in the first place, had known that if she went in she likely would get lost and she hadn't been prepared enough to survive in a place that did not work like the city. however, much had happened in the city as of late and mischa found herself considering how easy it would be to escape to the forest and ignore the terf war that had left many of her comrades and fellow street cats dying in ally ways screaming for the help that wouldn't come. it had all gone to hell and mischa had finally decided that she needed to get out - she may have made her own there and it was unlikely that any would try to take what was her's but she could not run that risk. her life mattered more the longer she went on, the longer her mind twisted and fell as her instincts slowly came to the front; she had to survive and if it left her "friends" dead then so be it. on the streets no one had any friends, you had allies, and even then... you trusted no one. it was a lonely existence, one fueled by paranoia and violence but after she had been abandoned it was the only one she knew. she'd been forced to learn the rules on her own and she had thrived in a dog eat dog world; she cared for herself and she took care of herself and the needs of others never slowed her down, never inhibited her from doing what needed to be done. she'd killed, most have, and she'd done it for selfish reasons but she did not regret it - her need to feed and shelter herself had come before their needs. did that make her cruel? she didn't think so but, then again, she never cared enough to see herself like others did. maybe she'd killed someone's son, brother, father, mother, whatever but it had been them or her and her desire to live had conquered those doubts instantaneously.

she may not know what she's doing or how she is supposed to find food in the forest but she was going to find out, she had before and she will again. maybe now she'd get a chance at prey that was crazed or skinny, maybe she'd get to taste other things besides pigeons and rats and the trash that the humans threw out in large cans. she couldn't be upset about leaving, that'd get her nowhere now - she'd left, she needed to own that and she needed to move forward and continue to do as she had done. it was a new place, not a new story. she would live, she would thrive, and she would continue to look for her son; however, she now had a reason to. the city had controlled her and forced her to focus on herself but the forest... the forest offered some kind of safety, tranquility, and while she did not plan on staying she would enjoy the limited freedom she was given before she would finally begin her hunt. her little boy was out there somewhere and she may have been idle for months, she now had the time, the resources, and the smarts to hunt him down. the silver coon closed her eyes for a second, blinking away the wave of emotions that hit her - she couldn't allow that, not now; she'd find him, she had no doubt and pissing around and being soft wasn't going to help at this moment but... well, she couldn't exactly help the feelings that overcame her.

she'd remembered when everything had been so simple, when she'd never gone hungry and had more pounds to spare... when she'd sat upon a velvet throne with her son and had never had a care in the world. many abhorred this image, many could never imagine living like that, but they had never known such a life - what were they to judge someone who did not need to worry? who was taken care of and had a life of peace and tranquility; of never wondering if tomorrow would be your last or if your children would live. maybe mischa was biased or maybe she was correct but she would always defend her kittypet life, always. it had been the place she had been born, been raised, been happy in and despite the fact others would find it soft and boring, she'd loved it. she'd cared for her people - another fact most did not understand, a kittypet owned their people; they worked for them and it was a thrilling thought to imagine - she'd loved them like they were her kits and despite the fact they had ultimately abandoned her, she still cared deeply for them. stray cats had always told her that kittypets were weak, feeble creatures who couldn't survive; well then what the hell was she? their argument would always prove invalid to mischa because they didn't understand - they were to narrow minded to know what being a kittypet truly meant.

to mischa, kittypets would always be the stronger breed because they were the ones who needed to change the most, who saw the most, who learned faster and became something better. others did not understand what they went through, what they had to prove and the sheer determination that was forced upon them. then again, others didn't care enough to see past a label, to see what greatness laid beneath. she'd done so much in just a few months and she was proud of that, proud of her heritage, and she would prove to anyone who believed her weak. she shook her fur slightly, pushing forward through the forest at a faster pace - she was calm now, determination seeping into her self again and giving her the boost of confidence that she had needed; all feelings of what was and what could have been drifting off as her mind trailed at a speed she could not keep up with. maybe no one would understand, maybe someone would, but her mind had long ago ceased to make sense and had ceased to follow a path that others could understand. maybe she was mad or maybe she was brilliant... hell if she knew. she paused when her feet hit the familiar feel of pavement - she cast a quick glance to either side before continuing her pace across, unaffected as she slipped to the other side. she'd crossed enough streets before to know when to worry and this one was empty compared to the busy streets she'd needed to cross in the past. whomever had said this forest was dangerous must have been driven mad with disease, foaming at the mouth as they spit story of fake dangers to keep them from wondering into an unfamiliar land. mischa had sensed no danger, and met no wild cats, and had seen nothing to make her see that the forest could have something beneath it will to kill her. however, she did not let her guard down, a lesson taught through time - even when you believe yourself to be safe, don't let your guard down, in the next second you'll be dead.

it was the sound of rustling that caught her attention and had her head snapping around and a snarling forming in her throat. her claws unseethed, and her back went up as she switched into a position of warning; she had no idea what was out there - whether it be cat or dog or fox or whatever, she dared not let herself be ambushed because she was unprepared and confused. she had more than enough experience in fights to be able to protect herself if a threat were to make itself known, she kept herself calm as she snarled again her body staying in the twisted position as she awaited the arrival of the beast. then... a smell hit her, it smelled of territory, swamp, and something akin to feline. it was unknown to her and it made her even more hostile, she did not do well with the unknown and she kept herself ready for a fight as she opened her mouth to speak: "hello?" it was rough, thick with disuse and for the hanging accent that clung to her despite having lived in this english speaking country for so long. she flicked the remains of her right ear as she focused her hearing, to try and get a better grasp of what was wandering around in the brush. the smell grew stronger and she soon realized that while she had been so consumed in her thoughts she had wondered into a territory that was not hers. maybe it was the owner wanting to start a fight or chase her out; they wouldn't get far of course, as mischa did not back down if the opportunity was right. her eyes narrowed and zoomed in as more scents began to appear, more sounds, and voices. she couldn't make them out but she knew that she was out numbered but she still held her ground; fleeing would give them happiness and she was not about to let someone push her around - no matter how many of them there were.


mischa hadn't exactly lost her people, not really, they'd left her on her own and while it stung she couldn't ignore the fact that they had at least tried to give her some kind of better life. she knew her people wouldn't do that unless they had a reason - they wouldn't take her away from her son unless they had to and while it seemed strange to some and probably pretty preposterous, mischa had forgiven them. she wanted to find them, she wanted to find smokey, and she wanted to return to the life they had before; the peaceful and happy life that had ensured the life of her family with little to no fear. she couldn't keep running as she had, fear burned away at you, fear drove you and consumed you and it had utterly consumed mischa. she'd simply learned how to force it far enough down that no one could sense it because if someone could sense it: you died. it was simple, it was so simple and the more she repeated it the more it made sense. here you could make mistakes and you could be okay but out there, on your own, if you made one mistake that was it, that was the end of you, you had no one to scold you and to teach you a better way because you didn't live long enough to do that.

