2.0.2 rider of the storm ● kydobi
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Private rider of the storm ● kydobi

Offline Kydobi

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #15 on: May 15, 2019, 11:56:05 AM »
Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
tags-powers


[OOC: ]


He had messed up. That was something he was becoming more and more sure of by the second. He needed to let them know that it really wasn’t them. That it was Kydobi. That the feelings were painfully mutual now brought to light. His mind kept wondering what they could be. What ifs and all that. That hurt the most.
Kydobi watched them carefully, he knew exactly what was happening. He did it so often, every day. Adding another layer to the shell. He needed to fix this, because he feared things would not be the same as they were before. Not that they could ever be, now that he knew that they both were attracted to each other he would forever see Bai Shi in a different light.

“Lynn. It’s not fine. Don’t pretend you aren’t hurt. This is hard for me. I swear on everything it isn’t you. I know that line is overused by people who are often not satisfied- but I mean it.”, a lump was forming in his throat and his mouth was awfully dry. He was going to finally open his book and turn so many pages for them, something he had never done before, “I… I find you very attractive. In both of your forms. You’re beautiful and amazing and so unique. Our conversations are of the highest quality and you give me peace. You make me feel… safe and whole. But when I said to you that I thought I was broken I meant it. I want to give you what you need. I do… I think I’m changing, back in my older days I wouldn’t have bothered with Ramona. I wouldn’t have even came to comfort you, I would’ve walked away. Because I lacked empathy. Compassion. I wouldn’t even be acknowledging that I want you too. Because I was a skeptic for so long, now I’m just a curious and fearful boy. I’m scared of love and relationships.”

He would swallow the lump and stare at the flowers, it was easier to confess without eye contact, ”I want to feel what everyone talks about. What love is. What romance is. But I don’t know how. I’m scared I can’t… love you or anyone for that matter… cause the people who I did and the people who should’ve taught me of it casted me away and betrayed me. Both of my parents. My family. Family is the first people we love… And they…” he closed his eyes in a slight wince, he wasn’t ready to talk of that to anyone or himself, a gentle shake of his head as if to wash away the memories, ”I don’t want to be hurt. Last time I fully trusted someone and loved them…opened my heart to them… They broke me. All of them. And now, even now, I pretend nothing hurts me. I act like I don’t care when I really do. Because it is easier to pretend you feel nothing and remain stoic because eventually you make everything so small that they can’t hurt you anymore. You fake it till you make it. And I’ve been doing that so long- my brain has ruled my heart since I was 11 months old.. That it doesn’t know how to loosen its grip.”

His voice lowered, ” Because emotions do nothing but hurt. Even happiness is bittersweet, because in its absence you think back on what you had and feel.. hollow. And I know I’m always going to look back on this moment and regret, think of what we could be. But then there will be times where I look back in relief, I protected myself again.”
[W]isker

“If I look back I am lost.”
Kydobi (kai-dough-bee) | loner | tags | plot |
pantanal jaguar | powers | male | bisexual | open to relations| adoption page | ☽

Offline bai shi.

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #16 on: May 15, 2019, 03:46:57 PM »


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a twitch of furred ears as they looked at the graves of the dead, the wind rocking through the field with an intensity that they felt in their very core, the air screaming with what they could not. "kydobi.", they murmured his name gently, eyes on the sky above, watching the bird become caught in a tangle of knots of air, their body impeccably still despite the heavy winds, fur lashing and tumbling, revealing silvery and golden marks, scars, made of scale. more pain, old pains, but memories they didn't want to remember.

"I dont wish to hurt you anymore than you already are, kydobi. I know it is hard, trust me, I have the damn experience of a thousand lives. you would think that emotion would cease to affect one so old.", slight laughter before their eyes finally turned back to him, calming the wind with their own elemental, reigning it in as the fields fell into a broken silence, many sunflowers bent over and stalks snapped.

their eyes held some degree of warmth, looking back at him, "I wish that i could change what they had done to you, ky. I wish that I could. but I cant, and I cant show you what love is, or what it does, because my family is cursed by it.", a soft murmur as they gently stepped away from the graves, picking up a few beheaded sunflowers, cleaning up an area around themselves and kydobi.

a momentary pause and slight smile, "if anything, pushing yourself to tell me of the way you feel, hurts both of us more. love is a poison, infecting those within it's touch. perhaps it's better this way, my friend, because loving you would kill one of us. it happens that way, for me at least. so call me greedy if I still care for you from a distance, letting the circumstance take from my own body.", an almost chuckle, eyes growing quiet. "things will be awkward at first, yes, but eventually it will stop hurting when we see one another. things will go back to normal. they have to, life has it's way. besides, my friend, I doubt you want much to do with a demi-god, or a family of ancient gods, at least in the way that would make you a target for those who hunt us."

they were accepting that this was occurring, had already accepted it and just had to push it down to mull over later. the pain was ever present, and throbbing in their chest and ears, making it hard to think or speak or even hear. it felt like it was going to consume them, and they could not afford to shatter under it, not even in front of their friend. the anger choked their throat, furious with themself and not him, he was innocent here.