mischa had fallen as the queen of her velvet throne, that could not be denied, although, what many did not understand was that when a king fell from their throne they could always rise again. it didn't mean the end, it never meant the end, it simply began a new story and a change for that monarch. if someone can fall they can get back up, they can rise again into whatever shape they want to - maybe they'll never achieve that status of royalty again but they can damn well get near it again. when mischa had been left alone, a queen had fallen, when she'd survived the streets, a general had risen. she would never be the queen again but she could still be great in the state she'd been left in, she'd ensured it. she had fought hard enough to get to where she was, had shown that housecats had more determination than any feral cat could ever understand; she hadn't wanted to die, and she'd lived up until this point despite the odds staked against her. housecats were strong, they were so strong if they were given a chance because they had so much to show, so much hidden knowledge that so many wildcats would never understand. they didn't starve because they knew were humans threw their food, where the best places to sleep in towns were - they knew more than the feral cats ever could and it's why they lived in situations like hers.

she body tightened again as a figure made it's way out of the bush - tiny and oh so young; she couldn't figure why the kitten was here or why he seemed to be faking some kind of bravery. she tightened her jaw slightly as her narrowed gaze seemed to soften slightly before she moved into a somewhat more relaxed position. not quite dropping her hostile stance, she couldn't be too careful, couldn't become comfortable just because this was a kitten - she didn't know if he was alone, she couldn't assume because, oh you guessed it, assumption led to death. although, she managed to let the snarling stop, and the sneer on her face to drop as she looked over the brown tabby; she could take him if need be, she knew it probably wouldn't come there and she wouldn't hurt him but... if the situation escalated it wouldn't take much to contain and stop him. the closer she looked at the fellow the softer her eyes grew until she finally noticed the collar resting around her neck and a soft gaze landed on the kid - almost ignoring the question he had asked, tossing it aside and placing them into an unimportant file.

"dat collar, where did you get it?" maybe not the first thing that she should have said but at this point mischa didn't care much about whether she was rude or kind - she needed answers and she wouldn't spare the child his time for pointless answers that would be lost anyway. she would answer him, would give him her name and her purpose but what would be the point? you don't remember fleeting people, you can meet them once and their face will be gone the next second and there was really no point in becoming acquainted with those who would never mean something to you. "your people, dey are close by, yes?" she did not trust strangers on the streets - you simply couldn't in the city. however, whoever this feline owned could be trusted, the collar showed that he ruled somewhere and that was important. although, she couldn't ignore the thinness of the child nor could she ignore the cobwebs wrapped around his leg [their purpose unbeknownst to her] and from there she came to the conclusion that he must have been lost but then... who was this shadowclan he had spoken of? she still doubted the existence of the clan cats but she could not ignore the way he had said that, as if he lived somewhere where there were more of him. more housecats? lost creatures like herself? she couldn't be sure, when could she ever anymore. "who de hell is shadowclan?" should she tell him who she was? no, no, never do that - ask questions first, don't respond until you have their trust. "and who de hell are you?"


Feral wasn’t something you could be born with, something you could be given like a gift, no, no, there was a difference between wild and feral. A clear rift that separated them and it didn’t matter if you had the blood of some ancient wildcat running through your veins because that didn’t make you feral, maybe it gave you a better chance, but it just didn’t put you in her state - in the state of so many other strays and streetcats. There was a reason they were tainted the way they were - why clan cats and strays could never be the same and it was because of the rift; wild and feral, wild and feral, always two sides of the same coin, always there but never touching. You weren’t given feral, you achieved feral; feral beat you into submission until you were nothing but an instinct run being, until coherent thought mingled with the thoughts of pure animal: eat, sleep, breed. When you no longer could tell which thoughts were yours and which ones were the animal’s. You could believe yourself feral, could fake it in order to prove something but… but you would never understand the itch to fight, to kill, to eat, to survive on the level like them. There was simply no way you could understand it, no, no, not until you’d been awoken like she had been.

The feline was trying too hard, that was obvious - she wanted to match what she believed she could, it was funny really, watching someone imitate feral as if they had any clue what it really meant. Mischa didn’t blink, didn’t twist herself to look at the claws she knew would be out, the voice didn’t hit her - didn’t frighten her; if she was being honest, this was one of the more tamer situations she had been in. She found the little thing funny, she was trying to prove something that didn’t need to be proved; did she think that she was something frightening? After everything that Mischa had bore witness to, she was nothing. The lava wasn’t even a flame and her voice nothing more than a pesky child - the Maine coon had stared death in the face, had fought off dogs, rats, birds, foxes, anything and everything one could even think about. She’d watched fellow felines succumb to the mad disease and attack and brutalize, had seen true horror. This feline, this clan cat apparently, was nothing but a faceless and feeble thing that thought herself some kind of beast… a lie she told herself because it was what she’d been taught to believe. Lies, lies, lies - she couldn’t understand no matter how badly she wanted to, she had nothing for Mischa to fear. Nothing but a god-complex and a want to be some kind of impossibly perfect creature… she found it so terribly pathetic.

Icy eyes met fiery ones without hesitation, matching a stare with as much vigor as it was given - maybe the feline believed herself to be scary, intimidating, or something like that but to Mischa she was nothing but a rag doll; a toy that would get pushed around and destroyed where she had come from, maybe she wanted to prove something to Mischa, but she didn't know nor did she really care. The large Maine coon easily towered over the small female but she knew size could be deceiving, that she was small but she'd likely be fast and agile - that knowledge again heightened her ability, her chances, she accepted the other's abilities and settled herself into a lower position; unnoticeable for those who didn't know what they were looking for. Mischa held the gaze before pulling her lip back slightly, her blue eyes snapping towards the young child who had been hushed by the wildcat; she didn't know the relationship, but it had angered her, the way the wildcat had simply silenced the pet, the king, with simply a look. To some it wouldn't mean anything but to someone like Mischa, a kittypet by heart and a mother by soul, the sight of the weak thing infuriated her - sent a spike of rage throughout her body with the apparent treatment the child was getting. She supposed it was common, wildcats only cared for blood... in the kin sense, outsiders had no place - how pathetic, how had they survived so long? Mischa gave an internal huff of laughter as a sudden realization hit her - these mutts must have been so inbred they no longer could tell sane from mad.

"You'll get what you give." she said it calmly, her voice holding back the normal agression she would have used to insinuate authority; despite her feral state, she was not an idiot and she knew when a situation needed tact. Her chest puffed out before her head tilted towards the kid, her chin pressed lightly against her chest - protecting her throat. "As you have given, my name is Mischa - it's a pleasure Moc." she hadn't heard the end of his name but she used what she had and addressed him with as much respect as her muddled mind could give; maybe they didn't treat him right here but from what she could see, they were one in the same. She flicked her single ear before letting out something like a smile, it was awkward and looked off on her stone face but she did her best - it was all she could give when she'd spent so long as was. Now, it was time to address the second part of what the child had said, she gave a side eye towards the female before mentally waving her off as useless immediately - she wouldn't get what she wanted because the other was too interested in acting tough. “I trespass in a lot of territories, what makes yours so special?” her voice was still rough, slowing down and sharp - a soft hint of teasing laced in, territories meant little to her unless she owned them. She’d weaved through territories before - stolen from street gangs and left before they had figured anything wrong; had claimed and battled for scraps and she wasn't afraid of fighting her way out of this one. Fear wasn't rushing through her and she found no reason to figure this situation as danger - her body wasn't reacting and thus she felt no need to do so either, because you see:

Fear kept you alive.

It was a mechanism designed to do that, designed to keep you moving and breathing even when you felt like you had absolutely nothing left. It killed you when you gave in, not when you listened, that was something that needed to be understood. She'd lived so long because she'd listened but she had never given in - not when her crown had been shattered, not when her gown had been shredded, not when her kingdom had been taken away, not when her little prince vanished, and not when her supposed "king" had been left behind; giving in ended you... destroyed you. Those living haven't given up, those who survived struggled but in the end it was fear and determination that kept them alive. If you listened, you lived, if you didn't, you died. it was a simple concept and right now Mischa felt nothing - no fear, no desire to turn tail and get the hell out... wildcats were nothing but a weaker version of strays and she'd handled strays much longer than she had these mutts - fear wasn't something she would give them; she found them amusing at the very least. The female was trying far too hard and Mischa felt nothing but terror coming from the child - understandable, of course.

She titled her head again, she never left eye contact with the small male - bored with the female, and more focused on the easy and quick responses she was getting from the male - however shaky and unformed they were, it was something. She was confused as to what exactly they meant by "reason"; did she need a reason? She went where she pleased and it wasn't as if anyone had any sure claim in a land - Mischa had owned territory but she had never stopped people from coming and going as it would have been ridiculously stupid to even try. It was more than confusing to listen to them demand something that she didn't have - she was traveling, was that a reason? "Do I need a reason?"
STAG: ShowHide
stag had been born here, had been raised here, they had done everything that was expected of a clan cat and they had done it right here, in thunderclan. it was one of the biggest reasons that had their mind twisting, searching, trying to figure out why they felt as if they did not truly belong here - like they were a stranger among friends. maybe it was the madness that clung to their mind, maybe it was lies they were spilling to themselves in order to protect themselves; whatever it was it was, stagspirit wanted it to stop - they wanted it to stop so very badly. they knew they were not separated by the others, that it was their own fault they felt so isolated and so very alone but they did not feel like they could simply fix in; that however hard they tried they couldn't mold - it wasn't just with thunderclan either, stag didn't fit in no matter where they went. they walked in a land that wasn't made for them - they weren't who they were supposed to be, this wasn't a world they were meant to be in. maybe to some it didn't make sense, it didn't make sense to stagspirit and it was their reality but... they just felt so disconnected, so separated from existence that they couldn't make wits end of it. pausing slightly, they looked down towards their paws as a small smile twisted onto their face - lord, if anyone else could hear their train of thought they'd think them mad but tags simply couldn't help it, it often seemed as though their mind did what it wanted and rarely asked them what they wanted. although, if their mind did what they wanted too maybe they wouldn't be so constantly plagued by the invisible voices and the ever haunting deer that would always watch them from it's shadows. however, they weren't stupid and they knew their mind was a place of free roam - they didn't control it as it controlled them, controlled everything about them; it dictated their life and it was by no means a kind ruler. their kingdom was a shattering place, the king a bastard and a coward who took orders from a false prophet; it made no sense, but it never did, never making sense seemed to be the normal for stagspirit, at least, to the other thunderclanners it seemed that way.

they'd made their home a little ways from camp, a small hollowed out tree that had long ago died and was nothing more than a wooden home for stagspirit to escape the world around them. to the other warriors it appeared as if they were some reclusive who couldn't stand to be around them and, in a way, they would be right - not for the right reasons, but the general idea of stag being unable to be around people would be correct. they had lived out in the woods, alone, since they were an apprentice because it was the only way they could get away from... the feelings; the forest offered a sanctuary as they could not always be around others, could not always bare the burden of their "gift". as long as they could remember they could always just... read people, read them in a way that absolutely terrified them - they could connect with someone on a level that wasn't natural wasn't sane. they couldn't explain it to you, no, no, they could never explain it to someone who could not understand but maybe they could try - it was like... an imagination gone terribly, terribly wrong. they could feel and could understand what people were doing, could connect with those around them and read them like a book - who wanted to kill, who had murdered, who was sad, who was breaking, who was angry, who was grumpy, who was depressed - everything and anything that followed those lines was pressed into them without their consent. imagine being in your own body one second and... in someone else's in the next; seeing the world as they did. it was constant for them, always, always, always but the worst part about it was that they could always... could always picture the way someone had died, how they were killed, brutalized but it wasn't... they didn't... they couldn't see it through the eyes of the victim, no, it was always through the twisted mind of the murderer.

they chose to ignore it. that's how they went on living with the god awful gift that "staclan" had given them, at least, that's what had been told to them throughout their entire apprenticehood, that whatever this was, this beast inside of them, was some kind of gift bestowed on them by their ancestors. if they were being honest, they thought it was a load of bullshit - then again, they found the very idea of starclan a load of bullshit but that wasn't exactly the point at the moment; the point was that where everyone else called it a gift, stag called it a plague. a burdened they'd bore for far too long and simply could not rid themselves of, a plague that tore their relationships apart and secluded them because they were some kind of emotional freak. a freak, freak, freak. they paused slightly, huffing out as they lifted their pale eyes to the sky; they couldn't see much as the trees blocked it out but the brightness of the early sun still manged to shine through and land painfully into their eyes. sometimes they hated living so far away, other times they enjoyed it, but at the moment they wished they hadn't chosen to live so very far away because times where they needed to be at camp drove them utterly insane. they didn't want to go to camp, they were barely there anyway - only venturing from their secluded den once a week or, as of late, once every two weeks. to say that stag didn't know many people personally would be an understatement - they knew very few people, their siblings, older warriors, elders, but outside of that they knew no one. well, not really no one.

they'd been given an apprentice recently, they didn't understand why their sister felt the need to torture the poor kid with a mess like them but stag didn't bother to complain - it wouldn't get them anywhere anyway. they'd accepted it and had made a pact with themselves to get this poor kid through his time as an apprentice with little to no problems; stag knew it that a lie because they couldn't even care and keep track of themselves and they had no idea how they were supposed to watch and teach this apprentice. they couldn't even remember their own mentor - his image fleeting and forgotten with time, someone who had made no impression on them and maybe it was the fear of making no impression or making one that would have partridgepaw or someone else hating them that scared them. they didn't know and they really didn't want to think about it; the best course of action was to pretend they were okay, to pretend they could do this, and to pretend that partridgepaw would actually gain something from them as a mentor. they weren't confident in their own skills, had never been, but they wanted to make a difference and if that meant bullshitting a mentorship then that's what they were going to do. they shook slightly as they moved nearer to the camp entrance, shaking, harder, harder, harder and it only seemed to worsen when the familiar feel of cold eyes landed on the back of their head; they flung around quickly, eyes landing on the oh so familiar, feathered deer. they stared at it for a second - eyes meeting eyes before they blinked a few times and turned their back to it; they ignored the burning on the back of their head as they started up a faster pace towards camp, throwing another glance over their shoulder before reaching the edges of what was thunderclan's camp.