"you are changing, kydobi, yes. you have changed. you've gained deeper emotions than what you know what to do with. I cant promise to be able to be a support for every emotion, but I am still your friend before anything else. you are changing, and I will support you the best that I can, kydobi.", they needed to change the topic before the misery crippled them, old words ringing through their mind, you unfortunate soul. love will never find you, as I have no use for you. there will be one that might find you, but he will never be yours for good. the words of the god that they hated ringing through their ears, tail flicking slightly as a throb began in their temple and rib, the wind whistling past them before they tamed it into a light breeze.

(sorry, just got off shift)
bai "lynn" shi (bai - pure & shi - honest) - genderfluid - pittian/former rosebloods pharoah/general of hell - unknown age - golden oriental dragon & 1.6' gold and platinum fox & 2'7" melanistic cobweb jaguar - asexual demiromantic - open to relationships - powers;; amorphous, shapeshifting & air elementals - attack in #AF8700

Offline Kydobi

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #17 on: May 15, 2019, 09:43:46 PM »
Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
tags-powers


[OOC: ]

He watched them get up, shifting himself to lay on his stomach returning to his standard posture. A sorrowful but humorous smile painted on his face, "Well aren't we a hopeless bunch."

It was such a relief to hear them promise things will return to normal in time. He had so few friends as it was. It was a wonderful thing to look forward to. But a sensitive thing, so easily it could be ruined. How many times would they look at each other and remember this day? How many times until they both let it go?

"And I will always be a faithful friend as well.", he watched them pick up the fallen flowers so gently. With such care for something inanimate. How could you show such affection for someone that was not even here anymore? Kydobi could never understand that. But perhaps with time, if he keeps changing like Lynn acknowledged, he would.

"Would you like some help?"

[W]isker

“If I look back I am lost.”
Kydobi (kai-dough-bee) | loner | tags | plot |
pantanal jaguar | powers | male | bisexual | open to relations| adoption page | ☽

Offline bai shi.

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #18 on: May 15, 2019, 11:45:54 PM »


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a small quiet nod of the head, their shoulders giving in as they sat down, shaking their fur. they didn't want to give up, but hey, this wasn't their call. they would give in, they had no choice but to. turning their head back, they gave a soft tired smile, "well, kydobi, there are other things aside from personal pains to discuss. the next is that I am moving my group.", they sigh and lick their maw, yawning.

"I thought to discuss the move with you, my friend." they murmured softly with a tired and exhausted sigh. settling down, they gave a tired breath. they wouldn't give up. but they wouldnt pursue him, not until he was ready.

(they wont give up easily on trying to show him how to love. they are being greedy with wanting him tbh but they dont mind it. if he does end up being capable of loving, and they are not the choice, they will definitely act as an older sibling and make sure that this partner is good and safe for him)
« Last Edit: May 16, 2019, 02:37:39 AM by bai shi. »
bai "lynn" shi (bai - pure & shi - honest) - genderfluid - pittian/former rosebloods pharoah/general of hell - unknown age - golden oriental dragon & 1.6' gold and platinum fox & 2'7" melanistic cobweb jaguar - asexual demiromantic - open to relationships - powers;; amorphous, shapeshifting & air elementals - attack in #AF8700

Offline Kydobi

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2019, 12:56:02 PM »
Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
tags-powers


[OOC: I think Kydobi still needs to be sexually awakened? Like I think he is gonna have a couple flings that are purely physical and very short lived, he may even have a couple polyamorous/gamous relationships before he feels ready for Lynn (although I hope Lynn is his last if that's cool with you.) also! I plan on having someone killing Kydobi so he can come back to life, discovering his reincarnation power and his fire elementals along with it]

Oh right, there was more to this world than what we felt. More pressing matters than our emotions, it was something he would remind himself of everyday. The fact that he forgot it embarrassed him a little, "Of course, my bad."

He would return to his normal self, sweeping the previous conversation under the rug at the back of his mind.  He would tilt his chin up on the right side, his left face pointing downwards in the thinking fashion so common to him.

"May I ask exactly why and where you all will be moving?", he knew that they wouldn't leave him in the dark.
[W]isker

“If I look back I am lost.”
Kydobi (kai-dough-bee) | loner | tags | plot |
pantanal jaguar | powers | male | bisexual | open to relations| adoption page | ☽

Offline bai shi.