they moved into the camp slowly, their small paws hesitating slightly before they continued forward - eyes locked to the ground as they moved to the freshkill pile. they hadn't eaten since yesterday morning and even though they knew they still were not hungry, it was important that they at least try and digest something. they couldn't run on stress, anxiety, and fear (even though, if they could, they would never go hungry) and often times, normal food was something that they needed. while they weren't a fan of the normal prey that could be found around thunderclan territory, they were too exhausted from last night to even attempt to go down to the river to catch their own fish - their body felt numb enough and they didn't want to fall in and drown, well, no, no, no they did not want to drown. they let out a small, shaky breath as they finally stood before the pile of dead animals; they were shaking horribly, weren't they always, but at least they hadn't run into anyone - it was... too early for them to have to push them out, to ignore them, to try and play blind for a couple of hours until they felt they could no longer do so. shaking their head, the skinny savannah moved down to grab a smaller mouse, pulling away quickly to move towards a shaded part of the camp; they wanted to remain unnoticed, they always did, however they were too afraid to look around and to spot anyone who may be around the area and as they settled down they made a soft prayer to anything out there to simply eat in peace, however, being around such a large group of other felines all but dismissed that idea. they raised their eyes, begrudgingly, and sucked in a breath as they were slammed with the vision of warriors racing around camp to do their early morning duties - for a second, they stopped breathing.
in life, everyone believed that everyone needed a reason for what they did, how they acted, how they perceived themselves and the world and why they chose to believe in what they did, however, there wasn't one definite moment that oleanderpaw could pinpoint that would explain why it was utterly and completely angry at the world. they couldn't give you a reason why they hated their father, his siblings, itself, the clan - nothing, there was simply nothing that ollie could give you because they just didn't know. they had always thought themselves to just be a negative person but... did they have a reason for being negative? not one they could give, at least. they'd lived a good life, been raised and fed by the nicest queens their father was around doing whatever the hell he pleased, they had family, they were healthy and they just didn't understand why everything around them made it so angry all the time. it wasn't... natural and it didn't have a reason for what it did but it wasn't like they really cared enough to try and figure out why it thought like it did - didn't care much for thinking about itself, that only brought up thoughts it would rather keep buried beneath the ever present layer of hate and anger.

blinking softly they lifted their head from their paws to look around the cramped apprentice's den, it wasn't sure if any of the other apprentices were even awake yet - likely a few had gone out on the dawn patrol but oleander didn't really care enough to figure out exactly which apprentices those had been. they let out a low huff before moving to lift themselves onto their paws, they didn't know why the were up so early but it didn't really want to know and it was too late to try and go back to sleep because it would only get yelled at later if they slept too long. they pushed through the entrance of the tree den, blinking rapidly as the morning sun nearly blinded them and forced them to narrow their eyes considerably until their crossed eyes could properly make out what exactly he was seeing. ah, yes... the dilemma of his terribly and irreversibly crossed eyes a part of them most would consider to be some kind of unique difference but one that ollie could only see as a goddamn nuisance - maybe it didn't affect their vision constantly but it was getting freaking tired of being unable to sense where the hell a branch ended and falling to the ground. they may be able to see perfectly but there were times when their depth perception completely screwed them over and they looked like an idiot.

slowly everything came into focus and as they made out the twisting of the tree they were able to, carefully, clamber their way down the tree to the ground below. they gave an irritated huff as they landed, shaking their paws slightly as they continued to ache with the feeling of exhaustion; ollie was a grumpy individual and even more so when it came to mornings as the ache of their still sleeping limbs, the annoying chirp of the birds, and the idiocy that seemed to run through the sleep riddled mind always drove him into a sort of madness... a madness with a short fuse and a piss poor attitude, that is. they knew some knew to steer clear of the apprentice in the morning, least they bare witness to the aggravated words and actions that the young on was capable or starting drama too early for the early hours. most left him alone in general, too tired of his angry and pessimistic nature to even try to talk to it anymore - having long given up on trying to interact with the apprentice, but it was okay, after all this time ollie sort of understood what they did what they did. if it could, it wouldn't hang around itself as well.

letting out a loud yawn, oleanderpaw clamped his jaw shut as he moved towards the fresh-kill pile, hoping to get breakfast before it had to deal with anyone who was stupid enough to try and be friendly to someone who didn't want to be social. they shifted their crossed eyes to look over the camp, not many were up yet which was understandable and, honestly, it was a relief for the young feline - less people to confront, less people to annoy them, less people to tell it what it could and could not do and less people trying to pretend they actually gave two shits about it. oh look at them, the sun had barely risen and they were pulling the "everyone's fake, they all hate me, they're just pretending to care because that's what they have to do" card - this must be a new record for him, i suppose some kind of congratulations was in order. they let out a little huffed laugh before snatching a small sparrow from the pile and making their way to a rather closed off area of camp to enjoy their bird in peace; by now, it was sure most of the warriors would be waking up along with some of the apprentices and this peaceful morning [minus those birds who won't shut the hell up] would be ruined by the loud chatter of fake happiness that they were sure ran throughout skyclan like a plague.

they dropped to the ground with a loud thump before allowing themselves to dig into the meat that the bird provided; it was cold and a little disgusting which must have meant it was older and had been sitting out a little longer than the others... was that just fantastic and if ollie wasn't in a bad mood before the hardened flavor of the bird sure brought it down and deeper into the ground. it's face twisted up in a sour snarl as they pushed the bird away and pressing their head down into their paws as they watched the life around skyclan's camp slowly begin bustling with the waking of the other members. it hurt a little to see everyone greet and talk to each other like they were all friends, needless to say ollie may be a little bit of a hypocrite for both hating and adoring the idea of being able to so easily talk to others as if they weren't afraid, annoyed, or had generally given up on you; hell, even oleanderpaw's last mentor had quit and left the apprentice out on the curb to figure out how to deal with things on his own. it was probably well deserved but the warrior had been a childish brat who had gotten way too sensitive way too quickly - it wasn't it's fault that they hadn't been able to put up with a couple of insults, maybe they hadn't been prepared to be a warrior in the first place if a couple of words from an angry apprentice had sent them crying into the warriors den like a kitten. their eyes narrowed at the groups before turning away as if in disgust as they slowly pushed itself into a sitting position. "idiots." it mumbled under it's breath, uncaring how close it sat to a few groups; they could yell and moan all they wanted... didn't mean ollie wouldn't continue to call them bloody idiots.
a low hum left their throat as he moved throw the dark forest, a small hop in his step and a little smile curled across their face. it had been a long time since they'd been here, far too long, oh, when was it last? childhood? something like that or whatnot, he'd probably forgotten pesky memories such as those - unimportant, unneeded, boring. why waste time remembering pointless things when there was so much else to be done? so much more fun to have with the space you can fill up with interesting things... like murder or something, maybe less cheesy but something along those lines, of course. they let out a little laugh at their own joke before leaping over a fallen log and continuing through the territory as they began to hum some foreign tune that they had heard while screwing around with the loners in the city - some bullshit song about breaking free or whatever you could call it. they weren't sure if anyone here remembered them as it had been such a long time ago when they decided to mosey on outta here and go screw around in the big bad world... which wasn't as bad as he had hoped but oh well, pity, frustrating, just means he'd have to fuck it up himself because obviously the world wasn't doing a very good job at it. wait, what had he been talking about again? ah, yes! past stuff, oh, he wondered if whatever his face was still around - oh, um, thrushbaby or something; they didn't really care to remember the name of their weaker sibling. oh, maybe mother had offed the little dirt bag, how fun would that be? pretty fun in his opinion, whoops, he was having naughty thoughts again - hehe.

oh, what had been his name when he'd been here? pigeonkit? pigeonpaw? probably pigeonpaw but who knew anymore it was a shitty name and he'd dropped it as soon as he'd left so long ago and gave himself a more suiting name - crooked, had a nice ring to it didn't it? heart was just an add on, maybe a shout out to the place he'd called home or a tell off to show that he didn't need anyone to give him some magical name to make him a warrior; crookedheart, it fit him rather well and he was damn proud of it. he'd forgone the regular ol' loner name when he'd left the clans, deciding they were boring and didn't add the right affect to someone like him, if you know what he meant, fuck, did he know what he meant? oh no, there he went again - off confusing himself, ha! how old had he been when he'd given himself his warrior name? oh, hmm, 8 moons? probably, hell if he knew - he barely knew how long it'd been since he left... 8 months, 9 months? oh fiddle sticks, he'd been what? 7 moons? probably, he'd left pretty early already having grown bored of the ever repetitive ways of clans. oh, he wondered what had happened in his time away, well, no he didn't - he already knew what had happened, his little birdies keeping him up to date with the going-ons of this shit hole; blueberrystar or something was in charge now with q something as deputy and thrushbaby being a bitch and healing the wounded... how dull. he let out a loud laugh before pausing slightly, to glance briefly at the scent marker that started the beginning of darkclan territory, he let out a large smile before throwing his head back and letting out a loud:

"hello, anybody homeeee?" he singsonged as he slid over the border and into his birthclan's territory - oh, now he was starting to remember this wretched place; sad dead trees foggy-ness and stuff oh, now he knew why he had left. he scrunched up his nose and made a face before dropping it almost instantly to tilt his head towards the deeper parts of darkclan territory. his pale eyes were lit in mirth as the idea of finally being home hit him, no, not in the stupid sentimental way that usually caused more problems but in the way... of destruction you could say. he'd spent so long away fucking around with the loners and watching them kill and tear at each other, had built an empire but he'd grown tired of it and while the power had been nice it had been boring and it was time to start up something new. he'd heard from various little birdies that something was about to go down in the clans and crook had all intention to be part of it - oh how much fun he could have. "you know it's rather ruuude to keep me waiting you know... oh my feelings are hurt." he mocked happily his ears flicking as he settled into a comfortable sitting position and waited for the patrol to find him. he knew they would, he'd timed it, the morning patrol should be around here sometime soon or they had already arrived and were being paranoid asshats... good for them, trusting was nasty business.


"fantastic!" he puffed out, a large smile splitting across his face as his pale eyes snapped towards the little apprentice, his eyes catching the light in such a way that the lack of pigment shun a bright red; an effect played by the albino gene that ran through them. they blinked a few times and shifted so their eyes moved away from the sunlight streaming through the cracks in the trees and returned to their pale blueish color as they met the young one's yellow green eyes as the feeling of hatred built in them and they let out a giddy smile the faster she approached him; appearing to be interested in acting like a big girl warrior and it was utterly hilarious to the somewhat rouge loner. she still looked like a baby and he knew she had no experience in the way she walked and the way she spoke - easy kill, too fast, boring. he waited until she stood before him, looking just slightly up into the small feline's eyes as they, again, filled with an indescribable kind of mirth. crook had always been rather small and delicate in build - he blamed the fact that his body obviously had been born female, bullshit really but oh well, it made things interesting. he huffed out a long sigh before another smile split his face in two as he threw his head back as if he were stretching it, before snapping it back down and shifting onto his paws to look the little girl in the eyes; he was just barely taller than her which sent a glory shiver down his spin at being able to look down at someone without something under him. he found her dull really, little thing probably trying to figure out the way of the world by following some path laid out for her from the moment she was born - boring!

"oh, right to it then, not one to skip a beat are you? sad really, no chit chat? hmm, pity - how about i start yeah? crookedheart, gemini, i like long walks on the beach, summer evenings, and feeding the hearts of children to diseased dogs. alright, your turn! c'mon now, don't be a spoil sport." it was something of a joke and a mock, making fun of her while playing some sort of game that only he knew the rules to. "ha, i'm joking," the white feline let out a loud laugh before suddenly ceasing the noise and matching her eyes with narrowed slits as he let the area fall into a eerie silence before opening his mouth to speak in something akin to a whisper, low, raspy and meant to be the kind of voice someone shares a dark secret with. "or am i?" he paused for a minute as he continued to stare her down before letting a small smile curl over his maw before he pulled back quickly and let out a loud kind of laugh, bringing a paw to wipe at his face as if rubbing away tears as he continued to let out a little chuckle. he hadn't been here very long but he was already enjoying himself and he wondered exactly how long this place would be able to keep him occupied before the ever present need to be entertained rose too high and he found himself having to do something drastic to entertain himself. people were fun, their reactions were fun, their actions were funny but eventually they got bored and despite enjoying screwing around with his child he could already feel the rippling sense of boredom curling in his gut. he composed himself quickly as he went to answer the next part of her question - speaking slowly to get the words out effectively, hating repetition more than anything and wanting to ensure they got it the first damn time.