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #20 on: May 16, 2019, 03:58:14 PM »


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

(sure! that's fine by me! sorry, answers are gonna be now and then bc I'm making supper and getting a task done that needs to be done. making a roast so god help me rofl --- bai is going to end up having a depressive episode after an emotional snap from their anger and grief stomping them down -- they will end up becoming blind and anorexic for a while. a few ppl are gonna have to snap them out of it -- while they are blind they refuse to meet with kydobi or visit him. so if he and ram drop off the doe, bai will not appear and will instead have their sister appear before him) //
(another funny thing I noticed,, bai is sort of poly so learning about what happened in the past would be sort of amusing to them. they would chortle over it, likely, reminded of when they pursued those passions before figuring out that the physical likes are not always in the cards for them. at most, when their first mate was alive, they would just bug him and irritate him enough to get him out of meditation and pay attention to them) ///

a gentle breath as they relaxed, soaking up what little sun that they could, eyes closed, "away from the desert. there is no prey and it is hard for newcomers to make it through the desert. I fear that I am failing my people with how quiet things are now, ky.", they rumbled before shaking their head and yawning yet again, stress causing them to yawn so often.

"we will keep some elements of the desert, but we will be moving to a plains sort of area. there is one such place that I have been scouting for. I will let you know once I have found it. it will put more distance between the borders, perhaps, and we may still venture through the territory of the desert. our old territory was similar to yours, with a jungle, before another dragon came and burnt it down.", a low snarl at the memory of the raid. sucking in a breath, they calmed themselves, viciously shoving away the memory of their torture and the flames that had terrified them as a child coming back to the front of their mind.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2019, 04:08:29 PM by bai shi. »
bai "lynn" shi (bai - pure & shi - honest) - genderfluid - pittian/former rosebloods pharoah/general of hell - unknown age - golden oriental dragon & 1.6' gold and platinum fox & 2'7" melanistic cobweb jaguar - asexual demiromantic - open to relationships - powers;; amorphous, shapeshifting & air elementals - attack in #AF8700

Offline Kydobi

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2019, 02:30:07 PM »
Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
tags-powers


[OOC: apologies for shitty posts! I have to study for my finals on Monday, i'll be graduating soon so i'll probably not reply to my threads for a while until I get my new laptop which I'll be buying on my own (i'll do it ASAP)]

Ah, he had not known of this. Surely he would remain quiet about it, Jervis would love to take advantage of the desert's weakness. One thing Kydobi was sure of was that Bai Shi was far from a bad ruler. They cared for their members. Even the tiger would be given a chance.

"Oh please, you're far from failing your people. You would be failing if you refused to do anything about this problem. But you're taking action, making a solution, and that is all that matters."

It genuinely surprised him when they spoke of the desert once being a jungle... What a mighty dragon that must've been. How terrible. A small vision of what possibly occurred danced around for a brief minute.

"That's terrible..", he would swallow and clear his throat, "To new beginnings."
[W]isker
« Last Edit: May 18, 2019, 02:31:03 PM by Kydobi »

“If I look back I am lost.”
Kydobi (kai-dough-bee) | loner | tags | plot |
pantanal jaguar | powers | male | bisexual | open to relations| adoption page | ☽

Offline bai shi.

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #22 on: May 19, 2019, 02:17:42 PM »


---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a bow of their head and an exhausted breath, "To new beginnings. Ah. If it isn't too off-putting, may I ask you to attend my daughter's hatching? I trust family and friends.", they murmured gently and quietly, voice soft and unsure if they should be putting this weight on him.

shaking their head, they breathed out, "if the rosebloods were to join together with the pitt, how would it happen? I would not considerate it if the fox was still in the lead, kydobi. I have many bad memories of that place, and I will not have my people turned into slaves. this move is to distance ourselves and give an illusion of safety.", a pained rumble. they did not want to give up on their people, on their family. they needed their group to band together now out of any other times. breath rattling in panicked draws and a
exhales. they were caught between anger and panick.

"I just do what I know to, kydobi. this is normal for me. I'm the next to take over my family, and this was all in the training of it.", they sigh, eyes closing in agony. "changes are coming that we can't be ready for. I am not ready, i am too stuck in the past.", they mutter and shake their head almost anxiously.

its fine love. you do what you need to//
bai "lynn" shi (bai - pure & shi - honest) - genderfluid - pittian/former rosebloods pharoah/general of hell - unknown age - golden oriental dragon & 1.6' gold and platinum fox & 2'7" melanistic cobweb jaguar - asexual demiromantic - open to relationships - powers;; amorphous, shapeshifting & air elementals - attack in #AF8700

Offline bai shi.

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Re: rider of the storm ● kydobi
« Reply #23 on: June 18, 2019, 01:19:28 AM »
just bumping to let you know that bai is moving to the pitt, and that I lost their rank //
bai "lynn" shi (bai - pure & shi - honest) - genderfluid - pittian/former rosebloods pharoah/general of hell - unknown age - golden oriental dragon & 1.6' gold and platinum fox & 2'7" melanistic cobweb jaguar - asexual demiromantic - open to relationships - powers;; amorphous, shapeshifting & air elementals - attack in #AF8700

 

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