"business? oh hon, i always have business, move, move, move, never stop moving - always be in everyone's business." he answered easily, letting his eyes drift over to the new warrior - build, age, appearance, warrior give away - it only took the tiny albino a second to recognize the point before they let out a loud unexpected squeal; "oh look at you mr. bigshot, living it up in that leader gloriness aren't you... how fun, oh, oh, do tell how has life been for you blueberry?" ...or was it cherry? peach? pear? eh, he was close enough either way and he didn't really care enough to try and fix what he had said - his pale eyes shifting between the two before landing back on cherrystar. it had been a long time since he'd seen the other, or, it had been a long time since crook cared enough to remember the other kits who had shared the den with him when he had been nothing but a little blabbering mound of flesh and blood. he didn't remember a whole lot but remembered enough to at least recognize faces - an adept skill of the brain, he may have forgotten names but faces would forever be burned into his mind; how incredibly productive of it, yes? oh, crook did think so - the mind was such a great thing and he loved his dearly, oh how his mind was bloody glorious... what was he doing again? oh bullocks.

another sad realization about his mind... it often worked much faster than crook could truly keep up with it, often spitting out thoughts and words before he had a chance to comprehend what was going on or what was being said. his mind spoke to him more and more as time went on, a mechanism designed to try and keep crook up to speed within a place so fast no being would truly be able to contain it; except him of course, but he was a bloody god so that wasn't such a crazed idea. his voices weren't mad, or were they? was he mad? probably, but wasn't that just more fun? no, no, no, his voices spoke in calculated forms, never allowing paranoia to seep in as it instructed him on how to work and what to do and say and oh how he loved his mind, his beautiful, beautiful mind. he let out a soft hum as he lifted his head back as if ignoring the two in front of him as he delved into the screaming in his head, oh the screaming, too fast, working too fast - god how he adored that sound. he let out a huffed laugh before settling his eyes back to the two, "i've come back to join, rejoin, whatever you want to call it, oh, have any of you seen thrushbaby? oh, not his name but rather close i suppose - always such a pathetic little brat, even when we were little ahah."
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #21 on: September 09, 2018, 10:47:11 PM »
— Twitter layout template.

Love, Dottie

fucking everything and everyone up since 1996, assholes & engaged to @prettysapphic
hell, probably

— asyli
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #22 on: September 09, 2018, 10:50:03 PM »
— Miscellaneous template, very simple.

& yet damned for desolation

— asyli
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #23 on: September 09, 2018, 11:19:08 PM »
Not really a playlist for Cher but songs that give me muse for them.

song name by artist

enter sandman by metallica
say your prayers, little one / don't forget, my son / to include everyone / i tuck you in, warm within / keep you free from sin / 'till the sandman he comes / sleep with one eye open / gripping your pillow tight / exit light / enter night / take my hand / we're off to never—, neverland / something's wrong, shut the light / heavy thoughts tonight / and they aren't of snow white / dreams of war, dreams of liars / dreams of dragon's fire / and of things that will bite / exit light / enter night / take my hand / we're off to never—, neverland / now i lay me down to sleep / pray the lord my soul to keep / if i die before i wake / pray the lord my soul to take / hush little baby, don't say a word / and never mind that noise you heard / it's just the beasts under you bed / in your closet, in your head.

hells bells by ac/dc
i'm a rolling thunder, a pouring rain / i'm comin' on like a hurricane / my lightening's flashing across the sky / you're only young but you're gonna die / i won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives / nobody's putting up a fight / i got my bell, i'm gonna take you to hell / i'm gonna get you, satan get you / hell's bells / yeah, hell's bells / you got me ringing hell's bells / my temperature's high, hell's bells / i'll give you black sensations up and down your spine / if you're into evil you're a friend of mine / see the white light flashing as i split the night / 'cause if good's on the left, / then i'm stickin' to the right / i won't take no prisoners, won't spare no lives / nobody's puttin' up a fight / i got my bell, i'm gonna take you to hell / i'm gonna get you, satan get you.

wolf by boy epic
ain't got no money but i'm feeling swell / i hate this city, it's bad for my health / i want a lover that hates themselves / so i can pity and feel like i can help / it's been a minute since i've ate these words and swallowed / i keep on biting 'til i feel it / thirsty like a wolf full of youth but i'm hollow / i keep on biting 'til i feel it / i'm thirsty like a wolf and i bite and bite / got your body on my mind and i bite and bite / yeah, i'm thirsty like a wolf and i bite and bite / got your body on my mind and i bite and bite / keep on biting 'til i feel it / i won't admit it but i'm not too well / i'd burn this city but you can't burn this hell / i want a life that i can smell / i need your touch, all over like carousel / it's been a minute since i've ate these words and swallowed / i keep on biting 'til i feel it / thirsty like a wolf full of youth but i'm hollow.

psycho killer by talking heads
i can't seem to face up to the facts / i'm tense and nervous and i / can't relax / i can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire / don't touch me i'm a real live wire / psycho killer / qu'est-ce que c'est? / fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better / run run run run run run run away / psycho killer / qu'est-ce que c'est? / fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better / run run run run run run run away / you start a conversation you can't even finish it / you're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything / when i have nothing to say, my lips are sealed / say something once, why say it again?

[ will add more as time goes on + will create an official playlist for chernobyl ]
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #24 on: September 09, 2018, 11:27:03 PM »
Last updated: June 23rd, 2018.

Palespirit | Pale or Spri | Palekit and Palepaw | DFAB; Transmale [He/him/his] | 25 Months Old
GENERATION TWO | Pureblood Heritage | Prairiestep & Sheepnose | Hollowstar & Stonecloud
TWC: Windclan | Warrior | Extremely loyal to his clan | Follows the Warrior Code very vigilantly
Bisexual Biromantic (No lean) | 100% Monogamous | Emotionally disinterested & Not looking

Singapura & Reference One & Reference two & Reference three & Other & Other & Pinterest
4-6 pounds; around 6 inches in height. Small and incredibly fragile, he appears very sickly.
— Soft cream fur color (ticked tabby), short fur length. Fur is usually unkempt but still clean.
— His eyes are extremely large and a pretty greenish-blue color. They appear glossed over.
↳ Pale is extremely tiny, caused by a slight birth defect and simply because of his breed; he will never grow past the height of a newly appointed apprentice and is less than half the height and weight of the average domestic feline.

50% HEALTH | Pale is far from being healthy and has struggled the vast majority of his life with various ailments, however, true to his breed he has been steadfast in his fight against allowing sickness to claim his life. usually pale will be the first one to contract an illness, that or quickly follow suit after the first; his immune system is incredibly weak and it's important that if he shows any signs of illness he immediately report to the medicine den because it is not only an inconvenience but always a life-threatening situation.
↳ Pale has Feline Asthma a condition which, well, is basically asthma that affects felines and is incredibly similar to that of human asthma. Pale regularly struggles to breath and will fall into coughing fits that will often leave him wheezing, gagging up a foamy-like mucus and generally struggling to breath after various amounts of exertion. He is weakened because of this illness and can become highly lethargic and simply immovable after a bad attack.
↳ He is both hearing and sight impaired, although the difficulties seem to range depending on the situation that he puts himself in. Pale is not deaf, however, light sounds are often difficult for him to pick up which has made hunting a near impossible task if he is not completely and entirely focused on the task at hand. Pale often moves his ears around a lot more than others do, simply because he needs to always be paying attention and be focused if he is going to be able to pick up on certain frequencies of sound. With his sight impairment, he is largely nearsighted which means that objects close to him will appear clear but the further away they are the harder it becomes for pale to actually see them. His vision is incredibly bad at night and due to this he tries to not leave camp at night, if he can help it; if he is forced to leave camp in the dark he will usually need a guide to help him.
↳ Palespirit is currently suffering from a type of seeing impairment known as tritanopia which is better known as a form of color-blindness. Under this classification Pale is a dichromats, which means the s-cones that help see color are completely missing and only long and medium wavelength cones are present. It is commonly known as blue-yellow color-blindness and is when people cannot distinguish between blue and yellow colors yet have normal red and green vision. reference.

The Paladin & Lawful Good & Determinator | When you first think of Palespirit the first three words that will immediately come to mind are: honorable, determined and passionate. Life has not been kind to him but that has not deterred Pale from giving everything he has to ensure that people know that he will not lay back and let the world fuck him over, he may have issues but he's going to make it no matter what hell he has got to drag himself through. He is a man of law, of order and of integrity; he has built everything that he is around the Warrior Code and Starclan because if he does this he believes that maybe he won't always be seen as the tiny kid who is far too frail and fragile to make anything of himself. He is good. He is pure. All he wants to be in this life is more than a judgmental glance, a mocking sight or words whispered between confused warriors and he is trying desperately to prove his worth. He can be a little demanding but is always quick to praise and to lead, he wants what is best for everyone and will do everything in his power to help his clan, his family. That being said, there are times when he may come off as a little self-righteous or a little inflexible simply because he is so set in the idea that he has to do this or that that he will refuse to listen to ideas from others; once he believes something is right, he will fight for that thing even if it means making himself out to be a mini-tyrant. He's a little bit of a prude and has something of an old soul, he dislikes foul language or uncouth talk and is very, very big on the idea of respect even if you don't like someone. He's like a very determined mother or an angry grandpa who is too sick of this generation that he just sits back in his rocking chair and yells at kids to stay off his lawn. He's highly intense and doesn't really know how to chill, he works until he aches and he pushes others until they hurt but all he wants is for everyone to be the best they possibly can. He is selfless, which is something that should be strongly noted—everything that he does, he believes is for the good of his family and if he were forced to turn on someone to protect those he cared about then he would. He is loyal until his dying breath and will give every inch of himself to keep those around him safe, to keep their spirits up, to encourage and better them and even if it kills him one day he would be 100% okay with that. He is a little emotionally constipated and bottles up a lot of his feelings which then explode periodically but it's not because he just wants to hide them from people but more... he finds them unimportant. His issues aren't important to others, he doesn't need to drag them down with him when he is feeling upset and he doesn't need more people seeing how weak he still is.

60/100 Physical Difficulty | 90/100 Psychological Difficulty | 40/100 Short-Term Recovery
Very physically weak, mentally strong | Let's Fight Like Gentlemen & Knight in Shining Armor
Attack in bold #B9A69F or similar | @PALESPIRIT for quick responses | PM for major plots.
Friendly or nonviolent actions may be powerplayed, but might not be reacted to very well.
— Dislikes being touched greatly and thus will react negatively, he may have anxiety attacks.

[ NOTES: He was renamed Palmer Anima Farrier to fit the human aesthetic but I still love my angel so fucking much... God, they were the light of my life and I didn't even get to play them long because I lost muse in the traditional scene. Anyway, I might bring Palespirit aka Palmer to BoB because he might actually do a lot better here? I was thinking the Ascendants, Snowbound or even Tanglewood? I'll figure it out later. ]

— His faceclaim is pre-serum or skinny steve, I would say for now but also... I love my small soldier and I feel like what I'm aiming for works better if he never becomes bigger or stronger. He has to accept who he is and fight past his own inabilities and man I live for that internal struggle because of external factors.
— A triplet! In this universe I suppose he probably wouldn't know where Haley ( Hollowbones ) or Cyrus ( Stonecloud ) were nor would he know where Brian ( Prairiestep ) or Natayla ( Sheepnose ) and he might be looking for them? That could be one of his main objectives or plotlines, I suppose.

Immediately after I made his profile I lost muse for him and I can't believe I hate myself.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2018, 11:34:55 PM by ASYLI »
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #25 on: September 09, 2018, 11:29:39 PM »
✧・*・゚tell me everything that happened, tell me everything you saw
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2018, 02:30:25 PM »
Tracking with Gay
He was named when the name meant "Homosexual" but also his name means "high-spirited, boistrous"
Which, I love with my whole mcfucking heart

[ note: right now I'm sort of using Troye as his faceclaim but, in the end, he doesn't have one; like his baba he can shift forms as he sees fit and while his shifting is more controlled than Death's it's still there which makes it difficult to explain ] however, no matter what body he takes, he identifies as a homosexual man and always uses he/him pronouns. sexless, feminine or intersex body alike.

son of the embodiment of death and fuckboy
older brother to narnia, sammie, [voided mary], mary, hellion, lesbian/leslie.
young/older brother of danny... it's complicated

younger brother to snappingbones, corpsebride, ayon, duncan [and some others i prolly forgot tbh]

— dedicated older brother, fucking loves his siblings so much. misses them and wants to find them.
— traumatized to a degree, he had to watch so many of his siblings die because of a fucking trick
— happy and kind but a little closed off, terrified of loss and heartache
— probably knows hanahaki to be honest, the spirit of homosexual love and the spirit of unrequited love
— don't ask them how this spirit shit works he has no goddamn idea
— hesitates when people ask about his family or his past doesn't like to talk about it?
— "dear god... you stay out of this."
— does not fear death, you can't threaten him with it he'll one up your ass
— actually born in a simulated universe?? escaped when he died. gaylord death count: 1
— a suck it up and take it kind of dude, not overly sensitive? he's been through worse he can handle this.
— he loves children :c he always feels like he has to protect them, don't break their innocence
— sad inside but hides it by laughing and smiling don't get me wrong he's a loud and good person
— if you bring up the subject of death he goes fucking silent, usually he's loud but he'll ZIP IT
— terrified of trolls, irrational fear but he hates them. also has an aversion to bridges?
— god of: i have no idea what i'm doing i can just bullshit so good you think i do.
— he likes to believe in the good of people, inherited his baba's love of mortality and souls
— cries without fail when someone brings up the name danny, has gotten better at silent crying
— rough and tumble, ready to roll. true neutral, will kill if he finds the need to but wants to show mercy
— loves metal, it's weird but you turn on rock/metal and he suddenly fucking APPEARS
— loud, super fucking loud but he means well and if tell him to be quiet he can take the hint
— just your pretty average joe? minus like everything but he doesn't like to stand out very much
— when i say spirit of homosexual love it means his job is to exist to protect the love of the gays
« Last Edit: September 14, 2018, 03:02:44 PM by GAYLORD »
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2018, 02:55:00 PM »
But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?

On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammelled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. "The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse pains."
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 02:59:36 PM by BOHEMIAN »
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #28 on: September 25, 2018, 11:40:48 PM »
Hobgoblin Nevermore?
bring back a nevermore kid
i fuckign loved the nevermore family my one ingenious creation

" he's a mess, to be honest. i can't really use any other word correctly to explain him quickly; he comes from a family that has been cursed for thousands upon thousands of years, passed on through blood and by name (obviously). hobgoblin himself is sort of a douche but he can't get close to people because when he sleeps a beast comes from his soul and kills or hurts anyone and everyone that hobgoblin gets close to. his curse is that of a dual identity, different from something stemmed from one's own mental conscious -- basically it's like having a demon sharing your body but this demon cannot be exorcised, cannot be kicked out because the body is technically it's too. when hobgoblin sleeps it's the other's turn in control and when the other sleeps hob has control again. he's a pretty passive dude, content to just hang back and scare people off because he doesn't want them near him, that and he dislikes people. not for obvious reasons or anything, not because he just does but because another aspect of his curse is he cannot see faces but instead sees straight to one's soul (or the absence of one); he can see your sin, see what you are and it's too much for him. he lives sort of in a different world and this world at the same time; he sees the dead, the breaks in this dimension, the other worlds, heaven, hell, he sees it all clear as if it were in front of him and he just... he's drifty. he's been through a lot but he refuses to allow people to help him, he's got it under control. he's not going to snap he's... he's a jerk for the most part because he can't handle physically being around people it drains him so much and he's terrified for others because his other is Not Good and loves to hurt him and yeah yeah "
« Last Edit: September 25, 2018, 11:45:26 PM by ASYLI »
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743

Offline merlin

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Re: ⋆・*・゚turn your back on mother nature ⌠ storage/dump ⌡
« Reply #29 on: September 26, 2018, 01:30:15 AM »
I'm changing his name and possibly certain aspects about how his curse works because it doesn't make a lot of sense and I want his character to be more rounded.


agender? androromantic androsexual?
cisgender? homoromantic homosexual?
asexual maybe, probably, sex is Scary.

POSSIBLE NAMES ( formally Hobgoblin )
Wynter ⸺ English ; born in the winter
Cody ⸺ Irish, English ; decedent of cuidightheach: helpful
Bohnes ⸺ English ; any of the pieces of hard, whitish tissue making up the skeleton
Markus ⸺ Ancient Roman from mars meaning "male", the greek god of war
Stockholm ⸺ Swedish ; log islet, the capital of sweden
Babylon ⸺ Greek, English, Akkadian ; gateway of god
Galahad ⸺ Arthurian Legend ; unknown, most pure knight—found the holy grail
Maco ⸺ Hungarian, Hebrew ; god is with us
Levi ⸺ Hebrew, English ; joined or attached

— full-blooded nevermore, directly related to the original line.
TW: it's likely that he's inbred to a degree, connected through cousins.
— raised by his aunt as his mother probably either committed suicide or was killed by her curse.
— grew up in a complex with other nevermores, which, is bad because nevermores can't be in groups together.
— mega asshole, extremely cold and cut off; doesn't let people in, refuses to get closer to others.
— super soft for his little cousin ( who has no name yet ) she's the only one who really understands him.
— extremely mature, he was forced to accept the horrors that his life would ultimately contain.
— doesn't like to talk about himself, doesn't like to express his emotions, doesn't like to be alive.
— aesthetic: mysterious bad boy / leather jackets / cigarettes / bruises / split lips / gothic vibes?
— respect your elders unless the elders are actually silver fox bear men, children.
— he likes to start fights because he likes people who beat him up. it's his kink, not really, he's self destructive.
— "give them hell, give them teeth."
— won't usually fight but if you insult people he loves he's gonna knock some teeth loose, slut.
— curses like a fucking sailor "fuck you, you fucking cocksucking bitch. holy shit." kind of way.
— king of eye rolls but you can't see them over his sunglasses and behind his eye rolls are tears.
— deep down he's a good person, deeper down he's an even bigger asshole but this time with self esteem issues.
— he always looks bone deep exhausted and that's because he is, often doesn't sleep for days ( large bags under eyes )
— very numb to the world? nothing seems to phase him much anymore. people die, people get hurt... you just have to get over it.
— probably upsets people because he just doesn't care, not about anything, possibly anti-social tendencies?

— the most important part of his curse is still going to be the dr. jekyll and mr. hyde situation but i should probably expand more on that and flesh out the other "person" or demon inside of him? i need people to understand that it's not so much a mental disorder but that there is a completely different being living inside of his body, that they share the same body but different conscious. again, i loved the idea of it focusing on his sleep schedule because apparently i love my characters having insomnia because mood but when one of them falls asleep the other comes out to play; however, they don't like going to sleep so they both usually wait until they literally pass out. that being said, their body is very fragile because it never stops and there are probably days where they both just collapse and cannot move because their body needs to stop, needs to sleep and rest so neither have control and i think that might be called "deep sleep" which is super creative, right bro?
— the other being is not good. at all. the other being likes to hurt people that it knows it's other loves and cares about which is a big reason he has spent so long away from other living creatures, why he was forced from the compound after being contained in the basement for as long as he was. they both know of each other's existence but do not have access to the entirety of each other's memories so while the other can access pieces, it cannot know everything about him and vice versa.
— along with that and because of their shared bond, he can see things that others cannot; he doesn't see your face but rather sees straight into your soul or your lack thereof. buy clairvoyance. it's extremely painful and there are times when he literally does not know what is real and what isn't, he lives in a world where the spirit and the mortal world are basically meshed so it's difficult to move through and understand and he... sometimes doesn't know if he's awake or sleeping; severe derealization.
— think of more, his curse seems mild for a nevermore and i cannot have that; fuck it UP kenneth.
— somewhat connected to hyunwoo maybe? he cannot look in reflective objects because if he does he can see his own soul and his own soul is part of the other so the other tries to attack him and various other creatures do too? he's just covered in scars, just terribly so.
— his curse essentially revolves around the disconnection of one's self, it robs one of their sense of security in who they are by warping their reality and forcing them to fight against, essentially, themselves.
— that being said, ingram can ONLY SEE IN BLACK AND WHITE !!! and have complete access to one's soul because they are entirely face blind; a soul is the only way they can connect to another person and they just no longer question the weird shit they see through people because why bother? that being said, he can't look people in the eyes.
— hallucinates so much they have no idea what's real and what isn't

also, their favorite thing is when people call their curse a mental illness because why much of what they go through could be connected to several personality disorder... Ingram knows he isn't sick and doesn't deserve the support that those in that situation do.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2018, 01:52:41 AM by ASYLI »
pushing past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics
my cigarette burnt my finger 'Cause I forgot I lit it ⸺—— ryan & Asyli#1743


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